“It was absurd.” He admits. “You don’t know how hard I was when I washed your feet at the tea house. I just wanted to suck your little pink toes. I knew I was in trouble.”
My face turns red when I feel certain part of him is also growing.
“Not again…”I whine to him.
“Let’s do some math.” He raises one of his eye brows with a smirk. “At least three times a day, three years I have missed, plus interests. What is the total number again? Even I know you won’t be able to pay them off for the rest of your life.”
I cannot hold my laughter. I have been teaching him math and he has hard time understanding the concept of interest. He could not understand if you borrow two gold cakes, why you need to return more than that. It seems like I just did not use the right example.
“You are such a dirty-minded student.”
“You are such a delicious teacher.” He quickly responds and sucks away all my subsequent accusations.
After a long and desirous kiss, he finally let go of me. “We cannot stop any more. Otherwise we won’t be able to get to my brother’s place tonight.”
The wife of his brother is expecting. She’s been having a really difficult pregnancy. She is about forty years old. Even in contemporary time, getting pregnant at such age is dangerous. When I saw her at the worship gathering two months ago, she was swollen badly. Later that day, she even passed out right next to me.
I suspect she is a diabetic or she has gestational diabetes, especially after she told me she has not gained any weight even when she ate and drank a lot. So I told her to cut out sugar and carbohydrate away from her diet, eat less but eat more frequent. The most important thing, I told her, is to walk everyday instead of sitting or lying in her bed.
Because of this, as her due date approaching, she asked me to be with her during her delivery.
“I really don’t know if I can be any help to your sister-in-law.” I tell Zhao Yan. “I have seen films about it, but I have never seen it in real life.”
My crazy mom, after learned I have gone to a movie with a boy from my school, wasted no time forcing me to watch a documentary about pregnancy and child birth. I believe her intention was to tell me how important it is having safe sex. But she could not find anything more appropriate for a high schooler. So she just got me a training film about delivery and cesarean for medical students.
“I think I have been scarred for life because of what she did to me.” I conclude my story to him.
He laughs loudly.
“I am really curious about your mom, your family and your world. They all sound so magical.” He says.
“My family is very typical. My parents went their own way when they could not stand each other anymore. But both of them love me, so do my grandparents. I think they will like you since you are just like them, liberated, kind and tolerant. But they will not want me to be with you since monogamy is the rudimentary principle in my society.”
“But Shiaonu.” He eagerly tries to earn back his credits. “Ever since I promised you, I have not been with any other woman.”
I press my head against his chest without saying anything. I don’t know if I should trust him. I don’t even want to think about it. That question, as well as the pink bubbled world I am in right now, is for later to be burst. For now, I just want to be happy.
Seeing no response from me, Zhao Yan suddenly bites into my neck.
“Ouch…” I scream. “What are you doing?”
“How dare you suspect me? I have kept myself for you all these time. Do you know how difficult it is seeing you lying down next to me and I cannot touch you? You are so ungrateful and so unappreciative.”
“That really hurts.” I gasp on his biting. “You actually bit me.”
“You deserve that.” He says to me gravely. “Don’t ever suspect me. You don’t know how jealous I can be too.”
I look at him with disbelief. He has just turned into that scary guy again.
“You are such a fool.” I tell him. “I love you. You have no reason to be jealous. I just want to be like this with you forever.”
I regret it right away, not what I said, but when I said it. He takes me off the horse and will not let me get out underneath him until I am completely worn out. It is such a turn-on for him.
“I will never say it anymore.” I mumble while trying to catch my breath. “That turns you into a beast.”
“Say what?” He asks casually.
“I love you.” I bite my tongue as soon as I said it. But it’s too late, he has already mounted himself on me again.
When we get to Zhao Xin’s place, it is already the next afternoon. Luckily, his wife has not showed any sign of labor yet.
Zhao Xin makes a very meaningful remark. “I did not know it took such a long time for you to get here.”
I blush. Zhao Yan simply tells his brother to mind his own business.
His brother laughs mischievously. I quickly bring out the gifts we have prepared for them. Candies and cakes for two boys, two jars of Baijiu soaked with ginseng for Zhao Xin and a matching set of clothes for his wife and future baby.
“She likes to give gifts wherever she goes.” Zhao Yan tells his brother. “Everyone in my tribe has received gifts from her. They all adore her now. “
Both my grandmas love to give gifts. Nothing fancy, just small things, a bag of homemade cookies, a bowl of homemade food, or a bouquet of flowers from their own garden. They always tell me a gift can bring sunshine to people. So I followed them. I love to see smiles.
When I meet Zhao Xin’s wife, I am surprised to see the size of her tummy. It is huge.
When we are alone in the ger, I tell Zhao Yan my concern of a possible hard delivery. He tells me to do whatever is necessary to save her and her baby. So I start sanitizing the equipment I have brought with me while hoping it will not come to this stage.
Zhao Yan wakes me up early in the morning. Just as I have expected, the baby is too big to come out naturally. The sister-in-law has just passed out. The midwife, who supposed to be the experienced one, keep telling me there is no hope any more.
I put on the sanitized gowns and direct Zhao Yan to do the same. He hesitates first.
“She is my sister-in-law.” He says. “It’s not convenient for me to go inside there. Plus it is bad luck to go into delivery room.”
“Then get your brother into there as well.” I tell him. “Hurry, we might not have time any more. Even now, I don’t know if it will work.”
I ask them to wash their hands with soap carefully and put on the sanitized gown I have prepared.
Zhao Xin’s wife stays out. While they hold her down, I cut into her womb with a sharp knife and pull out the baby whose skin is ghostly pale. Zhao Yan helps me cut the cord since Zhao Xin is in the state of shock. I quickly gives the baby to the midwife.
With the help of Zhao Yan, I extract the placenta and start sewing. Layer by layer, I carefully sew everything back. After the skin test, I inject her with the penicillin I have brought with me and feed her the herb soup I learned from Doctor Liu.
The baby finally breaks out crying. The crying from the baby not only brings back her mom, but also brings down the tears from her dad.
My back is complete wet when all is done.
Zhao Yan gently pushes me down to a chair. Only at this moment, I start crying. First sobbing, then it turns into wailing. Thinking of what I have done scares me.
“Baby, you did well.” Zhao Yan holds me in his arms and pats me on my back. “You did a good thing. You saved two lives. You should be happy.”
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” I continue sobbing. “I don’t want to do this anymore. It is too scary.”
He puts my arms around his neck and lifts me up. In front of everybody, he walks out and takes me back to the ger we are staying.
After we get in, he takes off my clothes and bathes me with warm water.
I fall into sleep exhausted.
When we sit
down for dinner after I get up, Zhao Xin asks me how I knew what I have done to his wife.
“She experimented on me first.” Zhao Yan says and showed him his scars.
“When did you get those scars?” Zhao Xin asks.
Zhao Yan gives him the rolling eyes. “You did it to me. You have almost killed me when I went to talk to you in Chang’an. Luckily I ran into Shiaonu and she helped me.”
Zhao Xin looks really regret on what have happened. “I really did not know.” He says. “I cannot describe how sorry I was. I went to look for you. But I could not find you anywhere.”
“That’s past.” Zhao Yan brushes it away easily. “Don’t worry about it.”
If there is anything about Zhao Yan that I love most, it is his forgiving nature. He always understands others and easy to forgive and forget. He knew about my engagement with Huo and saw me heartbroken by him, but he never asked any questions. When he found out I was not a virgin, he did not show any sign of disappointment either.
I stare at him thinking how lucky I have been.
“What is it?” He asks me. “Why do you look at your husband this way?”
“I love you, Zhao Yan.” I tell him honestly.
He looks stunned by what I said, then his ears turn red, and his face too.
“Silly,” He finally says to me. “Keep those words when we are alone. Not in front of my brother.”
I forget that Zhao Xin is there with us. I wish I can dig a hole and bury myself right here right now.
When Chanyu comes to visit the next day, Zhao Yan and his brother accompany him after he sees the baby. I stay in the ger by myself. But to my surprise, he wants to see me.
Chanyu, whose full name is Ichise, took away the title from his own nephew a few years back. He is about the same age as Emperor Wu, with thick eye brows, thick goatee and square shaped face. He looks scary, especially when he looks at you without saying anything.
“Come here.” Chanyu tells me. So I walk towards him.
He slowly gets up when I stop in front of him. Towering over me, he puts a heavy necklace around my neck. I can tell it is made of large jadeite. At the center, there is a tooth shaped pendant wrapped in gold.
“I was told you have saved my sister and her baby.” He says to me. “We owe you our gratitude. This necklace is just a token of our appreciation.”
“Thank you.” I say to him. “I am glad I can help.”
When Zhao Yan comes back, he tells me the story of that pendant. It is indeed a tooth, not just any tooth, but a tooth of a wolf that Chanyu killed when he was only twelve.
“Wow.” I exclaims. “This is some gift. Imagine a twelve years kid killing a wolf.”
He laughs. “We have lots of wolves here. Everyone had a history fighting with them. There is nothing special about it except this is the first wolf he killed.”
“Where is yours?” I ask him.
He pulls his necklace out of collar.
“I’d rather have yours.” I throw Chanyu’s necklace to him.
He shakes his head. “I cannot give it to you. I am going to give it to my son.”
And he put his weight over me. “Let’s make one right now.”
Later, Zhao Yan tells me he has turned back his job in Han back to Chanyu. He told Chanyu that he misses living on steppe after being away for over fifteen years. Although he has not be exposed yet, but he suspects General Wei Qing has already known his identity and is waiting for him to go back. Chanyu agrees with him and will send someone else to replace him very soon.
I applaud on his decision. “That is so great. I like it here a lot. We can hide until it’s all settled, it will be peaceful for over twenty years. We can figure out what we want to do later.”
“I am not going to hide.” Zhao Yan holds my two arms and says to me firmly. “I am a Xiongnu. I cannot see my people die in front of my eyes. I am not going to desert my homeland.”
“What’s wrong with you two?” I hear Zhao Xin asks Zhao Yan behind me. We are getting ready to go back home.
“She is mad at me.” Zhao Yan says to his brother. I have not spoken to him ever since he told me he would go fight for Xiongnu.
I got on my horse carriage without turning back.
“Shiaonu.” Zhao Xin walks to me. “If my brother ever gets you upset, you can always come over here. I will beat him up for you. I do it all the time when he was young.”
That makes me laugh. I wonder how bad Zhao Xin has beaten his brother that even now he can still brag about it.
“Thank you. I will.” I nod.
It is a quiet trip going back. I stayed inside my horse carriage while he rides on his own horse and hold the rein for mine.
He loves the life on steppe and he loves his homeland. Even with the knowledge I shared with him about the future, he still wants to fight for his country.
I have underestimated his loyalty to his homeland and overestimated my influence over him.
I should have known this the moment I found out about he was working for Xiongnu. Without the loyalty to his country, what else can support a lone young man working undercover in Chang’an since sixteen years old? Every moment of loneliness I have experienced and every scary I have encountered, he has experienced them all. And he also has to face the possibility of being exposed and being killed all the time.
Underneath his light-hearted attitude towards everything lies the deep loyalty to his country.
“Baby, are you going to continue to be mad at me?” He opens the curtain of my carriage. “I know you worry about me, but I will be fine.”
My heart aches when I see his smiling face. I can’t imagine the risk, the pressure and the loneliness he has to endure for all those years in Chang’an. How can I ask him to give up something he has been devoted to since he was a young boy? He might love me dearly, but that love cannot compare with his love to his homeland.
Besides, I have just realized how proud he actually is. His pride prevents him from asking me about my past with Huo just as his pride will not allow him to shy away from his responsibilities.
He knows my secret, my fear, and my yielding nature. He spoils me, tolerates me and loves me. But I never really know him. I only know what he wants me to see, not who he really is. I know his family, his work and his business. All external, nothing internal.
But do I really need to know? Do I really need to understand every motivation behind his action? When he supports every weird thing I do even when he doesn’t understand, shouldn’t I do the same for him?
I pull him close to me and wrap my arms around his waist.
I cannot help him fighting for his country, but I can help him survive .
30 Battle of Mobei
I don’t want to waste any time.
My thinking is simple. I will help him to be the best soldier he can be with the best equipment he can possibly have. I will not make anything that attacks others, but I will make anything I can to defend him and keep him alive.
As soon as we get back to Summer Camp, I pull out the rest of gold from the carriage and ask for more from Zhao Yan. We shop around from different tribes and buy the best horses we can find. It is too late for breeding, but we are very lucky in finding a pure Arabian horse from a merchant. Arabian horse is famous for its endurance, speed, intelligence and loyalty. Comparing with Xiongnu horses, Arabia horses are much larger and taller.
Zhao Yan falls in love with this horse immediately. He attends the horse himself everyday while I easily lure the attention of the horse with candies. He finally puts a stop on my bribery to his horse by pinning me down until I promise not to feed his horse candies anymore.
I start exercising too. I have given up running for months and it takes me a while to get back to the intensity I used to have. Every morning, I drag Zhao Yan out of the bed with me and go out running. He has never done it before. He is as exhausted as I am. But quickly, after the running muscles have developed, he can easily beat me in long runs. I have always found it interestin
g that people at this time has a better cardiovascular endurance than those in contemporary time. I believe it has a lot to do with their living habits. Daily lives, both in Han and Xiongnu, involves more low impact cardio exercise. For them, as soon as their running muscle builds up, they can easily run long distance.
Zhao Yan voluntarily put himself on a strict diet, after I explain to him about the relationship between exercise, protein and muscle building. It is easy for him since his major food sources are meat and dairy. He just needs to cut out the sugar in his diet and increase the vegetable intake. He quickly sheds off the fat and start developing the lean muscle.
After he sees the result, he starts putting his tribe men under the same training and diet. He explains to me, when Xiongnu people go to war, they go as a tribe. Better tribe members are better protection for each other. But his tribe members think he is crazy. Asking them to exercise on top of their already exhausting day and limiting them on what they can eat, that is ridiculous. So I suggested a reward system to Zhao Yan. For anybody who is willing to take the training every day and stay with the diet, he will get paid. That has ensured the participation with good level of enthusiasm.
The words get spread quickly. Everyday there are guys coming, willing to join the tribe and going through the training. Zhao Yan has to set up a selection process since he cannot just take everyone in.
The training quickly becomes intensified after Zhao Yan hires a soldier from his brother’s tribe. The soldier has been trained in General Wei Qing’s army and he became a trainer for new soldiers later. He knows all the drills and routs for training.
Very soon, right in front of my eyes, I see a real army forming.
“Baby, I am glad you are finally helping me.” Zhao Yan looks pleased with everything.
“I’d rather you had given up and gone away with me.” I tell him.
He stays silent.
“But if you want to stay, I will stay with you.” I confirm my support.
My Soul is in the Sky Page 30