My Heart Belongs in Castle Gate, Utah

by Dicken, Angie;

  “My desperate situation?” She mustered the courage to be offended.

  “You said it yourself,” he spoke softly. “I was there when they read the letter from your cousin. She quoted your very words.”

  She had said that to her cousin in confidence—or so she thought.

  “That does not matter, though.” He gathered her hands in his and leaned forward. “I was devastated at your elopement. And now, it seems, your God is one of second chances.”

  The words stabbed at her heart. “My God?”

  “Darling, you act as if I know nothing. Your heated arguments with your family did not go unnoticed. Especially since Paul is my best friend.” Her brother’s classmate sat before her and unveiled yet more of her past as if it were a gnarled tree growing at a rapid pace. She had defended her faith to her family. Her call to teach the underprivileged was one from God—she was sure of it. Jack assured her of that.

  James continued, “Don’t you see? My being here brings us so close once more. I would have won you over if you had not given in so quickly to Jack. This is our second chance.”

  “A second chance for what?” she muttered.

  “Do not be silly, Miss Willingham.” He tucked his manicured finger beneath her chin, tilting it up. “A second chance to win your heart.” His eyes flamed with determination. “Come home to Boston, Leanna. Let us try to start anew.”

  “I—I can’t.” Her pulse thudded in her ears. “I have accepted a position as tutor for a family in Salt Lake City.” Bethany had offered her a second chance, and she’d taken it. Alex offered her a second chance at love—but she was not brave enough to accept.

  “Come now, Leanna.” He spoke like her father. “Will you work all your life and be a spinster, when I can offer you all the happiness in the world?”

  She swallowed hard. “What do you know of my happiness, James? The life my parents expected, to marry and sit like a china doll in the parlor of my rich husband? That is not happiness for me.” But this life hadn’t made her happy, either. She had lived among the people who struggled to survive. She had taught the children who deserved just as much education as the next child. Happiness was only found in one place during her whole stay at Castle Gate.

  And it was with the man she was forbidden to see.

  Alex gave her a ridiculous desire to stay in this unhappy place. He made her happy. She was falling in love with him. Yet he was a strong eagle, and she, a minnow. Castle Gate had no place for them to live.

  All the more reason to leave quickly. But what should she choose? The arm of her old beau whisking her away to her hometown, or the lonely train ride to Salt Lake City?

  After the dance, Leanna left James at the hotel lobby on Main. Hurrying along the sleepy street, she thanked God for the electric lamps providing light along the path. At least the coal town was progressive in this way. If she were to go back to Boston, what a wonder it would be after her long stay in the less-civilized West.

  She wrapped her arms around her body, more for comfort than warmth. Tears threatened to blur her view as she tilted her head toward the sky—the clouds shifted, revealing a glitter of stars.

  “What of your light?” Her question sliced the winter chill and echoed against the quiet buildings. “‘There is no darkness but ignorance.’” Shakespeare and Alex. She smiled sadly. Too much was known now, and everything here seemed driven by ignorance.

  What about at home?

  She would shine bright in Boston as a daughter redeemed to society again. Life would no longer be a struggle. All her bitterness toward Jack would fade along with the racing train tracks as she headed east.

  Lord, can I be a better person in Boston?

  Could she forgive herself for the mess she made of her first marriage once she embarked on the hope of a second? James was kind and attractive. He would treat her well and lavish her with anything she asked for. He was here for a few days and hoped that she’d join him on the long train ride home.

  Yet the darkness was thick at home, too. The same ignorance toward the immigrants in Castle Gate would be praised among her parents’ circle, and James’s. Could she compromise her passion for progress and find light in finery and comfort instead?

  Across the street, the restaurant’s dark windows reflected her image as she passed under the streetlamp.

  Alex knew her differently than the Willinghams and Alcotts. He understood her struggle as a guilt-ridden widow. They were more alike than most of Leanna’s acquaintances. And Alex gave her worth in more than the things of the earth, but in the ways of her heart as well. She was not the same person her family had once known. The person Alex saw her to be was so much better than a stuffy debutante. Perhaps she might be worth his affection, just as he claimed?

  If only the risk to love him wasn’t so great a threat.

  Her reflection crumbled when the door to the restaurant opened, nearly slamming against the window. Alex emerged from the darkness, his body quickly lit by the halo of a streetlamp.

  “Good evening.” She fought the urge to run across the street and embrace him. Instead, she toed the dirt, waiting for his response.

  “Is it? A good evening?” His cynicism sobered her. She recalled his face when they spoke on the dance floor. She must explain herself to Alex.

  With a quick glance up and down the street, she hurried across. “Please, can we go inside? I must speak with you.” Her teeth began to chatter. His stormy eyes searched her for a moment, then he allowed her to pass through.

  He hadn’t waited for her, but he had hoped to see her before the night was over. Leanna’s face shone with excitement, even with the dim cloak of light. His heart skipped, and a sudden numbing washed over him, making him forget why he was upset. That was until she ran to him and asked to speak with him. Her lip trembled beneath dread-filled eyes.

  Was this God’s answer to his prayer? His well-established cynicism pushed aside the thought. He shut the door behind them.

  “The fire is dying now but gives heat nonetheless.” He led the way to the kitchen, her soft steps distracting him as he tried to avoid knocking over the chairs on the tables.

  He grabbed two stools from the wooden table and placed them in front of the small kitchen fireplace. Flickering embers promised little heat.

  “It is so quiet here.” She lowered to the seat. “I miss the Greek ramblings of your parents and Maria.” A soft smile crept across her face.

  “They are sound asleep, no doubt.” He kept his eyes on the fire. No use tempting his heart to indulge in her beauty when she was so comfortable in the arms of another man.

  “Tonight was quite a surprise for me,” she said.

  Alex scoffed. “For you? It was a surprise for more than you.”

  “Please, let me explain. That man is from Boston. He is a dear family friend from years ago.” Her voice was barely audible above the sound of the crackling embers. Her brow crinkled in an upward plea, and her mouth wore an unsure smile. “You can only imagine my surprise to see him here, in Castle Gate.”

  “I see.” Despite his sadness, he grinned. “It hurt a little when I saw you laughing with him.” What was it with this woman that turned his thoughts into unguarded words?

  She reached across and placed her hand on his. “Alex, I am sorry that I hurt you.” A warm comfort radiated through him. He twisted his hand beneath hers, entwining their fingers together. She beamed with delight, just like she had on the dance floor. But as quick as the embers faded to gray, her face twisted with a sorrowful sob.

  “Forgive me,” she managed as she lowered her head. “I promised before, I rarely do cry.”

  He leaped from his stool and knelt in front of her, gathering her into his arms. This was the only place he wanted to be. Holding Leanna and offering relief. He surged with the fulfillment in being her strength right now. He’d felt the most alive when he was a strong refuge for the woman he loved. Many years had passed since he felt the same purpose as he did at this moment with Leanna. Ha
dn’t he desired to be the same for Helena even if it ended up being a mistake?

  All he wanted was to save her.

  But perhaps that wasn’t his purpose. Perhaps his purpose was simply to love her, and God had a greater plan, just like Leanna believed? Fear iced his spine as he considered the devastation if he were wrong. Even if it was true, could Alex trust that God would help him at all after all these years of silence? What destruction could happen now if he followed his heart, just as he had followed Anthis’s lead eight years ago?

  Leanna pulled away. Her blue pools sparkled, tears clinging to her lashes like tiny diamonds. She placed her hands on his cheek. A runaway tear slid down her ivory skin. “If I could choose, I’d choose you,” she whispered.

  His heart pounded in his chest, a flood pressed against his own eyes. This was his answer, wasn’t it? Nothing felt so heaven-sent than loving Leanna McKee and being loved by her in return. Alex wanted nothing more than to believe that God was on his side in this moment. If ever there was a chance for a deal to be made, it would be a promise to cast off his anger forever if God weaved His plan for Leanna with Alex’s own.

  Before he could speak, she placed her finger on his mouth. “That was not proper of me. I couldn’t help—”

  He removed her finger. “Proper? Since when is love ever held in the bounds of propriety?” He grinned as big as his heart swelled within him. He heard her breath catch. She pulled him in with her vibrant, longing gaze. Her soft lips waited. Another kiss and she’d choose him. Surely she would? Why allow expectations to stop this—a pure second chance at love for each of them? They were a perfect match under something greater than his papa’s thumb or the prejudice of a people. Perhaps under something he could not wrap his mind around yet. Their noses met first. The warmth of her breath on his lips sent shivers along his arms. He gathered her up, relishing her warmth.

  “Alex, I cannot continue.” She pushed away. “We cannot continue this.” Her eyes diverted to the fireplace. She pressed her lips together as if trying to contain a new rush of tears. She seemed more shaken than ever before.

  “What is this about, love?” He wanted to hold her again, to comfort her and love her with all the strength he’d borrowed from God earlier this evening.

  She sniffled. “This is too dangerous now. No matter how much I love—” She stopped herself as if the very word was snagged by a hook. “No matter what I feel for you or you for me, there are people who will do you harm. And I fear for your family, as well. Prejudice is a very real evil in this town, Alex.”

  “Of course, I know this. But I will not allow fear to keep me from happiness.” He smoothed the hair behind her ear.

  Her eyes fluttered closed, and she grabbed his hand. “Can I truly bring you happiness? My flaws are many. Besides, there is so much at stake. You may not be afraid, but I am. I will not allow you or your family to suffer because of me.” She stood abruptly, the stool knocking back to the floor. “I already made one man suffer for my willfulness. I will not ruin an entire family.” And she turned around and ran to the back door.

  Before he could speak, Leanna was gone.

  Someone had scared her. The very thought of that kindled a roaring fury within him. He stood, his own stool teetering over. He raced to the back door, threw it open, and tumbled into the icy night. As his mouth opened to call her name, he was startled back into the shadows of the building. Mr. Coffey and his wife were just up the way to their house.

  If the threat was from Coffey, Alex was certain the man had many words and few intentions.

  But how could he convince Leanna of that?

  “Good morning.” James hopped down the stairs of the hotel and met her in the fine parlor. Crimson velvet cushions dressed an elegant settee and winged armchairs, while a fire blazed beneath a polished mantel. But none of the furnishings were nearly as fine as this handsome man from her past.

  Leanna’s heart skipped. His tall, trim build held an air of royalty. Even the wisp of his gold hair stayed in perfect place across his strong forehead. He was groomed to near perfection.

  “Are you sure you would like to go to church with me this morning? It is very plain compared to church in Boston.” When was her last service sitting in the Willingham pew? Those days of tending meticulously to her beauty and opulent wardrobe were hazy now. Wouldn’t James’s pressed waistcoat and shined cuff links have been more interesting to her than the sermon from the pulpit? Now she absorbed every word from the minister’s lips, praying that her heart might stay as soft as the moment Jack’s faith became her own.

  God bless Jack for peeling the mud from my eyes.

  An ever-gracious wash of sadness crossed her heart, fading the tarnish of Jack’s mistakes and polishing the truth of all the good in Jack McKee.

  “Where is that pretty head of yours?” James waved his gloved hand in front of her face.

  She breathed deeply and ignored his inquiry. “This is a lovely parlor, isn’t it?”

  “It is quaint,” he offered, the word dripping in arrogance.

  She smirked, less embarrassed by her fall from luxury and more secure in it by all she’d gained from slipping through society’s talons. “If you mean, common, then I beg to differ. Our tastes have grown apart, I am sure.”

  “But I assure you, my heart is still near.” He winked, charming her with his dazzling smile once more. Nerves tickled her stomach while she accepted his arm before entering the cold winter day.

  There was little to hide on the arm of this man, unlike the fear that had her hover in the restaurant’s shadow last night. The Coffeys were turning up her path as she rounded the corner of the restaurant, and Leanna wouldn’t dare make her presence known. Not after all the strength it took to turn her back on Alex like she did. If only Bethany or James had arrived earlier—before Alex showed up on her doorstep, inviting her into his world—his heart. How could such a strong, determined man risk everything for her? But she’d given him the chance, hadn’t she? She’d kissed him back, and spoken her feelings. Only the truth fell from her lips last night. And in her weakness, she was strong enough to step away.

  She loved him and couldn’t bear to bring trouble to one more man. Just like Jack had given Leanna the courage to find God, Alex gave her the strength to persevere in this place. But what had she given to either of those men? A bitter heart to one, and a scrutinizing neighbor for the other.

  She squeezed James’s arm closer to her, secure in the fact that at least a fresh start was on the horizon. Perhaps with James, or maybe in Salt Lake City. Either way, she would be more careful to tread gracefully, wherever she ended up.

  “Leanna, did you hear what I said?” James stopped on the wooden walk. “You are in another place today. That is the second time I’ve failed to keep your attention.” He pushed his bottom lip out in a playful pout.

  “I am sorry. I have so much to consider.” She fiddled with her lip, tasting dust on her glove.

  “It seems to me you only have one choice.” His mouth grew into a wide, confident grin.

  A splash of water from a passing wagon elicited a gasp from her. “One? What is that?”

  “To accept the fact that you are more suited for luxury, my pet.” He whipped a handkerchief from inside his coat and assisted her in drying off the spots on her overcoat. She glared at his head, struggling to maintain a frown instead of the threatening smile. His suggestion was offensive but somehow intriguing.

  What if Leanna McKee could reenter society with all she’d learned in Castle Gate? Could she be the one to bring ignorance to light? The thought of that formidable task exhausted her more than a climb to the Castle Gate rock formation.

  James flashed a dashing smile in her direction as they carried on, and she was certain of one thing only—the attention of a pampering gentleman was more enticing than she wanted to admit.

  From the corner of her eye, Leanna spied Alex, with his walking stick and his fisherman cap, heading their way from the restaurant.

&nbs
p; “We are going to be late.” With a quick jerk, she hurried James along. No, she couldn’t face Alex, not on James’s arm. Not with all the emotions flaring up inside her.

  No matter how much she considered the crossroads set before her, she knew for sure that there was one token neither Bethany Scott nor James Alcott could offer Leanna—the piece of her heart stolen by Alex Pappas, a piece she’d given away, never to retrieve again.

  Jealousy raged within him. He stormed down the street like a dog following its owner. What a pathetic man he had become, set off by the golden hair shining beneath her hat. A stark contrast to the dark overcoat of the man who clung closely to Leanna’s side.

  His fists squeezed the snowshoes that hung from his hands. He should continue walking out of town, but something inside of him, some forceful current of entitlement, kept him ducking into doorways and sliding between buildings whenever he supposed Leanna would turn her head.

  When the couple slipped through the doors of the Protestant church, he halted. He was only acting upon the devastation of losing her.

  “Hello, Mr. Pappas.” Ten-year-old water boy Tommy Prior stood beside him. He was washed and shiny, unlike his usual muddied face and disheveled clothes from crawling into the mines to give water to the men.

  “Uh, hello there.” He lifted his fisherman’s cap and ran his fingers through his hair. What was he doing in this part of town? He swallowed past a lump in his throat, glaring at the church door. The agony of Leanna’s choice weakened any common sense, a sure sign that this was not worth the trouble.

  “Would you help my grandmother?” Tommy asked. “She can’t make the stairs into church, and my pa is sleeping for the graveyard shift.”

  A woman appeared from behind a cart. Her back was hunched as if she’d carried the weight of the mountain for much of her life. She leaned on her cane, catching her breath.