Darkness of Light

by Gina Kincade

  Lucius shrugged. “Like I said, I’m at the bakery. I take weekends. Not baking, but selling.”

  “Baking more difficult than cooking?”

  “Yep. Speaking of that, you should come over tonight. I’ll make bison burgers on Mom’s bannock buns. You’ll love it.”

  “Sounds good.” Lucius gave her his address and headed out, ostensibly so he could start preparing dinner.

  Once he was gone, she noticed Kerwin through the door. His dark eyes bored straight through the shop, intent on her. She touched the flowers and smiled.

  A smile brightened his face and he raised a hand, palm out to her and then put it to his chest, bowing his head. She didn’t recognize the gesture, but the meaning seemed clear. She waved back, not sure she could manage the same.

  The small exchange took only seconds, but in that time she felt as close to the mysterious Kerwin as she did Lucius, who had spent hours talking with her. He didn’t come across the street, didn’t come any closer, but he stood there, leaning against a light post, until she closed the shop. She was alone in the shop, but it didn’t feel that way. She flipped the sign and watched him walk off, turning the corner. She was certain he would be waiting in the alley when she exited through the back door.

  She faced the door as she pulled it shut, turning her key. He was closer than she expected, turning and pressing her back against the door.

  “Thank you for the flowers.” The whispering croak that escaped her throat sounded unfamiliar to her.

  “You’re welcome.” He bent down and kissed her, claiming her lips with no pre-amble, no permission. She should be indignant, but his lips and tongue melded perfectly with her own. She had chemistry with Lucius, too, but with Kerwin it was all they had, never exchanging more than a few sentences.

  Rev wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers sinking into his thick, curly back hair. He pressed her further into the door, lifting her leg to hook on his hip. Her shorts rode up, but she didn’t care, loving the feel of him rubbing into her.

  “Kerwin,” she murmured.

  “Yes, Reverie.” He trailed his lips to her ear and throat, leaving her to gasp and try to catch her breath.

  “We’re outside.” There wasn’t likely anyone watching them in the alley, but she couldn’t ascertain that while he had her so completely occupied.

  He set her back on her feet and kissed her lips once more, breaking the kiss with a smacking sound. “Remember me.”

  “Forget-me-not,” she replied, remembering the brilliant blue petals amid the white and yellow.

  “That’s right. Good night, Reverie.”

  She should have returned the parting words, but she was still reeling from the sudden surge of desire and the unexpectedly cold, empty feeling remaining in the wake of his hasty departure.

  “Fuck, Grandma.” She pushed off the door and trotted away. She’d hoped to stop at Golden Palace and meet Mai, but that would have to wait.

  Jogging the whole way home, Rev threw the door open and rushed into the kitchen. “Hey, Grandma! Dad?”

  Grandma called from her room. “I’m here. Your father left an hour ago.”

  “Oh, darn.” Rev slowed to a walk by the time she entered Grandma’s doorway. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like I have two metal hips.”

  Rev shook her head. “How am I supposed to know what that feels like? Do you know what you want to eat? I can make a can of soup or something.”

  “A can of soup?” Grandma’s derision gave the words added weight. “You can reach into the freezer and pull out one of the meals I packed. Assuming you haven’t already eaten them all.

  Rev rolled her eyes. “I didn’t even look in there, so your stockpile is safe. I’ll get that started.”

  “What is your hurry, girl?”

  “I’ve been invited out for dinner.” She raised her voice so it would carry to Grandma while she bustled in the kitchen, turning on the oven and tossing one of the Pyrex cooking dishes in. It looked like soup. “I’m going over to Lucius’ in a bit.”

  “Ah, you’ve taken to the Clearwater boy already, have you?”

  Grandma’s voice didn’t reach as far and Rev returned to the doorway to hear her better.

  “You haven’t... I mean you aren’t...”

  “I’m not having sex with anyone, Grandma.” Rev felt heat in her cheeks at the admission and saw her flush reflected in Grandma.

  “Good. Come here and give me a hug.”

  Rev was more than happy to do that and she leaned over the bed, rubbing her cheek against Grandma’s wrinkly, thinner one. She wrapped her arms around Grandma’s bony shoulders and tears pricked her eyes for a moment. Grandma was feisty, but she wasn’t young, didn’t have the padding she once did, and that worried Rev.

  “Where did you find that!”

  Rev grunted as her neck was tugged down even further. Grandma had grabbed the pendant and was pinching it tight in her fingers.

  “I thought that was still my jewelry box. You didn’t go rooting through—”

  “No, Grandma, I didn’t touch anything on your dresser. This was in the shop.”

  “Did you pay for it?” she asked, squinting her milky blue eyes.

  “No, because I wasn’t planning on keeping it. Yeesh. I only found it yesterday. It’s been such a headache; I’ll just take it off.” She reached behind her neck to find the clasp.

  Grandma released it and instead cradled Rev’s head in her hands. “No, you have it now. You keep it. It will come in handy, I’m sure.” She kissed Rev’s cheek and let her go.

  “Handy? Grandma, what is this? Why is everyone so obsessed with it?” Rev straightened but didn’t feel any better.

  “It’s a trinket, a talisman. It’s old, that’s all. People recognize it because I wore it.”

  Rev sighed. “Do you need anything besides food before I go? Can I help you get to the bathroom?”

  “No, no. They wouldn’t have let me come home if I couldn’t hobble that far. Just move that charger over here so my phone doesn’t die, and give me the IPad from the store. I can do books at least.”

  Rev shook her head. She needn’t worry, Grandma wasn’t letting anything get the better of her. Once she had her electronics in reach, a lap desk holding her bowl of soup, and the lights turned down so all she had to do was click off the lamp when she wanted to sleep, Rev felt free to leave.

  Glancing at the clock on her way back through the kitchen, she grabbed her own phone. There was a message from Lucius and she swiped her thumb to the right over the touch screen to let him know she was finally on her way. She took up running again after closing Grandma’s door.

  “I’m so sorry!” she blurted through his screen door.

  Lucius laughed and opened it for her. “No sweat. I wrapped them in foil, so hopefully they aren’t too cold.”

  “I feel terrible.”

  “Don’t! I mean Penny got home, right? Of course you had to take care of her. I should have planned for that.”

  Rev’s shoulders dropped in relief. “Thank you for understanding.”

  Lucius stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest, her head resting on his collarbone just under his chin. She snaked her hands up around his waist, feeling like she fit here perfectly, like this spot was molded just for her.

  That was a silly thought, and after a few squeezes, she let go and stepped back. “Let’s eat before they get colder.”

  “Speaking of colder, can I get you a beer?”

  “Uh, sure.” She wasn’t a big fan of beer, and technically underage, but she didn't want to make a fuss.

  “Iced tea?”

  “Yes, that sounds good.” She flashed a smile, relieved he seemed to catch on to her unease anyway.

  The door opened behind Rev and she turned to watch Kerwin enter the house. He stopped on the landing and stared.

  “Hey, K. There’s extra burgers.” Lucius set an iced tea in front of Rev and opened the foil on the
burgers.

  Kerwin silently moved to one of the two unoccupied chairs, across from Rev as Lucius slid into the one beside her.

  Rev looked at the burger toppings and condiments, unable to acclimatize to this awkward position. She couldn’t possibly eat right now. Her hand actually trembled as she grabbed for her drink.

  “Get you a brew?” Lucius asked Kerwin, who was doctoring up his bun.

  “No.”

  Rev looked up from the table and met Kerwin’s eyes. He was managing to eat, but he chewed mechanically, taking large bites. He would be done soon. Could she wait until then?

  “Rev? They’re getting colder.”

  “Oh, yeah, sure.” She took her time putting lettuce, bacon, and a little of everything on the home baked buns.

  Kerwin’s chair scraped against the linoleum and Rev sighed in relief. She squished her burger to try to flatten it enough to get into her mouth. Ketchup and mustard slopped out onto the plate. She squeezed her eyes shut, cursing herself. She had put on too much and was going to end up wearing that yellow-red mess.

  “Something wrong?” Lucius asked, setting down his half-finished burger.

  “No, not wrong.” She leaned as far over her plate as she could and nibbled the edge.

  “If you’re sure.” He took a few more bites.

  Rev kept her chin far over her plate and still had to mop her chin with a napkin more than once. “I put too much on,” she mumbled around the bits still in her mouth.

  Lucius laughed. “Heh, I used to do that all the time! Can I get you another?” He pointed to her napkin and she nodded gratefully. “So, can I cook?”

  She swallowed before answering. “Yes. These are great.”

  “Great! Want to catch a movie?” He used the remote to pull up a listing of pre-recorded shows.

  “I should probably get back to Grandma.”

  He flicked it off and tossed the remote onto the couch. “Oh, yeah, of course. Can I walk you home then?”

  Rev rose and moved to the sink to wash her hands. “That would be great. Maybe we can watch something there. That way if Grandma needs me, I’m close.”

  “I like that plan. Let me just grab a couple of these to take with me. You sure you don’t want any?” he asked, dropping two bottles into a plastic bag.

  “I’m sure. I’ll probably make myself some tea.”

  Lucius slid his arm behind her, resting his hand on her hip while they walked. Rev inhaled deeply, trying to let everything go on the exhalation. “You live with Kerwin?”

  “Yeah, the house is too big for just me. Kristen lives there, too, but she’s working tonight.”

  “Thank goodness. Did I mention she doesn’t like me?”

  “You had, something I can’t comprehend. Rev?” Lucius stopped, using his hold on her hip to turn her to face him.

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t want to do this in front of Penny.” The words were all the warning she got before Lucius' lips met hers and the glass bottles clinked as he let them fall to the lawn beside the walk. He moved one of his hands to grip her ass, pulling her closer and making her rise onto her toes. He pushed his fingers up into her hair, cradling her head in his palm.

  Rev instinctively shot both her hands up into his long locks, pulling on them as her tongue fought against his, trying to explore as he did.

  A shrill whistle made him stop and Rev sagged against his chest, her own heaving as she sought to catch her breath.

  “Screw you, Benny!” he yelled at the whistler. Rev wasn’t courageous enough to look and see who it was. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize her if she stayed hidden.

  Grandma was asleep with her light on. Rev kissed her forehead when she came near enough to turn off the bedside lamp and move her tablet to the nightstand. In the living room, Lucius was settling in on the couch and looking through the various remote controls to discover which ones he needed. Rev saved him trial and error, turning on the TV and bringing up the movies Grandma had saved on her recorder.

  “She’s okay?” he asked, looking over his shoulder toward the hall and bedrooms.

  “Sleeping. She’s doing really well, I think.”

  “I’m glad. Though, in all honesty, I hope she doesn’t heal too quickly.”

  Rev grinned and leaned in close enough to kiss him. “Oddly, I’m not surprised by that confession.”

  He wrapped arms around her and turned her into the corner of the couch. His spicy musk filled her nose and his glossy hair brushed against her cheek. “I hope you choose to stay.”

  She shook her head in disbelief. “You barely know me.”

  “I know enough.”

  She didn’t press it further, pulling him into another series of kisses that were interrupted as his hand slid up her thigh, edging under her shorts. Grandma let out a loud snore and they both stopped to laugh.

  “I guess we don’t need to worry about waking her.” Lucius gave her another smacking kiss.

  She giggled and pushed him back slightly. “No, but we should probably cool it.”

  “Boo.” Lucius blew a raspberry. “Okay. Still want to watch something?” He tipped his head in the direction of the television and the menu still showing on it.

  Rev covered a yawn with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m up for it tonight.”

  Lucius shrugged. “Probably for the best. I have to work tomorrow.”

  “You really do work?” She jabbed him in the ribs.

  “Yes, I told you that. I cover the weekends so Aunt Jenna can have a couple days off.”

  “Jenna. She came by the store and bought a bookmark with a badger on it.”

  “Is that right.”

  “Remember that badger we saw? Are there a lot of them around here?”

  Lucius sat up straighter, not quite touching her any more. He didn’t meet her gaze as he answered. “Not many.”

  “I dreamed about one.”

  Lucius ran his fingers through his hair. “You did? Well, I should probably let you get back to those dreams, Reverie.” He rose and she jumped up, grabbing his arm.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He blew out a deep sigh. “There’s nothing wrong.”

  “If you’re sure. Good night.”

  He cheered up slightly, kissing her forehead, cheek and lips. “Good night, Rev. And really, sweet dreams. I mean it.”

  She felt heat creep into her cheeks and looked down at her gold-painted toenails. “Thanks.”

  Her dreams were sweet, and although the badger made a reappearance, the wildcat, a lynx, took center stage, fighting off the badger and then a wolf. Owls, hawks and even a bear wandered through her mind over the night.

  REV WOKE WONDERING if she was cut out for rural life. Her logical side claimed it was just anxiety from living so close to the forest. There was a problem with that theory, she wasn’t afraid of any of them, even the bear. Every animal, with the possible exception of the wolf, seemed familiar, friendly. It was a puzzle she would need more time to solve, time she could take today. Kicking off her weekend, she made coffee and breakfast for Grandma and herself.

  Spending the day with Grandma reassured Rev that her grandmother was in fine health, although the pain made her already short patience even shorter. Put to work around the house, Rev received repeated interruptions to help the hobbled woman with what she had decided to do for herself. It wasn’t until her stomach growled that Rev noticed it was mid-afternoon. She was also surprised to feel an emptiness in her chest, not her belly.

  She was missing something but couldn’t fathom what that might be. Grandma was home, she'd touched base with friends, even called her mom. She was a bit old to be homesick.

  Grandma noticed her discomfort as they sat down to an early dinner. “Something wrong? I didn’t think I was working you that hard.”

  Rev frowned and rubbed her chest. “I’m not homesick. I like it here. What is it?”

  Grandma set her fork down. “Is it an ache? A void?”

 
“Yeah. It’s weird.”

  “Close your eyes.”

  Rev wanted to argue but Grandma’s expression told her to stuff that idea. She squeezed her lids closed with an exaggerated sigh, intent on making sure grandma knew she wasn’t keen on this.

  “Picture the forest. Feel the breeze, smell the leaves and grass. What do you see?”

  “A lynx.”

  “Ah, yes—”

  “And a badger.”

  “Both?” Grandma’s voice rose sharply. Rev opened her eyes to discover if it was simple surprise or something worse, like anger or fear. Grandma’s eyes were wide in disbelief and she shook her grey-haired head,. “How strange. Do you know what you’re missing now?”

  Rev put her chin in her hand and looked out the window. “Lucius. And Kerwin. And Flo, I think.”

  Grandma scoffed. “Flo. I doubt you’re missing her much.”

  Rev’s lips twisted into a sneer. “Why? I can only be interested in boys?”

  Grandma reached across the table to pat Rev’s hand. “Of course not. I just didn’t imagine you and Flo as friends.”

  “Well, we are,” Rev snapped. “In fact, I’m going to see if she’s working tonight.” Rev picked up her empty plate and carried it to the dishwasher, turning her back on Grandma.

  “I think she does. You could go out, though. See all of them. No reason to stay cooped up here with me. Just help me to my bed and you can take off.”

  Guilt took the wind out of Rev’s sails. “I don’t have to rush out. We could work on a puzzle or watch a movie.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ve got that giant Sudoku book Lacy gave me.” Grandma rose slowly, leaning heavily on the walker that allowed her to go a few steps before she had to rest again. Just enough to get to the table and the bathroom.

  “I could read you something.” Rev toyed with the pendant around her neck, taking tiny steps next to Grandma.

  “Don’t play with that.” She reached up to smack Rev’s hand.

  Rev stopped, clutching the pale gold deer. “Why not?”

  “Just don’t. Wearing it is fine, but... Just don’t. And don’t stick around for me. I’ve kept myself entertained for many years. I can manage another night.”