Ben had fallen in love with him when he hadn’t even been mostly human, when he’d still been struggling to remember how to use a knife and fork, when he’d been trying to relearn how to filter basic smells and sounds. And when Ben had said those words, terrified they’d freak Eric out, there’d been nothing but real emotion behind them.
Eric closed his eyes and buried his face in Ben’s short brown curls. He took a deep inhale, letting Ben’s scent fill him. His cock twitched, remembering the night before, remembering Ben’s lips and hands on him, the insane need and want going through him. He’d had a few good nights with Kim. But he could admit, he didn’t think any of them—even though what he and Ben had done had been so basic—would compare. He’d wanted and been wanted, and there’d been absolutely no doubt about it.
He wanted Ben again, though he didn’t want to keep suggesting sex that wouldn’t allow them to bond. Once or twice might not bother Ben, but after a while, Eric was sure it would get to him. Hell, it bothered him that he wasn’t ready to bond. He didn’t like the idea of a lot of sex that wouldn’t let them bond.
“You are thinking very hard, cariño. I can hear the gears turning from here.”
Eric laughed, tightening his arms. “Good morning, baby.” He kissed the top of Ben’s head, and Ben looked up at him.
“Good morning. I’m glad to see you smiling. You do not regret staying, then?”
Eric shook his head. “Most definitely not. I hope you don’t want the bed to yourself again.” He held his breath a little, knowing what he was saying, hoping Ben would want it too. They both knew he wasn’t ready to claim, so they’d be sharing a bed without bonding. He wasn’t sure if Ben would even be able to handle that.
“You… want to stay with me?” Ben asked, eyes widening.
With a nod, Eric took a breath. “I’m still not sure when I will be ready to bond. But… I haven’t slept this well in years, Ben. Having you here, against me, in my arms, was… almost perfect.”
“Almost?” Ben raised his eyebrows.
“It will be once we claim each other. Until then, I’ll take almost.”
Ben’s face split into a smile. “I can accept almost.”
“Can you handle this? Sleeping together without being bonded? Will it hurt you?”
Ben hesitated and Eric swallowed, but he realized Ben was seriously thinking it through, not hesitating necessarily because he didn’t want to. He was giving an honest answer, not just immediate platitudes that might not be true.
Finally Ben nodded. “I can handle it. I think it would be much better for me—for us—to be together.”
“Then I will.” Eric grinned.
Ben grinned too. “Good. I realized something last night, though. I do not know why I did not think of it before. We could buy condoms. We would be able to do—”
Before he was finished speaking, Eric was shaking his head. “Don’t get me wrong, baby. I would love to do more with you. But….” He blew out a breath. “Once. Once, Kim and I had sex without a condom. Only once. She was terrified of getting pregnant. I understand now that she never wanted pups. At the time I didn’t understand, but that didn’t make it any better. She would not risk it. I think she also didn’t want to bond with me beyond what she had to.” He shook his head again. “But when we make love, baby, I don’t want anything between us. I want to bond.” He swallowed. “My fears are enough of a barrier.”
“Then we will not use them. I am sorry, cariño. I did not know how you felt.”
“Don’t be sorry. Of course you didn’t know. We never brought it up.” Eric kissed Ben softly. “I’ll work on us. I’m not going to let this go on forever.” He sighed. “If we don’t get up, however, I may do something we’ll regret. You are a very sexy man, my mate. Besides, I need to talk to Tanner. It’s time I get other parts of my—our—life moving.”
“Oh?” Ben tilted his head.
Eric nodded. “Yes. I’ll tell you once I talk to Tanner, though. Let me be sure of a couple of things first?”
“All right, cariño.” Ben hesitated briefly, then kissed Eric. When they broke apart, with his eyes still closed, he buried his face in Eric’s neck. “I like feeling like I can do that.”
“Me too, baby.” Eric brushed at the brown curls lightly. “I’m sorry again for—”
“You have apologized. No more.” Ben looked up, and Eric considered him, then nodded.
“Okay. Well. How about some breakfast?”
Ben smiled. “Yes. But I think I might want to shower before that.” He wrinkled his nose.
Eric laughed. “You can take the first one.”
WHILE BEN was showering, Eric pulled his pants on from the night before and went back to his own room to get clean clothes for the day. He considered whether or not he should actually move his few things into Ben’s room, but he didn’t want to assume and decided it would be a discussion for later. In the meantime he pulled on his jeans and went to find Tanner.
He found his best friend in front of the coffee maker, watching it brew. Tanner turned to him with a grin on his face. He sniffed, then raised an eyebrow. “Okay, not claimed, but his scent is all over you.”
Eric scowled, though there was little heat in it. “I’m still working on that. He understands.” He waved a hand when Tanner rolled his eyes. “Shaddup. We’ve got that part worked out for now. But….” He took a deep breath. “I would like to start trying to work with the leather tools again. And… I want to get back to working. Do you think there might be something I can do at the shop, even if I can’t do the big designs yet?”
Tanner grinned. “Hell yeah. There’s always a place for you there, dude.”
Eric frowned. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to what I used to be able to do, but—”
“You will.” Tanner nodded. “I’m sure of it. When do you want to go back?”
“Everyone’s so sure,” Eric muttered as he considered it for a moment. “Maybe Monday?”
“That’s fine.”
“Good. Um, also… I need a computer, but at this point, I have no fucking clue where to look or what to get. I’ll buy it.” Eric scowled, waiting for Tanner to argue, but thankfully Tanner stayed quiet, so he continued. “I just don’t know where to begin. It needs to be able to run a language program, though I doubt that would take up a lot of processing power or other resources.”
Tanner’s grin came back. “I can pick something out if you want. Language, huh? That wouldn’t be Spanish by any chance, would it?”
“Duh. What else would I want to learn?” Eric shook his head, punching Tanner in the arm, then looked away. “Hey, um… if it could run an art program, that’d be cool…. Is Photoshop still a thing?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what version they’re on now, but it’s still out there and popular.”
Eric nodded, relieved when Tanner didn’t say anything more about it. His art was still a sore spot for him. “Okay, yeah. If it can run that, I’d like that. I also need to get a license or ID or something.” He rubbed his face. “I’ve got a lot of shit to do.”
“We can help with it. Let us do what we can.”
Eric nodded, and Tanner put a hand on Eric’s shoulder.
“Good. I’m glad to see you getting back into things, man.”
“I’m trying.” Eric looked up and met Tanner’s eyes. “He’s worth it. He’s worth anything and everything I can do to get my life back. She fucked me over, man.” Eric smiled when Tanner scowled. “But I refuse to let her ruin my entire life.”
“I’m glad to hear that. She caused a lot of problems when she did what she did,” Tanner said, then took a sip of his coffee. “To more than just you. But I can only imagine what it must have felt like. Not that I want to, mind you, but I can.”
“Pure hell,” Eric said succinctly. He pulled out a coffee mug, then put it in the machine, changed out the K-Cup, and hit brew. He turned around and leaned against the counter, considering his friend. “I’ve still got things to work on
. Even recognizing all the shit she put me through, how wrong things were… I still haven’t forgotten what it was like when she broke the bond. I’m still putting that away.” Eric pulled the coffee out of the machine and took a sip. “But I am sick and tired of being afraid too. Yeah, she hurt me. And I fucked up. But it’s past time I do something about both of those things.”
ERIC LET the hot water beat down on him as he turned things over in his head. His decisions to go back to work, to get a better handle on life, felt right. It was time—past time—to stop letting what had happened control him. He’d been letting it, he could admit that, and he was better than that.
He shut the water off and gave himself a cursory pat down with the towel. Wiping the steam off the mirror, he considered himself. He needed a haircut and a good shave, but he liked what he saw. He’d always been pretty happy with himself. He was infinitely grateful Ben seemed to be too.
When his face was clear of hair, he pulled on clean jeans and T-shirt, then went in search of his mate. Ben was on the back deck, coffee cup in hand. Eric stepped up behind him and wrapped both arms around him. “Let’s see if I get this right. Buenas días?”
“Buenos,” Ben corrected him gently, turning in his arms.
“Buenos días,” Eric said, and Ben nodded, grinning.
“Sí.”
Eric chuckled. “I’ve asked Tanner to help me get a computer. I’ll start working on Spanish with it as soon as I get it.” He took a breath and let it out. “I’m also going back to work.”
“That’s wonderful!” Ben kissed him hard. “At the shop?”
Eric nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know when I might be able to do the designs I used to, but….” He shrugged.
“Have patience, cariño. It will take time, but you are capable of doing it.”
“I hope you’re right. I’ve missed it. I also wanted to ask you something.” Eric took a breath, then let it out slowly. “Would you want us to, uh, have our… err… do you want us in the same room? Like….” He sighed. “Do you want me to move my things in with you?”
Ben blinked at him. “Of course, cariño. Why would I not want you to?”
Eric couldn’t look up at him, instead staring at the collar on his T-shirt. “I don’t know. This is all just… I’ve never done this before. It’s all new to me. When Kim and I claimed, we lived with my folks for a long time. We’d just gotten our own place when she left. So….”
“It’s new to me too. I’ve never lived anywhere but with my parents. But… I do not see why we should not share a room completely.”
“Well….” Eric paused to try to find the right words. “It’s the same reason I hesitated to say I wanted to sleep together. We’re not claimed, not even bonded. I don’t want to make you—”
Ben tilted Eric’s chin up, and before he could even make a sound, Ben’s lips covered his. Eric’s eyes slid closed, and he let himself get lost in the kiss. When they broke apart, he struggled to breathe for a moment. “I love you, Eric,” Ben murmured, kissing him again softly. “We’ll get through this, together. We will work through your fears. I believe we are better together for it.”
Eric swallowed and considered Ben, smiling when he saw nothing but determination in his mate’s beautiful brown eyes. “Then I suppose we ought to spend today moving things into our room, huh?”
Ben’s grin was wide. “Sí, cariño. We definitely will take the day to make it ours.”
DETERMINATION WAS all well and good, but saying you’re going to do something and actually doing it were two different things. Were it not for Ben holding his hand, Eric thought he might fly apart into a million tiny pieces when he stepped into the main shop building the following Monday morning. He’d been friends with many of the pack members who worked in the shop, and though he was sure Tanner or Alpha Noah had told them what happened, he’d just disappeared on them. He had no doubt at least some of them were angry over it. Eric took a deep breath, focused again on Ben’s hand, then looked around.
The store itself was off in its own building next to the shop. They also sold pieces online—thanks to Tanner’s insistence on a web presence—as well as on consignment to some of the nature shops around the area. Eric had rarely been in the store itself. Most of what he saw was the unfinished pieces of leather he put his designs on, then sent them off to another part of the shop to be worked into the bags, backpacks, and such for the shop to sell.
The front office only took up a small portion of the building. Most of the space was dedicated to working the leather and assembling the items to sell. The office consisted of the reception area, complete with the same lady wolf, Belinda, who’d been there for as long as Eric could remember. Behind her, the rest of the space was divided up into two other offices. Tanner had one of them, though he didn’t spend all his time there, and the other would be Ben’s office.
“Oh my gods, Eric!” Belinda shouted, jumping up and coming around her desk. Before Eric could brace himself, he was wrapped up in her arms, smashed against her rather ample chest, and squeezed.
His mate saved him. The growl had Belinda jumping back and blushing.
“I’m so sorry! Eric, is this—”
“My mate,” Eric said, grinning and turning to Ben. “Don’t worry, baby. She’s old enough to be my mom… and way more motherly than mine was.”
Belinda smacked his arm. “Way to make me feel old.”
Eric flashed her another grin. “Sorry, Bel. This is Ben, my destined mate… and our new accountant.”
“Oh ho! Yes, Diana doesn’t mess around with those destined mates, does she? Congratulations, honey!” Her nose twitched, and Eric was sure she was putting together that they hadn’t claimed each other yet, but she was courteous enough to not ask. She turned instead to Ben. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m the closest thing you’ll have to an assistant, though I’m afraid I’m not good with the financial stuff beyond paying bills and depositing payments and the like.”
Ben smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you too. And that’s okay. I am good with it.”
A wave of nervousness hit Eric across their bond, and Eric remembered Ben’s worry about his background, especially since his accent was so recognizable. Eric didn’t know what to do to help Ben feel better, other than to pull him closer and put an arm around him. It must have been the right thing, because the nervousness eased a bit and Ben’s arm came around Eric, holding tight.
“Well, that’s good. Noah’s still doing some, but I know he’s busy being the alpha prime.” She shook her head. “Still getting over that.”
“You and everyone else,” Tanner said from behind them. “Especially him. We’re going to show Ben around the place. Is his office ready?”
Belinda nodded. “Haven’t done much of anything to it since Noah left.”
“Good.” Tanner turned to Ben. “Come on, guys.”
They took the short hallway down to the shop floor itself, and before Eric could so much as look around, someone—a female with a voice he didn’t readily recognize—shouted his name and the three of them were practically mobbed. Blonde hair covered his face as a pair of arms wrapped around him, and it was only the low growl from his mate—saved yet again by Ben—that had them releasing him. Eric finally recognized the woman as Annie, a girl who had been behind him a year in school and who’d been a friend, if not a close one.
“Oops!” she said, backing up quickly. “Sorry!”
Eric braced himself for the anger he expected, then took in all the faces turned toward him. But instead of anger, he saw all smiles. A few looked curiously toward Ben, then back at him.
“Hi.” Eric had to clear his throat to be able to speak. “Um… I’m, uh, back. And, uh….”
Tanner waved to Ben. “This is Ben Arellano—”
“Dammit, you never pronounce his name right,” Eric growled. Tanner smirked, and Eric knew Tanner had done it on purpose. He glared, promising retribution later—Tanner didn’t look the least concerned—then turned back to t
he rest of the folks. “It’s Arellano,” he said, putting the correct pronunciation on it. “He’s my destined mate. And our new accountant.”
Chaos followed this announcement, with a lot of handshakes, back-patting, congratulations, welcomes, and “glad you’re back” comments. Eric, in fact, was more than a little overwhelmed.
As was Ben, if the stunned look on his face was anything to go by—and the complete lack of anything across their bond. “They… they really do not care?” he whispered in Eric’s ear.
Eric shook his head, not even pretending he didn’t know what Ben was talking about. He wanted to say “I told you so” but instead said, “Nope. They don’t. The rest of the pack won’t either.”
Ben shook his head as if to clear it, then turned to the people still congratulating them. “Thank you,” he said, sounding more than a little stunned.
It took more time than Eric would have liked to extricate them from the well-wishers. It wasn’t until Tanner made a few pointed comments about them needing to get settled that the others got the hint and went back to their workstations.
Tanner walked with them into the section where Eric’s work area had been before he’d left, pointing to the exact same spot he used to occupy. “Dad wouldn’t let anyone else take over. He was sure you’d come back and need your job.” Tanner waved at the workbench, and despite what he’d been saying since Eric returned, Eric was surprised to see the tools in the exact places he’d put them when he’d closed up for the day the last time he’d been here. The lights were still set up just as Eric had liked them. Aside from being cleaned, it looked like nothing had been touched. There was a new addition in the form of a computer off to the side, and the bin of leather to be worked on was, of course, empty. But otherwise it was exactly as Eric had left it.
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