Sorrows of Adoration

by Kimberly Chapman

  “Remember, Aenna, just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t behave as a lady.”

  “What if I don’t want to?” I said, grinning mischievously. Her jaw dropped, and before she could scold me for my brashness, I tapped on the door to the master bedchamber. I heard Kurit beckon me to come in, so I gave Leiset a naughty wink and went through the door.

  My boldness came to an abrupt halt as I closed the door behind me and saw what Kurit had done to the bedchamber. Candles, a thousand candles it seemed, had been placed on every available surface but the bed itself.

  “Did you do all of this?” I asked breathlessly.

  He nodded as he sauntered towards me. He wore a simple pair of dark cotton trousers and an unlaced shirt. “Why do you think I insisted that you take the time for a nice long bath?” He touched his index fingers to my bare shoulders and slowly traced lines down my arms, his gaze following to look me over hungrily.

  “Do you like the gown?” I managed to ask as my heart thundered in my chest.

  “Mm-hmm,” he murmured. “It’s beautiful. I don’t want to have to look at it any more.” He wrapped his hands around my arms and pulled me to him, kissing me. I put my arms around him, clasping my hands behind his neck as we kissed.

  His lips wandered from mine, kissing my cheeks, my closed eyes, my forehead. He held my head in his hands as he covered it with tender kisses, and every time he returned to my lips he swept them lightly with the tip of his tongue, making me gasp in rapture.

  I felt his hands caress their way down my throat, teasing my flesh with gentle swirls of his adept fingers. His hands danced lightly across my shoulders as he pushed his mouth against mine.

  I tipped my head back to expose my neck, where he quickly moved his lips and nibbled softly, delighting me, making my legs feel wonderfully weak. He grasped the thin straps of my gown and pulled them to the sides, down my arms, running his outstretched thumbs over my stiffened nipples along the way. He stopped kissing me for a moment to pull back enough for a look. His eyes closed and he breathed deeply. “My Aenna,” he moaned, letting go of the gown as it sat about my hips. His hands found my breasts. I shuddered with desire at his touch, and he opened his eyes quickly to look at me.

  I smiled at him, blushing slightly at my delighted shudder. Seeing that I was not upset in the least, he continued to kiss me as he caressed my breasts, cupping one in one hand while twirling his fingers around the nipple of the other. When I made a soft cry of arousal, he slid his hands down my sides to my hips. Slowly, he pushed the gown over the swell of my hips, letting the pretty thing fall to the floor. He left his hands on my hips, running his fingers along their curves as I pushed my hands into his open shirt and wrapped my arms around him.

  “Pull it off,” he whispered as he kissed up my neck and flicked his tongue on my ear lobe. I did so, tugging it out of his trousers and pushing it away from his shoulders. He let go of my hips for just long enough to let the shirt fall away from his arms.

  I let my fingers dance up and down his bare back as he did the same again on my hips. Soon, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed, laying me gently upon it as I looked into his wonderful eyes. I prayed that he would not speak, not even to ask me if I wanted to continue or to say that he loved me. I wanted to continue, I knew he loved me, and I didn’t want any words to bind the dream to reality. This was my every sensual fantasy come true, and I wanted to live it, unspoiled by anything.

  Kurit kissed me again, running a finger in circles under my chin, down between my breasts, stopping just below my navel. He stepped out of his trousers and lay beside me, pressing himself against my leg as he kissed me, caressed me, made me moan in delight.

  He slowly moved himself onto me, between my legs. Then he moved forward and was inside me, and I bit my lip to not make a noise at the sharp pain of it. He moved in me, kissing my neck, but I was too uncomfortable to take delight in it. Then, just as the discomfort faded and I began to sense a growing pleasure, he grunted, shuddered, and stopped.

  I didn’t know what to do or say. I wasn’t even sure what had happened, or if I had missed something. He rolled to the side, clapped his hands over his face, and groaned. After a moment during which I had remained very still and very confused, he muttered an apology.

  He rolled back near me and looked at me with earnest. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Not so soon.”

  “Kurit,” I said, “I’m not sure what’s wrong. Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something I was supposed to?”

  “No, no, no,” he said quickly, putting a gentle finger on my lips to hush me. “I failed you, not the other way around.”

  “You did?”

  “Well, yes,” he said, seeming confused at my question. “Unless you … well unless you are very quiet when you are happy.”

  I looked at him in complete bafflement.

  “Aenna, I finished too soon. I couldn’t help it. I’ve wanted you so badly for so long … It just happened. I wanted to please you so much, I’m really sorry.”

  I finally understood what he was saying, more or less. “Well, couldn’t we just try again?” I asked.

  “Yes, of course! I just wish you hadn’t gone without already.”

  “Kurit, I’m not even entirely certain what it is that I’m missing.”

  A wicked little smile crossed his face. “Then let me show you,” he whispered, kissing me again. He moved onto me once more, but this time when he entered me I felt no pain.

  He pushed himself up onto his arms, looking down at me in happy ecstasy as he made love with me. His hips moved slowly, sensually. I rubbed my thumbs over the contours of his muscled upper arms, tense as they held him up. I began to feel a warm tickle below my stomach that soon spread as little lines of fire through my torso, up to my nipples, down my arms and legs. He dipped his head down frequently to kiss me or flick my lips with his tongue, the latter never failing to make me moan in delight.

  His hair hung forward in his face like a shroud. As his hips moved faster, he snapped his head back in pleasure, sending the hair flying behind him. I don’t know why, but that image drove me wild, and my resulting gasp of rapture inspired him to go faster still. He ground himself against a tender spot above where he slipped in and out of me, and I became overwhelmed with unimaginable ecstasy.

  Waves of fluidic joy washed over me, and from afar I heard myself cry out his name. I lost all sense of time and place as he took me, grunting in his own delight.

  I opened my eyes to find that he had collapsed upon me and was nuzzling my cheek with the bridge of his nose, kissing my chin softly. I wanted to say something romantic or in happy gratitude, but all words were washed away as soon as I managed to consider them. I gave up and just sighed pleasantly.

  “That was what I wanted to do for you the first time,” he whispered. “But since I failed, I suppose I shall have to make it up to you by giving you a thousand more.”

  He rolled to the side, slipping his arms around me as he went and pulling me along with him. We lay side by side in silence for a long time, occasionally kissing softly, smiling happily.

  When he noticed that our stillness had allowed my skin to become a bit cold, he sat up to pull the blankets up from the foot of the bed. With as much gentle care as he had shown in the coach with his cloak, he wrapped me in their softness.

  Then with a kiss on the cheek, he rose. “I should snuff these candles,” he said.

  “But it will take you all night,” I said, pouting playfully.

  “Pah. Watch how fast I can go when I get to return to you as a reward for finishing,” he replied with a roguish wink. He darted about with the little metal candle snuff, being careful not to tip any over and drop hot wax on the furniture or worse, his naked self. When he was done, he scampered back to the bed and leapt under the covers with me. “See?” he said boyishly, tickling my side before I could block him.

  Part of me was still aroused and wanted to entice him to mak
e love with me again, but the rest of me was exhausted from what had been a very long, very busy day. So, when he put his arms around me gently, I simply put my head against his shoulder, my arms folded between us, and fell happily to sleep.

  * * *

  I woke the next morning at the sound of him moving about the room. He was getting dressed.

  “Surely you didn’t intend to leave me to wake alone this morning?” I asked with a smile.

  Kurit looked up when I spoke. He finished pulling on his trousers, then sat beside me on the bed. “I was hoping you’d stay asleep for just a little bit longer. I have to run downstairs for a moment,” he said as he ran a gentle finger down my cheek.

  “Whatever for?”

  He smiled pleasantly, and though it might have fooled anyone else, I could tell his false smiles from his genuine ones. “I’ll be right back up, my love. I promise.”

  “Something’s wrong.”

  His smile faded somewhat. “Everything’s fine, Aenna. I just need to speak with someone downstairs. I’ll be right back.”

  “Kurit, what is it?”

  He rose from the bed. “Forgive me for doing this today. I promise, I’ll come right back upstairs and tell you everything.” He hurried out of the room before I could ask any further questions.

  I wondered what loathsome person needed to speak with the Prince so badly that it was worth interrupting his sleep after his wedding night. Then it occurred to me that no one would in their right mind disturb him unless something was very wrong.

  I leapt out of the bed and grabbed my nightdress. I pulled it over myself quickly, then went into the other bedroom. Leiset was there, putting out my clothes for the day.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked quickly, for I imagine that I did not have a happy, newlywed expression upon my face.

  “I don’t know,” I muttered, “but I intend to find out. I need to get dressed quickly.”

  Leiset helped me hurriedly do something passable with my hair and get into a simple dress. Then I ran down the stairs and searched all over for Kurit. I did not find him, so I went outside.

  I saw him then, over by the stables. He was speaking with some guards and the coachman from the night before. I jogged over to them, and the others all bowed at my arrival.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  None of them spoke. Each looked to the others warily.

  “Well, something must be afoot if you’ve dragged Kurit out here.”

  Again, none of them spoke, not even Kurit.

  I crossed my arms in frustration. “If someone doesn’t tell me what’s going on, I shall invent my own notions of what the trouble might be and worry accordingly. So please, gentlemen, what is the problem?”

  “Aenna, six armed riders approached the broken-down coach about ten minutes after we left,” said Kurit slowly.

  My blood turned cold. It is a horrible thing to have one’s paranoid delusions come true.

  Kurit put a hand on my arm. “Now before you panic, they didn’t do anything. As you can see, the coachman stands before us, unhurt. So they may have just been what they claimed to be, innocent travelers.”

  “Indeed, Highness,” said the coachman, “they simply asked if I needed assistance, and when I said I did not, they asked if the people I had been carrying were hurt.”

  “Well, then they were looking for us,” I said, trying not to sound as afraid as I was.

  “Not necessarily, Highness,” said the guard who had remained behind with the coachman. “The coach was carrying baggage, marked with the royal crest, and everyone in this part of Keshaerlan was well aware of your wedding yesterday. It would be logical, even considerate, for them to have inquired if we had injured people.”

  I was unconvinced. It seemed too coincidental that armed riders would suddenly come up from behind. “How commonly used is that route?” I asked. “Where does it go, other than here?”

  The men looked uncomfortable again. Kurit cleared his throat, kicked at some dirt, and muttered, “It’s not really a route to anywhere but here, at that point. It’s not unheard of for people to go across open land to get somewhere, though. And it’s possible that they could have simply been following the mountain line on their way to Taern.”

  “Possible, but unlikely,” I stated.

  Kurit nodded.

  “So what now?” I asked.

  “Highness, there’s not much to be done, other than to ensure guards are kept around the cottage. We cannot hunt down men who truly did nothing wrong.”

  What reply could I make to that? I did not wish to appear hysterical in front of the other men, and I certainly didn’t wish to worry Kurit with my anxieties. I nodded politely at them and returned to the cottage.

  Kurit came knocking at my door not long thereafter. He found me there with Leiset, who was upset because I would not tell her what had occurred. I wanted to, but the last thing I needed was for her and me to discuss it and fuel each other’s fear. Kurit politely asked Leiset to leave us alone, and she did.

  He held his arms out to me, so I rose from my seat and gladly went to him.

  As he cradled me to him, he said, “I would never let anyone hurt you, Aenna. I don’t think those men meant any harm. I have to believe it’s all a coincidence. But even if it wasn’t,” he insisted as he took my face gently in his hands and looked at me with intense eyes, “even if it was all a plot to harm you, you must always remember that I wouldn’t let anyone get to you. When you were wounded by that bolt, I swore to myself that I would never be so careless again. Anyone who wants to harm you has to come through me first.”

  I put my head on his shoulder as he held me again. “But, Kurit, that’s part of the problem. Yes, I fear for my own safety as any sane person would. But I am just as concerned for you. What if you were the target?”

  “Don’t fret for me,” he said.

  “How can you think that I wouldn’t? It was fretting for you that led me to meet you in the first place,” I reminded him. “And that was solely out of duty. Or, fine, perhaps a bit out of a desire for adventure,” I admitted. “But I surely didn’t love you then. I didn’t even know you to set eyes upon you. Now that I love you as I do, how can you imagine for a moment that I could be calm about a threat to either of us?”

  “I don’t think there is a threat. Honestly, I don’t. I’m alert now to the possibility, I suppose, but I cannot make myself believe that anyone would so resent our marriage that they would seek to harm either of us. And I really don’t think there are enough of the enemies from Daufrae left alive to gather and strike again.” He kissed my forehead and said, “You shall see. Everything shall be fine now, I promise. Don’t let these coincidences ruin our early days of marriage.”

  I tried to smile and look as though he had successfully consoled me, even though he had not. I knew the coincidences had to be more than just that. To this day I believe it was an attempt to destroy me before I could conceive a child by Kurit, though I have never found any direct, unmistakable evidence to prove that.

  After the morning meal, I felt sufficiently better that Kurit was able to entice me to go back to the master bedroom with him. We locked the doors, undressed each other, and fell into bed to make love again. The pleasure of his affections put all fear out of my mind for some time.

  As we lay in each other’s embrace, Kurit drifted into a light sleep. I nodded off briefly myself, lulled by the sound of his regular breathing and the warmth of his arms. My head was nestled into his shoulder, my face turned slightly up towards his neck. As I drifted in and out of a light doze, I kept opening my eyes to stare at his neck. I pondered just how much of his very life was in him there, and how fragile the human neck is. It wasn’t that I was afraid of anything in that moment, but more that I was thankful for the preciousness of life.

  These thoughts prevented me from falling asleep again. I just lay in Kurit’s arms, staring at him and loving him.

  As he continued to doze, I found myself aroused just by vi
rtue of having my face and breasts touching his warm, naked flesh. Then my thoughts of human fragility and the beauty of life in spite of it mingled with the arousal to fill me with a hungry desire to make love with him again.

  I found myself turning my face to put my lips against his shoulder. I kissed him there, then moved my lower lip softly along his collarbone. The sound of his breathing, the smell of him, the sight of his flesh, and the feeling of his life beneath my roving lips engulfed me in fiery lust.

  I moved my head to kiss the middle of his chest. I planted small, open-mouthed kisses up and down his breastbone. Kissing my way up his chest, I felt my almost painfully stiffened nipples brush against him as I moved. I could tell he had woken from my actions, for his breath was no longer slow and regular, but quick and excited, and he moaned softly.

  My lips found the edge of the left collarbone, right below his throat. I wrapped them softly around the little bump. Kurit shuddered a little, then began moving his hands delicately up and down my back.

  Out of the blue an idea came to me, and the seeming naughtiness of the thought aroused me so much that I became bold in my need. Gently, I pushed him to lie back, and I followed, keeping my lips on his chest and collarbone as we moved.

  Blinded to any sense of decency by my delicious arousal, I moved my left leg over him as my lips moved to his throat. He had not bothered to shave yet that day, and as my mouth moved up onto his chin, the stubble made my lips burn. Though I knew they would be irritated as a result later, I could not help but enjoy the tingling of it at that moment, like a small, pleasant torture.

  I moved myself over him, knowing full well what I wanted. Kurit either knew it or suspected it as well, for he put his hands on my hips and guided me towards him. Then he raised his own hips, slipping into me.

  I made a very unladylike sound of pleasure as I rose up on my arms and rocked against him. On impulse, I moved my hips in a slow, circular motion, which I was delighted to see pleased him so much that he clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut.