My Heart Belongs in Castle Gate, Utah

by Dicken, Angie;

  His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, Mrs. McKee? Do you expect us to give up on our chosen life because of ignorance?” He huffed. “‘There is no darkness but ignorance.’”

  She widened her eyes and he did the same, but his was in challenge. “Is that Shakespeare?” she asked.

  “Even Greeks know wisdom, Mrs. McKee.”

  She resisted the temptation to gape at him.

  Perhaps she was no better than Mrs. Rudolf and other Castle Gate residents—Alex Pappas was an educated man, and she shouldn’t be so surprised. “Shakespeare was a wise soul,” Leanna whispered. “If only others around here heeded his words. I fear the darkness is widespread.” She’d fought it in Boston in a different way. Her parents refused to see the truth of her cause.

  “And kind schoolteachers like you are a light to our children.” He beamed, and she squirmed. Leanna McKee—a light? If he only knew her within the walls of her home with a disappointing husband bringing out her worst.

  “I am but one woman, Mr. Pappas.” She sighed. “Just the other day there was an anti-Greek riot in Omaha featured in the newspaper. The same sentiment of Castle Gate’s foolish schoolboys is rampant across the country.”

  Alex snatched a coat from the hook by the restaurant door. “There may be miserable men who will get in my way”—he grabbed a sturdy walking stick—“but just like you choose to do what’s right for my kinsmen, I, too, shall persevere.” With each word, his height seemed to grow. Leanna caught her mouth from dropping at this strong, eloquent man. “Mrs. McKee, I daresay, you of all people should understand the need to persevere in this unforgiving land.” Silence fell sharply between them. The roar of a train disrupted the quiet as it approached the nearby depot.

  “I only persevere to find my way out,” she said. “There is no hope here.”

  “Everyone I love is here in Castle Gate. They are my hope.”

  The restaurant door swung open, and Maria stepped onto the porch. “Kaliméra—ah, good morning, Meesus McKee.”

  “I apologize for offending you,” Leanna said to Alex through a forced smile. He turned toward her, blocking Maria from view.

  “This land of opportunity has its thorns.” He lifted his hat, running his hand through his curls. “We can either let them bind us to a meager existence”—his brow softened, and he spoke through gritted teeth—“or trample them to reach a greater potential.”

  His wisdom was familiar, akin to Jack’s advice when she chose education over a haughty inheritance. Leanna understood his optimism. It had once been her own.

  “No matter what the rest of the country says, Mr. Pappas…” Her throat tightened. “We aren’t so different.” Discarding a life among wealth and snobbery was nothing she’d regretted, but it had brought her to a new briar patch to overcome.

  “You are a kind, compassionate woman.” His gaze trapped her once again. She couldn’t look away because he’d filled up every bit of her world at this moment. “I am glad the children have you.”

  “Don’t try to flatter me, Mr. Pappas.” She swallowed hard, a stubborn sting of tears threatening her eyes. “I don’t deserve it.”

  “Deserve it? You cannot deny who you are, Mrs. McKee.” He stepped back and Maria appeared beneath his elbow. Alex muttered Greek from the corner of his mouth.

  “Neh, neh!” Maria squealed and ran up to her with arms open for an embrace, but when she caught Leanna’s glare she reached for her hand instead, giving it a shake. A warmth spread across Leanna’s chest, and she couldn’t help but chuckle.

  Alex winked at his niece. “I am off for a hike before the graveyard shift. Good day.” He tipped his hat then began up Main Street. His coat hung over his shoulder with one hand, and his hiking stick stabbed the ground with each stride.

  “What did he say to you, Maria?” Leanna asked as they started up the hill to school.

  “That you are our first American friend.”

  Leanna was tossed in a storm of thanksgiving and stubborn propriety. She was only the child’s teacher, but Alex’s opinion overwhelmed her.

  The same Greek priest from earlier passed them on their way to school. He patted Maria’s head, and she kissed his hand. Leanna was close enough to see the man’s face. There was no sadness in his eyes or frown upon his bearded lips. He grinned, his pale blue eyes brightened beneath a scruffy mess of dark eyebrows. Her impression shifted from a dark mystery to that of a kind grandfather, like Maria’s papou.

  Shakespeare had said it best: “There is no darkness but ignorance.”

  From the corner of her eye, she saw the American boys mocking the priest and chucking rocks in their direction. Ignorance was rampant in Castle Gate. Even Leanna had contributed to the darkness at some time or other in her subtle prejudice against these people. Alex was either brave or foolish to hope for change around here.

  Clanking pots and a constant murmur of conversation flowed from the kitchen. Alex tossed his coat over the counter in the back of the restaurant.

  His hike was useless today. Usually, it cleared his mind and gave him the same peace he’d found from the liturgy back in Greece. But the only peace he found today was in convincing the young American widow that his family was strong enough to prosper even here, in this place. And unlike the resistance he found among many of the miners, both Greek and American, Mrs. McKee had willingly considered all he said.

  He shouldn’t have complimented her like he did, and he shouldn’t have encouraged Maria, either. But somehow, a friendship with Mrs. McKee gave him a strange hope. In what, he wasn’t sure. And dwelling on all of this had disrupted his usual harmonious trek.

  From now on when he worked late, he would stay in Greek Town. Leanna McKee had overstayed her welcome in his thoughts today, and no matter how many thorns he was willing to overcome, a friendship with an American woman would bring nothing but trouble to the Pappas family.

  His father carried a bucket and mop through the kitchen door. “If we were back in Greece, all I’d do is sit outside and smoke with my friends. Now your momma puts me to work.”

  “Am I not understanding your Greek, or is your memory failing?” Alex walked around the counter and patted his father’s shoulder. “I recall you mopping there, too.”

  Papa grunted. “How is Teddy?”

  “I wasn’t home.”

  “That Mrs. McKee is a kind woman. I can see it in her eyes. You did good hiring her.”

  Alex’s heart leaped. Papa was slim with his compliments. Some days, Alex wondered if the only reason he came to America was to wait for this whole new life to fail and blame it on his oldest son. If he knew Leanna’s concern for the children’s well-being here, they’d be fine friends. At least the schoolteacher was willing to consider Alex’s position. Stergios Pappas was as stubborn as any Greek patriarch.

  Alex gathered up his coat again. “I am going home to sleep before my shift.”

  His father hesitated with the mop, narrowing his eyes at Alex. He gave a curt nod and continued to his chore. Alex released a long sigh as he made his way to the door. The slosh of the water and the slap of the mop on the floor echoed off the walls.

  “When will you work enough to avoid such a shift?” Papa called out just as he reached for the doorknob. “I don’t see why you are still shoved around by that coal company.”

  Alex winced. The same conversation as always. He turned but kept his eyes on the icon of the Theotokos. “You and Momma keep up the effort here at the restaurant, and I’ll keep up the work in the mines.”

  “Your momma worries about you. She thinks you care only about work. What about a life, Alex? Maybe you should go back to Greece this summer. Find a bride and start a family.”

  “I tried that once. It did not go so well.” The Virgin Mary stared at him from the painting. How often did he pray for Helena in those days? Nobody answered his prayer.

  “Helena was sickly from the beginning,” Papa said. “I don’t blame you for leaving.”

  Anger infused his frustra
tion. His father’s words chipped at the dormant guilt for his shortcomings—and his greed. “I left for her, to make money for her care,” he said out loud to re-convince himself. “How many times do we have to go over this, Papa?”

  “I am just saying, you cannot give up on a life because of a sad incident like Helena’s.”

  “Give up?” Steam rose from his pit. He glared at his father. “Look at this!” His arms flung out to his side and waved at every established corner of the room. “Do you know how successful we are, Papa?”

  “Do not talk to me that way,” his father snapped. He lowered his eyes to his ever-moving mop. Defeat settled on Alex’s weary shoulders. He had crossed a line—again. But having this conversation over and over was exhausting.

  Maria tumbled through the doors. “Yassas, Thios Alex. Papou.”

  “How was your day?” Alex asked. As the door closed behind her, the petite blond schoolteacher hurried past toward the rest of town.

  Leanna had recognized his quote—the wisdom he had learned from an old Shakespeare volume those days in the boardinghouse where he practiced his English. “There is no darkness but ignorance.” A bold declaration that shaped his resilience to men like Coffey. Dare he say this to his family, as well? They did not understand him fully at times like these.

  “Mrs. McKee said she would teach me to dance if I learned my words by Christmas.” Maria twirled on her foot, grabbing Alex’s hand to steady herself.

  “Oh, that is nice.” Papa’s voice grew higher and lighter—he was a good papou. “She is a kind lady, isn’t she?”

  “Who?” his mother entered from the kitchen.

  “Mrs. McKee,” Maria called out.

  “She is. We should invite her to your name-day celebration, Stergios. I am making the glyká now.”

  “Imagine that. A schoolteacher among a roomful of Greek miners.” Papa chuckled.

  “No, leave her be. She does not belong here.” Alex gently removed his hand from Maria’s.

  “We are American, too, are we not?” His father’s sarcasm was thick. Alex left the restaurant without another word.

  Cold air stung his face as he stepped outside again. His father had a point, and to admit that frustrated Alex even more. If they were Americans, then why did they have to worry about affiliating with one?

  Momma and Penelope craved friendship, like all good Greek women did. What would it look like for an American to become friends with a Greek?

  The street was busy, women strolling side by side and men in wagons or tending to horses. Perhaps Momma had a point, too.

  Why not invite a family friend to a celebration?

  He shook his head and crammed his hands in his pockets. Maybe one day, but not now, not with—Leanna? From the corner of his eye, he saw her beneath the post office sign on the other side of the coffeehouse.

  She had her back to him, her blond hair in a bundle at her neck. She spun around on her heel, holding a piece of paper in her hand, with her hand over her mouth. She barreled toward him, but her gaze was lowered to her feet.

  “Whoa.” He held up his hands as she nearly ran into him.

  “Forgive me, Mr. Pappas,” she spoke hoarsely and stepped around him, continuing toward her neighborhood. When he caught a glimpse of her face, her cheeks glistened with tears. Continue to Greek Town, Alex.

  There was no use befriending this woman. This was not the time to blur those social boundaries. But how could he ignore her hurt?

  “Mrs. McKee,” he called out, jogging up beside her. “What is it?”

  He pushed aside the vulnerable nag to look about them. This was his land as much as anyone’s, right? Leanna continued with brisk strides alongside the restaurant then pressed her back on the wall, folding her arms across her chest. A small whimper escaped her lips.

  “My plans to leave have changed,” she muttered. “My cousin has no position for me in San Francisco.”

  “Oh, I see.” He searched his pockets and found a handkerchief, offering it to her as she folded up the letter and placed it in her pocket.

  She dabbed her eyes and her cheeks. “Blasted, Jack! He has cursed my life forever.” She covered her face with trembling hands. Her sobs grated on Alex’s heart like a pickax on stubborn ground. He pulled her by the elbow, finally looking about himself, and took her to the yard behind the restaurant, wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders. She had nobody here. The mine had stolen Jack, and her family was far away.

  A sorely familiar predicament for Alex.

  “Leanna.” He winced. Using her first name seemed inappropriate. But formalities were useless when tears were involved. “Please, stop crying.”

  “You do not understand.” She pulled away. “You are happy here. I am not.” She sniffled and returned his handkerchief.

  He’d gained something other than happiness here. The mines had offered Alex a place to redeem himself. That was what made his choice to follow Anthis worth it in the end. Success against all odds. Even after his worse failure.

  “You may not realize it, but I do understand.” Alex curled his lips and looked away. What was he doing? He did not need to open that chapter again. But Leanna stood before him without hope, just as he had once stood on this mountain, holding a letter from his momma that declared the end of everything—for him.

  “I have nobody, Alex,” she sniffled. His stomach leaped at his name on her lips. “You have family here.”

  “That was not always true. I’ve felt just as alone as you have, Leanna,” he admitted. “I am here for you, just as I was for Jack. He was a good friend to me.”

  Her glassy eyes searched his, and she frowned. “If that were the case, I do wonder what he said about me. Did he tell you the truth about me?”

  “The truth?”

  “That I was bitter. And hard. That no matter how much he regretted his mistakes, I suffocated him in shame.” Leanna gasped on a sob. “I deserve to be alone. And I do not deserve your kindness, Alex.” She turned to leave, but he clutched her arm.

  “We are more alike than you think,” he whispered at her ear. “Regret weighs us down like a heavy boulder.”

  She shook his hand away and tucked wisps of golden hair beneath her hat. “I have said too much.”

  He smoothed her last stray curl behind her ear. His pulse sped as his fingers skimmed her soft ivory skin.

  Leanna’s eyes closed then fluttered open. The topaz blues swam with tears and awe. Alex could not pull his gaze from hers.

  “What regrets do you have?” she asked. “You are kind and courageous in this dark place.”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t form the words. What was he doing? There was no reason to live his past all over again. No, he could not share with her the one thing that broke him in two. He walked away from everything that day long ago, when the heavens stole from him just as greedily as Anthis.

  “Forgive me, I must leave. My shift will begin soon—” He tipped his hat and left the woman with a look of wonder.

  What was he thinking? He had just discouraged his parents from letting this woman into their lives more than they should. His road to prosperity would not be distracted by such temptation. He had been distracted before and paid the price. And now, Leanna McKee had stolen his senses.

  Leanna shivered on her way to pick up Maria. Winter was harsh this year. If only she could afford warmer attire. Alex’s embrace on Friday crawled into her mind and its warmth filled her again. He was strong yet gentle, proud yet humble. Everything he would need to live by his philosophy of perseverance.

  But what regret did he have?

  He crept into her thoughts and prayers all weekend. Was it a coincidence that this man seemed to show up and offer her hope every time she found herself at her worst?

  Leanna cringed. Regardless of Alex’s optimism, she could not depend on him in a place like this. Perhaps loneliness grew her need for others, when her passion had always been to help those in need.

  The Pappas fami
ly had clogged the leak of her own prejudice, hadn’t they? The children, Alex, and even his father, who had displayed such affection to Teddy—a love deserved just like any other child in Castle Gate, in Boston, in this country.

  Alex and the Pappas family had become endearing.

  Leanna stepped onto the porch of the restaurant and peered in the window. It was mostly dark inside. Only a small light glowed in the back. The door swung open and Maria appeared, stopping it from closing with her foot.

  “Good morning, Meesus McKee,” Maria said, wiping her mouth with a gloved hand.

  “Is Teddy coming—” Leanna bit her lip when Alex, instead of Teddy, filled the doorway.

  “No,” Alex replied, scooting Maria through. “He is better, but not ready to return to school.” Yanni joined them, closing the door with a quiet click.

  “I see.” Leanna reached for Maria’s hand. “We’ll be on our way, then.”

  Yanni spoke to Alex in Greek, and Alex shook his head fervently. How irritating that they spoke so openly in a language she couldn’t understand.

  She winced at her attitude, which matched that of most Americans around—including her arrogant neighbors. Alex spoke her language perfectly, didn’t he?

  “Come, Maria.” She started up the road toward the school while Maria lagged behind shouting her good-byes.

  A loud commotion of Greek started behind them. The brothers’ tiny mother was rambling away. She then gave Alex’s arm a firm smack. He rubbed it and said something inaudible from where Leanna stood.

  “Wait!” he bellowed, still staring at his mother. “Mrs. McKee, wait.” He bulldozed toward her, setting off a rush of blood to her face.

  “Is something wrong, Mr. Pappas?” Her eyelashes fluttered just like her stomach.

  Alex stopped at a proper distance to converse, his hands clenched by his sides. “Mrs. McKee, my mother insists that I extend you an invitation to my father’s name-day celebration,” he said softly, but his brow was tight with frustration. “Please, don’t feel obligated; it might be strange since she will be the only other woman.”