My Soul is in the Sky

by Summer Murong

“Zhao Yan. I need to tell you something.” When I feel better, I say to him. “Please don’t think I am crazy. But I am actually not from this world.”

  I see the odd expression on his face.

  “I am not crazy or mad or anything.” I say. “It is true I am from a world more than two thousand years from now. I don’t know how I got here. “

  I start telling him everything about me.

  I wake up again in a ger, surprisingly luxury and bright. In the center, there is a wrought iron stove with chimney extending upwards and out through a wood frame in circle shape in the roof. Two columns in the center that support the ger are carved with decorative patterns on the top. A couple of dressers, trunks and futon beds are placed along the side. All furniture including the frames of ger are in bright red color decorated with rose patterns. The floor is layered with warm and thick white furs. The only odd piece in the ger is a horse carriage which I recognize was the one Zhao Yan rode away when he escaped from Chang’an. I thought he must have dumped it somewhere on the way home. Instead, it has been cleaned and refinished with new paint.

  I see myself have been cleaned and changed into clean clothes. And I can hear people talking outside. Their language is not understandable to me.

  A middle-aged woman comes in. When she sees me awake, she tries to tell me something, but I don’t understand her at all. She then leaves and very soon, Zhao Yan comes in.

  “Good, you are awake now.” He says to me cheerfully. He looks clean and fresh. This is my first time seeing him wearing Xiongnu’s clothes. As a mix, he can easily blend with any group as soon as he changes into their clothes. It is not just because of his looks, but also his demeanor. It is an ability only a selected few have.

  “There was a lady here and I did not understand a word she said.” I tell him with my scratchy voice.

  “Good, you have just met my first wife.” He says it with a smirk.

  My reaction must have amused him. She is much older than him. He starts laughing loudly. “It is our tradition here.” He explains. “When you inherit properties, you inherit the responsibilities as well. It includes taking care of the widows of your father. They become your wives as well.”

  I heard about Xiongnu’s custom when I was in Han. That’s how Xiongnu been described as unethical and barbarian. But I did not know that is the situation for Zhao Yan.

  Do not want to be nosy or judgmental, I change our topic to something else.

  “Will it be too difficult to get something for me? I am thinking about making some medicine for myself?” I ask him.

  “Just give me the list and I will see what I can do.”

  My list is simple, I need blue mold growing on food for original seeding, rice and taro for fermentation, charcoal, oil, and vinegar for separation, soda for restoration, and a syringe and needles for injection. For the last one, I explain to him as long as I can get a hollow needle, it should be fine. Even if he cannot get them, I can still cut myself with a sharp knife and drop the penicillin solution over it.

  “I don’t know if this is going to work.” I say. “But if I don’t try it. I probably won’t be able to make it at all.”

  So for the next two weeks, during my awake time, I have instructed Zhao Yan on how to make penicillin.

  When everything is ready and he comes in with a copper syringe with a big needle, I cannot help thinking if I should just drop the whole idea. We have done the skin test with the batch we made, and I had no allergy reaction. But none of this guarantees it will not kill me.

  “Let’s just forget about the whole thing.” I tell Zhao Yan.

  “No, no, no” He says. “I am finally going to see what you have told me is true or not. You cannot let me down at this time.”

  So I let him take down my pants and inject into my buttock.

  Maybe it’s because the body I have abducted has never been exposed to antibiotics, I feel the easiness of breathing the very next day. With another injection in three days, I can finally stay up during the day and walk inside the ger for a short while.

  Zhao Yan is amazed with my recovery.

  “This is miraculous.” He says. “How could you hold on to such an information? Think how many can be saved.”

  I know he is right, even I have changed my mind on interfering with history. If history has its own path, then it will go back to its original track no matter what I do. Just as the episode with Huo, history has found its way to fulfill its destiny while I have become the joke to Huo and his woman. If my knowledge can help save others’ lives, I will share it with anybody who is willing to listen. I am no longer bothered by the self-imposed discipline.

  “From now on, I will share with you whatever I know.” I tell Zhao Yan. “You can ask me any questions, as long as I know the answer, I will tell you.”

  He laughs and pulls me into his arms. “I wish I knew everything from beginning. King Huainan was so impressed with you that he tried to take you to his kingdom. I talked him out of that.”

  “Were you really involved with him from beginning?” I ask him.

  “Yes, he has been in contact with us through me.” He says. “But he was a very indecisive guy. He missed opportunities twice. We have told him to execute his plan while we were tying up Wei Qing and his troops of one hundred thousand at the border with us. But he could not do it until his people betrayed him.”

  That was the first time Huo went to war and had all the free time making me the hairpin. He said they could not find any Xiongnu for three months. I guess that was when Xiongnu tied up General Wei Qing at the front.

  The thought of Huo and hairpin makes my heart sink. No matter how many hairpins he made for me, it’s all passed. From now on, he will have his life in Han and I will have mine wherever I am.

  “That’s why you were gone for so long that year.” I finally realize why Zhao Yan disappeared at that period too.

  “Actually I left Chang’an to escort my brother’s family back here.” He says to me. “Do you remember General Zhao Xin?”

  I nod. He was the one who first surrendered to Han and then went back to Xiongnu that year as well.

  “He is my older brother.” Zhao Yan says. “We are from the same mother. Remember the first time we met? He and Chanyu had some misunderstanding then. That’s why he took his people and went to Han. Since I was in Chang’an, Chanyu sent me to talk to him. But he was so angry, he almost killed me. If I haven’t met you, I probably will be dead and my brother would have stayed in Han.”

  I shake my head on my no-involvement decision. Saving Zhao Yan has already triggered other historical events. I just did not know until now.

  “I remember his wife has killed herself.” I say to him.

  “Yes. I asked her to go with me. But she refused. She thought Emperor Wu would stop and kill her two sons when he found out their escape. She insisted on staying behind until her sons were safely returned to Xiongnu.”

  What a courageous and unselfish mother. Sacrificing herself for the lives of her sons and her husband.

  “What she did not know was her husband would marry the sister of Chanyu right away.” I say it sarcastically to Zhao Yan. Chanyu is the head of all Xiongnu tribes. He is like the Emperor in Xiongnu.

  “So what!” Zhao Yan dismisses me right away. “Marrying the sister is to strengthen the relationship with Chanyu. My brother is now the second in command in Xiongnu. “

  Only the mother of his sons were wasted.

  “Come on, Shiaonu.” Zhao Yan notices my silence. “My brother is not a cold blood. If he did not care for her, he would not ask me to escort them back here. It was her own choice to stay. She did not need to kill herself either. If she decided to stay alive and marry somebody else, I am sure my brother would be fine too.”

  I laugh at what he said. “Really, you brother won’t mind her marrying somebody else if she is alive?”

  “Of course not.” He grabs my head with his arm and press me in front of his chest as if he is going to choke me to de
ath. “We are not as narrow minded as Han. Nobody knows what happens next, why put too much limitation to ourselves?”

  Xiongnu, as well as their direct descendent Mongols, are very broad-mind people. Genghis Khan’s first son was impregnated while his wife was held as prisoner by his enemy. But he treated this son as his own.

  “I know, I know.” I tell him trying to get out of his tight hug. “Life is short.”

  “So, are you ready to meet my wives and my people?” He asks me in smile.

  I sigh. “I guess I have to. I have been here for so long. It’s been rude enough that I have not greeted your wives earlier.”

  “Don’t worry, they all knew you were almost dead when I took you back.”

  Without any clue of everything they all say, I just nod and smile. Zhao Yan has been holding my hand walking around introducing me to them while I have been trying but failed to get out of his tight grip. I feel very uncomfortable when he holds my hand in front of his wives. They all look kind and friendly. But they all look much older than Zhao Yan.

  “How many more to go?” I ask. I have not done this much walking since I was sick. I remember I have met four of his wives already.

  “That’s it.” He says and then he touches my face. “You look tired. We can go home now.”

  “No, let’s finish meeting all your wives.” I tell him. “I don’t want them feel been left out.”

  “That’s all the wives I have now.”

  “What about others?”

  “They are all gone.” He says. “A couple passed away while others decided to marry somebody else.”

  “Oh.” I do not detect any sadness from him. But I still decide to drop that topic. “How did you introduce me to them?”

  “What else.” He says it matter of fact. “I tell them you are my new wife.”

  “How could you tell them that?”

  “I have told them I was going to pick up my new wife before I left to Chang’an. Then I came back with you and we have slept together every night. I don’t even need to say anything. They all know it. ” He chuckles.

  He did sleep in the same ger with me every night. First I did not know since I was out most of the time. When I noticed, I found out he has been taking care of me at night as well. As a matter of fact, he was the one bathed me and changed me without help of anybody else.

  I sigh internally and know my relationship with Zhao Yan will not be as simple as I naively believed when we left Chang’an. My being sick and his close attentiveness has changed everything. I have to admit that I have been touched deeply whenever he feeds me, washes me, bathes me, even takes me to toilet.

  “Don’t worry. It is just to make sure no other man will ask for you. I have promised you that I won’t force you ever.” He gives me a smirk. “Sure if you want to consummate it, I will be happy to comply.”

  I blush on his suggestion.

  Other than his wives, we have also meet with others in his tribe.

  Seeing me exhausted on the walking, he holds me up and walks back to the ger.

  “They are just close family members.” He tells me. “Others are nearby. When you have more strength, we will go visit them.”

  Zhao Yan’s tribe, a typical nomadic tribe, makes living by herding the horses, cattle, camels and goats. There are territories divided among tribes on the Xiongnu Steppe. On their own territory, they travel freely wherever there are water and grassland for animals.

  Zhao Yan, who has been living in Chang’an on and off, since he was sixteen, is the youngest son of the family.

  “I love my land. But I don’t want to own the responsibility.” Zhao Yan says to me. “That’s why even after my father died, I stayed in Chang’an while my first wife managed everything here.”

  His first wife is actually the third wife of his father. She has been managing the tribe while his father was still alive. She is a very powerful and organized woman. I am sure if she lives in the contemporary time, she can easily be a CEO or any top management. Zhao Yan’s mother died when he was very young, he was literally brought up by her.

  From my observation, Zhao Yan is still a spoiled youngest son among his people, although he is supposedly to be the head.

  “My only task is to lead the guys to fight when our interests have been violated.” He says. “Everything else will be run by my wives.”

  I suddenly understand why he keeps saying his wives are his responsibilities. They have fulfilled their responsibilities by running the tribes, how can he stop protecting them as a man?

  Naturally I want to find out about more intimate details. But I find it low and disrespectful to those who open their arms and welcome me into their big family.

  I start to learn their language, their way of thinking, and their way of living the life. A lot of things I used to struggle with are not even worth my brain cells. Take everything that comes your direction. If it makes you happy, take it with open arms, if not, take it with silent dignity. Because you know nothing last forever.

  “What are you doing?” Zhao Yan raises his voice when he sees me trying to cut short of my hair.

  “I want to cut my hair short.” Strangely at this time, both Han and Xiongnu think keeping long hair is the way to go. Although men from Xiongnu tend to only keep the backside of their hair long. To me, without hair dryer, I find it troublesome in keeping it long. Since I have left Chang’an, especially after I have confessed my true identity to Zhao Yan, I feel more and more that I want to be myself, instead of an imposter.

  “Do you know how to do it?” He asks me with a smile when he sees me tie my hair in a knot in front of me.

  “I used to do this all the time, when I was in high school.” I tell him. I learn to cut my own hair from the web. It is easy and it saves me money.

  “The only problem is the scissors.” I tell Zhao Yan. “I am not used of these kind of scissors.”

  At this time, the scissors are more like clips with sharp edge.

  With my instruction, he carefully cuts my hair with the scissors. After I wash it and comb it all the way back, I finally feel light and refreshed. It is shoulder length straight hair style. Nothing fancy, but it makes me feel more like myself.

  “I used to wear this style in my world. What do you think?” I ask Zhao Yan who stands behind me while I look at myself in the copper mirror.

  Without hearing anything from him for a while, I turn back to him. He is standing right behind me, looking lost.

  “Do you like it?” I ask him again.

  Without answering my question, he pulls me close to him, lower himself down and puts his lips on mine, gently and tenderly, as if he is kissing a flower petal.

  28 Living on Steppe

  I have never seen so many horse carts in my life, probably about five hundreds of them. I finally understand how big Zhao Yan’s tribe is.

  The tribe families usually live a few miles away from each other. It is to guarantee enough grass from grassland to feed their animals. They only gather together when it’s celebrating time, or twice a year, when the tribe moves to its Summer Camp or Winter Camp.

  Summer Camp is at the north of Mongolia Steppe, where there are plenty water supplies for the animals. Winter Camp is usually at the south, where it is warmer and less windy.

  As the head of the tribe, Zhao Yan’s responsibilities are solving the dispute between families and representing the tribe when in dispute with other tribes. Most of the time, it can be resolved between two tribe leaders, but Chanyu can be involved when it escalates.

  Zhao Yan has his own herd he has inherited from his father. He hires tribe members to herd for him.

  His tribe has been growing fast since he asks very little financial contribution from tribe members and his wives are very kind and generous. Most tribe members are related to each other either by bloodline or by marriage. The close-knitted relationship helps when they are in battle.

  Ever since Zhao Yan told me about the moving to winter camp, I have not seen him much. As nomad,
his tribe is used to moving from location to location. But the twice-a-year move is still a big event. It travels far and lasts for days.

  While everyone else is busy about moving, I feel like an outsider standing there doing nothing. Everyone, including the little kids know what to do. Apparently they have been used of the routine. I tried to help. But other than putting everything in the ger to the trunks, I cannot think of anything else to do. No one seems need any help either.

  When a few guys start dissemble the ger I have been living in, one of Zhao Yan’s wives comes by and asks me to join her on her cattle cart. She signals me to sit on the front seat next to her while she holds the reins. There are five more carts, fully loaded, tied behind her cart with ropes. With my limited Xiongnu vocabulary, I compliment her driving skills. She gives me a friendly smile after she understands what I was trying to say.

  Then I notice almost every grown-up woman is driving a cattle cart with a few more tied behind. When I was in Han, I always thought of myself as a tough and valiant woman, but in Xiongnu, I feel powerless and useless.

  Zhao Yan looks relieved when he finds me. “I am fine.” I tell him. “I will take care of myself.”

  He has been everywhere for the move. While women move with the truck loads of household items, men are busy moving animals. Thousands of animals are traveling alongside. Not only men have to make sure no animal is left behind, they also have to watch out for attacks from wolfs, especially at night, men take turns guarding their animals.

  The move reminds me of the large animal migration in Africa, miles long with carts and thousand animals.

  Still stammering with my limited Xiongnu, I start helping out with the cooking. During the travel, everyone eat food like beef or lamb jerky. They drink milk directly from the cattle.

  Since I have nothing to do, I volunteered to cook. Every morning, I get up early and boil large pots of tea. Whoever I can find getting up early that morning, I will ask him to get the milk for me from the cattle. I then pour the thick and creamy milk into the tea, along with sugar. To me, it tastes better than chai tea. To everyone else, a hot cup of milk tea in the cold early morning is heaven.