“What if I don’t give you a promise?” I give it another spin.
He stops suddenly in front of me, turns back and looks at me seriously.
“If you run away without telling me, I will find you myself and tie you up for the rest of your life.”
“All right, all right.” I back off from his intense reaction. “I need to save more money anyway.”
He glances over me as if he is thinking of something. “I am not joking.” He says firmly. “Don’t leave without letting me know.”
I shrug my shoulder. He has been really edgy recently.
We continue our walk. But this time, I don’t dare to say anything anymore.
The owner of the nursery meets us by a straw shed in front of flower field. He hands me a bamboo basket and tells me to pick whatever I like and then we can discuss how to purchase them.
“I can go into the field by myself.” Looking at his expensive silk gown, I point to a wooden platform underneath a big willow tree. “Why don’t you relax and wait for me over there? It will take me a while.”
He is now back to the rich and flashy style again. He nods and walks away.
The nursery is located on the outskirts of Chang’an. The flower field is among wheat fields and vegetable fields. The back of it is adjacent to open green meadow, which extends all the way to the foothill of mountains. It is an absolutely beautiful scene with flower field in the front, green meadow in the middle and blue sky at furthest. A lot of small yellow flowers are among the green meadow too.
Standing there, with smells from different flowers floating around, I breathe deeply and greedily.
I take off my wooden clogs and walk into field barefoot. I have to keep lifting my long dress to prevent it from touching the soft and slimy soil. But it feels good on my bare feet. Clumsily I manage to get in the middle of the flower field while carrying the big basket in my arms.
“Are you all right?” I hear Zhao Yan’s voice from far.
“Oh, I am fine. It is really fun walking in the mud.” I shout back to him joyfully. I see him standing by the willow tree now.
This nursery is not open to public. It delivers flowers and plants to palace only. Princess Dangli found out about it and introduced it to me. Qiyang, Princess Dangli, has become my friend. We don’t see each other often, but whenever she have the opportunity to get out of Palace, she came to visit me at my home. For the rest of the time, we exchange messages through her servant maid who can easily visit me on her orders.
I have been invited to a few social gatherings from the daughters of court officials. I believe the only reason I have been invited was because of Princess Dangli. In Han, the social status of a shop owner or a merchant is very low. So after a few times, I did not want to go to those parties any more. I found them pompous and boring. I’d rather stay home studying.
Most of the time, I do stay home studying except riding horse with Zhao Yan every afternoon. I still remember the first time after I showed off my riding on my new saddle to General Wei and Huo, I could not get the horse to stop. When she started cantering on her own, or probably I have gave her the order without knowing, I was too scared to yell for help. Only Zhao Yan realized something was wrong and jumped into paddock and helped me. After that Zhao Yan start giving me riding lessons every afternoon. It’s more like that he shows me how to do things while we ride leisurely together.
My tutor Dongfang Shuo has been visiting my home more often than I have visited him. We generally starts with a passage on one of the classics essays and then we chat it away, covering anything we can think of. He told me he had traveled many places when he was in his twenties. I was quite shocked when he told me he had been to a place where daytime last for months and then nighttime last for months. The only places I know with such phenomenal are within polar circles, with polar days and polar nights. He should have been the first one in history ever been to that far north.
He is also very knowledgeable, from politics, history, geography, poems, and philosophy. He is like a live wikipedia to me. No matter what question I have for him, he has an answer, even if he doesn’t have one right away, he can point me to where to research. I have drafted a learning plan with different subject areas. But I find it’s very difficult to stick with it. Both of us can drift away from it easily. I mentioned it to him, but he told me learning should be about anything and everything. He even gave me an example of how a doctor should not only treat the foot even when the patient complains about his foot only. I have to agree with him on that. We then discussed the concept of hospital and doctors with their own specialties. But it was too advanced for the time being. Most doctors follow the concept of Chi, Yin-Yang and the five phases. I would like to know more, but I can’t find anybody who is willing to teach me.
I have also received the little gift from Emperor Wu’s uncle, King Huainan, who sent two horse carriages of bamboo scrolls to me. Dongfang Shuo told me they are Huainanzi, the collection of essays King Huainan and his scholars put together over a period of twenty years. I finally realize who King Huainan is. He was one of the most important philosophers for Daoism and he is also the inventor of Tofu and soy milk. Huainanzi is one of the most comprehensive collection of essays in Han Dynasty. Not only it has documented and has summarized historical knowledge, it has also systematically led to Daoism philosophy.
King Huainan believes the existence of Dao, the universal principle of our world. Human, just like sun, moon, mountains and rivers, is the product of this principal. He believes government should work with such principle as well. A small and lay-back government, should guide its people like leading the water along the river path, instead of ruling its people with harsh and rigid laws.
As one of the important Daoism documentation, the scrolls of Huainanzi covers vast subject areas. I know I will devote a lot of my time to this. Just thinking about the possibility of meeting the authors in person and ask questions really excites me.
However, the more I read it, the more I see an ambitious royal member promoting his political ideas. Interestingly it is totally different from the ideas of Emperor Wu, who promotes heavy regulations, a strong central government and a powerful military force.
With the help from Dongfang Shuo, I wrote a thank you letter to King Huainan and promised him I would read every single words of his master piece and I would like to reserve some future time to be able to ask questions. Dongfang Shuo was quite surprised on King Huainan’s gift. He could not believe the gifts are merely based on what I have said at the Winter Banquet. But I know where it came from.
I have really enjoyed the learning from Dongfang Shuo. However, just like Zhao Yan and his friends, he quickly fell in love with the liquor too. Every time when he comes to visit me, I know he must have run out of the liquor.
With my small distiller, I could no longer keep up with the demand. Finally I have to teach Zhao Yan and my brother Jinu how to distill the cheap grain wine to the hard liquor.
The consequence of that was the birth of new joint business of making and selling the hard liquor. They named it Baijiu, clear liquor. Jinu made the original distiller for me, so he made bigger replicas.
Only when I saw the distillers installed in the barn, I realized what they meant by big.
They are like the size of water tower, three of them lined up in the newly built huge barn. They enjoyed my jaw-dropping reaction. They predicted in absolute confidence that all men would soon switch to Baijiu while leaving the wine to women. They proved they were right very soon. Not only it becomes very popular, they have also received large orders from Han army. It was rumored, each soldier will get a bowl of Baijiu before they go to the battle field.
I felt really bad after hearing this. I have been very careful not introduce anything that might be harmful to others. But first saddle, then Baijiu.
The booming business of Baijiu scared Papa. He had a serious conversation with me about how I should stop making new things any more, and how I should stay low from now o
n. With so many new things associated with me, he feels very uncomfortable. He told me he could not sleep at night worrying about me and my safety. He would rather go back to farm on our land than let anything happen to me. I assured him I would be fine and our family would be fine. I remember from history that Ponu will become a General and will conquer Kingdom of Lou Lan later in his life.
Jinu must have received the same message from Papa, since he started telling people we got the Baijiu recipes from a traveler by accident. Even with that, Papa is still concerned about my safety. He insisted on me being escorted any time I go out. The duty of escorting has been shared among my brothers and Zhao Yan.
Now I see Zhao Yan leisurely lying on the wooden platform under the tree. The owner of the nursery has brought him some hot tea. He is enjoying it with tea cup in his hand. I wave to him and start picking white jade magnolia flowers, which always reminds of my grandma.
When I was living with my grandma, she liked to hang a couple of white jade magnolia flowers on my shirt, with the sweet fragrance surrounding me all day long. I remember how she had to wearing her glasses, sewing a thread through the bud of a few flowers and then wrapping the thread around the button of my shirt. It always made me self-conscious on my behavior to be more lady like.
Opening the little sachet hanging on my belt I put in a few white jade magnolia flowers.
“What is this flower?” Zhao Yan comes next to me with bare feet too. He must have been bored sitting under the tree.
“Oh, this is called white jade magnolia.” I tell him. “When I was little, I was told by my grandma that in the kingdom of flowers, she was not liked by others. She was plain with no attractive fragrance. But she just stays true to herself and she likes to help others whenever she can. So every time when she helped other flowers, they gave her a little of their own fragrance. Eventually she has collected so many different fragrances that the flower goddess was alerted. But when flower goddess found out how white jade magnolia has collected the fragrances, she was moved and decided to make a uniquely blended fragrance for her. That became the beginning of perfume making.”
He looks at me with all smiles in his eyes. “I can imagine how much your grandma liked you.”
“Yup, both my grandmothers loved me a lot. I was the China Doll to my grandma on my dad side and a little foreigner to my grandma on my mom side. They made sure I knew about the inheritance of their cultures. I have been a happy mix. “I tell him cheerfully.
“What is a China Doll?” he asks.
“Uh…” I pause. “It’s just a cute doll for little girls.” I don’t know if girls play doll in Han.
“Why did she call you a foreigner?” He asks again. “Your parents are both Han.”
“Uh… My grandma just likes to tease me that way.” I realize I have mixed up my two worlds.
He doesn’t look like he believes me. So I try to switch his attention to something else.
“Look. That is magnolia figo. It’s also called a flower with a smile. ” I point another small white flowered plant to him.
“Any story about it?” He jokes.
“Sure there is.” I lead him to the plant. “This one releases most of its fragrance at night.”
“What is the story?” He insists.
“Oh, this is a sad one. It’s about a girl who missed her true love because of misunderstanding. When she realized her mistake, it was too late. He has married another girl. She did not want to interrupt their life, so she left. But both her true love and she missed each other. Each of them planted this flower in their own home since that was the flower they enjoyed when they were young. Later he got old and ill. In order to help him get enough money for medicine, she started washing clothes for others during the day and selling the flowers at night. But it was too late. He died before she can get enough money.” It was actually an old movie my grandma watched with me.
“I don’t like the story at all” Zhao Yan says. “And it doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why doesn’t it make sense?” I ask him.
“He should have married her too, instead of letting her go out live on her own. If his wife is upset, he should just serve her a divorce paper.” He says.
“I bet that’s how you will solve the problem.” I shake my head. “But remember this is my story. There is no two wives or any nonsense like that.”
He start chuckling. “Number thirteen…” He teases me.
“Stop calling me that.”
“Number thirteen.” He continues. “You have to remember no man likes jealous wife.”
I ignore him and continue picking my flowers. There are Jasmines and roses. But neither one of them has been fully bloomed yet. So I decide to pick a couple of branches with buds on them. I will later tell the nursery to keep them for me when they blossom.
There are various types of roses in the nursery. I have to find one budding, smell the fragrance, and then decide if I want to pick them or not.
“What are you humming?” Zhao Yan walks besides me while carrying the basket.
“I don’t remember.” Actually I do, I just don’t know how to explain to him. It’s La Vie En Rose, my grandma’s favorite song. She likes to sing it when she works in her garden.
“Please, sing it to me.” He smiles at me. “I really like it.”
“Why should I? You just said I am jealous.” I pretend I am still mad at him.
He laughs. “All right, I admit it. I am the jealous one, you are not.”
I continue my flower picking without acknowledging him at all.
“Please.” He holds his hands together and bows to me.
“Stop it.” I laugh. “It is a song about pink roses and how the world becomes a world of roses when in love. But I don’t sing well at all. You have to promise you won’t laugh at me.”
“I remember someone told me something like I always laugh with you, never laugh at you.” I can see even his eyes are smiling.
I dare not look at his eyes for long, actually I dare not look at him when I sing. My face is already burning, so I turn him around with his back towards me. Only then I dare to sing the song to him.
13 Run Away
On March twenty seventh of Year Yuan Shuo (123BC), I turned fifteen in Han.
I have never cared to celebrate birthday, because I could not find any real meaning for it. To me, it’s more of a logistic convenience than a measurement of maturity. Have we ever matched our age with our maturity?
But I do care this time. It is probably the only one I will ever spend with my family in Han. And there is a real significance associated with it. According to the marriage law of Han, being fifteen means that I am officially a woman now. I should get married within a year regardless whether I want to or not, or to whomever I like or not.
It does sound crazy: the enforcement of marriage at the age of fifteen for a girl, and the arranged marriage without love. Either one is criminal in my view. But I now live in Han Dynasty, and everyone have to obey the law, or take the consequences.
As far as the young age, the only thing I can say is that Juliet was only thirteen when she met the love of her life, sixteen year-old Romeo. Maybe ancient people did mature earlier than us, or maybe instead of evolution, we have actually degenerated.
It was a quiet celebration that combined both birthday celebration and hair-pinning ceremony, the latter is the symbolic ritual of turning into womanhood. Niang tied my hair up as a bun and put a silver hairpin cross it. My ears also got pierced the same day. Princess Dangli sent me a pair of gold earring which was perfect after piercing.
Mrs. Huang showed up at the invitation of my parents. To my surprise, she acted cordial and civil. I kept my surprise inside and paid her with equal respect. But I soon found out the reason when I overheard the conversation between her and Niang about my dowry. A more than generous dowry still was not enough to her. She even asked for the Xiao Xiao Dian Xin bakery.
I finally realized that I was such a money-losing commodity. N
ot only I supposed to marry a strange man, serving his parents, bearing his children, but also I should bring enough money to keep his family in prosperity. No wonder Chinese have always preferred sons over daughters. Daughter means bad business.
I don’t know how their conversation ends. I hope Niang was not bulldozed by Mrs. Huang.
The other message my parents received from Mrs. Huang was that her son just had a son with one of his concubines. She even congratulated to my parents that I would be lucky enough to be a mother as soon as I marry her son.
What a shameless woman! What a twisted society! I screamed inside.
“Do not worry, you will still be the formal wife.” Papa said it to me.
I just smiled.
“Papa, it’s not fair for Shiaonu to marry into such a family.” Jinu spoke up for me. “He has already had two concubines and a son, what will that make of Shiaonu?”
“Hush,” Papa says. “We are not going to break the engagement. Shiaonu will learn to deal with it, just like other married women. Old Mr. and Mrs. Huang have been very nice people. Although Mrs. Huang is now running the household, she still obeys the orders from her elders. The thing we can do is to increase the dowry so that she won’t treat Shiaonu mean for the sake of dowry. Besides, we are here to back her up if there is any unfairness.”
That is my Papa, naïve and stubborn.
I put my hand on Jinu’s arm and shook my head begging him not say anything anymore. I have already planned my escape, there is no reason to cause any tension because of my engagement.
Zhao Yan did not come to my birthday celebration. Jinu explained to me that he went to city of Shuofang to take care of some urgent business. Strangely, he then said something interesting. “If you really don’t want to do anything, I will help you. You should not take it all on your own shoulder.”
When I asked him what he meant, he simply said he wanted the best for me, nothing else.
Of course he meant something. What he did next totally pissed me off. He hired two servant maids for me. Although by now, we have already had four servants at home. But these two new women only serve me, or I should say their sole responsibility is to watch me all the time.
My Soul is in the Sky Page 13