“I can’t believe he kept it for me,” Eric muttered, shaking his head.
“Dad was sure you leaving wasn’t permanent. I don’t know what made him so sure, but he was. So… there you are. I’m sure Dave—he’s still in charge of the leather—can get you some scraps and such to practice with if you want to do that before starting a project.”
Eric frowned. “I’m still not sure I can do all that again.”
“I believe you can, cariño.”
Eric glanced at Ben and smiled. “Well, maybe. I guess practicing on scraps is the best idea, yeah. Uh, is there stuff I can do besides that for work?”
Tanner didn’t roll his eyes, but Eric was sure he wanted to. He sighed instead. “If you really feel the need, talk to Jack.” He turned to Ben. “That’s the shop… foreman, I guess you’d call him. He kinda manages everyone, though we don’t really need to have them managed, for the most part. Anyway.” He turned back to Eric. “If you insist on doing something else, one of our shipping guys just moved out of the pack a few weeks back, so we’re short a guy. If nothing else, you can package stuff to be sent out.”
Eric nodded. “Okay, yeah. I can do that. I’ll practice. If….” He rolled his eyes. “If I feel comfortable with the tools again, I’ll start on simple designs.”
Tanner shook his head. “Whatever. Come on, Ben. Let’s get you settled.”
Ben turned to Eric. “Can I kiss you here?”
Eric pulled Ben into his arms and did it without answering. When they broke apart, he smiled. “Our alpha has a same-sex mate. If the pack couldn’t handle it, we’d already know.”
Ben chuckled. “Okay, yeah.” He paused, biting his lip, then said, “I love you.” Before Eric could say or do anything in reaction, Ben gave Eric another quick kiss, and then he and Tanner disappeared through the door to the offices.
Eric stared after them for a long moment, letting the warmth of those three tiny words go through him. With a deep breath, he went in search of Jack.
Chapter 12
BEN ENDED up getting lost in accounts and numbers and ledgers and stayed late. He’d apologized profusely to Eric when he’d shown up at the end of the day, but Eric had kissed him, assured him it was fine, and went on home. Tanner had arranged for Finley to drop his car off, and then they’d left as well.
So, much later than he would have liked, Ben finally walked through the front door of Tanner and Finley’s house. He still hadn’t gotten to thinking of it as home yet. He hung his car keys on the hook they had by the door, then wandered through the main room. When he didn’t see Eric, Ben kept going through the dining room and found him on the back deck at the table. A pouch lay off to the side, tools made a mess in front of Eric, and he held one as he pressed it into a small piece of leather.
Ben stepped up behind Eric as he worked. The lines and squiggles looked pretty basic, but Ben would be the first to admit he had no clue what was what when it came to Eric’s work. Ben made a mental note to learn the names of the tools and get at least a rudimentary understanding of the process that went into setting the designs into leather. Aside from wanting to understand the company he worked for, he wanted to understand what his mate did for a living.
Eric inhaled deeply as he set the tool down, then looked up over his shoulder. He took Ben’s hand and tugged until Ben moved around and was straddling Eric’s lap. “I will never get tired of that scent,” Eric murmured, burying his face in Ben’s neck.
“That’s good, cariño. Or our mating might get pretty boring.” Ben wrapped his arms around Eric, then dropped a rather awkward kiss to Eric’s temple when he chuckled.
“Took you a while, yeah?”
“Yes, I’m sorry. I got lost in the accounts and learning how the former alpha had things set up. But….” Ben let go of Eric and lifted a small plastic bag he held. “I did go into town for something else.” He pulled a little square envelope out and held it up.
“Is that?”
“Guitar strings. I’m sorry again that I did not realize they were broken.”
Eric waved that away. “While I may be a bit impatient with myself, I am not going to give you shit for something that’s not your fault. I can be patient with you.” He grinned and Ben laughed.
“Have you eaten?”
Eric nodded. “Yeah, Fin and Tanner made some meatloaf. There are leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.”
Ben shook his head. “I stopped at McDonald’s drive-through on the way home.” He caught Eric’s lips in a soft kiss, then sat up again. “Let me go get my guitar. How is the leatherworking coming?”
Eric wrinkled his nose. “Slow, but that’s to be expected. Opposable thumbs aside, it’s been a long time since I’ve worked with the tools. It’ll take a while to get used to using them again.”
“I do not doubt that. I’m sure you will, though.”
“You know….” Eric dropped his gaze to Ben’s chest. “Your confidence in me helps. I mean, I’m beginning to believe I’ll get back to doing some designs and stuff, but I’m still not sure about the really complicated stuff.” He sighed. “But… knowing you believe in me helps me feel better about it.”
Ben tilted Eric’s face up and kissed him again. “I do believe in you. I’ve seen your art. Tanner has shown me pictures of some of the things you have done before. It’s still in you. Some things never go away.”
“I hope not.” Eric tightened his arms and rested his face against Ben’s chest.
Ben wrapped his arms back around Eric and buried his nose in Eric’s long black hair. He took a deep inhale, savoring his mate’s scent, though that caused its own problems. He hoped Eric didn’t feel his cock stiffening, because he knew Eric was still hesitant about anything sexual, thanks to the fears about bonding. He didn’t think he succeeded entirely, but he also thought Eric seemed to be having similar problems. When Eric didn’t say anything, though, Ben started to worry. “Are you okay, cariño?”
Eric didn’t speak, just nodded. Ben didn’t think he was lying exactly—nothing came across their bond—but something was off.
“What is it?” He tried to ease back, but Eric tightened his arms.
For once Ben was right, though he wished he wasn’t.
Eric sighed. “I want you,” he murmured, looking up. “But I’m still not ready to bond—even partially—and it’s not fair to you for us to keep doing stuff that’s not going to let us bond.”
Ben tilted Eric’s chin up. “But we do bond, cariño.” When Eric raised his eyebrows, Ben nodded. “It’s not mating, not the bond that would physically hurt if something happened to me—the only way I would leave you, though I understand you’re not able to trust that yet—but our relationship. We still get closer when we do sexual things together.”
Eric frowned. “I never thought of it that way.”
“It’s one of the things I was most worried about when we were together the other night. It is still intimate, even if the bond between our wolves does not strengthen.”
“That does make sense.” Eric gave a small smile. “If you’re sure it’s not going to hurt you, then….”
“I would love to be with you tonight, cariño. But first… I have a guitar to fix and some music to play for you.”
The smile turned into a grin. “Indeed.” Eric pulled Ben in until their lips met, but this kiss was definitely not soft. When they broke apart, Ben was having quite a bit of difficulty simply breathing. “Now… how about that music?”
Ben shook his head hard. “It will be difficult to remember how to tune my guitar since you scrambled my brains.”
Eric laughed. “They’re not scrambled. They just… took a side trip south.”
Ben snorted. “Something like that. I’ll be back in a minute.” With a kiss to Eric’s temple, Ben went to get his guitar.
IT TOOK Ben longer than he would have liked to replace the strings and tune the guitar. But finally he had them done. The problem was, as soon as he was ready, his mind went completely blan
k. He frowned, picking lightly with his fingers as he tried to think of something he could play.
“What about something Spanish?”
Ben raised his eyebrows, but when Eric nodded, Ben smiled. “Okay.” He flipped through his mental songs, then started playing softly. He had a couple of false starts, his cheeks heating. But with a glance at Eric, who was just smiling and watching him, Ben took a breath and tried once more. This time he picked at the strings, the song coming back quickly. He sang quietly, not even thinking about it, as he did.
He didn’t look up until he finished. When he did, Eric looked downright spellbound. Ben’s cheeks heated again, but the smile Eric gave him relaxed him.
“If I keep going, will you keep practicing?”
Eric gave an overdramatic sigh. “I guess.”
Ben sighed. “Cariño, you will be much happier if you can get back to doing your leatherwork, yes?”
Eric stuck his tongue out. “Yes.” He turned back to his work but then looked up at Ben again. “More in Spanish?”
That put a smile on Ben’s face. “Definitely.” As Ben started the next song, Eric turned back to his leather.
He—they—lost track of time. It wasn’t until Ben looked up and found both Tanner and Finley sitting in the other chairs that he realized how much time had passed. It was almost dark. He’d been so wrapped up in the music. Eric had apparently put the tools away, and Ben blushed at not even noticing any of it. He’d only stopped to rest his hand.
The heat in his cheeks intensified, and he cleared his throat. “Um, hello. I, uh—”
“You play very well,” Finley said, grinning.
Eric scowled. “He plays more than ‘very well.’” He shook his head, rolling his eyes when Tanner laughed. “You’re an asshole, now that you’re alpha.”
Tanner grinned. “I’ve always been a bit of an asshole. You’re only now figuring that out?”
Eric didn’t bother replying, turning instead back to Ben. “It was beautiful. It’s a shame your mamá didn’t want you to play.”
Ben shrugged a shoulder. “Being an accountant led me here.”
“Yes, and we all have work in the morning,” Tanner said, standing. “I am heading to bed. Night, folks!”
“Night!” Finley called as he followed Tanner into the house.
“So, mate,” Eric began, “are you up for a little nonscary bonding?”
Ben laughed at the phrasing. “Nice. Yes, cariño. Let me put my guitar away.”
Eric stood and leaned over to catch Ben’s lips. He kept it soft but still lingered. “I’ll help. Can’t wait to have you in my arms.”
That did all sorts of warm and good things to Ben’s insides—and made his wolf happy in the process. “Then we should hurry.”
“OKAY, SO, the biggest thing you have to learn is how to trust your wolf,” Eric said as he sat next to Ben. They’d just caught up to Chad and Jamie in the forest behind Tanner and Finley’s place a short while ago. Now they sat together opposite the other two. Ben tried not to let it bother him that there were two other naked gay men near his mate. Only the space between them kept him from wanting to growl.
“That, I think, is what takes so long to be able to go back to being human full-time,” Chad added. “It took me quite a while before I trusted him.”
“It did?” Ben asked, blinking.
Chad nodded. “Yeah. It didn’t help that after I’d been changed and woke up—in wolf form—he had a solid hold and would not let go. Everything I tried to get him to let me shift, he just got pissed at, then held on longer.”
“Ugh. That must have been fun.” Eric shook his head.
“Scared the shit out of me,” Jamie muttered.
Chad kissed Jamie’s temple. “Yeah, no. Finally Jamie and I went hunting, and when I let him do what his natural instincts called him to do… well, then I could shift. But I still didn’t trust him for a long time. For a while I was afraid he wouldn’t let go, let me shift back to human form. And I’d bet, as little time as you’ve spent with him, that’s what’s hard for you.”
Ben was nodding even before Chad finished. “Yes. I’ve hunted some when I was back with Papá, but we did not have the opportunity to very often. We did not run with the rest of the pack, and the hunting ground where we would not be disturbed was not very plentiful.”
Chad wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, I can see that being a problem.”
Eric touched Ben’s hand. “What you need to remember, baby, is that your wolf already knows how to do all this stuff. He can hunt, track, and all that without your help. But you have to trust in his instinct.”
Ben frowned. “But how do I do that?”
“Well, that’s why Eric asked me here.” Chad smiled. “It takes a while for you to shift, right?”
“Yes.” Ben nodded.
“That’s a good place to start. One of the reasons it takes you a while is because you don’t trust him. Probably, at least subconsciously, like I was early on, you’re afraid he won’t let the human side of you take over again.”
“You think so?” Jamie asked, frowning. “Even though he’s had his wolf all his life?”
Eric nodded at Jamie, then cleared his throat and turned to Ben. “You told me once your mamá used to spank you for shifting uncontrollably.”
“Yes.” Ben hesitated. “Do you think that’s part of it?”
Chad whistled. “Really?”
Eric scowled. “Yes. Can you imagine treating your kid that way?” When Ben frowned again, Eric turned to him. “I’m sorry, it just… you shouldn’t have had to go through that.”
“No one should.” Jamie shook his head. “As bad as my parents were about my orientation, at least I didn’t have problems like that.”
“Yours were both wolves, though, right?” Eric asked. When Jamie nodded, Eric did as well. “Yeah, see, they got it. Ben’s mamá is human. Anyway,” he said, turning once more back to Ben. “I’d bet that has something to do with it.”
Ben sighed. “You’re right, cariño.”
Eric kissed Ben’s cheek. “You are, in fact, stronger than your wolf. It is extremely rare that we lose control. Finley did once when his wolf thought Tanner was in trouble. I did when Kim broke the bond. So, it can happen. But as you see, once you have solid control as a human, it’s not common.”
Chad nodded. “Even I don’t spontaneously shift much anymore.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. “Anymore?”
“Yeah, for a while after I was turned, if I had any kind of extreme emotion, I spontaneously shifted. It was his way of protecting me. I once did when a jaguar shifter tried to kill Miles.” Chad showed his teeth in a slightly scary grin.
“What?” This came from Eric.
“Yeah. Uh, the story isn’t all mine to tell, but before Q and Miles mated, Q was on the run from some assholes who decided one way to make him do what they wanted was try to kill Miles.”
“Uh, I don’t know him all that well, but what I have gotten from him makes me think that wouldn’t work.”
Chad laughed. “Oh hell no. It took all four of us—me, Jamie, Tanner, and Finley, to keep him from running all the way to New York to kill the person he thought was responsible.”
“Wow. Yeah, that sounds like him, from what I’ve seen.”
“Anyway, we were going to bring Miles out here for a while, but there was a guy in his apartment who decided it would be a good idea to try to kill Miles. When I saw it, I got pissed and shifted on the spot.” He shrugged. “It takes a lot more for me now. In fact, I haven’t shifted like that in a couple of months. So you can learn too. It just takes a while.”
Ben nodded and let out a breath. “So, I should practice shifting?”
“Yeah, but not too many times or you’ll eat the entire contents of the fridge,” Jamie said, grinning. “Chad used to go through so much food.” He laughed when Chad glared, but it was clear he wasn’t really mad.
Ben blinked. “I would eat that much?”
Ja
mie laughed. “Well, you might leave a steak or two.” He waved a hand. “But you would need to refuel. Shifting takes a lot of energy.”
Ben nodded. “Oh. Yes, I have had that happen a few times. It’s been a while, though.”
“Right, so, a few times shouldn’t be too bad. Much more than that at once, though….” Jamie shrugged a shoulder.
“Okay.” Ben took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and imagined stepping behind his wolf, giving control over to him. By the time he landed on four paws, he knew without looking at the others that it’d taken too long.
“He’s a pretty one,” Chad said, tilting his head.
Ben growled a little, surprised when Eric growled too.
Eric grinned sheepishly. “Uh, sorry. Two naked gay men near my mate….”
It felt good to hear Eric echo his own previous thoughts.
Chad raised a hand. “Say no more.”
“He is, though,” Eric said, turning back to Ben, who growled again.
Jamie snickered. “I think he takes exception to being called ‘pretty.’”
Ben sat back, curled up, and deliberately licked his balls. Chad and Jamie started laughing like crazy. Ben sat up and looked at Eric, tilting his head.
“I have no idea,” Eric replied, correctly guessing what Ben was asking.
“When…. When I…. When we…,” Jamie tried, then fell back into a fit of laughter. It took another full minute before the two of them could stop laughing. Eric and Ben simply sat and waited. Finally Jamie cleared his throat. “When Chad and I first got together, I was stuck in wolf form. I think I told you that much.”
Ben and Eric both nodded, making Jamie grin.
“Right, well, Chad took me to the pet store to get a collar and leash—he had no idea what I was, just thought I was a big dog—and when he tried to pick out a pink collar for me—”
“He curled up and licked his balls exactly like you just did.”
Ben chuffed, then barked.
Eric laughed. “Perfect.” He turned to Ben. “Now. Shift back and think about the fact that you control your wolf, not the other way around. You’re not asking him to step back. You are stepping forward, okay?”
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