My Soul is in the Sky

by Summer Murong

  “My name is Shiaonu and that is my brother Ponu.” I break the silence by introducing myself first and then my brother. “What are your names?”

  Three girls look at each other first until the oldest one steps forward and salute me back the same way I did before. “My name is Qiyang. And they are my sisters: Qicu and Qiwei.”

  Four of us exchange salute to each other again.

  They are actually very easy to get along with, especially after a few sledding runs together. I really start to like them. I haven’t met any girls at my age since I came to this world. It is surprising to see how shy they are. They walk, smile, and talk in a very graceful way. Even to their guards, they are polite and thankful.

  Ponu and Huo takes turns sledding with us girls. When Qiyang, the oldest one standing next to me waiting for our turn, she notices my bracelet. It is a piece of clay bracelet I made while experimenting with clay. I made a few round clay balls with a tiny hole in the middle. After they come out of oven built for roasted duck, they turned out to be nicely. So I painted them with flowers, glazed and baked them again.

  “You like it?” I untie the ribbon from the bracelet and hand it to her. “If you like it, it’s yours.”

  “It’s so beautiful.” She holds the bracelet in her hand and looks at it carefully. “But I cannot take it from you. I am sure you like it too.”

  Her voice is gentle and sweet, which makes me feel like a huge elephant next to a fragile piece of fine porcelain.

  “I can make more.” I assure her. “I made it myself.”

  A couple of blinks from her long eye lashes. “I think I know who you are.” Her soft voice again. “You are the one made mooncakes, jellos and cakes.”

  I smile back to her. “Yes, that was me.”

  She reaches and grabs my sleeves. “Oh, I am so glad I finally meet you.” She says in gaiety. “My mother wanted to bring you back to Palace. But they said you are…” Her voice trails down.

  I shrug a bit telling her that I understand what she was trying to say and I really don’t care. Then I realize who she is. “You are a princess?”

  She smiles back to me. “Yes, I am Princess Dangli and they are Princess Shiyi and Princess Zhuyi.”

  I quickly lowered myself with a deep curtsy. “Please forgive me. I did not know you are princesses. “

  She chuckles lightly and pulls me up. “It is not your fault. I did not tell you. We only told you our names. I have really admired your talent. I just wish I can be that smart.”

  “Princess Dangli.” I tell her. “I am not that smart. If you like, I can teach you how to make the jewelry, the mooncakes or any other thing I know. It’s not that difficult. Once you see how it’s made, with your own imagination, I am sure you can do better than me.”

  Her humbleness and sweetness are so attractive that you just want to do anything to make her happy so she can continue to be the pure and innocent Princess. It is a charisma that few people have. But I think it runs in the family of Wei.

  I have met General Wei, Empress Wei and now three Princess. They all have astounding good looks with gentle and soft presence. Even their little brother, the Prince Liu Ju, now only four years old, has been recorded in history as a kind and gentle tempered Prince.

  Then I remember how they all will get killed later by their father, Emperor Wu. All of them, the Prince and three Princesses, either be killed or be forced to commit suicide. How can somebody do such thing!

  I feel nauseous in my stomach.

  “Are you alight?” Princess Dangli asks me. “Your face is so pale.”

  I try to conceal the horror and sadness inside me. I manage to squeeze out a smile. “I guess I am done to sledding for the day. I feel nauseas inside. I will get something to eat.”

  She accompanies me to Ponu’s horse and I dig out some caramel milk candies and a jar with ice cream, which was a treat I prepared for Ponu. But I don’t think he will mind if I give it to her.

  I hand her some candies and show her how to eat them. Then I give the ice cream jar to her as well. “This is ice cream made of milk. It’s cold but delicious. Take it back to the Palace. I am sure you will love it.”

  Before she can say anything, the horse next to me makes a loud sneeze, which scares me so badly that I jumped. Princess Dangli reaches out for the horse bridle and gently pats on her neck.

  “It’s all right, it’s all right” She calms the horse first then turns to me. “She just sneezed. Don’t worry, she won’t hurt you. I learn to ride a horse since I was three.”

  I stay back stiffly when the horse bears her teeth to me. I don’t know horses, but I believe this is a mean one.

  “I thought you were a dare devil. How can you turn into a wimp in front of a horse?” I hear the mocking sound of Huo.

  I keep my mouth shut.

  “You should learn how to ride a horse.” Princess Dangli says to me. “They are the nicest animal in the world.”

  “I’d like to. But I don’t have a horse or even know where to rent one.” What she said just frustrate me.

  “You can ride my horse. She is a very docile horse.” Princess Dangli offers me.

  “You cannot do that.” Huo interrupts her. “Your horse has been specially trained. You cannot let others ride her.”

  I turn my head to the direction where Ponu is sledding with Princess Shiyi. I hope I am not overly sensitive. But Huo confuses me. He was gentleman enough sending me home the very first night we met, but then he called me a liar when we met again. When he came to see me out of blue, he helped me kicking out Mrs. Huang and her son. He then stormed out on me. Even at the Winter Banquet, he helped me while I was absentminded, but he dropped me in front of everyone like a piece of dirt. Now with Princess Dangli’s friendly offering, he even scolded her.

  “Shiaonu,” Princess Dangli calls me. “I figured out a solution. My uncle has a private horse collection in his own stable. I will ask him to lend one to you. So you can learn how to ride.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I don’t want to bother him.” Then I give her a thankful smile. “Don’t worry, I can run like a horse.”

  “No kidding.” Huo’s voice comes again with the sarcastic tone. I don’t even want to know what will come out next from his mouth. So I lower my head and stay quiet.

  “Do you still run every day?” He changes the subject.

  “Not anymore.” I try to keep the conversation with him to the minimal. I am afraid I will accidently push his button again and then he will turn to mean and nasty towards me.

  “Why not?”

  “I cannot find a place to run.”

  “Of course not.” His voice turns sharp again. “Dressing like that reminds people of ...” He stops suddenly.

  “Of what?” Princess Dangli asks him innocently.

  “A slut.” He says it slowly and clearly.

  I do not want to talk to him or to Princess Dangli anymore. If insulting me making him feel better, I don’t have any obligation to take it. I turn and run to my brother, ignoring both of them.

  “Are you alright?” Ponu holds me when I run to him.

  “I want to go home now. “ I say to him. Huo is his boss, I don’t want my brother to be in a awkward situation.

  “Alright, let’s go home then.” Ponu answers quickly. “It’s getting late anyway.”

  I follow my brother and other two princesses back to where his horse is. Princess Dangli’s face has the writing of “Sorry” all over.

  “We got to go.” Ponu says to Huo, who shows nothing on his face.

  He nods and steps back to let Ponu untie the rein from the tree branch. I pull more candies out from the bag on the horse and hand them to Princess Shiyi and Princess Zhuyi.

  The strange silence is among us, even Ponu notices that. We get on the horse and Huo hands me the sled.

  “Shiaonu,” Princess Dangli calls me. “Will you go to Lanterns Festival with us? I can go pick you up at your home.”

  I nods to her in a
greement.

  “Thank you for your bracelet and ice cream.” She waves to me, holding them high. I wave back to her.

  I did not tell anybody about what happened. I just went back to my own room and let the anger die down. I then start to examine what has gone wrong with Huo. It seems like the more I try to be nice to him, the more grudges he holds against me. In my high school in San Diego, there have always been a few narcissistic guys in school. I have always avoided them whenever possible. Every time hearing rumors about girls being hurt, I could not help thinking how stupid it had to be to get involved with such vain guys. My mom always tells me never chase a guy no matter how much you like him because it will only chase them away.

  I probably have made the same mistake towards Huo. I have regarded him as a great General in history, just as General Wei. But somehow he must have thought of my simple admiration as shameless pursuit. I have nobody but myself to blame since I have given him the wrong impression by keep sending him food, and stay silent when he misbehaved towards me.

  To rationalize of his hostility doesn’t take long, neither does the decision to stay far away from him from now on.

  So next morning when he shows up in front my door saying he is going to take me to General Wei’s stable, I turn him down. He probably does this just trying to patch things up. But he might soon throw tantrum to me again. I just want to stay clear and rather regard him as a historical figure who only exists on my book.

  He gives me the coldest look and rides away.

  I get the message that afternoon from General Wei to go to his stable. I figure it must have been Princess Dangli since she told me General Wei is going to Palace that morning. I did think of the possibility that Huo talked with his uncle. But I am just unable to convince me of that possibility.

  I pack more candies in my bag, thinking about bribing horses with them, and go to General Wei’s stable with my brother Jinu.

  General Wei is brushing one huge horse when we get there. Unlike any other time I saw him, he is wearing tight cuffed linen top with a fur vest. A pair of knee high boots make his legs look even longer. As always, he looks dashingly handsome and at the same time he is gentle and comforting.

  We chat a little before I see Huo walks in with a short horse.

  “Good choice.” General Wei says to him and then turns to me “Shiaonu, Qubing picked the right one for you. This girl is four years old now and she is quite a charmer here. Very smart one. I think you two are very much alike.”

  I have no clue how I can be like a horse. But she looks shy and tender. When I extend my hand out to her with a candy, she takes it happily and then rubs her huge head on my hand. I pat her head, just like Princess Dangli did. She enjoys it by playing her head along my hand.

  “Come on.” Huo says to me as if nothing have happened. “Let me take you for a walk on the horse.”

  I put down my backpack and he lifts me up on the horse. It’s quite different sitting up on the horse alone. When I ride with Ponu, I keep my balance by grabbing him. But sitting there alone is quite a different experience. I feel like I can fall out from any direction.

  “Relax.” Huo says to me. “Just go with the movement of horse.”

  But I feel like sitting on a shaking stool without anything to hold on.

  “Stop, stop, let me down, let me down” I plead to him.

  “You just get on.” He frowns at me. “Just relax and she is walking very smoothly.”

  I almost cried. “Please, please stop.”

  He stops suddenly, which cause the horse jingled and raised up her front body.

  I fell off miserably.

  I don’t know what is with him for such an abrupt stop. I cannot tell if he was intentionally or not. He just stands there watching me getting up from ground, turning and walking back to the stable.

  “So soon?” General Wei asks me when he sees me walking towards him.

  “I am not ready yet.” I then ask him. “Can I learn to ride on my own please?”

  He looks surprised at first and then chuckles. “Is it Qubing? Of course. Come any time. But it’s best to have somebody around until you are comfortable riding. That is a well-behaved horse. You should be fine.”

  “Can I use my own saddle?” I have noticed the so called saddle on the horse is just a blanket which has been sliding underneath my butt while I was on the horse. No stirrups either. I have to admit they are all very talented in keeping themselves balanced on the horse.

  “Oh, your own saddle? Why is that?” General Wei seems very interested.

  “The problem I have is how to keep balance on the horse. When I was riding with my brother, I was fine by just holding him lightly. But when I am up there alone, I don’t have anything to hold on to. The only way to keep me balanced is by tightly hold my two legs around the horse, which is not really easy to do. I might be able to come up with something that can help me.”

  “All new riders have hard time to learn to ride at first. But eventually, they get the hang of it. It just takes time. But it will be good to see what you come up with. “He smiles at me.

  I explain to Papa what I want as soon as we get home: a simple frame with two adjustable wood plank fit snuggly and comfortable along both sides of horse spine. It helps distributing rider’s weight evenly to the horse. The raised front and back bars will also help rider from sliding back and forth. Jinu made me a pair of iron square frame as stirrups. I then bring everything to Zhao Yan and ask him to finish it up by covering it with leather for rider’s comfort and attach long leather strap to tie onto horse.

  He laughs so hard on my design.

  “Who will need this to ride a horse?” He says. “You just need to practice more and find your balance”

  I get mad at him. “I have no problem finding my balance. I can even ride on two single lined up wheels. If you can make it like the way I want, I will show you how I can ride a horse within a day.”

  He did not believe me until I ride the horse out the stable and meet him outside at the paddock.

  “You win.” He laughs loudly and says to me. “Let’s see you trot a little.”

  I roll my eyes. “Were you able to trot the first day when you rode the horse?”

  “I don’t even remember how my first day of riding alike.” He says. “I just know how to ride the horse naturally.”

  “Showing off.” I roll my eyes again. As a Xiongnu, he is not bragging. They literally grow up on horseback.

  Then I see General Wei and Huo Qubing riding their horses towards the paddock, I wave to them eagerly.

  “Look at me, look at me, I know how to ride a horse now.”

  12 La Vie en Rose

  March has always been my favorite time. The whole world becomes alive again, everything becomes bright, fresh and new. Chang’an is covered with pink and white flowers from plum trees and peach trees. Outside the city wall, along the moat, all the white pear flowers also blossomed beautifully.

  I can finally take off my fur coat and put on the linen dress Niang has prepared for me. She won’t allow me to wear knee-length top any more, instead I have to wear full length dress all the way to the ankle. The problem is that I need help to get on or get off the horse every time.

  “I’d rather wear short coat and long pants.” I complain to Zhao Yan while he helps me get off the horse. He is accompanying me to buy flowers for the making of perfume. I don’t make perfume any more since he has hired people to do that. But I still like to create new fragrance by extracting essential oils from flowers. Spring is the perfect time to do this.

  “But you look really good in this yellow dress.” Zhao Yan says to me.

  Both of us rode here with our own horses. I have been taking lessons from Zhao Yan regularly. General Wei gave me the horse as a reward for creating saddles.

  It must have been a big deal since General Wei ordered thousands of the saddles for his troops two days after I showed him. Zhao Yan’s tanning shop received partial of the orders, but I don’t se
e him very happy even after they paid him handsomely. On February, when General Wei led his troops to fight with Xiongnu again, saddles became standard setups for his cavalry.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I ask Zhao Yan while we walk to the nursery field. “You have been really down recently.”

  “Nothing really,” he gives me a glance. “I am just worrying about the war.”

  Both Ponu and Huo went to front with General Wei. As imperial guards, they are responsible to observe and to deliver messages back and forth between Emperor and Generals. I know neither one of them will get hurt or injured.

  “I am just glad Ponu is not going to battlefield.” I murmur to him.

  But he did not acknowledge back at all.

  “Do you know how many gold cakes I have saved now?” I try to cheer him up by switching topics.

  “How many?” He asks me without any real interest.

  “I have saved ten now. Aunt Red has been keeping them for me. My goal is to save twenty and then I can leave here. You know with the summer coming, our business will be really good, especially for the soap and perfume.” I am really proud that I can save so many so quickly.

  “I still don’t think it’s a good idea for you to run away alone.” He shakes his head. “I can buy you a house somewhere else and have somebody taking care of you.”

  ”You cannot protect me forever. And I don’t want to get you into any more trouble.”

  I have studied the marriage law in Han. When it comes to runaway women, the punishment is extremely harsh. Not only they will be publically humiliated by walking around the city with a huge sign with “whore” on top of it, they will also be drowned in the river. Those who helped them escape will also be sentenced to jail.

  “Do you think I have been a law abiding citizen?” He sneers at me. “You need to promise me that you won’t do anything unless you discuss it with me first.”

  “Do you really believe in promises?” I ask him naughtily.

  He gives me a do-not-mess-with-me look. I giggle and pretend he scares me.