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Forgiveness

Page 16

by Grace R. Duncan


  Ben considered that, then nodded. He let Eric’s words go through his mind one more time, and faster than he’d shifted to wolf form, he shifted back. He crouched next to Eric, grinning. “That was easier!”

  “See? I knew you had it in you.” Eric leaned forward and kissed Ben. Ben returned it, but pulled away quickly, sending a pointed look at Eric’s naked body. Eric chuckled. “Right.” He sat back. “So… a few more rounds, and then we’ll get back to the house.”

  “Okay, cariño.” Ben closed his eyes and reminded himself he controlled his wolf. He would shift back and do so when he chose. What could only be a moment later, he was once more on four paws.

  Eric grinned. “Even faster.”

  Ben nodded, took a breath, and mentally pulled his wolf back. It wasn’t as fast as the last shift to his wolf form, but it wasn’t any slower than his earlier shift back either. “I still need to work on it,” he said, unable to keep a note of disappointment out of it.

  “Dude, it took me months to be able to shift that fast.” Chad shook his head.

  “But… I’ve had my wolf all my life.” Ben turned a confused look to Eric.

  “But you haven’t trusted him for most of it, have you?” Chad asked, drawing Ben’s attention back.

  Ben sighed and shook his head. “No, that’s true.”

  “It’s going to take time. You can’t undo a lifetime of behavior in one session.” Chad shrugged. “Just work at it.”

  “You are right. I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry for. Again?”

  Ben nodded and, yet again, thought about the fact that he controlled his wolf. But even keeping that in mind, the two more shifts to wolf form and back weren’t any faster than before. When he was once more human-shaped, he sighed, frowning down at the ground as if the forest floor could help him somehow.

  Eric tilted his head up and kissed him softly. “Just give it time, baby. You are already faster. I can see it. So can Chad and Jamie.”

  Ben looked up at them, and they both nodded. Blowing out a breath, he gave a nod too. “Very well. Now—”

  Jamie and Chad both laughed when Ben’s stomach growled. “Right, I think that’s enough,” Jamie said. “Besides, we want dinner before the full moon, so Chad doesn’t empty the forest of deer.”

  Chad stuck his tongue out, making the rest of them laugh.

  Ben had been trying not to think about the run, in fact. He was so not ready to meet the rest of the pack. Eric had told him many times they would accept him. It was true that the pack members at the shop had welcomed him, but that was a long way from the whole pack, in Ben’s opinion.

  “Right, so… how about we all shift and see who’s first to get to the steaks Finley’s going to have on the grill?”

  Ben shook the worry off and grinned at this, because speed hadn’t been a problem for him. “You are on, my friend!”

  With a laugh he shifted—happy it was faster than the last time—though the other three were still much faster than he was. Even so, he took off at full speed, happier than he could remember being in a long time as his mate and friends ran with him.

  Chapter 13

  ERIC DRUMMED his fingers on his knee, staring out the window, though he wasn’t seeing any of the houses, businesses, or trees they passed. He was still trying to decide how to interpret the message he’d received through Tanner earlier in the day.

  “So, apparently your mom heard you were back. She said she was… upset… you hadn’t been to see her.”

  Eric snorted at the thought. Did she really wonder why he hadn’t? Or was she regretting things and worried about how he was feeling?

  Somehow, Eric didn’t think so, in either case. He didn’t know what to believe, though. He was sure he’d known her. His mom had never been the most maternal of women, he got that, which was probably why she got along with Kim so well. But up until Kim had left him, he’d have sworn she really loved him. And he would never have thought she—and his dad—would set him up the way they had either.

  He blew a breath out, and a hand landed on his other knee. Eric looked over at Ben as he put his hand over Ben’s. Everything—everything—from the simplest of kisses to the way Ben said “I love you,” was different than it had been with Kim. Eric would admit age undoubtedly had something to do with it. He and Ben were no longer young, stupid teenagers.

  But all the same, he didn’t once feel the need to question whether Ben was sincere. Their fledgling bond told him as much, but even without that, he could hear it in Ben’s words. They sounded a hundred times more honest, more real, than Kim’s had.

  Eric had known, all those years ago, his parents had a hand in what happened. He hadn’t wanted to really believe it, though. Buried in there had been hope that they really had wanted what was best for him. But after he’d shifted and taken off, and he’d seen his mother up on the mountain, he’d known that wasn’t the case. When she’d looked right at him, then turned her back and walked away, he couldn’t deny it anymore.

  “It will be okay, cariño. Whatever happens, I will be there. And I love you.”

  Eric reached up and brushed a thumb over one of Ben’s cheeks. His heart still skipped a beat when he heard that. “That helps. I have no idea what I’m going to find. I—” He shook his head.

  “Well, we’re here,” Tanner said from the driver’s seat. “You want Fin and I to come in?”

  Eric didn’t answer until Tanner had parked in front of the brick house. It was smaller than he would have expected from them, though the hints of his parent’s love of money was still evident. They’d never been rich, but his father’s insurance agency made enough to pay for the Mercedes in the driveway, the stained glass filling the upper half of the front door, and through the open front windows, the expensive furniture Eric could see his mother had put in the living room. He had vivid memories of spilling juice on a sofa and never being allowed out of the kitchen with anything food-related again until he was almost out of high school.

  “Naw. Just, uh, keep the engine running. Or, well… be ready to go.”

  Tanner nodded, and Eric forced himself to let go of Ben’s hand and climb out of the car. He rubbed his palms on his jeans, annoyed that southwestern Pennsylvania would pick that day to be unseasonably warm. He glanced at Finley as he passed, and Finley gave him a bolstering smile. Eric took a breath, nodded, then met Ben’s gaze.

  Ben hesitated when he came around the car. “I did not think—I just assumed—but if you do not want me with you—”

  “Oh yeah, I want you with me.” Eric sighed. “Let’s get this over with.” He took the single step up onto the cement porch and approached the door. Before he could knock, the door opened and he was faced with his mother.

  He didn’t know what he’d expected. She looked exactly like she had nine years before. As a wolf, of course, she wouldn’t have shown any age in those few years. He supposed, if he thought about it, he would have maybe hoped her worry or something would have shown. He gave himself a mental slap for that and nodded. “Hello, Mother.”

  She looked him up and down, glanced over his shoulder—undoubtedly at Ben—then back to him. The smile she pulled onto her face—which didn’t reach her eyes—told Eric everything he needed to know. He seriously considered simply turning around then and there. Before he could, she stepped back and held a hand out. The only thing that prodded Eric to step inside was that he was sure the rest of the neighborhood was as nosy as his mother had always been, and he had no wish to give them a show.

  His mother didn’t reply until they were in the living room. Eric wasn’t sure if he was glad his father wasn’t there or not. She sat, waving a hand at one of the matching chairs. Eric didn’t take the invitation.

  “Eric. I heard you were back. That you have been for a while.”

  The dig was not lost on him. He ignored it and considered how much to say. “A few weeks, yes. I had to… recover… from being in wolf form for so long.”

  She tilted her hea
d. “I can believe that.”

  Eric wished he had the nerve to call her out on walking away from him. But now that he stood there, in the strange place that was her home, it was painfully obvious they’d never been a family. Even if he’d given in and gone to college, become a doctor or engineer, he’d never have been happy with them and Kim. The pretense surrounding him there just about gave him hives.

  “I’m back at the shop,” he said, with no idea what else to say. He hadn’t forgotten Ben, but he had no idea how to introduce them with her so obviously ignoring him.

  The barely contained sneer made Eric want to punch something. How had he come from this woman?

  “Eric?”

  Shit. Eric turned to greet his father. Like his mother, his father hadn’t aged a day. Not the slightest hint that almost ten years had passed since he’d seen them last. His father’s khaki pants and button-down shirt were as pristine as always. “Sir. How are you?”

  “Fine. The bigger question is, how are you?”

  Eric glanced at Ben, who gave him a small smile. “Better, now that I’m back.”

  “Where are you living?” his mom asked, drawing his attention.

  Eric jumped on the question, grateful for a direction. “Tanner and Finley have given me a room while I get things going again. Speaking of…. Tanner said you guys have a couple of boxes of my stuff?”

  “Yes,” his dad said. He turned a polite look toward Ben, and Eric was actually glad for the opening.

  “Oh, this is Ben Arellano.” Eric swallowed, glancing once at his mother, then back to his father. “My destined mate and the pack’s new accountant.”

  Eric had often heard the phrase “could hear a pin drop” over the years. He’d also heard the oft-used line “tension so thick, it could be cut with a knife.” He’d never truly understood those until that moment. It took him a minute to get through his own emotional mess to recognize the panic and fear coming to him across the bond from Ben. He turned to Ben and took the half step closer to both offer a bit of comfort to Ben and make sure his parents couldn’t misunderstand who he was talking about.

  “I’m not sure I understand,” his mother said anyway.

  Eric didn’t sigh. That would basically be useless. Instead he simply tilted his head and looked at her for a long moment. “I’m sure you do, Mother. Ben is my destined mate.”

  “But… you’re not gay.”

  Eric turned back to his father, who looked genuinely confused. He could give his dad that much. He nodded. “That’s true, I’m not. I’m bisexual.”

  His dad blinked a moment, then glanced at Eric’s mother. “Let me get those boxes.” And he left.

  Coward. Eric turned back to his mother.

  “You’re… that’s not possible. You’re ma—you’re in love with Kim. How can you be gay?”

  Eric closed his eyes, counted to five, and breathed deeply. “Was. Not now. And I’m not gay. I am bi. I like both. And Ben is my destined mate. It can’t be that hard to understand. You’ve had a gay alpha, with his destined same-sex mate, for months now.”

  She sniffed delicately.

  Eric didn’t roll his eyes, but he wanted to. Instead, he simply raised his eyebrows. “Are you arguing that Tanner and Finley are destined?”

  “I’m sure they believe it.”

  Eric cleared his throat, fighting to keep from getting downright pissed. “Yes, they do, because they are. Just like Ben and I are. I—” He took a deep breath, then let it out. “I should have known better than to come back here.”

  “You know, we still keep in contact with Kim. If you’ve come to your senses, I’m sure she—”

  Eric’s mouth fell open. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  Her back straightened. “Do not talk to your mother like that!”

  “You haven’t been my mother in nine years, since you turned your back on me in the forest.” She paled a little, and Eric guessed she didn’t know he’d seen her. “Yeah, I saw you turn around and walk away from me. Ben’s my mate as much as Finley is Tanner’s. And I wouldn’t have anything to do with Kim if she was the last person on earth.” He shook his head. “I knew you’d be like this. I guess I’d kind of hoped that when you accepted Tanner….”

  “Well, we sort of had to, didn’t we? Not like his father was going to put his foot down and tell his son to get over that ridiculousness. Gay.” She almost sneered it, and Eric shook his head again.

  “How… where… I can’t even.” His father came in then, holding three file-type boxes with lids and handles.

  “I will take them, sir,” Ben said, stepping forward, sounding relieved to be doing something.

  “Um, want to take them to the car?” Eric asked to give him an out. He didn’t want to be there. There was no reason to force Ben to go through more.

  Ben hesitated, and the nervousness that had been coming over their bond a moment ago eased. “If that is what you would like.”

  Eric smiled. “Yeah, it’s okay. I’ll be out in a minute.” There was no way this was going on much longer.

  “Very well.” With that, Ben stepped through the door Eric’s dad held open.

  Eric turned back to his mother. “I seriously thought you’d accepted him.”

  His mother glanced at the closed door. “I kept my mouth shut when Noah was alpha. Now that he’s my alpha….” She shrugged one shoulder. “Even if he is a… fag, well, I sort of have to, don’t I?”

  The door opened again, and this time Tanner stepped in. “Well, I’m glad to know exactly where I stand.”

  Her already pale face turned even paler. Her eyes flicked to the open windows, and she gulped, then jumped to her feet. “Uh, Alpha!” Too late, she tilted her head to the side. Eric noted his father had as well, though he, too, was a little too late. Tanner didn’t even recognize the action.

  “Don’t bother. I’m actually glad to hear how you feel, to have it out in the open. I’m sure my father had an idea. He tends to be as nonconfrontational as I am unless he’s pushed. I suppose he’d just hoped it’d never come out.” Tanner shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. While I learned from him… I’m not him.” He gave a smile Eric hoped was never aimed at him. “You and your mate have thirty days to be out of Forbes territory. You have sixty to find a new pack. If you don’t report in to headquarters—to my father, you know, the alpha prime—by then, you’ll be labeled lone wolves.”

  If possible, her face went even whiter. “You can’t do this!”

  “I can. I am the alpha, whether you respect me or not. I am the law here. I will not tolerate intolerance in my pack.” Tanner gave that smile again. “I don’t care much what you think of me, but that kind of attitude only damages a pack known for tolerance.” She opened her mouth, ostensibly to argue, but Tanner held up a hand. “Save it. Hopefully you can find a pack that aligns more toward your… attitude.” He glanced at Eric, then back at Eric’s mother and then father, who’d remained silent. “Thirty days.” With that he stepped through the door.

  Eric looked from one to the other once more. His mind was a mess, trying to put together what he’d just heard and seen. Instead, he just shook his head and stepped toward the door. He hesitated, his back still turned, then simply offered, “Goodbye.” Not even waiting to see if they responded, he was out the door and off the porch in seconds.

  When he got to the car, the first thing he did was pull Ben in. Ben wrapped both arms around him and held tight. “I’m… I….”

  “Shhh,” Ben murmured, kissing Eric’s temple.

  Finally Eric pulled back, kissed Ben lightly, then slipped into the car.

  Ben didn’t speak when he got in on his side. Instead, he simply took Eric’s hand and held it.

  Eric closed his eyes and tried to untangle the emotional mess going on in his head. He’d known he wouldn’t like what would happen, had known, at least, it’d hurt. He wasn’t sure he’d expected what he got, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure it’d been entirely unexpected either.

&nb
sp; When the tires crunched over gravel, Eric opened his eyes. He didn’t say anything until Tanner put the car in park. “I think I need some time in my fur.” He turned to Ben. “Run with me?”

  Ben’s eyebrows went up. “You want me to run with you?”

  Eric frowned, annoyed with himself that he hadn’t run more with Ben besides the session with Chad and Jamie before the full moon, then that night during the full moon itself. He’d have to deal with that later, though, and make time for them to run more often together. “Yeah. I—It—” Eric swallowed. “I need you with me, so yeah. Want to?”

  Ben’s smile spread. “I would be very happy to, cariño.”

  “Hey, get to the mudroom first, so you’re not streaking through the house naked when you come back,” Finley said as they climbed out of the car.

  Eric turned to him and stuck his tongue out, then turned to Tanner. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

  “I didn’t, dude.” Tanner shook his head when Eric just blinked. “I did it for the exact reason I said I did: for the pack. To a point, yeah, for you, because you’re part of it. But so is your bi mate. And my gay beta and his gay mate. And our bi doctor and his gay mate. And the possible other gay and bi people we might take in because their packs aren’t tolerant. I’m not going to put up with that here. Most of the pack is accepting. It only poisons a group to have someone like that in it.”

  “Huh.” Eric considered him. The mess in his head was still a mess, but he managed a bit of humor. “And here I thought I was your best friend and you’d do anything for me.”

  Tanner rolled his eyes. “Asshole,” he said, but he was smiling.

  Eric flipped him off, then turned to Ben. “How about that run?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Mudroom!” Finley called as they took off to the path and the stairs that led down the hill and to the back of the house.

  Eric found himself chuckling as they went down the steps.

 

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