Stealing Phin

by Avery Hale

  Chapter 15

  CARO CARO

  After we left the policía station, I was in a bad state. As the distance between me and Byron grew, I became increasingly frantic. I’d kept insisting we go look for Carlito. No matter how many times Dez and Estevan said it’d be impossible to find him, I repeated the demand over and over again like a skipping CD…or a woman gone mad.

  When I’d realized that maybe they were right, I’d insisted on going to the Embassy to get Byron a lawyer. Dez had finally caved and driven me there. But after hours of talking to officials who listened unsympathetically, all they could offer me in the end was, “We’ll look into it.” For the rest of the day, I’d wondered and fretted over whether they’d written me off as a ranting lunatic who’d had one too many hits of jungle weed during her vacation.

  Later that night, Dez had given me a couple of her valium pills to calm me down. Still, my sleep was fitful. I kept waking up in a cold sweat. Images of the Argentinian, Carlito, and Byron haunted my dreams and lingered during those moments in between wakefulness and sleep when the mind is vulnerable to its darker segments. The segments that keep hold of your secrets, your fears, your regrets—the stuff of nightmares.

  At one point, I dreamed I was in the prison searching for Byron. One by one, I looked in every jail cell. They were all empty. At the last empty cell, I knelt in front of it and sobbed. Suddenly, I realized I was on the other side of the bars—inside the prison cell. I yelled and screamed for someone to let me free, but no one came. On the bed lay the picture of the lovely orchid I’d seen on Byron’s laptop. I held the photo, but as I stared at it, the flower began to fade. Its white and pink petals turned brown and wilted before falling victim to the wind.

  A moment later, the photo was blank. I woke up crying.

  The next day, I was sitting on a beach. The sun shone brightly in a clear blue sky directly overhead. I looked out over the water. The sunlight reflected off the Pacific, making it look like a sea full of jewels. It was a pristine day. It was also our last full day in Costa Rica. Tomorrow morning, Dez and I would get on a plane and fly away from this forsaken place. This place where people fall in love.

  It was true. I had come to Costa Rica and fallen in love. The irony was that I’d arrived with a broken heart, and I was leaving with one just the same. Except now it wasn’t just my heart that was broken. All of me felt irrevocably shattered.

  I heard a giggly shriek. Estevan was teaching Dez to surf. The lesson wasn’t going very well because Dez wasn’t taking it seriously. The two of them laughed and played in the water. Dez splashed water at Estevan, and then screamed with delight when he started swimming towards her to exact revenge. She let him catch her, and they kissed. I smiled. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. I’d never seen Dez this happy with a guy. Or with the same guy for this long. It looked like the Costa Rican love curse had struck my friend as well, and I was so happy for her.

  As my two cohorts in love began to do things that were sure to frighten away any sea creatures swimming in the vicinity, I looked away to give them privacy…and to hide my tears. I reached for the sunglasses I’d propped on my head and lowered them over my eyes.

  “Un collar bonito para una chica bonita?” a voice said.

  Startled, I looked to my left to see an old man with white hair and kind, wrinkly eyes. He carried a portable rack strung with colorful beaded necklaces.

  I quickly swiped at my tears. “They are very beautiful. But no thank you, señor.”

  He tilted his head and frowned. “You are sad, señorita. But why? When it is a perfect day?”

  I sniffed and tried to smile but failed. The pity in the man’s eyes triggered another sob in me. I looked away, back to Dez and Estevan, who were standing in waist-deep water. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and his around her waist. Their faces were close, their foreheads touching, as they whispered things to each other that I didn’t need to hear to understand. The smiles that played on their lips, the kisses they stole even while the other person was talking, the sheer joy that lit their body language with a lightness–said it all. These were the signs of a budding love.

  “You’re right,” I said. “It is a perfect day.”

  The man unhooked a string of beads from his rack and handed it to me. I held my hands up and shook my head. “I don’t have any money on me.”

  “It is a gift.” He smiled kindly. “These beads are carved from the Caro Caro tree. It is a special tree. Said to lift pain and bring balance to your spirit.” He bent down and gently put the necklace over my head. He pointed to where the deep burgundy colored beads rested over my heart. “They will give you claridad, amiga.”

  “Clarity,” I repeated. “Si, I could use some of that. Gracias,” I whispered. Tears fell down my face, dripping off my chin and onto my chest, where they slid down until they touched the beads.

  “Con mucho gusto.” The man nodded and continued his way down the beach.

  An hour later, the tide had settled. Estevan and Dez were sitting with me, happily making plans for our last night in Costa Rica, and I listened with a smile pasted on my face, nodding when appropriate. After causing Dez so much worry with my disappearance from the club, I was determined to make sure the rest of our time here was positive and drama-free. Although, I put on a halfway decent act, my mind was always on Byron.

  “You two should go out and have fun together tonight,” I insisted, unsure that I would be able to keep up a front for an entire evening. Plus, as much as I loved what Dez and Estevan had, I didn’t particularly feel like being a third wheel tonight. “I might just eat at the resort and crash early.”

  “No way,” Dez set her jaw. “I am not going to let you out of my sight of the rest of this trip. You’ll try to take the rental car again to look for Carlito or drive back to the Embassy. Not gonna happen.”

  Estevan stood up from his beach chair and rubbed Dez’s shoulders. “She is right, Phin. It is no good for you to be alone.” Suddenly, he looked past my shoulder. “No, gracias, señor. No queremos comprar nada.”

  “I am not here to sell my wares.”

  I recognized the voice before I turned my head to see who Estevan addressed. It was the bead peddler. He looked at me and smiled again.

  “Hola again, amiga. I have another gift for you.” From his satchel, he withdrew something and held it out to me. It was a red rose and a note.

  “Who is it from?” Dez asked.

  My hands shook as I opened the note because I already knew the answer. The message, in handwriting I knew well, said:

  Meet me at Soda Viquez for dinner tonight. 7 o’clock. Love, Douglas.

  ***

  “You’re not going,” Dez threw her beach bag and towel onto her bed. Her one-woman intervention had made the walk from the beach to the resort a long one. “And that’s final.”

  “I have to go.” I heard the words come out of my mouth for the hundredth time since the bead peddler delivered the message from Douglas, but I didn’t understand the reason behind them myself.

  “Why? Because you want to get back together with him? After all the grief he’s put you through—”

  “I don’t know why I need to see him, Dez.” I took off my sunglasses and put them on the dresser. “I just do. He came all the way out here to see me for a reason. It must be important. And to be honest, I’m not okay with the way we left things.”

  “We’re coming with you then,” Dez said resolutely.

  I shook my head. “I need to do this alone. I want some answers from Douglas, and he’s not going to give them to me if I come to dinner with an entourage.”

  Dez tossed her hands into the air and looked as if she wanted to strangle someone.

  “Whatever happened to the whole I’ll-let-you-figure-out-your-own-love-life pledge?” I asked.

  “Letting you ponder over the great mystery behind why guys behave as stupidly as they do is one thing.” She kicked off her sandy flip flops. “Watching you walk back i
nto the ring to face the guy who pummeled your heart into a bleeding pulp once already is another thing altogether.”

  “What are you afraid is going to happen? That he’ll say or do something to hurt my feelings? Well, it’s too late for that. He can’t possibly hurt me more than he already has.”

  “Don’t be so sure. No matter how much you think you know someone, people always surprise you.”

  “You’re the second person to tell me that on this trip.”

  “Words to live by,” Dez muttered as she banged her flip flops against the balcony railing with undue violence to get the sand off them. “Anyway, I don’t even think that applies in this case because we already know Douglas is the most selfish, self-serving bastard on the planet. I guarantee you he’s here because he wants something from you.”

  “Maybe so.” I bit my lip. “But maybe the thing he wants is forgiveness. Maybe he came here to apologize. And if that’s the case, I should at least hear him out. Because no matter what, everyone deserves a chance to right his wrongs.”

  Dez turned her slightly sun-burned face toward me. It was shadowed with worry. “But that’s what I’m afraid of. That he’ll ask for your forgiveness, and you, with your bleeding heart, will give it to him. And then he’ll ask for more. He’ll ask for you to take him back. What are you going to do then?” She crossed her arms.

  I turned away from her as my thoughts turned inward and ended up looking straight at my reflection in the mirror above the dresser. What was I going to do? My eyes landed on the pretty beads strung around my neck. They felt warm on my chest, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the sun, my body heat, or a warmth they were giving off on their own. As I stared at the beads, a calmness washed in like a gentle tide, sweeping away the confusion and tumult that had tangled around my mind and soul like black seaweed.

  Finally, I knew exactly what to do. “I’ll follow my heart.”

  Chapter 16

  REDEMPTION

  “Remember, we’ll be in the bar right next door,” Dez said to me. She and Estevan had insisted on walking me to the restaurant.

  “Don’t worry,” I tried to reassure her, even though my stomach churned with nervousness. The calmness I’d felt earlier dissipated as soon as we’d arrived at Soda Viquez. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Come straight to the bar when you’re through. If we don’t see you in an hour, I’ve got the policía on speed dial.”

  “An hour?” I frowned. “That’s not going to be enough time.” A vision of Dez barging into the restaurant with the policía while Douglas and I were eating our entrées entered my mind.

  “Okay, then. An hour and a half. Not a minute more. Don’t make me storm in there and raise hell.”

  “Don’t worry.” I gave my friend a parting hug. “Love you, Dezzy.”

  “Tell Douglas I said hello and that I hope his little office hussy gave him a bad rash.” She turned to Estevan. “Let’s go. I’m gonna need a shot of Guaro.”

  I watched the two of them head into the bar that was less than ten paces away.

  Be brave, Phin. You can do this.

  When I stepped into the restaurant, I noted how dimly lit the place was. It was a higher-end restaurant and obviously set-up for romantic occasions. There were crisp white tablecloths, richly colored paintings on the walls, and candles on every table which were spaced far enough apart to keep intimate conversations…well, intimate.

  The hostess approached me with a wide smile. “Buenas noches, señorita. Do you have a reservation?”

  “Um, yes. For two at seven o’clock.” My heartbeat quickened as I scanned the room for Douglas. “Under Dickenson.”

  The hostess checked her book. “Ah, si. Here you are. You are the first in your party to arrive. Would you like to wait at the bar or be seated now?”

  Exasperation flared in me. It was just like Douglas to be late to his own meetings. He’d always acted as if his time were more valuable than everyone else’s. When we were together, he’d kept me waiting alone in fancy restaurants all over Chicago, but I never got angry at him. Instead, I’d always waited patiently, sipping on a glass of wine, checking my cell phone every other second for a text message from him. I used to take the seat facing the entrance of the restaurant so I could watch the door as I counted down the minutes until my Douglas walked through it.

  “I’ll sit at the table,” I said. The hostess led me to one that was in a particularly private corner of the dining area. She removed a card from the table that said Reservada. Seemed like Douglas went through the trouble of specifically requesting this table. Typical. Only the best was good enough for him.

  The hostess pulled out the chair on the side of the table that would give me a view of the entrance.

  I began to take the seat, but suddenly stopped. “Actually,” I said. “I’d like to sit on the other side.” I walked around the table and seated myself.

  “Of course, whatever you wish.” She handed me the drink menu. “Can I offer you anything to drink?”

  Normally, I’d order a glass of wine. But not tonight. “I’ll take a club soda.”

  As I sipped on the fizzy drink, I tried to organize my thoughts. There were so many things I wanted to ask Douglas. Why did he cheat on me? Was the sex getting boring? Was I not ambitious enough? Smart enough? Beautiful enough? I wanted to know why he didn’t come after me when I ran out of his office that night. And why, if he was unhappy, didn’t he just break up with me instead of cheating on me?

  I tried to guess what his answers to all these questions were so that I could be mentally and emotionally prepared for them. But the truth was, after all that’d happened this week, I had to acknowledge the fact that I could try to predict all I wanted, but it wouldn’t necessarily prepare me for the answers.

  As well as I thought I knew and trusted Douglas, his infidelity had blindsided me. At the end of the day, both Byron and Dez were right—everyone keeps a part of themselves hidden from the rest of the world. And it’s usually those parts of themselves that are so ugly that there’s good reason to hide them. More frightening still is the fact that the uglier the secret, the better at lying you had to be to keep it hidden.

  I was so engrossed in my own thoughts, I didn’t hear his footsteps approach from behind me. Suddenly, a hand set down a flower in front of me on the table—a red rose. The flower filled my nostrils with the pungent scent I hated. I glared at the stinking flower, wondering why, of all the beautiful, fragrant flowers in the world, this one ended up as the symbol of love. I looked up at the man who had placed the rose before me—the man who’d turned my world inside out.

  “Hello, Phin.” Douglas smiled. He bent down to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my face away. He paused for a moment, looking surprised and a tad pissed, then kissed my cheek instead. I could smell cigars on his breath. I used to hate it when he smoked them because I could taste it on his breath for days. He knew I hated it, too, but whenever I complained and asked him to stop smoking them, if anything for health reasons, he’d accuse me of trying to control him.

  “Hello, Douglas.” I tried to keep my voice steady and folded my hands together to keep them from trembling.

  “Thanks for showing up.” As he took his seat across the table, Douglas studied my face. “I wasn’t sure you would.” He slid a manila envelope near the edge of the table next to his water glass.

  “I wasn’t sure that I should. Still not sure. But I’m here.”

  “Well, it makes me really happy that you did.” He leaned forward in his seat. “You have no idea how happy.”

  “What did you want to talk about that was so important you had to come all this way?”

  “I’ll get to that. I need a drink first.” He motioned for the waitress and ordered his usual—two fingers of scotch, neat.

  After the waitress delivered the drink, he took down half of it in one gulp. I held back from smirking, as I realized he must be nervous, too. “So, how has your little getaway been? You and Dez having a good time?�
� His tone was casual, but his eyes were intense. I could see that he was trying to read my reaction to his question, but I didn’t understand why.

  “It’s had its ups and downs. Like most vacations.” I said vaguely.

  “Downs?” Douglas raised his eyebrows, more with curiosity than concern. “I hope you and Dez didn’t fight on the trip. My dad always said, Stick two women into a room together for long enough, they’ll go from chatting about hair to pulling each other’s hair for no good reason, other than the fact that they’re women.” He snickered.

  I could feel my lip curl. “It’s too bad I never met your father. He sounds like quite the charming misogynist.” Had he always been this negative toward women, or had our break up turned him bitter? “Look, Douglas. Can we cut the small talk and get to the point? I don’t think you came here because you couldn’t wait another twenty-four hours to hear about my trip.”

  The briefest sneer flickered across Douglas’s expression, his lips pulled back tightly across his bared teeth before he coaxed it smoothly into a smile. He wasn’t used to my speaking to him like this. To tell the truth, I wasn’t used to it either. But for better or for worse, our break up and this trip had changed me.

  I tried to keep my composure as Douglas downed his drink and ordered another. My leg jigged with nervous energy under the table. He was making me wait on purpose. I could see that he was trying to manipulate my emotions, to take back control over the conversation. Douglas never was comfortable in any situation unless he was the one calling all the shots.

  Finally, he met my eyes and answered. “I came here because I want you back, Phin.”

  He voice carried very little emotion. He said it as if he were ordering the filet mignon with the expectation that he’d get exactly what he wanted.

  Bullshit, was my first thought, but I kept it in check. If I went there, he’d only go on the defensive. “Douglas, I—”