He didn’t realize what he’d let slip until Eric’s eyes widened again.
“Did you say…?”
Ben swallowed hard and his heart started pounding. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. “Um….”
“Whoa, hey, hey,” Eric said, and Ben guessed he was transmitting his fear again.
“I am sorry, cariño. I know you’re not ready for—”
“Shh,” Eric said, putting a finger over Ben’s lips. “I… I can’t give those words to you yet. I’m sure I will, hopefully soon. I already care a hell of a lot about you. Losing you scares the shit out of me—losing you, not just my normal fears. But I also am sure I don’t mind hearing them.” He frowned. “That’s not fair to you, I know.”
Ben shook his head. “No. No, listen, cariño,” he said when Eric looked like he wanted to argue. “Listen. That I have not freaked you out with this is what matters to me.”
Eric studied him. “Really?”
Ben nodded. “I cannot lie to you, remember? What does our bond tell you?”
“That you’re not lying.” Eric shook his head. “I don’t deserve you, Ben.”
Ben took a deep breath. “I think you deserve someone who loves you. I will not say me exactly, but after everything you have been through, you most definitely do deserve someone who loves you. I… I do. So if that is me, then yes, you do deserve me.” He swallowed and dropped his gaze to Eric’s shirt collar.
“Well, then. I can’t argue with that, can I?” Eric tilted Ben’s chin up and covered his lips.
Ben didn’t even hesitate to open to him. The kiss heated fast as Eric pulled Ben in again, crushing their bodies together, and even through two layers of twill and cotton, Eric’s body felt so amazing, Ben moaned. It wasn’t until they broke apart and he sucked in air that he realized he hadn’t been breathing, the kiss and the feel of Eric against him taking every ounce of his thought.
Eric tilted his head, kissing a line down Ben’s neck, bringing another moan from Ben. “Tell me if you don’t like something,” he murmured, then nipped at the spot where shoulder met neck. “Someday—I hope sooner, rather than later—I am going to bite you here and seal our bond. And I’m going to work hard to get us there.”
Ben nearly whimpered at the promise. He managed to hold the sound in, but it morphed into a moan when Eric started on the buttons of Ben’s shirt.
It was enough to remind Ben that he wasn’t doing anything. He slid his hands up Eric’s chest, then hesitated at the top button on the shirt. Eric looked up, and Ben met his eyes, waiting for his permission. He nodded in encouragement before going back to nipping at Ben’s neck, then shoulder, as each button came undone and his shirt loosened.
Ben fumbled with Eric’s shirt, then paused and took a breath to gather his wits. It was hard as hell to focus when Eric had already finished with his shirt and was running both hands over his chest.
Finally Ben managed to finish Eric’s buttons, and they pushed the shirts off each other. Ben ran his hands lightly over Eric’s naked chest, savoring the feel of the muscles. Eric had the lightest dusting of hair in the center of his chest, which arrowed to a treasure trail that disappeared under his waistband.
As he took in Eric’s gorgeous muscles, he still worried what this might do to Eric. While it might not strengthen their bond directly, being intimate in this way was bound to change their relationship, even a little. Ben might not have had any experience in a same-sex relationship, but he didn’t think they were all that different from opposite-sex ones. Sex meant intimacy, especially if you cared about each other.
He cleared his throat and decided to make sure one last time. “Cariño, are you sure about—”
Before he could even finish the thought, Eric caught his lips in another kiss and obliterated anything remotely resembling coherence. Eric pulled him in again, and the feel of skin against skin brought new moans from Ben. Eric’s hard cock rubbed against Ben’s, and the last of Ben’s hesitation evaporated.
He pulled back, breaking the kiss, and fumbled with Eric’s belt. His cheeks colored when he couldn’t get the damned thing opened, but that faded when Eric seemed to have as much trouble with Ben’s. Knowing his mate was as nervous as he was actually helped him feel better. Ben took a short breath, let it out, and finally managed to get the belt undone, then turned to the button and zipper.
Eric took that moment to kick off his shoes, and Ben did as well while he worked on Eric’s pants. However, his brain was too far gone to focus on more than one thing at a time, so he concentrated on his shoes first, then opened Eric’s pants.
When they dropped, he expected to see the basic Hanes he’d bought Eric when they’d gone shopping. Instead, what greeted him was black—at least, he thought so, since his vision was gray—and silky and very brief. Ben stared for a long moment at the snug way they fit and the lump filling them, the slight bit of the tip of Eric’s dick sticking up over the top, and his mouth watered. “I do not remember seeing you buy these.”
Eric gave a crooked grin. “Because I didn’t buy them when you were with me. They were meant to be a surprise in case we did do something tonight.”
Ben’s eyes widened. “Does that mean…. Tanner bought them for you?” His wolf did not like that idea and came out a little, because the words were almost growled.
But Eric shook his head quickly. “No, no. I ordered them online a couple of days ago, after you agreed to the date. I just paid a little extra to make sure they were here on time.” The wolf calmed and Eric’s grin returned.
Ben let out a breath. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Oh no. I’m glad you’re possessive of me.”
Ben relaxed a little more. “Well, I definitely like them, cariño,” he said, still staring at them, and his cock twitched and filled even further.
“I’m glad to hear it. But you are way too dressed.” With that Eric finished opening Ben’s pants, and they fell. Ben kicked them to the side, and both of them spent an awkward moment getting rid of their socks. But then they were kissing again as they more stumbled than walked to the bed and fell together.
Ben didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the feel of Eric’s lips on his, of the addictive taste of his mate. If his cock wasn’t so insistent, he could spend an entire evening just kissing Eric. But his cock was hard, ridiculously so, and Ben needed more.
At that moment, though, Eric hauled him in, their legs threading and cocks lining up. Ben rocked into Eric, rubbing their lengths together through their briefs and making Ben groan. If he wasn’t careful, he’d go off like some teenager, right in his underwear, and he did not want to embarrass himself that way.
He pushed Eric onto his back, trying to distract himself. Ben had no idea how often something like this might happen—or when it might again—and he wanted to take his time, learning as much about Eric and savoring the experience as much as he could. This time he caught Eric’s lips and poured his want for Eric into it, making it long and thorough.
When he broke the kiss, he dove for Eric’s neck, nipped along it, then made his way over Eric’s chest. Eric threaded his fingers through Ben’s hair, and Ben looked up to find Eric’s heated, intense gaze fixed on him. Ben teased one nipple, flicking it with his tongue, bringing a shout from Eric, whose hand briefly tightened in Ben’s hair.
“Fuck, baby!”
Ben grinned and, his eyes locked to Eric’s, moved to the other one. He gave it the same treatment, pulling a groan from Eric this time. Then Ben turned his attention back to the chest in front of him, briefly rubbing his face over the hair. By this time Eric’s sounds seemed to merge one into the other, and Ben thrilled in the evidence that he was doing the right things to pleasure his mate.
Ben followed the treasure trail but stopped to tease along the top edge of the black silk briefs. He stayed carefully away from the precum dripping from Eric’s dick. He had no idea if that little bit would make a difference, but he wasn’t taking chances. Instead, he brushed his lips over the silk-covered leng
th. Eric’s shout this time made Ben’s cock jump. He had to pause briefly to again struggle with his wolf, who wanted so much more than he was doing. He won, of course, but his wolf was most definitely not happy about it.
He pushed the thought off and focused on going back to teasing Eric, but Eric had, apparently, had enough of that. He tugged on Ben, who moved up along Eric’s body and settled in next to him.
“Much more of that, baby, and I’d be spraying the inside of those briefs.”
Ben couldn’t stop a chuckle at that, making Eric grin. “I had that same thought earlier.”
“Yeah. Well, it’s my turn,” Eric said, then dove for Ben’s neck, and Ben struggled to find some little bit of sanity. Eric’s lips on his, then nipping a line over his neck and chest, teasing his nipples, tracing the lines of his muscles, brushing over his own treasure trail—all of it stole Ben’s ability to think. His cock jumped, precum leaking copiously, and it took everything Ben had to keep from doing more than resting his hand on Eric’s head. He needed that bit of touch, but it was so hard not to pull on the hair, not to nudge Eric where Ben wanted him. Because that way lay disaster and Ben couldn’t forget it.
Instead, he gripped the headboard with his other hand and tried not to come when Eric ran his lips over Ben’s length through the cotton. There’d just been too much touch, too much everything, and Ben was sure he was going to go off any moment. “Cariño. If you do not… oh fuck, stop, I….”
To Ben’s mingled frustration and relief, Eric did, in fact, stop. He sat up and tugged on the waistband of Ben’s briefs, and Ben lifted his hips to help Eric get them off. Gaze focused on Ben, Eric leaned down and very gently kissed Ben’s cock.
“One day soon, I’m going to taste all of this,” Eric whispered.
Ben couldn’t stop the mental image of Eric’s lips wrapped around his cock. Despite his best efforts, he let out a small sound while Eric wiggled out of his own briefs, cock springing free and making Ben’s mouth water. It was just a little larger than his, and he wanted nothing more than to push Eric over and swallow it whole, or beg Eric to fuck him. Or something.
He was grateful when Eric effectively derailed Ben’s thoughts by asking, “Do you happen to have any lube?” Ben nodded, leaned over Eric, and dug into the bedside table drawer. He emerged with the half-filled bottle and handed it over.
Before Ben could say or do anything, Eric kissed him again, their tongues sliding, the taste filling him. Ben broke the kiss when Eric wrapped his hand around Ben’s cock. He moaned, lost to the feel of Eric’s hand on his naked length, forgetting everything but the sensation of Eric stroking him. He bucked without meaning to, the pleasure taking all of his attention.
Eric brushed his thumb over the tip of Ben’s cock, spreading the precum and sending a sharp spike of pleasure through Ben. A moment later, however, Eric let go, and Ben panted hard as Eric fumbled with the bottle. Eventually he got it open and poured some into his hand, then held it out for Ben.
It took Ben a few seconds to calm down enough to actually work the stupid bottle. He was so aroused, needed so much, his hands shook. He couldn’t remember it ever being this… needy, this almost desperate before. Finally he had some of the lube in his palm and could focus once more on pleasuring Eric. He wrapped his hand around Eric’s length, spreading the slick over it, then started stroking him.
Eric’s “Ben” was almost a shout. If he’d been thinking clearly, Ben would have been embarrassed by how loud it was—but then he remembered Tanner and Finley weren’t home. As it was, Eric chose that moment to reciprocate, spreading the lube over Ben’s cock and stroking it, so he couldn’t think enough to worry about it.
Within what could only be a minute or two, Ben was having trouble holding back. It seemed ridiculous he could be that close that fast, but he was. Maybe it was the fact that it was Eric, the man he’d fallen so hard for, his destined mate. Or maybe it was an entire evening of touching, kissing, feeling so much. Ben didn’t know and couldn’t muster enough brain power to care.
“Oh gods, cariño, so good,” he moaned, and Eric’s hand tightened. “So… I’m so—going to….”
“Me too, baby,” Eric said, panting hard. “Feels amazing.” He kissed Ben again, and the combination of the deep kiss, the hand around his cock, the feel of the length in his hand… all of it was just enough.
With a shout that Eric swallowed with their kiss, Ben’s climax hit, the pleasure more than he’d ever felt. He broke the kiss, moaning Eric’s name as he coated their chests and hands in his cum. Eric kept going, stroking him through the orgasm, stretching the pleasure out.
Just as Ben calmed down, Eric buried his face in Ben’s neck, a long, low groan coming out as he covered them in his own cum. He rocked into Ben’s hand, and Ben cobbled together enough wits to tighten it, doing his best to prolong Eric’s orgasm as much as he could. Eric shook in Ben’s arms, and Ben savored the knowledge of the pleasure he was giving.
They both went boneless at the same time, nearly melting into the mattress. Eric looked up at Ben and their lips met, this kiss slower but no less full than the rest. They might not have strengthened their mate bond, but there was no doubt Ben felt closer, no doubt of the emotion Eric put into the kiss. Maybe he couldn’t use the word yet, couldn’t say it out loud, but Ben could feel how much Eric wanted him, cared about him, through the kiss.
When they broke apart, Eric studied Ben, his eyes dancing over Ben’s face. “You are… amazing and wonderful and… I… I’ve never been one much with words.” He shook his head. “That was….”
“Incredible,” Ben finished for him. Eric’s smile spread and he nodded. “So are you, cariño. Thank you,” he said softly, then kissed Eric, though keeping it soft and almost chaste.
They lay in silence for several long moments. Ben wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to sleep surrounded by his mate’s scent, yet not being close physically. Normally the scent calmed him, but the smell of sex and cum was also heavy in the air and would only serve to remind him of what he still didn’t have yet.
He didn’t mean to let the sigh out, and when Eric frowned at it, he wanted to kick himself for it.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
Ben shook his head. He was not going to guilt Eric into something he wasn’t ready for. He hadn’t always been right about what would freak Eric out, but he really did not think Eric needed to hear this.
“Hey, hey.” Eric lifted Ben’s chin until they were looking at each other. “I might not have had the best relationship with Kim, but I learned a few things from it. One of those was that not talking about things only causes problems. I know something’s wrong. Even without our bond, I know. What is it?”
Ben sighed again, then blurted, “I do not want to be without you tonight.” He closed his eyes, hoping and praying—in a way he never had before—that Eric didn’t freak.
“I don’t want to be without you either.”
Ben’s eyes flew open and he stared at Eric. “You… do not?”
Eric shook his head. “No. I’m not sure I could sleep without you. Regardless of whether I could or not, though, I don’t want to.”
“But….” Ben swallowed.
“No, no ‘buts.’ We both know I’m not ready to strengthen our mate bond further, but the rest of our relationship? Yeah, I’m going to do everything I can to work on that. I’m not going to get up after we’ve had sex—even as limited as it was—and go to my own bed to leave you here alone.”
Resting his forehead on Eric’s chest, Ben closed his eyes again. “I do not want you to feel like I am pushing you.”
“You’re not, baby. I was trying to figure out how to bring it up, actually.” Eric chuckled, and Ben looked up once more. “Really. I want to be here. I want you here, in my arms. My wolf is never calmer or happier than when your scent is so close. I’m calmer, happier, when you’re close to me. And….” He paused and took a breath. “And that’s not just the destined link either, baby.”
> Ben couldn’t stop the smile over that. “I, we—my wolf and I—are the same.”
Eric kissed him softly. “Then I suppose we should clean up a little and settle in. It’s getting kind of late.”
Ben chuckled. “Yes, it is.”
A short while later, they were clean and had settled in a tangle of limbs under the covers. Eric’s scent filled Ben, and just before he drifted off, Ben whispered, “I love you.” Eric’s arms tightened, and Ben fell asleep to a kiss on his forehead.
Chapter 11
ERIC LAY in the early-morning quiet, with Ben tight against him, his arms around his mate. He liked that the thought—the idea of having a mate—didn’t bother him nearly as much anymore as it used to. The concept of bonding still scared him, but he could admit even that wasn’t as bad as it’d been.
Everything with Ben was so different than what he’d had with Kim. It wasn’t gender, he was sure of that. Some of it was that Ben was his destined mate, and that undoubtedly helped. But that wasn’t all of it. Everything felt different, from simple touch to the pet name—and not just because it was in Spanish. She used to call him “baby,” but when he compared it to “cariño,” Ben’s felt more… real, somehow, like there was more meaning behind it. Probably because there was.
Eric was sure, somewhere along the way, he’d loved her. While he wasn’t quite ready to say the words to Ben, he already knew what he felt for Ben was different and more than he had for her.
The sad part to him was that he wasn’t sure she’d ever loved him. She’d said it, at least up until he’d claimed her. But he couldn’t remember her saying it more than a handful of times after. And thinking back on it now, especially when he compared it to Ben saying it, Eric was sure she hadn’t meant it. She might have loved the idea of him—or what she and his parents wanted him to be—but she didn’t love him. The him who wanted to craft leather goods for a living. Not because he couldn’t go to college—he’d done quite well in high school and would have been fine in college—but because he loved what he did for the leather business, creating designs and pictures in the leather for them to make bags and other things with. She didn’t love the him who wanted a nice small house, a few pups, and a more or less quiet life.
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