Uncharted Passage

by Julie Cannon

  She slumped back into her seat despondently, struck by the no-win situation. At Khao Lak, she and Emily were united by their shared determination to survive and to save the two children who depended on them. Their differences were irrelevant. They had neither the time nor the luxury to get to know each other enough to find out what those differences were. Magic had been able to happen between them in part because they occupied their own tiny, intense universe, completely severed from the world outside. That was not the case now.

  Her stomach sank as she saw Emily stand. A tall, lanky woman with fiery red hair rushed toward her and they fell into a tight hug.

  “Is that your girlfriend?” Hayden asked into the quiet of her car. “Do you have a girlfriend, Emily?”

  Of course she did. A woman as beautiful as Emily could have anyone she wanted. But if she had a girlfriend, then why make love with a stranger? Hayden wanted to believe they had something special, and for a moment in time she thought they did. But fate and circumstance had thrown them together, and in the carnage there were no rules. Hayden wondered if Emily had told the redhead in the short shorts and fashion sandals about that night. Probably not, and perhaps Hayden should back off now and let her get on with her life. She knew without having to hear it that picking up the pieces must have been hard for Emily, too.

  She slid down in her seat when Emily and the other woman crossed the road and passed in front of her, several cars away. They were obviously close. Hayden could tell from the way they touched and the protective arm the woman kept around Emily’s waist as they walked.

  Jealousy flared, then was quickly quenched by an overwhelming sense of regret. What she had envisioned and dreamed about was not to be. The evidence was right before her eyes. Never again would she touch Emily’s skin or feel her soft breath caressing her cheek. The whisper of her name in the night would come from another woman, and would never sound as it did coming from Emily’s lips. Would they have been able to build on their similarities or would the divide between them be too deep to overcome?

  Sadness gripped her like a vise and she started the ignition and pulled away from the curb. Some questions would always be unanswered, and if she was going to move on, it was time she accepted that.

  *

  “I think you should see a doctor,” Julia said. “You were a bit unsteady on your feet back there.”

  “Because I haven’t eaten all day,” Emily said as she settled into the passenger seat. “Really, I’m fine, Julia. It was no big deal.” She knew enough to keep the full details to herself or Julia would question her for hours. “Thanks for posting my bail.”

  “What bail?” Julia asked blankly.

  Emily hesitated. “You did post my bail, didn’t you?”

  “No, I just got here. One of your friends phoned to see if you were back home yet and told me what happened.”

  A tingling sensation crept up Emily’s spine. Other than her fellow protesters, no one else knew she had been arrested. Only Hayden. She immediately dismissed the possibility that her rescuer had bailed her out of jail. No matter what she might have felt, Hayden had made it obvious that she couldn’t get involved. She had walked away with the other officer, everyone saluting them.

  Emily looked around, this time with a more observant eye. No one was on the sidewalk, and the cars parked along the street were unoccupied.

  “Emily, what is it?” Julia asked. “Is something wrong?”

  Her eyes searched Emily’s face with concern. Emily knew that worried expression well. Julia could always sense when something was bothering her. In recent months, when Emily had behaved irrationally, Julia was the one who calmed her and helped her see that she was being overly sensitive. Like an older sister, she could see the signs and anticipate trouble almost before it happened.

  Emily was tempted to tell her everything. Julia knew about the rescue and how upset Emily was that she and Hayden had never gotten the chance to swap addresses or even say good-bye. If she guessed that something else had happened between them, she didn’t press for information. She would probably make a case for “closure” if Emily mentioned seeing Hayden at the base, and perhaps that was exactly what was required. Maybe if she stood face-to-face with Hayden, Emily could thank her and wish her well, and walk away with some kind of resolution.

  Maybe she was strong enough to do that. Emily wasn’t sure. “Nothing’s wrong,” she told Julia. “Let’s go, I’m ready to go home.”

  Chapter Ten

  Hayden tapped the pen impatiently on the desk while she was on hold. She was in her office with the door closed so she could have this conversation in private. It had been a week since she bailed Emily out, and she’d barely slept. Food tasted like cardboard and she snapped at everyone no matter how minor the infraction. She sat upright when she heard the click of the line.

  “Okay, I’ve got it,” said the desk sergeant of the Braxton Police Department.

  Hayden fumbled with the pen in her haste to write down everything she was told. “Go ahead.” Her voice sounded strange to her ears.

  She heard papers shuffle. “Emily Elizabeth Bradshaw, DOB eight, twenty-two, sixty-nine. Five feet four inches, brown and brown. Address…”

  She listened intently to the rest of the arrest information, jotting down the vital particulars. She thanked the sergeant for his time, hung up the phone, and stared at the information scribbled on the personalized tablet. Her name and rank was emblazoned at the top and her strong, bold handwriting filled up the remainder of the page. As the garrison commander of Fort Tanner, she had the authority to request and receive the information just provided to her by the local PD.

  Now that she had what she wanted, what was she going to do? Officially she would use the information to ensure that Emily was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, but what about personally? She wanted to bolt out of her chair, drop into the front seat of her Acura and drive to Emily’s house. She shook her head in disbelief over the address. Emily lived only a few miles from the base. Incredibly, their paths had never crossed, but then again, they most likely didn’t frequent the same establishments. Hayden did most of her shopping on the base, and those times when she needed to grab something in one of the off-base stores, she was usually in and out in less than ten minutes.

  Emily lived in one the better neighborhoods in Braxton. Hayden had even toyed with the idea of buying a home in that location, but decided it would raise too many questions as to how she could afford it even on her officer’s salary. She had a nest egg of what some would refer to as “old money,” inherited from a great aunt widely rumored in her family to be a lesbian. She’d passed away when Hayden was twenty-six, and in the intervening years the inheritance had grown, through investment, to a sum anyone would be proud of.

  There was a tentative knock on her door, and her assistant, Corporal Stone, asked if she needed anything before he left for the day.

  “No, thank you. Have a good weekend. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  The door closed behind the young enlistee from Macon, Georgia. The words on the page danced in front of her and the sky was dark when Hayden tore the page from the tablet and slid it into the pocket of her pants.

  *

  “You’re awfully quiet.”

  “Just thinking about last week,” Emily replied truthfully.

  “Wanna talk about it?” Julia turned off the TV.

  “Hayden was there. At the base.”

  Julia’s brow creased in a puzzled frown. “She was protesting?”

  “No,” Emily replied dryly. “She was standing on the other side of the guard gate, in uniform.”

  Comprehension dawned on Julia’s face. “Oh, my God.”

  “Yes, exactly.”

  “Holy shit.” Julia knew of her friend’s distaste for the military.

  “Yeah, holy shit.” Emily sighed. “And from the look of all the medals and the way everybody buzzed around her, she was in charge.”

  “You’re kidding me.”

&n
bsp; “I wish I were.”

  “Did she recognize you?”

  Emily nodded. “Not only that, but she bailed me out of jail. I phoned the cops a few days ago to find out who I should be thanking, since it wasn’t you.”

  Julia was silent for several long seconds. “Double holy shit. What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. She didn’t even acknowledge me at the base. And she didn’t wait for me at the police station. Obviously she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

  Saying the words out loud made them hurt even more. Hayden had rescued her again, but her actions had sent a signal. Over the past few days Emily had figured out a few things. Hayden felt a responsibility for her. Supposedly that was normal when a person saved someone’s life. So she’d done what she could to get Emily out of trouble. But that didn’t mean she wanted them to reconnect. If she did, she would have done something about it. A week had passed. Her silence could only mean one thing. Posting bail was her version of good-bye.

  “What did you expect her to do?” Julia said impatiently. “Run over and sweep you into her arms and make love to you right there? For heaven’s sake, if she’s the commander of the base or something, do you really think she could do that?”

  Julia’s point of view made sense, but Emily didn’t feel any better. She’d been through all the rationalizations, time after time. She could understand why Hayden didn’t come and talk to her then and there. But why not wait at the jail if she wanted to see her?

  “I was just so shocked to see her,” she murmured. “And at the base, of all places. I’m still in shock. Ever since I got back from Khao Lak, I’ve been imagining what I would say or do if I saw her. Nothing turned out the way it was supposed to.”

  “Life isn’t that well scripted,” Julia said. “Or you two would never have met in the first place. What were the odds? You’re both in Thailand on the same beach when a tsunami hits, and it turns out you’re virtually neighbors back home. That kind of coincidence is too bizarre to be anything but fate.”

  Emily smiled sadly. She had been tempted to believe that herself, except that fate seemed to be playing a cruel trick on them. “Whatever the cosmic explanation, in real life she’s a bigwig in the Army and I was handcuffed to a chair and mouthing off to a law enforcement officer when ‘fate’ brought us back together. What an impression that must have made. No wonder she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

  “You can’t assume that,” Julia said.

  Emily closed her eyes and leaned back against the headrest. “I read it in her face. I’ve seen enough military types, and showing emotion is explicitly frowned upon. But I saw it. She was just as surprised to see me. She was still wearing that look when they hauled me away.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Well, at least now you know where she works, so you can find her and have that talk you’ve been telling me you wanted.”

  Emily didn’t know weather to rejoice or bury her head and cry. She had everything she needed to contact Hayden again, but was she brave enough to do it? Or would it be schoolgirl stupidity? They were from completely different worlds with different values and beliefs. What if Hayden had a girlfriend? What if she’d had a girlfriend when they were in Thailand? She didn’t mention one, and she’d acted like a single woman. Emily still remembered her answer when they discussed why she chose Khao Lak for her vacation: Pretty girls. Lots of them. I come here when I need to fuck myself silly for a week. Then I go home.

  Hayden didn’t seem the type to escape to a foreign country so she could cheat on a partner, but Emily wouldn’t have guessed she was an army officer either. They knew nothing about each other, not even last names, and technically, Emily was still in a relationship when they’d made love. She hadn’t mentioned Michelle, other than in vague references. She’d chosen to ignore that small detail so she could grab the moment, and she had no regrets about her choice, only about the consequences. Hayden had touched a place in her that no one had ever touched, and she couldn’t pretend that counted for nothing. She still felt raw, and that was why Hayden’s silence hurt so much.

  Theirs was a one-time thing brought on by perilous circumstances. They’d taken refuge in each other out of fear, adrenaline, and survival instinct. Being in the military, Hayden probably understood how to separate herself from those events better than Emily did. She was trained to deal with decisions made in the heat of a situation. A relationship based on what they’d shared in those moments was doomed. It could never survive the pressures of daily life.

  A relationship? Jesus, where did that come from? What the fuck was she thinking about?

  “I’m not going to do anything,” she told Julia.

  “Nothing?” Julia looked incredulous. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I don’t know what happened between the two of you out there in paradise, but I can guess. And the way you’ve been acting, you have some unfinished business with that woman.”

  “Julia.” Emily didn’t want to discuss this anymore.

  “Don’t ‘Julia’ me. You know I’m right, and as your friend it’s my job to tell you these things. And to kick your butt if necessary. And from where I’m sitting, it needs kicking.”

  “We’re too different.” Emily didn’t know if she was trying to convince Julia or herself. “It’s just not meant to be.”

  “Oh, please. Since when are you a quitter?”

  The question stung, but it also hit home. Emily had survived a terrible disaster, against all odds. She had fought for her life and reached for Hayden’s hand when it seemed hopeless and the force of the water was more than she could resist. Sheer willpower had kept her from giving in. She wasn’t sure what had happened to her since she got home. She should be proud of herself and confident, but she felt vulnerable and afraid, just a pathetic shadow of the woman Hayden thought she was, the woman she’d desired.

  Was that why she was hiding away, feeling sorry for herself? Was she afraid that Hayden would see a different person and the heat would leave her eyes? Emily had just spent several years seeing nothing but neutral familiarity in a partner’s face. She knew she couldn’t cope with that in Hayden. It would break her heart.

  *

  Every stop light en route was green. Long before she was ready, Hayden was across the street from the house the police had listed as Emily’s residence. It was still early evening, and except for the occasional dog barking, the street was quiet. A green Toyota Tacoma was parked in the driveway adjacent to the lush yard. Flowers edged a winding walkway with three steps leading to the front door.

  Hayden sat in her car deciding whether to knock or drive away. For the umpteenth time she weighed the pros and cons of each, which was a waste of time because she had methodically listed them on a yellow legal pad several nights ago. The list was long and dead even in both columns.

  The drapes opened and a figure crossed in front of the window. Hayden’s heart jumped into her throat and her hands began to shake. She wanted to see Emily. No, check that, she needed to see Emily. If for no other reason than to lose herself in the dark brown eyes that had captured hers so often in the few precious days they’d shared together. Who was she kidding? One look would never be enough.

  Gathering her resolve, she pulled the key out of the ignition and got out of the car. Her legs almost buckled when she stood, but she forced herself to maintain a steady stride up the sidewalk. A woman she didn’t recognize opened the door. It wasn’t the auburn-haired woman who’d picked Emily up at the police station.

  “I’m looking for Emily Bradshaw.” A bad feeling came over Hayden.

  The woman stared at her more closely, with a hint of distrust. “Who’s asking?”

  “Hayden Caldwell. I met Emily during the tsunami in Thailand.” Hayden couldn’t miss the possessive look that flashed in the woman’s eyes and the way she stood taller inside the house. She was staking her claim in no uncertain terms.

  “She’s not
here.” The woman didn’t offer any additional information.

  “Would you tell her I stopped by? I was in the neighborhood and just wanted to see how she was doing. She had a pretty nasty cut when I last saw her.” The words tumbled out of Hayden’s mouth.

  “She’s fine. She had to stay in bed for a few days, but with a little TLC and some antibiotics she’s okay now. Just a little scar.”

  Hayden didn’t miss the inflection in the woman’s voice, implying that it was their bed she stayed in and she was the one administering the TLC.

  “Okay, thanks.” Hayden hesitated. “Er…”

  “Michelle,” the unfriendly woman supplied. “I’m Emily’s partner. This is our home. We’ve been together for eight years.”

  The door closed in Hayden’s face and her heart plummeted to her feet. With her remaining pride coupled with years of training, Hayden walked calmly down the sidewalk to her car. She should have known. It was odd that “Michelle” hadn’t bailed her partner out of jail a week ago, or that she wasn’t in Thailand, but who could guess at why couples behaved as they did?

  Chapter Eleven

  “What are you doing here?” Emily kept a grip on the front door handle, refusing to step back politely so Michelle could enter the house. She’d been coming around all of a sudden and Emily was tired of finding her waiting on the doorstep when she came home from work.

  “I’ve been looking for the key to the treadmill. Do you have it with you?”

  Emily rolled her eyes at the feeble excuse. “Did you try looking on the hook inside the hall closet? You know, the one that says ‘treadmill key’?”

  “Oh, right.” Michelle was characteristically vague, and her self-effacing laughter sounded fake. “Silly me. Listen, do you want to come over for dinner? I left some potatoes baking and I have a couple of good steaks I could put on the barbecue.”