By the evening, as soon as we arrive in the temporary camping place, I start making the lamb soup for everyone. With the order of Zhao Yan’s first wife, men and women take turns helping me. I dare not see the bloody scene of killing the lamb and dicing the meat. I cook them after they look familiar to me as in supermarket.
At the end of the trip, I am known by everyone. They love to have hot tea in the morning and hot soup at night. The only one upset is Zhao Yan since I did not know tea is a luxury item in Xiongnu and I used up all the tea he had.
Nonetheless, for the first time since I came here, I feel useful. I am happy to see the smiles and the acceptance from the tribe people.
After the ger is set up again at the new location, I boil myself some hot water and give myself a long-needed bath. It has been a challenge having a bath in Xiongnu. Zhao Yan prepares a big tub for me inside the ger. But the amount of water you bring in is the same amount of water you have to bring out. There is no plumbing. So I learn to use as little water as possible.
I never need to worry about bathing or washing the clothes since I came to this world. I have been spoiled. At first it was my Niang, and later my maids who wash my clothes for me. But now I need to do all these for myself. Imagine my embarrassment when I found out that all my clothes have been washed by Zhao Yan’s wives. I decide to wash my own clothes. So I asked one of Zhao Yan’s wives to teach me how to do it. I can never forget the surprised look on her face.
When it’s getting colder and the river freeze up, getting the water becomes difficult. Usually men will crush the ice and bring home the cubes for water, but Zhao Yan would not do it for me. He thinks I am causing more trouble than it’s worth. But he still asks others to bring me the ice cubes and leave them outside the ger.
I have never lived in such a cold place. With two layers of furs and a thick fur hat on me, I still feel the chill coming through. Zhao Yan tells me that’s because I have been too thin. So I drink heavy creamed milk every day trying to gain more weight.
Zhao Yan has been busy. In fact, winter is the busiest time for men in the tribe. They have to kill enough of the herd before they lose too much weight. They also have to prepare the meat for a long winter and prepare the hides to sell.
Hunting is another activity for winter. To them, hunting is not just for the meat or fur, but also a military training. When in battle, Xiongnu soldiers tend to use the same strategy as that when they hunt. They wait patiently, then surround the prey from all sides.
I always know Zhao Yan is a good horse rider, but I never knew he is that good. When I see him changing from sitting front facing to back facing while the horse is running, my heart almost jumps out. Other tricks I have seeing him doing including standing on the running horse and shooting arrows.
By the end of December, their activities slows down. As I was told, they are getting ready for January, the month of holiday.
While Zhao Yan was busy, I developed my own hobby: crochet. I found out no one knows the soft undercoat down from goats can be made into cashmere. They make fur out of goat, so the down hair becomes something they don’t want. So I brush the fine hair off the goats. After comb through them, I start spinning out thick yarn. I made myself a crochet needle out of wood. With some practice, I can crochet simple things: socks, scarves and hats. However, they can only be worn indoors. Only furs can stand the coldness of the outside world.
Unlike my life in Han, I have no book scrolls to read, no Imperial University to attend and no pictures to draw. I don’t even exercise any more. The only thing I need to do is to do the laundry. I hang dry them inside the ger next to the stove. Cooking is done by his wives. We eat meat every day and for every meal. There is no vegetables or fruit. The only ingredient for every dish is salt or sugar.
I start to understand why General Wei always takes away the animals when he wins the battle. Animals are the livelihood for Xiongnu. Their food, their clothes, their ger, and their transportation all depend on their animals. Taking their animals away is taking their lives away. I have to agree with Zhao Yan when he said that General Wei was a quiet but merciless wolf. It’s not a mean statement. In fact, it is with respect. For Xiongnu, wolves are respectable opponents.
I avoid thinking of Chang’an. My life now is peaceful and quiet. Zhao Yan, as he has promised, gives me freedom to do whatever I want. I go to bed when it’s dark and wake up when it’s bright. At high latitude, I sleep for at least ten to twelve hours every day. That is something I have never done in my two lifetimes.
In January, Zhao Yan takes me to attend the gathering at Chanyu’s camp.
I stay inside the ger all the time.
“I should not have come here.” I say to Zhao Yan when I find out this is the meeting to discuss the strategy in fighting with Han among tribe leaders. It is not appropriate for me, a Han, to be here.
“Shiaonu.” Zhao Yan wakes me up when he comes back from the gathering. “Do you know what will happen?”
“Yes.” I can barely open my eyes. “Your brother will suggest Chanyu to move everything to north of steppe, including all the food storage.”
“What will happen after that?”
“Han will attack Xiongnu and all the food stored there will be burnt.”
Although Zhao Yan looks suspicious when I first told him about myself, he believed me completely after the penicillin. He likes to ask me questions about my world, but he said he’d rather live in this world after he found out Xiongnu would disappear from my world.
When the meeting is over, I have made one cashmere scarf for Zhao Yan, who wears it wherever he goes.
“As a reward, I will take you to Shuofang.” He says to me while massaging my shoulder which has been stiff from all the crochet I have done.
Shuofang is another border city close to where we are. But I do not want to go there. I do not want to go back to Han’s territory.
“I don’t want to step on Han’s land.” I tell him.
“I promise you that you won’t step on Han’s land.” He says to me. “And you really need to buy some clothes.”
I do need to do some shopping. I have been wearing the clothes from Zhao Yan’s wives. Even Zhao Yan needs to buy things for his tribe.
So Zhao Yan takes me and two other guys travel four days to Shuofang.
Shuofang is a very small town with only one street. I decide to raid Shuofang especially after I finally remembered gold hiding underneath my carriage. Zhao Yan’s eyes opened so wide when I pull open the hidden cabinet at the bottom of carriage and showed him the gold.
“You have gold there all these time?” He asks me in disbelief.
“I forgot to tell you when you left. And it did not occur to me when I saw the carriage in the ger. By the way, why do you keep the carriage in the ger?”
He ignores my question.
Store by store, we have swept them clean one by one. Once I start shopping, I find myself unable to stop the frenzy. So many things are needed. I did not even realized what is missing until I see it. We have cleaned out the silk store, linen fabric store and tea shop. Even the needle and thread are precious items in Xiongnu. I have also bought large amount of wheat, rice, sugar and salt. As for much needed tools, I placed special and expedite orders for customized tools at blacksmith shop. Everything else that has been made already has also been cleaned out.
After two days, with over twenty carts of stuff behind us, we cross the border again back to Xiongnu. Zhao Yan has kept his promise since he insisted on carrying me when we were in Han.
“Am I too heavy for you?” I ask him feeling like a big ball, especially wrapped with layers of fur. I have gained so much weight with all the creamy milk.
“You are fine.” He lies.
“I am surprised there is a Baijiu shop in Shuofang.” I tell him. “That’s not yours?”
He laughs. “Of course it is mine. I own all the Baijiu shops in border cities. But I don’t want anybody to know about that.”
“Why not?”
“Because most of the customers are Xiongnu. Chanyu and others pay a lot of money to buy Baijiu. If they know I own those Baijiu shops, how can I make money from them anymore?”
I chuckle too. “I’ve been checking your books for your business in Chang’an. Honestly they don’t make much money at all. Why do you still keep them open?”
“The brothel business is to collect information. And the tanning shop is actually a distribution center for all the furs and leathers coming from Xiongnu. A lot of tribes, including Chanyu’s own tribe sell their furs and leather to me, then I sell them in Han.”
“So you own a lot of fur shops too?”
“Not a lot. Just a few shops in different regions. They sell to fur shops.”
“No wonder you don’t want the inheritance. You probably make more money from your business.”
“Yes. But the money I make from the business supports the intelligence operation in Han. I need to pay them and their families. I don’t make money when selling furs and leathers. I also have to financially support the tribe. The herds provide the basic need for tribe members. But if we run into any bad year, such as no snow or too much snow in winter, or disease in summer, the tribe will be in dire situation. I have to buy food for people and new herds to start over.”
The harsh living condition makes life fragile.
I remember every time whenever there is lightening, thundering or rain, even at middle of the night, Zhao Yan, like other men from the tribe, has to get up and go out to check on horses. The horses are never caged or sheltered. They get scared easily. With their natural instinct of running, they tend to run away when they are scared.
“Thanks to you there is Baijiu business.” He says to me. “It is the most lucrative business I’ve ever had.”
“Why did you give me the perfume store?” I ask him.
“That was yours from beginning. What do I do with a woman’s perfume store?” He sneers.
“I have asked Aunt Red to open a lady’s club house.” I tell him. “Next time when you go back there, you should go check it out for me.”
“You don’t ever want to go back to Chang’an again?” He asks me.
“No.” I shake my head.
Spring comes back on March. But in Xiongnu, it means tough and strong wind and still no grass for animals.
On March twenty seventh, I made myself an ice cream cake for my eighteen’s birthday. It triggered the worse homesick since I came to this world. I rode horse out far and cried my heart out alone.
I start wandering around after being cooped indoor for the long winter. I like to ride a horse and visit tribe members see how they live and how they attend to their animals. I always make sure I bring gifts for the family. For kids, a cake or a bag of candies are the most welcomed one. For the woman of the house, I bring silk or fabric. For the man, a small bag of tea makes them happy. They welcome me into their house and share with me all sorts of interesting things.
There is only oral language for Xiongnu, no written language yet. I can speak enough Xiongnu for basic communication by now. It is actually pretty easy after you find the pattern. Just like English, they have vowels and consonant. The simple sentence is formed in the sequence as subject, object and verb. It is a bit odd at the beginning, but after a while you get used to. The verb, with different suffix, makes the sentence clear on the timing, state and tones. After understanding the basic grammar, I just need to increase my vocabulary. And the only way for that is to talk to people.
When Zhao Yan heard the rumor that I have watched a lot of animal breeding, he comes to me with a really upset face.
He grabs me and kisses me without letting me say a word.
“I will show you how it is done.” He says to me angrily.
I explain to him what I have been doing after he calms down.
Spring mating decides the quality of herds. At this time, all mating is done naturally. But with a little human intervention, the quality of herds can be improved drastically. One challenge is the limited mating opportunities with good male herds. A good stallion can only mate about fourteen to fifteen mares a year. But with artificial inseminations, a stallion can potentially produce thousands offspring with just one ejaculation. What I have been trying to figure out is the cycle of the mare and the way to collect the semen.
He understands it right away since he has done the similar things for the fish.
With the help of Zhao Yan and another guy, I have collected the semen from a good stallion by using a real horse bladder from a dead mare, wrapped by a bag which contains lukewarm beans.
“It is actually very easy.” I tell Zhao Yan. “He doesn’t even know where he is going.”
He tries to keep his face straight in front the other guy. Then I ask him to extend his hand into the private part of a mare and insert small amount of semen we have just collected.
He keeps the straight face while he is inserting the semen. But as soon as he is done, he rushes out and I hear him cursing.
I laugh loudly. It is fun to see even Zhao Yan loses his coolness. I haven’t had such fun for a long time.
After more explanation on dominant gene vs. recessive gene and inheritance patterns, Zhao Yan and his men implement the artificial impregnation for all their herds.
By the middle of April, we have moved again back to north for the summer camp.
When May comes, summer starts. Land becomes green, sky turns blue and river runs freely. Flowers can be seen everywhere on the Steppes. It is the most beautiful time in Xiongnu.
Zhao Yan takes me and most of tribe members to the annual worship meeting in a place called Long Cheng. It is the biggest festival for Xiongnu. It is also a sport events. Tribes compete in wrestling, archery, horse racing, horsemanship and tug of war. It is like Naadam festival held annually in contemporary Mongolia.
There are all kinds of food and plenty of drinks. Drunk people is everywhere. It is fun to cheer for tribe members who are in competition. By the end of the three-day event, I have lost my voice.
We meet Zhao Yan’s brother Zhao Xin and his family. Zhao Xin, who shares the similar eyes and nose as Zhao Yan, is stocky. His wife, who is seven month pregnant, looks swollen and exhausted. The two sons of Zhao Xin, about eight or nine years old now, grab Zhao Yan’s arms as soon as they see him. He has spent a month with them on the way back to Xiongnu. I sigh inside wondering if they know their mother has killed herself for their safe return.
I usually stay quiet in front of other non-tribe-members. My accent can sell me out easily. From outside, I can easily be passed as a Xiongnu. I wear their dress and hairpiece. And my skin is healthy tan, just like them. It’s not desired in Han, but it is thought to be healthy and beautiful here.
“I thought you’ve been living with a Han girl.” Zhao Xin says to Zhao Yan in Han.
Zhao Yan laughs and pulls me into his arms. “Here she is. She lost her voice cheering for horse racing.”
I can only nod and smile since Zhao Yan grabs me so tight. He has a bit too much alcohol already.
Zhao Xin smiles at Zhao Yan’s apparently inappropriate behavior. But he says nothing. Instead he asks Zhao Yan again in Xiongnu. “Didn’t you say you knew her for a long time? She looks so young. How old was she when you first met her?”
I was only fourteen when we first met. It has been four years since then.
That night when we get to bed, Zhao Yan sighs in the dark while holding me like he always does. “I feel so old waiting for you to grow up.”
“You are not old at all.” I tell him. He is only thirty two.
“But I feel old.” He continues whining.
I gently pull his head closer to me and put kisses on his lips and on his face.
“Oh, baby.” He moans. “You are torturing me.”
“Then show me you are not old.” I push him down on his back and sit up on him.
His body turns hard and tense underneath me. I chuckle and pull off my sleeping gown.
29 Love
and War
Maybe, for a while, I can indulge myself into believing, that Zhao Yan loves me and that love will last.
We have known each other for four years. He has treated me differently from beginning. I believe, at first, it was because I saved his life, he felt like owns me. Maybe that was why he proposed to me when I asked for help to run away from my arranged marriage. After he became close to my family, he spoiled me, just like Jinu, with more tolerance. When I found out that his feeling towards me was not as what I thought it was, the intensity scared me. I began avoid him and seek protection from Huo.
I was too young and he was too aggressive. Only when I was devastated, I start to see his patience, his maturity and his love.
“I am so fortunate having you.” I tell him and lean back into his arms more. We are riding to visit his brother Zhao Xin whose wife is expecting soon.
“Silly.” He tightens his arms around me and kisses on the back of my neck. “I am the lucky one.”
We exchange such sweet words all the time. It probably means nothing to anybody else, but to me, it made my world sing.
“When did you fall for me?” I ask him, turn my head around and kiss him on his chin.
He chuckles at my kisses and then lifts me up and turns me facing him.
“When you came looking for me at the Pear Spring.” He gives me a long kiss. I have to hold him tight to avoid falling down from the top of horse.
“Wow…..That early…” And in front of a brothel, I laugh.
“That’s why you are a silly girl.” He smiles at me. “I will never forget when I saw you standing in the sunset telling me how glad you have finally found me.”
I did say that. I have spent almost all day looking for him.
“I thought to myself, this is the girl that has been missing in my whole life. I did not know what I was missing until the moment I saw you standing there smiling at me.” He continues.
“I was only fourteen. You pervert.” I gently hit him on his chest.
My Soul is in the Sky Page 29