Uncharted Passage

by Julie Cannon

  “I’m sure Colonel Caldwell means a lot to you,” Privett concluded slickly.

  Jesus Christ, this guy is an asshole, Hayden thought to herself. Phil Privett thought he was the second coming of Larry King, but with the tact of Nancy Grace. His set was similar, down to the microphone in front of him. His hair was too black to be natural and had enough gel in it to withstand his own tsunami, and instead of suspenders he wore a bow tie. Hayden thought he looked ridiculous. She willed herself not to sweat, but the hot lights of the studio and the probing questions made it difficult. The camera over Privett’s right shoulder glared at her like it could see into her soul. The pressure of Emily’s leg against hers was reassuring.

  She didn’t like the direction Privett’s questions were going. He had obviously seen the original photo in the Bugle and was circling around the issue, just one question away from the big one. She didn’t have to wait long.

  “Tell me, Emily, is it true that you are a lesbian?”

  Emily felt Hayden stiffen beside her. She looked Privett squarely in the eye. “Yes.” She’d learned long ago that if you made something a big deal, it became a big deal.

  “And you had a girlfriend you left behind when you went to Khao Lak?”

  “She decided not to go, at the last minute. She had an unexpected conflict with her job.”

  “And you went without her?” Privett leaned forward in his seat. “Is it because your relationship was on the rocks and you were going to meet Colonel Caldwell there?”

  Emily was surprised at this question but remained calm. She hoped Hayden didn’t jump to her defense, it would only make it worse. “No, Mr. Privett. I went because it was a vacation planned well in advance and I was not going to miss it just because she wasn’t able to come. And to address your insinuation, I did not know Colonel Caldwell until she risked her life to save not only me but two children from certain death.”

  “What about you, Colonel? Are you a lesbian?” Privett practically spat out the word.

  Hayden was ready. “Mr. Privett, I don’t know what this has to do with the destruction and death caused by the tsunami.”

  “You didn’t answer my question, Colonel.”

  “And I’m not going to,” Hayden replied solidly.

  “Why not?”

  Hayden clasped her hands in front of her on the table. “Because it is none of your business.”

  “Don’t ask, don’t tell doesn’t apply here.”

  Hayden tensed at his comment but felt Emily’s leg offering support. “Mr. Privett, I’m fully aware of the policy in this country against gays in the military. I don’t tell because it’s nobody’s business. Not the Army’s, not yours, and certainly not your viewers’. I’m more than willing to talk about anything that has to do with the tsunami and the rescue, but that’s all.”

  Privett leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “She doth protest too much,” he said snidely. “Are you married, Colonel?”

  “No, Mr. Privett,” Hayden replied, composed.

  She was not going to be goaded into revealing anything about herself, especially when it concerned Emily. She had enough training to know that silence was an effective interrogation technique, and calmly waited for him to ask the next question. Under pressure, most people became uncomfortable with silence, and Privett was no exception. He had everything to lose if he could not get conversation out of his guests.

  “Have you ever been married?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’ve never found someone I love enough to commit to marriage.”

  “Have you ever been in love?” When Hayden didn’t answer, he goaded her. “Come on, it’s a simple question.”

  “Yes, it is a simple question, but it has nothing to do with the tsunami.” Hayden saw Tillman out of the corner of her eye trying to get her attention. She knew she was going to catch hell from him and probably General Foreman over her behavior during this interview. She didn’t care. The questions Privett was asking were not appropriate.

  “Were you and Emily intimate after you rescued her?”

  Emily spoke up this time. “Mr. Privett, what are you getting at?”

  “The truth, that’s all.” Privett held his hands palms up as if he were showing he had nothing to hide. “Is there something you’re trying to keep the nation from knowing?”

  “As Colonel Caldwell said, we’re here to talk about the tsunami. You, however, seem to be on a wild goose chase or a witch hunt, and I will not participate while you try to disparage the character of the person who saved my life.” Emily’s knees shook but she made sure that was the only outward sign of her nervousness. Thankfully her legs were out of camera range.

  They broke for a commercial, and Privett slid out of his chair and went over to talk to the stage director. Tillman was beside Hayden the instant the red light went out on the camera. “What in the fuck are you doing?” His teeth were clenched so hard his jaw bulged.

  “He is totally out of line and you know it.” Hayden kept her voice down but she knew the microphone was probably transmitting everything they were saying to the control room. “I am not answering any questions that don’t have to do with the rescue.”

  “You are a representative of the United States Army, and as such you have a responsibility—”

  “Don’t you dare tell me what my responsibility is, Tillman. You’ve never served your country a day in your life.”

  “I don’t have to have served my country to know what my job is,” he snapped back.

  “And I know mine.” Hayden’s voice was tight with controlled anger. “I also know that I will not be humiliated, vilified, outed, or whatever in the hell this asshole is trying to do. I am not his puppet in some ratings game. And I will not allow Emily to be, either.”

  “I thought the general made it clear to you that I work for him and I speak for him.” The expression on Tillman’s face was sinister and the message he conveyed clear.

  “I don’t take orders from you.”

  “Yes, Colonel, you do.”

  Privett chose that moment to return to his place at the desk. He adjusted his mike and fussed with his already perfectly straight tie. There was a satisfied look on his face that indicted he’d heard every word spoken between them. “Ladies, are we ready? We’re on in fifteen seconds.”

  “Hayden.” Emily placed her hand on Hayden’s forearm.

  Her touch was soothing and just what Hayden needed to regain her balance. The probing questions from Privett and Tillman’s sanctimonious attitude were almost her undoing. She held Tillman’s eyes, reflecting a blank stare back at him. When he didn’t move, the set director practically dragged him out of camera range as he counted backward from five. The red light over Privett’s shoulder turned on and he recapped, then returned his attention to Emily, asking, “Emily, have you seen Colonel Caldwell since your return from Thailand?” He emphasized the word “seen,” inferring something more than the two women simply seeing each other across the room.

  “We’ve spoken since we returned.” Emily carefully avoided answering a direct yes. If she did, Tillman would have pounced on it as an admission there was something more to their relationship.

  “And what did you talk about?”

  Emily felt like she was on trial. Tillman had briefed them that Privett had been a practicing attorney years before he became a talk show host. “We talked about a lot of things. How our injuries had healed, how we were adjusting to everyday life again. That sort of thing.”

  “Did you tell her about your girlfriend?”

  “I’ve already said that we talked about a lot of things.” Emily was being careful not to be sucked into his vortex.

  “How many times did you two meet?”

  “Mr. Privett, I don’t think your viewers are interested in how many times the colonel and I had coffee in the past six months.”

  “I beg to differ with you, Emily. The questions I’m asking are things my viewers want to kno
w about,” Privett answered smugly.

  “Really? I thought your viewers were highly educated middle- and upper-class professionals concerned with the economy, global warming, and the struggles in the Middle East. I was not aware they lived in trailer parks and had an annual subscription to the National Enquirer.”

  Zing! That was one for the good guys. Hayden’s respect for Emily soared anew. She was handling this jerk like he was a badly behaved student in her classroom.

  “Now who’s being ugly, Emily? I think you just insulted forty million viewers.”

  Tillman squirmed to her left. Emily tossed her hair back with her hand. “Not at all. Your viewers need to have a roof over their heads and entertainment. I just speculated as to where they lived and what they did for fun. Why not watch your show?”

  “Emily, I’m beginning to think you don’t like me. Why are you so upset?”

  Emily saw the fine beads of sweat forming on Privett’s upper lip. She watched him brush them away when the camera was live on her.

  “I’m not upset.” She laughed. “When I was about to be gang-raped by a bunch of thugs I was upset. When I saw a mother barely alive still holding on to the handle of her child’s stroller buried in mud, I was upset. When I had to wear clothes taken off a dead man, that was upsetting. This, Mr. Privett, is not even close to ‘upset.’” Sometime in the past few minutes the absurdity of arguing with this man became clear. He wasn’t worth that much emotion.

  “Then what would you call it?”

  “Tolerance. I’m tolerating your questions, knowing that sooner or later you’ll ask something interesting or your viewers will change the channel.”

  The flash of panic in his face was worth the past few minutes. Privett was insecure. His paycheck depended on how much people liked him and how often they tuned in. His show was like a beauty contest, and tonight he was the second runner-up. He broke for another commercial and left the desk paler than when he arrived a few minutes ago. For the second time Tillman dashed to where they were sitting. This time his tirade was directed at Emily.

  “Do you have any idea how much trouble you are going to be in, Ms. Bradshaw?”

  “Shut up, Tillman.” Hayden didn’t raise her voice, but her tone made him stop. “You will not speak to her like that. She is not your lackey. She is a thousand times smarter than you and could run circles around you so fast you’d be screwed into the ground. This is our interview, not yours, so I suggest you go back and stand in your little spot.” She turned away, effectively dismissing him.

  “Thank you,” Emily said.

  Hayden met her eyes. “He’s an ass. I’m tired of him sniffing around and acting like he owns us.”

  “Is what he said true? Are you going to be in trouble with the general?”

  Hayden had certainly not endeared herself to Tillman. Emily hadn’t either, but she had nothing to worry about. Hayden could lose everything.

  “Probably,” Hayden answered more nonchalantly than she felt.

  Tillman himself was no threat to her, but Foreman could be. She had enough service to retire with a full pension, but any hint of impropriety would jeopardize that. At her previous base she knew a man who was outed after thirty-two years in the Army and was dishonorably discharged on some trumped-up charges. As a result he was ineligible for any retirement benefits.

  Hayden didn’t know what she would do if she were in a similar situation. Being in the Army was all she knew. It was the only job she’d ever had. It was a way of life for her. To have it all taken away would be a blow she wasn’t sure she would ever recover from. And she had just put herself in that position. No one was to blame for this but her. If she lost it all, it would be because of something she’d done. Her hands started to shake.

  Privett was pretty demure after Emily had taken him down a notch or two. His questions were benign and within minutes, they were off the air. Hayden could not recall spending a worse thirty minutes of her life. Not only was it painful at the time, but the aftershocks were already echoing around her.

  No one said anything as they exited the studio and entered the limousine. Emily was beside Hayden. Tillman faced them, and his hard stare told Hayden that she would have some serious questions to answer when she returned to her base. Hell, he was probably on the phone to Foreman the instant the director yelled “cut.” She was surprised he wasn’t wearing a smug, satisfied look.

  The car crawled through the late-afternoon Dallas traffic. The chill in the interior of the limo was colder than the air-conditioning that blew out from the vents strategically placed in the ceiling of the big car. They pulled up in front of the Ritz. Before the doorman reached the limousine, Tillman had the door open and was on his way out. He finally spoke. “Tomorrow we go home. Our flight is at eleven fifteen. Be in the lobby by nine.”

  “I guess this means he won’t be joining us for dinner,” Hayden remarked wryly.

  Emily was surprised at her flippant remark. She had been silent the entire ride and had kept her hands flat on her thighs. The tension in the rear of the car was so thick it was stifling. There was a sense of fear coming off Hayden that was far heavier than the anger from Tillman.

  “That’s good, because we need to talk.” Or at least she needed to.

  Hayden exited the car next and without thinking held out her hand to assist Emily. She stopped when she realized what she looked like to anyone passing by. She was in full Class A uniform and she was holding the hand of a beautiful woman in a fabulous suit. She looked at their intertwined hands, then at Emily, and reluctantly released her grip.

  “How about room service?”

  “Your place or mine?”

  Hayden shrugged, indicating it didn’t matter, and they rode the elevator to Emily’s floor in silence. Once inside, Hayden removed her coat and tie and tossed them over a chair. She loosened her collar, and with nothing left to do, put her hands in her pockets and looked around. The room was large, but not as large as the Drake in Chicago the previous night. The bed was a queen and set off to the left of an intimate seating area complete with two chairs, a small table, and a reading lamp. The drapes were open and Hayden walked across the room and gazed out the window.

  She didn’t hear Emily come up behind her until she asked softly, “Are you all right?”

  For the first time in her life Hayden didn’t know who or what she was. She had always been confident and sure of her next steps, but now she wasn’t sure what to do the very next minute. She was adrift, a sensation she’d never experienced before. Her course had been set years ago, and through her skilled navigation and a bit of luck she’d always headed in the right direction. Nothing other than a minor course correction was ever needed. But this was very different.

  “What are you thinking?” Emily asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Hayden, please talk to me.” Emily tried not to plead. She wanted to wrap her arms around this strong woman but was afraid she would be rejected.

  “No, really, I’m not thinking about anything. That’s just it. Absolutely nothing.” Hayden’s hands were still in her pockets and she had not moved from where she stood in front of the large bay window. The Dallas skyline was in front of her, a plane low in the sky on its final approach to the left. “I have to figure out a few things. I’ll be faced with some difficult decisions in the next few days and I have to be prepared.”

  Emily’s heart ached for the position Hayden was in. She was partly to blame, but there was nothing she could do other than to offer her support. “What can I do to help?”

  “I don’t know,” Hayden replied.

  Emily’s tender expression shot straight to her heart. She needed Emily to help her sort this out, to help her make sense of the last six months of her life. Hell, she needed to make sense of the last twenty-three years of her life. It had always been so clear, even as a little girl. She would progress through the ranks and retire as a colonel, or maybe even the general her father never was able to be. He would look at her, be
aming with pride. He would salute her, but she would never be able to stop calling him “sir.” The habit was ingrained in her, just like the Army and all its rules and regulations.

  But if things got ugly, she would be on her own for the first time ever. She had gone straight from high school to college to the Army. Wherever she lived, whatever apartment or house she occupied, she was never alone. The brotherhood and sisterhood of the Army was always with her. But right now she felt bereft of that constant in her life. Isolated and uncertain.

  Emily sensed Hayden’s struggle. “Come lie down with me. Let me hold you. I need to hold you.”

  When Hayden finally turned around, the look of anguish and confusion in her eyes tore at Emily’s heart. She had fallen for Hayden the minute she rescued little Jake and Victoria from the water. The last few weeks had simply solidified her character, her integrity, her place in Emily’s heart. She reached up and cupped Hayden’s face.

  “Come lie down with me,” she repeated softly.

  In a daze, Hayden did as she asked. Emily helped her out of her clothes and they slipped between the cool sheets, Emily on her back with Hayden wrapped in her arms. She just held her tight, her hands in her hair, gently rubbing.

  From across the room Hayden heard the familiar chirp of her cell phone indicating she had a voicemail message. She didn’t have to think too hard to know it was either her father or Foreman. She was surprised it had taken either one of them this long to call, and she didn’t know which she would prefer.

  She was sure her father had watched the show. Hell, he’d probably recorded it to play over and over to his cronies. She could almost hear him now, reaming her about her answers to Privett’s questions. His face would be beet red and his eyes bulging as he used every profanity he knew to tell her just what he thought of her performance. Her father she could deal with. She would simply ignore him. Foreman, on the other hand, had probably waited this long to call because he was putting the final nails in her military career.

  He was just the kind of man who would enjoy signing her transfer papers, shipping her to some godforsaken place where the temperature never fell below 110 degrees or got above freezing. Worse yet, he could keep her right where she was and make her life a living hell. He could push to have her dishonorably discharged, and she would walk away from twenty-three years of service to her country with a black mark and absolutely nothing.