In the Distance

by Eileen Griffin

  Yeah, not the best way to introduce the topic of a new romantic interest to the ‘rents.

  “She is, but I thought I’d fly in and out of Seattle to catch up with Jamie.”

  “I’m so glad to hear that. How is he doing in Seattle?”

  “He’s good, Mom. I was in Seattle last month to try out their new fall menu. The place looks great and is thriving. You and Dad should stop in next time you’re out that way. Ethan might have the social grace of a flea, but I know Jamie would love to see you both. Married life agrees with him.”

  Her voice softened a bit. “I’m glad Jamie is doing so well. Your dad and I have always been fond of him. I guess my real question should have been, ‘When are you going to finally going to find someone of your own so I won’t have to worry about you being alone every time our family gets together?’”

  “We’ve been over this, Mom. My crowd isn’t exactly cashmere twinsets and pearls.”

  “Sweetheart, your father and I have never had any illusion about you being with a debutante in a cashmere twinset and pearls. We just want you to be happy. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you smile. A real smile. Kind of like the one I saw you wearing outside the restaurant when I walked up.”

  I knew my parents accepted me for who I was. But I wasn’t ready to tell them about Tyler. I’d spent so many years pining over the same guy, only to have it blow up in my face. It might have been selfish of me, but I wanted to take it slower with Tyler.

  “I’m fine, Mom. I promise. And I’ll bring someone around when I find someone who looks at me like Dad looks at you. Sans the female equipment.”

  She wrinkled her nose in mock disgust as she patted my hand. “I certainly hope so. Unless, that is, things have changed drastically since we saw you last.”

  Her voice softened as she tightened her hold on me. “I always had high hopes for you and Jamie, you know. I still remember the first time you dragged him home for Thanksgiving. He was so lost, but you helped him find his way.”

  “Mom—”

  “Hear me out. I won’t lie and say your father and I didn’t want it to work out. You were never happier than you were when you returned from Paris with Jamie by your side. But the fact of the matter is, you weren’t right for each other. You need someone who challenges you, Trevor. Jamie was the perfect friend for you. All you had to do was give him one of those radiant smiles of yours and he happily went along with any plan you hatched.”

  When I didn’t say anything, my mom continued. “He was a good friend, but he wasn’t someone to spend the rest of your life with. You need someone who won’t let you get away with murder simply because of your smile and stunning personality.”

  I laughed. “My stunning personality?”

  “It’s one of the finer Windsor traits you inherited. How do you think I won your dad over in just one evening? Trust me, there were plenty of other women in that room who had their eyes on him.”

  Thank God my mom couldn’t see my jaw dropping wide open. “You never cease to amaze me, Mom.”

  Her laughter erased any of the tension I’d felt when we’d first started this conversation. “And that’s all I want for you, baby. Someone who will never cease to amaze you and loves you for who you are. Sans the female equipment.”

  My mom’s words filled me with warmth. I had too many friends whose parents had never accepted their sexuality and here my mom was not only accepting it, but she was my biggest cheerleader.

  “Now, that’s enough fawning over my favorite son for one day. I think you promised me a lunch filled with all the local celebrity gossip. Heaven knows I haven’t gotten enough of it from the ladies at the club.”

  “You’re incorrigible, Mom.”

  “Says the pot to the kettle.”

  We settled in to lunch, my mom having entirely too much fun debunking every piece of gossip I threw at her. It was nice to have a break from everything and simply enjoy laughing with someone who didn’t expect anything more from me than what I could give. Just like Tyler. I still wasn’t sure where we were headed or what the future held for us, but I was more determined than ever to find out. Whether it took a hundred more text messages or twenty more trips to the West Coast, one way or another, I was going to figure out just what was going on between Tyler and me before my brain imploded trying to decipher it from two thousand miles away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Tyler

  First weekend of February, Friday

  Work was dragging along at a snail’s pace. It wasn’t that we weren’t busy. The restaurant was consistently crowded these days. But every time I glanced at the clock above Ethan and Jamie’s office, only a few minutes had passed since the last time I’d checked it. No matter what I did or how many stations I helped with, the clock refused to advance. I’m not sure if it was the scowl on my face or my impatient huffing, but Jamie eventually took pity on me and sent my ass home a full thirty minutes before my shift was due to end. Never, not in all the time I’d worked for Ethan, had I left work early. Tonight, I didn’t look back once I slipped through the door and headed to my bus stop.

  I’d just finished putting the pizza in the oven to warm when the knock came. After my mad dash to Gino’s and then home to shower, I hadn’t had much time to think about Trevor coming over. Now that he was here, I was suddenly nervous. No matter how much I tried to rationalize what Trevor and I were doing, it all led back to the same question: What in the hell were we doing? Friends could hang out on a Friday night and eat pizza, right? Even friends with benefits did that. Outside of that, though, I didn’t know how to define what else we were to each other. I’d promised myself I’d take things one day at a time with Trevor. If I didn’t have expectations, I couldn’t get hurt. But each time I saw him, it became harder and harder to keep myself from wanting more.

  Another knock, almost as loud as the pounding of my heart in my chest, finally brought me out of my haze and to the front door. My breath caught when I saw him standing there. In his black V-neck and jeans, I was reminded how stunning he really was. With his hair a little longer on the top and at least a day’s growth over his chin and jaw, he looked like he should be on the cover of a men’s magazine instead of standing in the doorway outside my apartment.

  Trevor tilted his head. “Are you going to invite me in, or did you decide to keep the pizza all to yourself?”

  I shook my head and opened the door wider to let him in. “Sorry, long day at the restaurant.”

  Instead of coming in, he leaned against the door frame. “We don’t have to do this if you’re too tired. I know you must be exhausted between school and work.”

  Shit! I shook my head. “Really. I’m fine. I even went and picked up the pizza. It’s in the oven warming up, as we speak.”

  My heart slammed in my chest as Trevor scrutinized everything from my face to my bare feet peeking out from the bottom of my jeans.

  “Tyler, I won’t be upset if we need to take a rain check tonight. We can always go do something on Sunday. If you still want to.”

  We’d talked on the phone, texted and even sexted over the past few weeks, but all of it paled in comparison to having him right in front of me.

  With my heart pounding in my chest, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Trevor groaned as he wrapped his arms around me and crushed our mouths together.

  I had no idea how we’d moved from the doorway into my apartment, or how long he’d been pressed up against me, but when we finally broke for air, my head swam. I groaned as Trevor’s hands slid down my sides and lifted up my shirt. I wondered if having him, even just for one night, would be that bad of an idea. When the shit hit the fan, it wouldn’t be pretty, but life was never pretty. If I could have this, just once, wouldn’t it be worth it?

  I slid my hand down his arm until my fingers twined with his and led him
down the hall to my bedroom. Pushing every doubt and insecurity I had out of my mind, I released his hand and found the hem of my shirt. I paused just long enough to see his surprised expression illuminated by the light spilling in from the hallway, then tugged it over my head and dropped it on the floor.

  “Tyler.” Trevor breathed out the word in a whisper as I found the button of my jeans, then slid them off. Standing there in only my boxers, I was more exposed to him than I’d ever been to anyone else. It was a risk to trust him with this, but I was so fucking tired of being alone. So tired of locking every piece of me away to avoid getting hurt again. Knowing full well I could end up another notch on Trevor’s bedpost, I tugged at the bottom of his V-neck, sighing in appreciation when I pulled it over his head. I’d always been all angles and bones. The tall, skinny kid in elementary school who had to stand in the back row in every group picture and who always got picked first for basketball games because my height obviously made me a better player. No matter what I did, I never bulked up. Trevor, though, was perfection. I couldn’t begin to imagine the number of hours it took in the gym to achieve the body that was standing in front of me. It should have made me embarrassed about my own body, but instead, I wanted to taste and touch every part of him.

  Unable to resist, I dipped my head down and ran my tongue around one of his nipples. His answering shudder made me bolder, and I sank to my knees.

  Trevor didn’t say a word. Not while I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Not while I worked his jeans over his hips, tossing them to the side once they’d hit the floor. And not while I slipped my hands into his boxer briefs and slid them down his body.

  He watched me as I leaned forward and traced the head of his dick with my tongue. He moaned and threaded his fingers in my hair, whimpering as he arched his hips forward. The knowledge that I did this to him, that I made him moan and beg for more, made me bolder. I shook off all my fears about not doing this right and focused on the man in front of me. I took my time, tracing the length of his dick from tip to base, closing my eyes and savoring the smell that was innately Trevor. Allowing myself to explore, I took my time, trailing my tongue over every inch of skin until I reached the head again, dipping my tongue into the slit, lapping at the drop of pre-come there.

  Trevor tugged harder on my hair until I looked up at him. The intensity of his expression would have brought me to my knees if I hadn’t already been there. With a gentle nudge, he brought me to my feet and slanted his mouth over mine. His hands explored my body as we kissed, making me ache to feel every part of him against me. Breaking the kiss, I slipped my hand in his and pulled him into my bed. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything. In a single movement, I pushed Trevor onto his back and straddled his hips.

  I breathed in the spicy scent of his cologne, then brushed my lips over the stubble on his neck. Whether it was the things we’d said and done over the phone, or the darkness of my bedroom making me feel brave, for once I tried not to overthink it and just let myself feel.

  I froze when his body arched up toward mine, completely unused to the feeling of another man’s body in my bed. Needing to be closer to him, I leaned in, sighing in pleasure as his warm hands began to rub small circles up and down my spine. His breathing grew ragged as I explored his body with my lips and hands.

  “Not that I’m complaining, but you’re killing me.”

  I sealed my lips around one of his nipples and swiped my tongue over the tight nub, as Trevor’s fingers dug into my hips. A small part of me knew I could stop this at any time, but when Trevor breathed out my name in pleasure, I knew I there was no way I could stop even if I wanted to.

  Trevor reached up and tugged on my hair to pull my lips off his chest. Even in the dark I could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest. I was the one who had caused that. I stretched to lean down and kiss him, but he cradled my face in his hands until I looked at him.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  Right now, I didn’t give a damn what the next hour, day or month held. I wanted him, all of him, regardless of what tomorrow brought. Trevor lifted up just enough to tug my chin down so my eyes were once again level with him, his voice softer, but no less serious.

  “Tyler, you should be doing this with someone who’s special to you. We don’t—”

  I kissed him, silently urging him to let me in. When his lips finally parted, I poured all my need and desire into that single kiss. Trevor’s fingers tightened around my jaw, and when I lifted my head, we were both breathing hard. I’d never been good with words or telling people how I felt. I’d learned the hard way that sometimes not speaking up was safer or easier. But with Trevor’s body underneath mine and those brown eyes holding so much concern, I found the right words.

  “You are special. The only thing I want right now is you, here, in my bed.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Trevor

  I froze, trying to process Tyler’s words. I’d heard the second part too many times to count, so I pushed that aside to focus on the first part. “You are special.”

  Those three cut deeper than anything else Tyler had said to me. There had been no doubt in my mind earlier when I’d told Tyler I wanted to stay, not just in his bed, but with him. Now, though, those three words made all of this so much more, and it terrified me. The urge to bolt bubbled just beneath the surface, but as I looked up at the man hovering over me, I focused on the only thing I could control: being with Tyler right here, right now.

  Staying meant risking a part of me I’d only ever risked with Jamie, but even the fear of getting hurt like that again paled in comparison to what Tyler made me feel. The moment our lips met again, I could feel something shift between us. Gone was the tension, the awkwardness that existed between two people who were still little more than strangers. As soon as his lips parted, allowing me to push deeper inside and explore, everything else faded away.

  I wanted to explore every inch of him, to have all the time in the world to discover every dimple, every freckle and every ridge of muscle. Instead, we had one night. Usually I couldn’t get out of someone’s place fast enough after sex. With Tyler, I was afraid one night wouldn’t be nearly enough.

  “You okay?”

  He nodded, but wouldn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he leaned in and kissed my neck, his hands curling around my hips to pull me closer.

  “Tyler, are you sure about this? I don’t want to do anything you’ll regret in the morning, and I have a feeling having sex tonight might be something you’d regret.”

  He pulled back, a look of surprise and embarrassment on his face. “I want to. It’s just, I don’t know.”

  My heart tightened as I watched Tyler struggle to complete his sentence, so I finished it for him. “You’ve never had sex before.”

  When he wouldn’t meet my eyes, I placed my fingers under his chin and tilted his face to mine. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  “That’s easy for you to say.”

  He looked down, his body tensed as if ready to scramble off the bed at any moment. It had been too many years since I’d been on the flip side of this conversation, but I still remembered with crystal clarity how mortified I’d been when the guy I was with had found out I was a virgin.

  Pulling back, I tilted his chin back up and met his gaze. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, Tyler. At all. Considering my past track record, I’m the last person to judge other people over what they want to do or not do with their bodies. So, tonight, I’m going to let you decide what happens. As incredible as it feels to be here with you like this, I won’t push you for anything more than you’re comfortable with.”

  He studied me for a moment, then skimmed a finger over my bottom lip, his previous insecurity morphing into something bolder.

  “I’m exactly where I want to be, Trevor.”

  I lean
ed forward and let his finger slide past my lips, cutting off anything else he was about to say. Tyler struggled to keep his eyes open as I swirled my tongue over the pad, letting my teeth graze it before I slowly pulled back.

  “You have no idea how badly I want you right now.”

  Tyler’s next kiss was demanding and needy. I rocked my hips against him and moaned when my cock rubbed along his thigh. The thin layer of his boxers was the only thing that separated me from him.

  I slid my hands down his chest as I moved down to the foot of the bed, pausing only to run my thumbs along the top of his boxers. I hesitated, realizing this was the last barrier between us that would change what we were doing from something casual to something more. But Tyler didn’t hesitate at all, pushing the boxers down just enough to free his straining erection. I looked up to make sure he was okay, but the only thing that shone in his eyes was that he wanted this just as much as I did.

  I darted my tongue out, letting it slide around the head of his cock, and was rewarded by a soft moan. It was hard not to dive in and feast on his body, but I pulled back just far enough so I could see his face. After a few torturous moments of no contact, Tyler finally opened his eyes to stare down at me. His glare would have almost been comical if it hadn’t been laced with pure need.

  “Tell me what you want, Tyler.”

  His body instantly tensed under mine. It might have been years ago, but I remembered what it was like not having a clue what I was doing or what I wanted done to my body. Tonight, there were two of us in Tyler’s bed, and I refused for this to all be about me.

  “Do you want me to suck your cock? It really is a fucking gorgeous cock, just sitting there against your body without anyone giving it any attention. It seems a shame to ignore it.”