My Soul is in the Sky

by Summer Murong

  He tilts his head away from me and grabs my hand. “I started shaving for a month now.”

  “How do you shave? What do you use?” I wonder about how men shaving at this time. Razor hasn’t been invented. My father keeps beard and I don’t see my brothers shaving either.

  “What else? I use a knife.” He chuckles.

  “Any knife will do the work? Or it has to be a special one?”

  “A small sharp dagger will do.” He answers me while still holding my hand.

  “You have to show me how you do it with a dagger.” I tell him and then point to a bunch of scrolls on the table. “Will you please help me carry them to my horse carriage? I need to finish them tonight.”

  “Have you been working like this every day?” He asks me while we both moving scrolls onto the trays.

  “Not every day. Only when I am back from field trips. I have been going out a lot to check out the rivers around here. We are trying to come up with a drainage map to identify the locations of all water bodies nearby, and their source and drainage area. I also want to layer it with historical information. This way, we will have a better idea on the water supply nearby.”

  “No wonder you are so thin and so dark now.” He gives me another look while we walk towards my carriage with trays of bamboo scrolls.

  “That is called lean and tan.” I protest. “You don’t know how hard it is to get into this shape.”

  He laughs. “Girls look better when they have fair skin and carry a little weight.”

  “Oh, Whatever.” I mumbles. It is true at this time that beautiful women are supposed to have light and porcelain-like skin with a pear shape body. Not a curvy one with big bust, but a pear shape with a full and round hip. It is said a woman with such a body shape will be better for child bearing and have a better chance giving birth to a son.

  He gives me another look and I glare back at him. He looks amused.

  “You should be all right once you gain some weight and stay away from sun for a while.” He says with a suppressed laugh in his throat.

  “I am all right and I have been all right all along.” I try to keep my voice confident enough. Shallow and superficial. I curse inside.

  We walk in silent after we put everything into my horse carriage.

  “This is for you.” He pulls out a hairpin from his sleeve pocket.

  “You made it?” This one looks better than the previous one he made for me.

  “Yes.” He admits. “Don’t you think it is better than the first one?”

  I nod in agreement. “Well, thank you. I am sorry that I do not have any gift for you. I did not know you are back.”

  “Then take me to dinner.” He smiles. “I know you get paid now. Just like me.”

  That’s true. I did not know that being an Imperial Envoy means I am a court official, thereby I get paid and get paid very well. My monthly salary can buy five of the lake properties that my family were struggling with when we lived in the village. I always wonder if high salary is the reason why there is rarely any scandal of corruption in Han, especially under the ruling of Emperor Wu.

  “Sure.” I can never resist his smile. “You have any idea where do you want to go?”

  “You pick one.” He says. “I have been gone for a while. You should know better now.”

  “Ponu knows better than me. He has been eating out a lot. Should we go get him?” Ponu is not far from where we are.

  “Not this time.” He gets on his horse after I get into my carriage. “I will take you to a place to sleep after we eat.”

  I cover my face and hope nobody else heard that. Doesn’t he know what he just said can sound really bad?

  Unexpectedly Princess Dangli, who married to her cousin Cao Xiang a year ago, sent me an invitation to join her for the Shangsi Festival at the first official day off on March. I was surprised when the messenger insisted on a response.

  “I will for sure to be there before noon.” I told the messenger.

  “Please do not bring any maid or servant with you.” He said to me seriously.

  The location for meeting is by a lake not far from the village I used to live. Princess Dangli’s house is very close as well. Her husband Cao Xiang is the son of Princess Pingyang, the elder sister of Emperor Wu. Princess Pingyang was the one introduced General Wei’s sister to Emperor Wu. General Wei, Empress Wei, and their family including Huo’s mom, used to be the slave in Princess Pingyang’s household. But after Cao Xiang’s father died, Princess Pingyang married again.

  “Shiaonu, so glad you can come.” Princess Dangli meets me when I get out the horse carriage.

  “I am glad you invited me out. Otherwise I would work again today.” I smile at her. It is always good to see her, who is as always, graceful and gentle.

  “I heard you have been assigned with some special assignment.” She hold my left arm while we are walking.

  “Ugh…Your father somehow believes I can do it.” I complain to her. “But I am struggling every day.”

  She laughs lightly. “My father always knows where to find talent. “

  “And work them to death.” I complete the sentence for her.

  She chuckles. She pulls me closer and whispers to my ear. “Watch out what you say today.”

  I glance over to her and nod.

  When I see Empress Wei, Huo’s mom and others ladies sitting on a wooden platform under the tree, I realize this is not going to be just a social meeting. Other than a couple of maids, I do not see others around.

  I bow down and paid my respect to Empress Wei, Huo’s mom and her other sister Wei Junru, who married to General Gongsun. And the other lady in the room, to my surprise, is Princess Pingyang, who looks at me with inspection and cautious eyes.

  “Shiaonu. Just relax and sit with us.” Empress Wei says to me with her gentle voice. “Sorry we have to meet you like this. Since now you are official now, it is not convenient to summon you at Palace of Weiyang.”

  I sit up on my heels in front of them.

  “That is quite all right, You Majesty. I have not seen Princess Dangli for a while and it is very good to have the opportunity to see her in such a beautiful day. Same goes to Mrs. Chen, whom I have not seen for a while as well.” Mrs. Chen is Huo’s mom, I have not seen her much after I stayed at her house for almost a month.

  “That’s true.” Empress Wei says. “Other than Princess Pingyang and my older sister, Mrs. Gongsun, you have met almost everyone in my family. And we are all impressed by your talent and your kindness…”

  “You saved General Wei’s life?” Princess Pingyang cuts in before Empress Wei can finish.

  “Your Highness, I was just happened to be there when assassination attempt happened. Everyone would do the same thing I did. General Wei is such a hero, I am sure a lot of people are willing to die for him.” I say to Princess Pingyang.

  “Can you think of a reason why we want to meet you today?” Princess Pingyang continues.

  I suddenly realize among them, the real authority is Princess Pingyang. She is the aunt and mother-in-law for Princess Dangli and she used to be the master for the rest.

  “I really can’t think of anything specific.” I answer her. “But if there is anything I can help…”

  “We do need your help.” She says. “Or I should say Prince Liu Ju needs your help.”

  Prince Liu Ju is the son of Empress Wei and he is only seven years old. What is she smoking? I murmur inside.

  “The reason King Huainan and King Hengshan rebelled is because Emperor Wu has not set up a crown Prince yet. When the succession plan to the throne is unclear, it causes unnecessary volatile for the Empire. Even the far relatives think they have a chance to the throne.”

  I listen to her carefully. Among the four sons of Emperor Wu, Prince Liu Ju, the eldest one, looks like the most eligible candidate for the throne, with his mom being Empress and his uncle being General. But Emperor’s love fades out quick too. With more and more young and beautiful women surround Emp
eror Wu, Empress Wei becomes more like a housekeeper running the household for Emperor Wu than a loved wife. And I guess what has prompted them to talk about succession plan is the assassin of General Wei. If anything happens to him, his nephew, Prince Liu Ju will lose the biggest support to be the crown prince.

  Prince Liu Ju is also rumored to be soft and gentle, which in the eyes of Emperor Wu, those qualities are not desired to be a ruler, who should be strong and tough, and be merciless and ruthless when necessary.

  But none of these is my business and I do not believe Emperor Wu would allow anybody to manipulate his decision on who should inherit his Empire.

  “You Highness.” I say to Princess Pingyang. “I am sure Emperor Wu has his plan for the succession. Just like he has a plan for almost everything.”

  “You don’t know him like I do.” Princess Pingyang sneers. “I grew up with him and I know how superstitious he can be. He needs signs for every major decision he makes.”

  I see Empress Wei nodding in agreement. General Wei has mentioned too that Emperor Wu performs I Ching divination every single time before a war starts.

  “The reason he has not decided the succession plan is because he needs a sign. A sign to tell him Prince Liu Ju should be the next Emperor. But such vital decision should not be delayed any more. Any delay and hesitation will only bring uncertainty to the court and will indulge the wild ambitions. We can avoid the bloodshed like that with King Huainan and King Hengshan by announcing Prince Liu Ju to be the crown prince, which has been so clear and so obvious for everyone knows the situation.”

  From the history, Princess Liu Ju would be the crown prince until thirty-seven years old when he is forced to kill himself by Emperor Wu. With his death, thousands will be killed as well. In fact, everyone in this meeting, except Princess Pingyang and Huo’s mom, will die along with Prince Liu Ju.

  Sadly, my brother Ponu will also die along with them.

  I close my eyes and try to let the choking sensation go away before I can say something.

  “And the reason you see me is…” I ask.

  “We need you to come up with an idea that can help Emperor Wu to see that Prince Liu Ju is the right choice to be the crown prince.” She finally tells me the reason of the meeting.

  “May I know who has suggested me?”

  “General Wei always has high marks about you.” Princess Pingyang says.

  I notice how she did not answer my question directly. I decide to pretend I did not catch this.

  “Was it after the assassin?”

  “Yes.”

  I put my hand over my forehead. Just as I guessed, the assassination has scared them and they think by setting up Liu Ju as the crown prince their positions will be set. But the initial idea of getting me involved is definitely not from General Wei. He went to frontline right after the assassination and he is still there. So it has to be somebody in this room came up with the idea of getting me involved. Based on my guess, Princess Pingyang is the top suspect.

  Honestly, I don’t know her at all and her overbearing attitude reminds me a lot of Emperor Wu. I tell myself to be very careful here. With or without any signs, Liu Ju will be the crown prince. And for the next thirty years, Wei Family will enjoy their prosperity. But I can’t tell them that.

  I start to wonder the motivation of Princess Pingyang dragging me into this in front of Wei Family. I have to say it is brilliant. If I say yes, then I will be her slave from now on since she can easily use this against me in the future; if I say no, especially in front of whole Wei family, I will end up losing friendship from all of them.

  “I understand your wish now.” I say to them. “I will go back and think it over. “

  “That was a yes then.” Princess Ping Yang presses.

  “That was not a yes, or a no.” I smile. “I only said I would think about what you have just said.”

  Princess Pingyang doesn’t look very happy about my response. But I do not want to entangle with this subject either. So I stay quiet by lowering my head and acting polite but determined.

  “We are here for the Shangsi festival.” Princess Dangli says. “I am going to take Shiaonu by the water.”

  I bow to them and follow Princess Dangli.

  “Don’t be bothered by their request and don’t get involved. My father is going to be upset if he finds out about this.” She says to me in a low voice when just two of us. “They all might be all right, but you will be the first one get punished.”

  I feel moved on what she has said to me. A friend who can put your safety ahead of her family benefit is a true friend. I pat on her arm gently. “Thank you. I know the consequences. I will not get involved. I like the Empress a lot, but there is no place for me in matters like this. I am sure your father will come up with decision soon and your brother will be the crown prince.”

  She hesitates a little. “I am not that optimistic about my father.” She sighs lightly. “My father has not stepped into my mom’s bedroom chamber for a long time now. Especially after a couple of young and beautiful concubines came to the palace.”

  “He must have been very busy.” I try to comfort her. “Your mom and General Wei are going to be fine, even with a couple of new concubines.”

  She shakes her head. “Shiaonu, there are thousands women in the palace. My mom has been lucky enough to be his favorite for a long time. With more women and more sons coming, my mom desperate needs the assurance of my brother’s future.”

  She is right. After Empress Wei gave birth to the eldest son of Emperor Wu, three more sons have been born from different women. Interestingly, the other three sons bear more resemblance to Emperor Wu than to their own mothers. I can understand the hesitation from Emperor Wu. He’d rather seeing a son who resembles him more to be the next Emperor than seeing a son resembles more to gentle and soft Empress Wei.

  “But your father is healthy and your uncle controls the military. I think they worry too much.”

  When we get by the water, little Prince Liu Ju is scooping something out of the water.

  “What are you doing?” Princess Dangli goes to her brother whose clothes is all wet.

  “There are lots of dead fish.” He raises his cute little face to his older sister. “I take them out and bury them, so their mommy and daddy won’t cry for them anymore.”

  Now I understand the rumor about his kindness and tenderness is absolutely true. No wonder Emperor Wu does not think he is suitable to be the next Emperor. I can’t help remembering how ambitious Emperor Wu was when talking to me about his plan of owning the strongest military force both on land and on water. His son is busy burying the dead fish.

  “Why there are so many dead fish?” Princess Dangli wonders.

  “I think these are the fish come from upstream river, which is drying up.” I say to her.

  Since my group has been studying and monitoring the rivers nearby, we have noticed the consistent dropping of water level for a while. I have written a report to Emperor Wu about our discovery in February. But I have not heard anything back from him. I have suspected a possible drought for a while.

  “We are going to have a drought?” She asks me.

  “I believe so. I have written a report to your father about it. But I have not heard from him.”

  “Will that mean more fish will die?” Little Prince Liu Ju asks me.

  “Yes, not only fish will die, a lot of animals will die as well.” Somehow I have this devilish instinct to show him the cruel world. “Even humans will die. Last drought, we had thousands people died, most of them are little kids. And that is not the end of it, the drought sometimes are followed by swarms of locusts. They come like the dark cloud over the sky. Where ever they pass by, all crops and plants will be eaten away and there will be no food left for humans. So the hunger will strike and more people will die of hunger. Last time when all these happens, about four years ago, some people were so hungry that they eat their own kids.”

  “Shiaonu. Stop that.” Princes
s Dangli stops me, while her brother bursts into tears.

  “I am not making it up.” I tell her. “All these are recorded history. In the Imperial Archiving center, that’s what I read and research every day.”

  “I know it’s true. But don’t tell him yet. He is just a little kid.” She holds her brother in her arms and pats him on his back.

  I suddenly have an idea in my mind. Something not quite solid, but I think I can pull it off.

  “You Highness,” I bend down in front of little Liu Ju. “Do you want to help those fish, those animals and those kids?”

  “Yes.” He sobs. “I would very much like to help them. I can give them water if they like, or I can bring them back to Palace.”

  I smile by his kind heart. The kindness gene in Empress Wei’s family passed to this little prince. “You don’t need to do that. Your father will not be happy when you bring them to the palace either.”

  “Then what can I do?” He raises his teary eyes towards me.

  I look into his eyes. Even if he is going to die as a crown prince, it is not going to happen for another thirty years. If I do not do anything, will that change the history? Or should I do something to make sure the history happens as it should be?

  “As a prince, you have special power.” I tell him slowly to make sure he can remember clearly what I say. “When you pray, the God in heaven will hear you. And if you are sincere enough, he will grant your wishes, especially when you not pray for yourself, but for your people.”

  “Shiaonu.” Princess Dangli tries to stop me again. But I wave my hand to her.

  “Liu Ju.” I call the name of prince. “Do you understand what I just said to you?”

  He nods while tears still hanging on his face. I wave to him coming to my arms.

  “You are really a kind little soul.” I kisses him on his cheeks. “Our God in heaven loves a prince with a good heart. But a prince’s heart should always think for his people, not for himself. So tell me what are you going to do about this drought?”