Uncharted Passage

by Julie Cannon

  “I’m sorry that you’re going though this,” Corporal Stone said. “That paper is a rag and nobody believes what’s written in it anyway. I don’t care who you—” He stopped, his face flushing red.

  Hayden smiled for the first time that day. “Thank you, that means a lot to me. Unfortunately, from the number of calls you’ve fielded and the reporters at the gate, I’m afraid everybody isn’t as enlightened as you. I do appreciate your support.”

  The relieved young man retreated and Hayden picked up her cell phone. All incoming and outgoing calls were taped, and her next one was not for public disclosure.

  *

  “Thanks for calling,” Emily said. Hayden hadn’t started the conversation by shouting. That was a good sign. “We’re having quite a day, aren’t we?” She was only partially successful in keeping her greeting light.

  “That’s one way to describe it, I suppose.”

  Emily could hear a smile in Hayden’s voice and she relaxed. “I have no idea where this came from,” she said. “I’m not the source.”

  It was important to her that Hayden didn’t think this embarrassment had originated with her, that it was a political ploy, reflecting her distaste of the military and Fort Tanner. She was relieved when she heard a soft sigh at the other end.

  “I wondered about that for five seconds, but I never believed you were responsible.”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I never saw the guy,” Hayden said. “But then again, I can’t take my eyes off you when we’re together, so that’s not surprising.”

  Emily’s stomach jumped at the compliment. “I could definitely say the same thing.” She lightly tested the waters and was rewarded with Hayden’s laugh.

  “Well, let’s keep that to ourselves, at least for now. It’s nobody’s business, especially the Bugle’s.”

  The inference was not lost on Emily. She wanted to pursue that train of thought thoroughly, but more important things were happening. First, she had to correct a wrong. “I’m sorry about lunch that day. I way overreacted. I was upset that you would assume I cheated on a partner.” But what had hurt most was that Hayden had taken their interlude so lightly, and seemed to be giving her the brush-off.

  “I’m sorry too,” Hayden said. “I blindsided you about Michelle, and that wasn’t fair.”

  Emily realized that Hayden wasn’t going to ask her about Michelle directly. It was something she needed to clear up, so she said simply, “Michelle was lying to you that day, in case you haven’t figured that out yet.”

  After a short silence, Hayden asked, “What do you mean?”

  “My relationship with Michelle is over. I don’t live with her. I’ve been staying with my friend Julia for months.” She heard the sound of a breath being released. “We’d been together about eight years when I went to Khao Lak. We’d been having problems…no, that’s not right. We were getting along fine, and that was the problem. We were roommates more than anything else. She had her life and I had mine, and they rarely crossed.”

  Especially in bed, but Emily spared Hayden those details.

  “I’d planned the vacation as a kind of second honeymoon, to try to rekindle what we had. But she came up with some lame excuse the day before we were to leave. So I went without her.”

  “What did she think about that?” Hayden sounded tense, perhaps embarrassed.

  “She tried to guilt me into staying home. But I needed to leave. It was as if the trip would separate us, then I could finally let go.”

  “Was that how it happened?” Hayden asked quietly.

  “More or less. It had been over between us for a long time, but we were both just cruising along day to day. No conflict, no problems, no passion, nothing. I knew it but just didn’t do anything about it. Her refusal to go to Khao Lak was the final straw. Actually, there weren’t any straws. We didn’t fight. Or fuck,” she added sarcastically.

  “When did you decide to…let go?”

  Emily knew what she was asking. “It wasn’t about you, Hayden. I didn’t cheat on Michelle when we were together. I’d already made up my mind before we met. On the flight over, I decided I would tell her as soon as I got back. So when I landed in Thailand, I was free and single.”

  Hayden didn’t say anything. “Infidelity is not an option for me, no matter what the circumstances. But once I made the decision it was over, it was over.”

  “She didn’t seem to think so when I saw her,” Hayden said. “She certainly gave the impression it was your house together.”

  “Technically it is still our house. Michelle refuses to discuss selling it, and since both our names are on the deed…” Emily left the statement open for Hayden to make her own conclusion.

  “Did you ever say anything about us?”

  “No, but she guessed something had happened other than surviving the tsunami. She would toss out innuendos and leave comments hanging in the air hoping I’d say something. But I never did.”

  “Why not?”

  “It had nothing to do with her. I wish I’d been able to speak with her before we met, but I have no regrets.”

  “Have you considered trying again with her?”

  “There’s no point. She’s asked me. She said that my almost dying made her realize how much she loved me. But our relationship has been dead for a long time. I just had to bury it.” Emily recalled the numerous discussions she and Michelle had when she returned. Some were calm, others filled with rivers of tears and angry, hurtful words. “Actually, it was almost dying that made me realize even more how unhappy I was. I decided I was going to live the rest of my life very differently. It sounds corny, but it’s true.”

  After a long pause, Hayden said, “Thank you for telling me. I owe you an apology.”

  “Okay, we’re square. What are we going to do about this Bugle piece? More importantly, what is going to happen to you?” Emily wasn’t concerned about herself; she was a big girl. Hayden was the one who had everything to loose.

  “I’ll be fine. We’ve done nothing wrong. No one knows what happened in Khao Lak, and everything in that article is conjecture. There are very few facts. As for the photos, they simply show two survivors of a terrible tragedy reuniting. Why wouldn’t we stay in touch?”

  “You make it sound so…what is the word…plausible,” Emily said.

  “You don’t sound convinced.”

  “No, no, that’s not it. It’s just that you’re going to be eaten alive over this, and I’m sorry.”

  The Army would abide by their “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, but they would take care of this little embarrassment in their own subtle way. Emily was afraid for Hayden. The military was her career, and it could very well be ripped away from her in an instant.

  “Don’t worry about me, Emily. I’ll be fine. This will blow over in a few days and we’ll go back to anonymity. Our fifteen minutes of fame will expire in twelve.”

  “You think so?”

  “There’s no story,” Hayden said. “You and I are the only two people in the world who know the truth.”

  “The truth,” Emily murmured, wondering what Hayden’s “truth” was. Wanting to find out, face-to-face, she asked, “When can I see you?”

  She heard some muffled sounds. Hayden had placed her hand over the receiver. Her voice was strained when she spoke again.

  “I have to go. I’ll call you.”

  Emily didn’t have time to reply before the line went dead.

  Chapter Fifteen

  After a thirty-minute tongue-lashing by General Foreman, Hayden had one hour to pack a bag and be on a plane to Washington DC. She wanted to call Emily and tell her, or warn her, but she didn’t want her to worry. She could take care of herself, but she had a bad feeling about this. Eventually, she couldn’t resist hearing Emily’s voice and called her from the airport. They spoke for less than a minute. Hayden explained where she was and that she would probably be under orders not to speak to Emily. Emily reacted with a concern for her w
elfare that was the total opposite of her scathing comments the other day. Her gentle words made Hayden cautiously optimistic.

  In Washington, three men grilled her for hours about what she’d done before, during, and after the tsunami struck. They didn’t wear uniforms, but their haircuts and stiff demeanor told Hayden they were Army and on a witch hunt. They wanted details, absolutely every detail. They didn’t get any from her.

  On her third day she knew her fate. The Army was going to put their spin on the story and use her as a poster child for effective military training. Her physical training had saved three lives, and her mental toughness got them back safe. The Army would drop all charges against Emily and parade Hayden around the country as though on a USO tour. The Army needed a boost. A boost in morale and image, and in enlistment. They knew it and Hayden knew it. She was sick to her stomach.

  Her cell phone rang as soon as her return flight landed and she knew instinctively that it was her father. Much to the chagrin of her fellow passengers, she ignored the ring tone and let the call roll into voicemail. He was not the person she needed to talk to. However, a conversation with Emily would have to wait. The people surrounding her had big ears and even bigger mouths.

  She waited impatiently for her luggage and forced herself not to run to her car. The familiar chirp of the alarm echoed in the parking garage. She tossed her bag into the trunk. It wasn’t until she’d closed the driver’s door firmly behind her that she reached for her phone. She’d been ordered to stay away from Emily until the Army’s public relations people spoke to her first and she had taken that command literally. She would not see Emily, but even by calling her, Hayden was consciously disobeying a direct order. The phone clicked into voicemail and she left a message.

  Traffic was light and it only took her fifteen minutes to get home. She tossed her mail on the counter and closed the door behind her. Dropping her suitcase at her feet, she kicked off her shoes and unbuttoned her cuffs. She glanced at her answering machine, and the rapid blinking of the red light told her there were several messages waiting. Emily didn’t know her home number, so Hayden walked right by the little black box, sidestepped the pile of uniforms waiting to go the laundry, and headed for the shower.

  No amount of scalding water or scrubbing could wash off the disgust she felt. For the first time in her career, she was ashamed of the Army, of what they were capable of doing. First they were after her hide, and when they didn’t get what they were looking for, they decided to use her to their advantage regardless of what she or Emily wanted. She was used to this, but with her rank, she’d mistakenly thought she deserved better.

  Hayden cocked her head, certain she had heard her cell phone ringing. Opening the shower door, she heard the distinctive ring again and jumped out of the shower. She snatched the phone from the counter, leaving droplets of water scattered across the floor.

  “Emily?”

  “Hayden, I was worried about you.”

  There was something in Emily’s voice that Hayden didn’t understand. She took it for irritation and replied a little too sharply, “I’m sorry you were worried. I told you not to.”

  “Well, I was, and I don’t take orders from you. Look, Hayden, I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit on edge since this whole thing started as you can imagine. I’m not used to this kind of scrutiny.” She paused. On a puzzled note, she asked, “Where are you?”

  “In the shower. Actually, getting out of the shower.” Hayden turned off the faucet and reached for the towel. “Emily?”

  “Yes, I’m here. Look, I’ve called at a bad time, why don’t you call me back when you—”

  “No, I’m okay. Just give me a minute to dry off. Shit.” Hayden dropped the phone. Hastily picking it up, she asked, “Emily, you still there?”

  She’d caught snippets of the news and could only imagine what a circus Emily must be going through. Her soft voice was music to Hayden’s ears.

  “Yes, I’m here.”

  Hayden wrapped a thick blue terrycloth robe around her and turned off the bathroom light. Belting the robe, she walked down the short hall to the kitchen. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine, now that you’ve called. What happened in Washington?”

  “I’ve been reassigned.”

  “To where?” Emily sounded panicked.

  “PR.” Even saying the acronym gave her heartburn.

  “Puerto Rico?”

  Hayden chuckled. “No, public relations. They’re going to parade me around the country as a symbol of the Army. You know, ‘we can make you a hero’ kind of stuff.” She still had the bad taste in her mouth, hours after being told by the military brass.

  “I take it you’re not too happy.” There was a trace of humor. “You don’t seem the type who revels in the spotlight.”

  “Neither do you. And I have bad news. You’ll be hearing from someone soon about your role in this patriotic endeavor.” Hayden had rebuked the idea of Emily’s involvement, to no avail.

  “Me? Why me?” Emily sighed. “Never mind. That was a dumb question. I know why they want me.”

  “They’re going to drop the trespassing charges against you, and I have to do any interview they arrange. They’ve already got me lined up for the morning news shows next week in New York.”

  Hayden had been furious when they told her she would be on the national morning talk shows. They were also working on something with Larry King. Even though she didn’t want to be their poster child, she could handle it, but she didn’t want Emily to have to face the intrusive questions and constant scrutiny. Hayden was an officer, and it was her job to represent the Army. Emily was just a bystander, and it infuriated Hayden that she was going to be used and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it.

  “I’m sorry, Emily.”

  “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. You didn’t do anything. Other than save my life and those two kids. You know, typical stuff in the life of an Army officer.”

  “Is that why you despise me so much?” The question came out of the blue, but Hayden knew it had been festering ever since their lunch. She grabbed a beer out of the nearly empty fridge and sat on the couch.

  Emily dropped her head in her hands. “I don’t despise you, Hayden.”

  “Could have fooled me.”

  “Hayden, I don’t. How could I? It’s not you, it’s the whole idea of the military. Their outdated ideas and methods and heavy-handedness in places where we don’t belong.”

  Hayden’s beer suddenly tasted flat and unappealing. “They’re one and the same,” she countered, holding her breath, waiting for another caustic remark about her life.

  There was a long pause before Emily finally spoke. “Am I going to be doing some of these appearances with you?”

  Hayden grimaced as she explained the deal. “Yes, they want you for a kind of point-counterpoint thing. You know, you have a right to voice your opinion, and the military is in existence to preserve that right.”

  “My God, Hayden. I’m sorry.” Emily didn’t sound angry.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. You were just floating by, minding your own business, when I decided to snatch you up. If they could find the kids, I’m sure they’d have them on as well. Oh, by the way, I’m not supposed to talk to you about this. As a matter of fact, I was given strict orders not to see you.”

  “Then why are we having this conversation?”

  “They said I couldn’t see you. They didn’t say anything about not talking to you.” Hayden had used this same argument in her mind many times and it still sounded weak. She knew what the order really meant.

  “That’s stretching it a bit, don’t you think?” Emily’s tone was warm and tender.

  “Maybe, but who’s going to tell them? You?”

  “No, ma’am, not me. So when can I expect to hear from your bosses?”

  “Probably sooner rather than later. They want to get some serious mileage out of this and the story is going to fade fast if they don’t ju
mp on it.” Hayden heard the click of Emily’s call waiting. “That’s probably them now,” she said jokingly.

  “They can wait,” Emily said. “Hayden, we have to talk.”

  Her voice was different, more serious and Hayden knew what she wanted to talk about. “We shouldn’t have this conversation on the phone.” So far no one knew about what happened at Khao Lak, and Hayden wanted to keep it that way. For both their sakes.

  “You’re right, I didn’t think about that. Can we meet somewhere? I promise I won’t bite your head off this time. Or at least I’ll try not to,” Emily added lightly.

  Hayden smiled. She wanted to see Emily again, if only to gaze into her dark brown eyes, listen to her voice, and watch her hands move. But she’d already gone too far and they both knew it. “I can’t.”

  “When can I see you? I need to see you again.”

  Hayden felt frustrated and helpless. “I don’t know. I’ll have to play it by ear until they’re comfortable with us together. The protest and the pictures have made them nervous. When the time is right, I’ll ask, but until then…”

  “All right, but can we at least call each other?”

  “I’d like that,” Hayden said firmly.

  She’d had plenty of time to think about Emily on her flights to and from Washington. Emily was unlike any woman she had known before. She was strong and impulsive, and even though Emily disagreed with everything Hayden stood for, she still showed her respect. Emily was not afraid to voice her opinion and she accepted the consequences even when they were as unpleasant as going to jail. In some ways, Hayden respected her more than she respected herself. She was tired of taking orders.

  *

  “Worried” was not a strong enough word to describe what Emily had gone through over the past few days. She felt anxious and at odds with herself the entire time Hayden was gone. She couldn’t step out of the house without having to muscle her way through the media that had practically cordoned off the street. She closed the curtains and jumped every time her phone rang, hoping it was Hayden calling. But ever since the story had broken, the phone had rung constantly. The local news stations were clamoring for an interview, and Good Morning America and The Today Show wanted to fly her to New York to be on their morning programs. Everyone wanted to talk to her, but the only one she wanted to talk to was not responding to her voice messages.