“Kind of?”
“Okay, it was a big step. But I’ve spent some real time thinking about it since I woke up, and I’m okay with it. It feels right.”
Ben stared at him for a long moment before nodding. “I think… I think maybe I was worried that the bond was not working right because I did not sense any fear.”
Eric smiled, knowing it was a bit rueful. “Yeah, I can see that. But really, I’m okay. In fact…” He leaned forward and kissed Ben softly. “I was more worried about what other ways we might want to try strengthening our bond.”
“Other… ways…?” Ben’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned red. “Oh, you mean… other ways of having—” He gulped. “—sex?”
Eric’s smile turned into a full grin. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Eric crawled over until he was straddling Ben, then leaned in to nip at Ben’s ear. “You know, I’ve been wondering for a long time now what it’d feel like to have your cock in my ass. Think you might want to satisfy that curiosity?”
Ben gulped and Eric’s grin got even wider when Ben’s eyes bled black, his cock hardened against Eric’s, and the scent of arousal hit Eric’s nose hard.
“I’m going to take that as a yes,” Eric murmured as his vision went gray. He leaned in and caught Ben’s lips in a hard kiss. “Glad we just bought a new bottle of lube. If I have anything to say about it, we’re going to need a lot of it today.”
“Oh gods,” Ben nearly whimpered. “But, um, are Tanner and Finley—”
“They’re gone for the day. It’s just us.”
Ben blinked at him. “Then I definitely want to satisfy that curiosity. And perhaps even more, cariño.”
Eric’s smile turned a little bit evil. “Just don’t plan to be able to do much of anything tomorrow.”
Ben really did whimper that time.
BEN FLOPPED down onto the grass, laying his head on his paws. He was pouting—as much as he could in wolf form—he knew it, but he couldn’t seem to pull himself out of his funk. He needed to. Eric was going to sense his emotions and wonder what was wrong, and Ben had been trying valiantly to keep him from knowing how worried Ben was.
What was worse was they’d just strengthened their bond that morning before the others had come over and they’d all gone running. Ben shied away from that thought process. He did not need to remember the feel of Eric’s mouth on him or…. He shook his head at himself and forced himself to stop remembering. He wasn’t interested in dealing with a wolfy hard-on, and certainly didn’t want the rest to see it when they inevitably found him.
Which was what was bothering him. He still had no real skills as a wolf. He’d lost no less than four squirrels and scared away two separate deer. Clearly he couldn’t hunt to save his life. If he was ever stuck in wolf form, he’d starve.
He couldn’t even track the others. They’d practiced a few times since he got there, and still he was having trouble following a trail. To be fair, Eric’s scent was all over the forest there. But he’d tried to cut a clear path to give Ben something to follow, and even with that, Ben hadn’t been able to find him.
Ben looked up when he heard a rustle behind him. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but when the black jaguar appeared, he had to remind himself that they weren’t native to the region and the one in front of him wasn’t wild. Quincy dipped his head in Ben’s direction, then turned his attention to a tree nearby. Ben couldn’t help but admire the agile leap and climb Quincy did before settling on a thick branch.
He shook his head at himself and laid his muzzle down on his paws again, turning his attention back to his problem. How could Eric want him if he was such a bad wolf? He was hardly a worthy mate to a wolf like Eric. Sure, Eric had been nothing but a wolf for a long time, but even so. Ben was sure Eric had been just as good before he went wolf. But Ben? Not so much.
Chad, Jamie, and Tanner had taken turns play-fighting with him too, trying to show him how to fight as a wolf, but even in that, he couldn’t seem to get it. They always pinned him, always got him down.
Out of the blue, he found himself tumbling across the grass as another furry body tackled him. It took a little work, but he finally wiggled out from under the wolf. He sniffed, finding Chad’s scent—he had no clue who was who without being able to see color—and glanced around Chad to see the others lying close by.
Ben turned his attention back to Chad and jumped at him. Annoyingly, Chad sidestepped him and knocked him over again. With a growl Ben put all his weight and effort into knocking Chad over and finally managed to get him on his back. Chad got out from under him immediately, but Ben let himself be happy over that small victory. It was the first pinning he’d managed.
Before he could be too happy with himself, a very light-colored blur hit him and he was, yet again, on his back. He got out from under Jamie and leaped at Chad, catching him by surprise and managing to knock him over again. Of course, Chad was right back up and pinned Ben once more.
With another sigh Ben turned his head, showing his neck in surrender. Chad backed off, nuzzled Ben’s face, then sat. Jamie came up and licked him, and Ben only felt worse for the comfort they were offering.
Ben rolled, finding himself facing Eric. The riot of emotions inside him confused him, and he could see—and feel—that confusion mirrored in his mate. Eric’s head was tilted, and the only thing Ben could really sense across their bond was bewilderment.
Well, he couldn’t exactly explain it while they were in wolf form—not until they were fully bonded and telepathic, anyway—but he wasn’t sure he could easily explain it to Eric in human form either. Even if he did, Eric would tell him their status as mates had nothing to do with Ben’s weaknesses as a wolf. Eric would insist the only hang-ups were his own still-frustrating fears and that he didn’t care how “weak”—he might even use air quotes—Ben thought he was as a wolf.
Ben laid his head on his paws again. Eric shook his head, then came over and lay next to him. But the one who came up next was the last person he expected: Quincy. He reached one black paw out and booped Ben on the nose, then stretched out on Ben’s other side and started… purring? Not exactly. It was rougher, more of a soft growl than a purr, but Ben understood the comfort for what it was. He’d never have thought the rather aloof cat would do something like that. That made him appreciate it all the more—not that he liked that he needed it, but he certainly wouldn’t push Quincy away.
Tanner, Finley, and Miles joined the rest, and before long Ben was the center of a full-on dog pile. Well, dog-and-cat pile, with Quincy. Ben didn’t understand it. They were all—Chad included—good, strong wolves and a cat. How did they not think Ben pathetic?
When Eric licked his face, Ben turned to him and took a deep inhale of Eric’s scent. He started calming down a little and realized that calm was in part something that was coming across their bond. He wasn’t sure if he was comforted or even more upset that Eric could sense him and was trying to comfort him because of it.
Ben sighed. He would just have to work harder. After they came home in the evenings, he’d go out and practice. He’d spend time on the weekends. Maybe if he was a stronger, more capable wolf, Eric would worry less about something happening to him and be more willing to finally claim. He put his head back on his paws and tried not to let it all get to him. He’d just keep reminding himself Eric loved him, despite his shortcomings, and he’d work on it more later.
BEN RAN. He knew he couldn’t run from the frustration at his limitations, the anger at his failings, but he couldn’t stop himself from trying.
It’s not going to happen overnight, dude. It took me months to be able to do some of this, and that’s with a linked mate and a shitload of patience from him. Chad’s words echoed in Ben’s ears, but they didn’t have the effect on him he was sure Chad was going for.
He wasn’t a pup. He was a grown man—wolf—and had had years, not months, to get this stuff right. More than twenty years had passed, in fact, since he’d been capable of learning
what it meant to be a wolf. He was smart; he knew that. Hadn’t he graduated with honors from both high school and college? He’d passed his CPA exam with top scores. Why couldn’t he seem to get this?
As Ben came into a clearing, he stopped to take it in, marveling at the beauty of the tiny space. A stream came in on the east, curving and leaving again to the south. Trees gave way to sunshine, allowing it to warm the grass that filled the area.
He wandered over to the stream and took a drink, then turned back, moving into the center of the clearing again. With a sigh he lay down in the sun and closed his eyes.
Why couldn’t he seem to get this? What was so different?
You believe there’s so much more depending on this.
Ben opened his eyes and blinked into the sunlight. The voice in his head had not been his own. As he sat up, a figure seemed to materialize across the clearing. Female, that was all he could determine at first. As she stepped forward, it seemed as if her bare feet didn’t even disturb the grass. Her long dark hair spilled over one shoulder, not quite covering the quiver on her back. Simple clothes adorned her—a tunic and plain pants that Ben thought were called leggings—and very little else except for the bow that went with the quiver.
She stopped, knelt in front of him, and ran her hand over his head. Ben closed his eyes as she petted him. Who was she? Where did she come from? She didn’t feel like other humans did, when he’d been in wolf form. She didn’t smell like them either. What was different about her?
“I know you don’t know me, but I understand your struggles, little one.”
When she cupped his face, Ben opened his eyes again. He considered shifting to talk to her, but as soon as he had the thought, he knew he wouldn’t be able to. His wolf wasn’t going to cede control in that moment. Letting that go, Ben turned his attention back to the woman and tilted his head in confusion.
“You were taught I don’t exist. I understand that. But hear me now and try to believe. His fear is not because of you. His worry is not of your making. He will figure this out soon. Just have a little more patience.”
Ben tried, maybe a little desperately, to accept her words. Is that true? Is this really not the problem?
“No, little one, it isn’t. Trust in your bond, trust that I have put you together for a reason.” She bent forward and kissed the top of Ben’s head. Ben closed his eyes as warmth and a sense of calm filled him. “Just a little longer.”
When he opened his eyes, she was gone. He sniffed, but the odd scent had disappeared as well, and there was nothing to show she’d ever been there. He lay back down, once more resting his head on his paws.
Was that who he thought it was? Had he just met their goddess? Why?
Patience, little one….
Ben thought about what she’d said, about his own fears. Was he right to worry? Was he right to fear?
But the frustration and confusing emotions he’d had earlier had eased quite a bit. There was still a nagging doubt in the back of his mind, but he wasn’t nearly as sure anymore that his own lack as a wolf was such a problem.
Could he accept that? Could he let it go and simply wait? How much longer would it be?
The feel of her kiss on his head ghosted through him, and he wondered.
Chapter 16
“RIGHT, SO if I hadn’t chased it off, his very first meal would have totally ruined our mating.”
Chad shook his head. “Hey! It was my first time out!”
Jamie grinned. “You looked so betrayed too.”
“I remember thinking, ‘Hey! That’s my lunch!’” That brought a round of laughter. “Yeah, well, I really wouldn’t have been too happy if it’d been ruined.” Chad chuckled.
“You two are too funny,” Eric said, grinning. “How’d you finally stop chasing skunks?”
“I eventually started reminding my wolf to smell it before chasing it.”
Ben grinned. “I’m glad I do not, at least, chase skunks. There is an advantage to not being good at hunting.”
Eric leaned over and kissed Ben. “You’ll get better, baby. Seriously.”
Ben didn’t reply, and Eric suppressed a sigh. He wished there was some way he could help Ben feel better about his lack of wolf skills, but there wasn’t much of anything he could do—help Ben practice, keep trying to reassure, but that was all. Ben had gotten better since his meeting with Diana, at least.
Poor Jamie had just about cried over that little meeting. “Am I the only one she’s not going to visit?” If Chad hadn’t come out then and reminded him—rather forcefully—that she’d helped him through Chad’s change, Eric didn’t know what Jamie would have done, but he was still bummed by not meeting her.
Eric could understand. As the most devout of all of them, Eric thought Jamie should have had a chance to meet her, but as Eric had learned, Diana had her own reasons and timing. Considering what she’d done for him, he wasn’t about to question her… too closely, anyway.
“Okay, so, clean up.” Finley sighed. “You,” he said, pointing at Tanner, “Eric, and Quincy are cleaning up.”
Eric was a little surprised all he got was a single blink from Quincy, then just one nod. The cat was still a bit of an enigma to Eric. He was so quiet but always seemed willing to offer help when it was needed, though he’d pretend he wasn’t really going out of his way to give it. He’d been the one to help Eric get all his paperwork and driver’s license straightened out. Tanner had told Eric not to question how, and, wisely, Eric had simply thanked Quincy and put his stuff away. Eric was pretty sure he didn’t want to know, anyway.
“Good. Miles, go get the fire going. Jamie, you get the beer. Chad and Ben, since we cooked, we get first choice of seating for the game.”
Ben grinned. “Yes!”
Eric shook his head but was glad to feel the happiness coming across their bond. Ben had been struggling, trying to hide his worry, trying not to blame himself for them being held up. Eric kissed his temple. “I’m glad you’re happy. The food was amazing. We’ll be out soon.”
Ben returned his kiss, then stood. “I am, cariño.”
Eric was rather impressed that no one said a peep at Finley’s orders. He guessed it had something to do with being the alpha’s mate. Or maybe that was just Finley’s personality and they all simply appreciated the directness.
It didn’t take long to clear the table with three of them working. Eric helped Tanner with the dishes while Quincy put away the few leftovers they had. He hummed as he worked, and Eric couldn’t help but ask, “What is that?”
Quincy raised his eyebrows. “What?”
“That tune.”
Eric was amused when Quincy blushed. “Uh, just something from an anime—”
“—that he’s been obsessed with,” Miles finished for him as he walked inside.
Quincy scowled. “I have not been obsessed!”
Miles simply grinned. “No, not at all. I mean, it’s not like you haven’t been drawing fan art, rewatching it a dozen times—”
“Okay!” Quincy glared at Miles, but Miles didn’t even stop grinning.
Eric and Tanner laughed. “What anime?” Eric asked as he loaded the last of the silverware into the dishwasher.
“It’s called Yuri!!! on Ice!” Quincy said, sighing. “It’s an ice-skating show. Uh, males figure skating.”
“I’m only giving him a hard time because I have to,” Miles said, helping Quincy put the Tupperware in the refrigerator. “It’s actually good. And has a canon gay couple.”
Eric turned to them. “Didn’t I hear that’s pretty common?”
Quincy shook his head. “Only in two specific types of anime—yaoi and shounen-ai. Those are specifically about two male characters. In mainstream anime—which is what Yuri!!! is—it is unusual.”
“Huh. Well, that’s cool, then. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any.”
“Oh, dear Diana,” Miles muttered.
Eric raised his eyebrows. “What?”
“You�
�ve started it now. I’ll see you in a few months.”
Quincy elbowed him. “If you want to try it, I have a few suggestions and can loan you the DVDs.”
“Sure. Ben might like it too.”
“Hey!” Finley called from the living room. “You’ll miss kickoff!”
Tanner hit the button on the front of the dishwasher. “We’re done here anyway.”
Eric went out to the living room with the rest to find Ben on one end of the couch. Eric took the seat next to him and shifted until he lay back against Ben’s chest. “Wait, turn for me.”
Ben raised an eyebrow but did as Eric asked, and Eric settled against him again.
“There. Better.” The happiness he got across the bond filled him. He kissed Ben’s hand. “Won’t last. As soon as things get interesting—”
Ben laughed. “I know, cariño. This is not the first game we have watched together.”
Eric chuckled. “Right.” He looked up and pulled Ben to him, then kissed him. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Ben returned the kiss, and then Eric gave his attention to the game.
WHEN THE game ended, Finley sat up and stretched, then sighed. “Okay. I need to get moving before I pass out.”
“Again?” Tanner asked from next to him.
Finley glared but otherwise ignored him. “How about a run?”
“Oh, that sounds good,” Jamie said, nodding.
“I wouldn’t mind stretching my muscles,” Quincy added.
“I could use some fresh air too,” Ben said, yawning.
“Yes!” Chad said, standing.
“I’ll clean up,” Eric offered, standing and starting to collect the bottles.
Ben stood as well. “I’ll help.” He gathered the empty chip bags, and the two of them headed toward the kitchen. It took another trip for the rest of the bottles and the dip containers before they were done.
As they came out, Finley was leading the way to the stairs, but as they got to the top, Tanner paused. “Hey, I hear someone on the road. I’ll catch up.”
Forgiveness Page 19