“I know. I’m sorry if I sound whiney and petulant. You are helping, I swear.” Her calls made me feel that I wasn’t completely forgotten by people. Being dumped has that no-one-wants-me hurt tacked on to it, and Harley understood that hurt all too well.
“Maybe you’re right, maybe I’ll call Mika and have her come over,” I said, knowing that sooner or later I’d have to get back on the horse.
“Hey, I have to go to therapy, but I’ll call you tonight okay?”
“You don’t have to Har; I’m fine really. Besides it’s not like I’m not going to off myself because Matt doesn’t want me anymore.” The second the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back. Open mouth insert foot. Crap!
“Shit Harley, I’m sorry.” I tried to back pedal. Way to go Ember! Make a joke about killing yourself to a person who actually tried to kill herself!
“It’s cool Em; you don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. And hey, look at you using ‘shit’ the right way!” she stated and I had to admit, her voice sounded convincing. I couldn’t tell if she was really okay or not. Harley was very good at hiding the truth when she wanted. But I had to believe that she was telling the truth when she said it was no big deal.
“Just because I don’t curse doesn’t mean I don’t know how to, you tittie twister.” I’d heard that phrase somewhere, not sure what it meant, but hey, new me.
“Ember,” she said in between laughter. “Just stop. Call Mika, go out, and have fun.” And with that she disconnected.
Chapter Four
Ember
You don’t think about all the things you have to split when you and the person you shared your life with for three years are no more. Like if you both went half on a T.V who gets it when you split? Does one person get the remote and the other the actual T.V? What about friends you made while a couple? Matt and I had active social lives and made many couple friends, but who gets who in this…divorce? I thought I’d reach out to my old friends but then talked myself out of it because what if Matt had done the same thing ? What if right now he was hanging out with Spencer and Mika? Sure, I could call Mika and ask her; she and I were always doing things without the boys, as we used to call them. But what if, because I had alienated my friends, couple or not, besides Harley, for the last two months, Matt swooped in and claimed them?
“Bitch,” Mika squealed into the phone, drawling out the word, after I agonized for hours and then decided to just call her and try and act casual. I could do this.
“Um, hey,” I said nervously.
“I was wondering when you’d call. Although Matt already called four weeks ago.” Leave it to Mika to be blunt as hell.
“Oh,” was all I managed to get out before she went on.
“It’s time, bitch. Let’s go get wasted on vodka tonight and do bad things.”
“What about Spence?” I asked, referring to her on again, off again boyfriend or bed buddy. Or whatever she wanted to label them as this month.
“Ah, you want a little S&M in your life tonight? I gotta tell you, E, I wasn’t expecting that.”
Wait, what? S&M where her way of saying both, as in I wanted to do both of them. Umm, no thanks.
“No, Mika I wasn’t saying…not that there’s anything wrong…huh?” I struggled to make a full sentence. It was no secret she and Spence liked to add a little fun in the bedroom, and fun was usually another girl, because Mika was all about free love. But that was not part of the new me plan at all.
“I wish I could see your face right now,” she mused and dangit , she’d gotten me.
“I hate you.” I was glad she wasn’t in my face to take pictures of how embarrassed I was.
“No, you don’t. You were totally contemplating my offer, but relax, I wouldn’t pit Spence and Matt against each other like that. Besides, Spence is busy tonight.”
“Oh?” I really needed to expand my vocabulary. I swear I knew other words, but my brain blanked. I wasn’t obsessing over why it would piss Matt off, though. Nope, not obsessing at all.
“Yeah, he’s probably out doing dumb shit to piss me off so I’ll break his dick later. And not in the way he likes it. I’ll pick you up at Nine.”
“Wait!” Why had I screamed?
“Are we going to like a bar or a lounge?” I asked as I mentally went through my closet trying to find bar or lounge clothes.
“Who goes to a lounge? What are we? Thirty-seven ? No, bitch; we are going to Taste so wear something slutty or sexy.” Seriously?!
Did she know who I was? I had never set foot in the strip club in my life. I didn’t even know where one would shop to get something slutty or sexy. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I knew Mika liked to party but when we hung out it was always at a bar or something, never a strip club.
“Um, I don’t know Mika, maybe I’ll sit this one out.”
“No way E, you’re going. Kane can suck it if he thinks he can reduce you to a pile of mopey mess. Don’t worry about the sexy; I got you. I’ll be over at 9:00.” Before I could even reply with my witty ‘Oh’, she was gone.
Shit! What had I just gotten myself into? Was I ready for this? This was the big test, right? Be seen after ‘the incident’ and show everyone that I’m solid? Was I solid? I guess everyone would find out tonight.
My dress, which came from Mika’s closet, was molded to my body like it was painted on me, clinging to my hips and accentuating my ass. My hair was sleek and shiny, hanging loosely down my back. My makeup was simple enough. My eyes were exotic; they had a smoky effect thing going on that I couldn’t begin to tell you how she did it, but it made my normally forest green eyes stand out freakishly well. I looked like me, only different.
“Wow, I’m good,” I heard Mika say over my shoulder. I didn’t even have to turn around to know she is patting herself on the back, the cocky bitch. But I had to give her credit. I looked good.
“This dress really is like a long shirt,” I said as I pulled at the stretchy fabric, like that would magically make it grow a few more inches. I was so out of my comfort zone. The only saving grace was that the dress/shirt was in my absolute favorite shade of gray , making the thigh high black boots, also from Mika, pop.
“Do you want a longer one?” she asked as she touched up her deep red lips and admired her ass in the mirror. Knowing damn well she didn’t own anything longer than what we were both wearing. Knowing her she’d give me something shorter.
“Nope,” I said. God, I would never be caught in something so shorter than what I had on now. I owned nothing that didn’t hit right above my knee. This dress was bordering on obscene. I mean how the hell was I... “Wait, how can I bend over in this without flashing someone my underwear?” I asked her, voicing my fear. What if I fell over in these heels because I did not know how to walk in thigh high boots, no matter how hot they made my legs look ?
“So, don’t wear any .” She shrugged like it was no big deal, like it was normal and cool for girls with short ass dresses to not wear under…wait, was it normal? I knew I was good looking; I mean plenty of guys looked my way when I was out by myself, and a few brave men blatantly checked me out while I was with Matt. But Mika Alani Johnson was a different kind of gorgeous. One who could pull of the no underwear thing.
She had curly jet black hair that she claimed came from her mother, who was Hawaiian, which was always styled in a trendy fashion and a different color depending on her mood, but it had been black for a while now. She had light brown eyes that she attributed to her father who was African-American and a body I’d reconsider her offer for: Creamy café mocha skin, perfect hips that sit on an equally perfect ass, and legs for days. If I weren’t so secure in my appearance, I’d think I was her duff. I wasn’t so secure not to be a jealous bitch and admit that Mika was hotter than me and hot enough to pull off the no panty thing, but me? Not so much.
“Mika, I can’t not wear und
erwear,” I said as I turned to face her and take in her attire, which was similar to mine except hers was red, like really red, like notice me red. I instantly felt like I was going to be the side item tonight to the Mika show. But that was okay because I didn’t want anyone to notice me . Going out to this club was enough of the new me to last me a bit before I tried anything else. Besides, I needed to do this.
“Sure you can, it’s no big, just always, like always, remember to cross your legs when you sit. Or if you see something you want, don’t cross ‘em,’” she said on a wink, and I inwardly cringed. Oh my god, is that normal? I didn’t want to accidently give some random guy a vag shot while trying to sit down.
“Babe, you’re thinking too much. Just do it. It’s that simple” She puffed up her big hair and adjusted her boobs. Did I mention those were perfect too? Ugh. I wanted to be like her; she had a no fucks given attitude that I would love to have, even for a night. She was doing what I was supposed to be doing at the ripe old age of 23. Partying, sex, work, repeat. I was good, I partied, and I had sex, but that was all with Matt and now lately, the only thing I was doing was living the life equivalent to a nun.
“What the shit right?” I mumbled, more to myself than to Mika as I shimmed out of my underwear and quickly dropped them in my clutch, praying I wouldn’t be looking back on this decision in the morning and thinking ‘What the shit.’ Or however you say it.
“Hell yeah, bitch! Do epic shit!” she exclaimed before slapping me on the ass. She’s an ass slapper, but to be fair, I did have a nice ass.
Matt
Same boring shit.
It was the third time I’d repeated that shit in my head tonight as I slammed back another drink.
It was the same thumping music, same half naked females who wanted more from me than I could ever possibly give them, and the same feelings of restlessness that I haven’t quite shaken in the last eight weeks.
“Man, you getting it in tonight or are you just gonna people watch again? I gave up a night with Mika for this.” Spencer Reed had been my best friend since grade school, my sandbox brother, and my go to dude to get into shit with. I loved him like he was family, but right now he was getting on my fucking nerves. I get it, he had a girl, a wild one at that, and he’d given up a night of hot sex to sit here with me, his pathetic best friend, while I tried to find myself, or lose myself, however you wanted to look at it.
“Quit your bitching; I’m sure Mika is not sitting at home waiting for you.” I wasn’t being an asshole, Mika was…well, she was a lot to handle, sexy as shit, but a lot to handle. Spence knew how to handle her well though.
“That’s the point. If I’m not with her, she’s bound to get into fucking trouble.” Yeah, trouble. Mika had a way of pissing Spence off on a daily occurrence, on purpose. She got off when Spence went all cave man jealous and shit. Spence told me the more jealous and crazy he got, the wetter she got. What’d I tell you? Wild!
I couldn’t even be mad at him. He wanted to be with his girl; shit, I wanted the same thing— only I didn’t have a girl. I was not overly religious. When my mom died, it was the first time I had even stepped foot into a church over the years. I also didn’t believe in signs and shit, but I found myself asking for just that, a sign. I needed to know that what I was doing, throwing my relationship away, was right, and if I just hung on long enough things would become clear. I needed something, anything, to point me in the direction I needed to be, where I belonged.
Chapter Five
Ember
I knew he was here; I could feel him. I was with him for so long my body is tuned to his; like he is playing a song on a channel my body is regulated to. This awareness came over me, making the guy I was dancing with— along with the thumping music around me— die down and fade into the background. Mika had gone to get us drinks, but that was, hell I don’t even have on my watch, but it was a really long time ago. I did the whole stand there and dance by myself thing, but when hands gripped my waist and a hard body pressed up against my back and started to move with me, I didn’t object because I was single.
Single.
“You are easily the sexiest woman in here tonight,” a gruff voice said in my ear. I didn’t want to turn around because I wanted to enjoy the fact that this guy didn’t know who I was, and he thought I was sexy. Many people knew me either from Matt or from my dad, and I was never sure if the compliments came because of that.
Mindful of my dress, I grabbed the hand winding its way around my stomach and held it there. I was enjoying myself, but not that much, when suddenly the guy was gone. Not like he took a step back but was still there; no, this was more like his being was removed from that space and there was just a void behind me.
I turned to see what the hell and locked eyes with him.
I struggled with myself because I wanted to run to him— and also from him because seeing him hurt, knowing he was not miserable and alone like me hurt, like I was so easily forgotten. But then I felt the hurt and anger rise because he was in a strip club. I was fully aware that I was also, but he was in a strip club . I knew he was ‘exploring’ but in a strip club?! For a full minute we stand there and take each other in. His steel eyes bore into mine and lock my feet to the spot, halting my retreat. I drink him in from head to toe, because my eyes haven’t seen him in so long and because well, his presence demanded it. His button down shirt fit his muscles, which, holy shit were a nice new addition to his already perfect body, and his waist looked leaner, making his jeans fit him just the right side of perfect. God, when you see your ex— especially when they broke your heart— they are supposed to look busted without you! How was it fair that he looked even better than before?
Piss my life .
Everything faded, the music, the people bumping and grinding on the dance floor, everything. It was just he and I, and even though it was semi dark in the club, I could still see his eyes travel the length of me. I could make out the beard that hid his chiseled jaw, and I could tell the moment he decided to make a move for me when his eyes darkened. That action broke his hold on me, brought everything around me into focus again, and the anger I felt rose to an exponential level. I turned to flee before he could stop me, because forget him for being in a strip club. No, not forget him. Fuck him for being in a strip club!
“What the hell are you doing here?’ Matt asked loud enough to hear over the music as his hand grabbed ahold of my arm, halting my escape.
For some reason, I could only focus on his hold on me, where his grip branded my skin, and I knew that even after tonight, I would still feel his touch. “Rabbit?” he demanded, snapping me out of my pathetic spiraling. He was asking me what I was doing here. Seriously? Me, the girl he dumped, the girl who has been nothing but supportive to him for three long years? Really? So yeah, I might have snapped when I threw his arm off me and slammed both my hands into his chest, causing his eyes to widen with surprise. Well, buckle up buddy; I ain’t done. Let me introduce you to Ember 2.0.
“Don’t touch me,” I yelled , causing one person to turn and glare at me like I was killing his vibe. Really dude? A girl yells don’t touch and all you do is glare. Asshole.
I tried to go around Matt, but he stepped in my path, only to do it again when I went the other way. With all the bodies and no one wanting to get out of my damn way, I was effectively trapped.
“Move or I scream,” I mouthed, letting all the rage I felt toward him show on my face so he knew I meant freaking business. His eyes did that thing where they darken with either anger or lust, and I hated the fact that my nipples hardened at just the thought that he was affected by me in either capacity.
Before I knew what was happening, he picked me up with his arm around my waist, my back to his front, and carried me through the crowd. Naturally, I struggled and punched his arm, all the while yelling at him to let me go. I looked around for Mika, but I knew she was either grinding on Spence, who
was undoubtedly here with Matt, or was watching to see how this played out so she could have a story for the water cooler tomorrow at work.
“Cut it the hell out Em,” Matt hissed in my ear as he pushed his way through the crowd. It was only when I felt air hit a very certain part of my anatomy that I remembered I had no barrier between my dress and my dignity.
I caught the sides of the dress as it almost rolled up to the point of no return and held on for dear life until we stopped near the bathroom, and he released me. I instantly tugged the dress down farther and turned on him.
“You asshole, how dare you?” I yelled. There were fewer people back here, only the occasional guy or girl going to the bathroom, all of whom paid us no mind. Just another couple fighting in a club. Must be a Tuesday. All I wanted to do was find Mika and leave. I knew this had been a bad idea.
“What the hell are you doing here Ember? This isn’t your scene.” He tilted his head to the side and studied me. I hated when he looked at me like this, like he was figuring me out as if I was a puzzle or something. When we were together, I thought it was cute, now I wanted to punch him.
“It’s a club; I came to dance.” I huffed, knowing I was not going anywhere anytime soon.
“You don’t dance,” he stated, before adding, “Or wear that.” He gestured to my borrowed attire.
“I’m exploring,” I mockingly shot back the words he’d said to me during our break up and crossed my arms over my chest, causing the damn dress to ride up a little. I self-consciously pulled it down. Of course, his eyes zeroed in on the movement.
“Why do you keep pulling your dress down Rabbit?” he asked, and my heart hurt a little at the ease with which he called me ‘Rabbit, because although it started out as teasing, it became his form of babe or baby. He’d called me those other endearments too over the course of our relationship, but none of those held as big a meaning as that name. I hated it, but yet when Matt said it, it was different.
Know Me: A 'Me' Novel (Book 3) (A 'Me' Series) Page 4