by Mikki Sadil
I rubbed my eyes and realized it was almost midnight. I had been working on that dumb project for more than four hours, plus all the time over the last few days. I seriously hoped I would never have to hear about Robert E. Lee or the Civil War again as long as I lived.
Tuesday morning the alarm rang much too soon. It was my turn to feed the horses, so as soon as I was through, I started walking to school. I had the history project in my backpack, but I knew Celine would be with the J’s, and I didn’t want to get into a discussion about why I didn’t have notebooks for them. I hid out in the girls’ restroom until the bell rang and ran into homeroom at the last minute.
Miss Gorman was already giving out instructions for the day. She gave me a snarly look as I came in at the end of the bell, but she didn’t say anything.
When homeroom was over, I headed for history. I heard Jaime say, “Hey, AJ, wait up.” I ignored her and sat down. Since their seats were behind me, Julie leaned over my shoulder. “AJ, what’s the matter? Are you mad at us for some reason?”
I couldn’t believe she said that, when they’d been practically ignoring me ever since dear Celine moved in on us.
“Mad at you? What would I have to be mad about?” I hoped my words dripped as many icicles as Celine’s usually did.
Before Julie or Jaime could reply, Ms. Spellman said, “All right, class, let’s get quiet. First order of business is to send up your history projects. Please try to do so without spilling them all over each other.”
Jaime’s overly loud whisper came from behind me. “AJ, where are our notebooks? You didn’t forget them, did you?”
“No, I didn’t forget them. I didn’t bring them. I did most of the work, and when you and Julie refused to help finish the project I did it by myself, and the only notebook is mine.”
I guess my whisper wasn’t quiet enough, as Ms. Spellman looked at me. “AJ, did you have something you want to share with the class? If not, send up your notebook and please refrain from chatting with your friends.”
I gave Jaime a triumphant look over my shoulder as I passed up my notebook, but suddenly I didn’t feel so good. My stomach took a nose dive when Ms. Spellman looked through the notebooks.
“Jaime and Julie, where are your notebooks? I know you were working with AJ on a project.”
I couldn’t do it. The J’s and I had started on the project in early August, right after Ms. Spellman sent everyone in her history class a note telling us a project would be due three weeks after school started. Julie and Jaime had done a lot of work on it, at least in the beginning, and they did deserve the credit. I knew Ms. Spellman would give them an “F”, and the project was a big part of our mid-term grade. Oh, crap.
I sighed. “Um, Ms. Spellman, I, uh, I forgot to bring their notebooks. I finished the bibliography last night and I was supposed to put the copies in their notebooks and bring them today but it was really late when I finished and, uh, I forgot them.” I was totally out of breath when I finished that overlong sentence. Plus, Mom had taught all of us that lying was one of the worst things we could do. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t really a lie, it was just a little fib.
Fib or lie, I knew from the look she gave me she didn’t believe me. “Very well. Julie and Jaime, you can get them from AJ this afternoon and bring them back to me before five p.m. today. Is that clear?”
The J’s looked relieved. Ms. Spellman began stacking the notebooks neatly on her desk as she said, “AJ, I will see you privately after class.”
Aaghh. “After class” was not something I wanted to do. I definitely didn’t want to explain the real reason I didn’t bring the J’s’ notebooks with me.
I could feel the black looks the J’s were giving me. So okay, they were mad at me, but as long as they got their notebooks and grades, I couldn’t see what difference it made. After all, I was the one in trouble with Ms. Spellman, so who cared if they were mad? You do, said the little voice. Just Shut UP.
After class, Ms. Spellman came over and sat down on the desk next to mine. She looked closely at me for a moment. “AJ, what’s wrong? It’s pretty obvious you didn’t ‘forget’ those notebooks this morning. You deliberately didn’t bring them. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. I avoided her eyes and mumbled, “No, there’s nothing to talk about. Can I go now? I promise I’ll get the notebooks for them.”
“All right, AJ. But be sure you get them to the girls immediately after school. Don’t ever pull a stunt like that in my class again, understand? Oh, and by the way, since you purposely left the notebooks at home, I will see a complete synopsis of Chapter Seven by Thursday morning. This is not something you are to ‘forget,’ is that clear?”
“I won’t forget, Ms. Spellman. May I go now?”
When she nodded, I grabbed my backpack and ran out, almost falling over Celine and Jaime, who were hiding on either side of the open door.
“Hey, what’s going on? What are you doing here?”
This time, they both smirked. Jaime said, “Well, getting into trouble is your own fault, AJ. We just wanted to know what happened and we knew you wouldn’t tell us the truth.”
I stared at Jaime in shock. When the J’s and I were best friends, like three weeks ago, we had always told each other everything. We had never lied to each other.
“Jaime, why would you say that? You know we always tell each other the truth. All you had to do is ask me.”
Celine butted in. “Well, you’re in trouble, AJ. You deliberately didn’t bring Julie and Jaime’s notebooks this morning, and if you’re sneaky enough to do that, then you’re sneaky enough to lie about what Ms. Spellman said. Isn’t that right, Jaime?”
I whirled around, my fists knotted and my voice loud. “You stay out of this! Jaime knows I don’t lie. The only reason she would think so is because you told her I would. That means you must lie a lot yourself so you think everyone else does. Well, I don’t! So you just keep your nose out of our business, Celine!”
Before she or Jaime could say anything, Ms. Spellman came to the door. “All right, girls, that’s enough. What’s going on out here, anyway?”
“Nothing!” I whirled around and ran down the hall.
At noon, I stood next to Julie in the lunch line. She spoke quietly, as if she didn’t want anyone to hear. “AJ, I’m sorry about Jaime and Celine spying on you today. I didn’t know they were going to do that.”
“Julie, what’s with you guys and Celine, anyway? All of a sudden she’s your new best friend and you’re just ignoring me.”
“Oh no, AJ, don’t think that! You’re still our best friend, but, well, Celine is really different. She’s so sure of herself, and she’s pretty and smart, and she knows all about everything in New York. And she knows who the cool kids are around here, and who aren’t worth even talking to.”
“Julie, what are you saying?” I stared at her in shock. “Celine has only been here a couple of weeks and you guys are treating her like she’s the Queen of Cool. She hardly knows any of the kids, so how would she know who’s ‘cool’ or not? Besides, what different does it make? We’ve always talked to everybody.”
Celine and Jaime were walking towards us. Julie picked up her tray. “Well, you just don’t understand. Celine is a lot more knowledgeable than we are, and she’s way smarter about people, too. Being from New York makes her really sophisticated about things like that. Maybe you should realize that there are some people who are smarter than you are.”
Julie left me staring after her as she walked over to join Jaime and Celine. She didn’t even ask me to sit with them at lunch. But I was still their best friend. Yeah, right.
Finally, the day was over. About two minutes before the last bell rang, I sidled up to my English Lit teacher, Mr. Norris. “Mr. Norris, may I leave now? I don’t feel good and I need to use the restroom.”
Mr. Norris was so absentminded that usually he didn’t even remember our names. When he assigns “quiet work”, mainly so he doesn�
��t have to answer questions, he reads to himself. He pushes his round owlish glasses way down on his long, thin nose and moves his thick lips silently. He was doing that now, so he didn’t even look up at me when he said, “Uh, yes, of course you can use the restroom.”
I picked up my backpack and headed for home. I didn’t really need to use the restroom, but I did have a tight knot in my stomach, so telling him I didn’t feel well wasn’t exactly a lie…I don’t think. I looked up at the sky and said silently, I’m sorry, God, I’ll try to do better. Just don’t strike me dead before I get those notebooks out to the J’s.
Shortly after I got home, I heard laughter coming in my open windows and knew that Julie and Jaime and Celinewere coming up the steps to our front porch. Well, no way was Celine coming up to my room. I grabbed the notebooks and raced downstairs to open the front door.
“Here.” I thrust the notebooks at Julie and Jaime. “They’re finished.”
Jaime glared at me. “What’s your problem, AJ? We did the work we were supposed to, so what are you mad about?”
I didn’t answer her, but I looked directly at Celine. I saw the amused little smile on her face and the malicious glint in her eyes. She knew exactly what was wrong, and she was happy about it. She continued to look at me as she slid an arm about Jaime’s waist. “What does it matter, Jaime? You and Julie have your notebooks, and if AJ wants to sulk about it, just leave her alone. Let’s get them to your teacher, and we can go to my house afterwards.”
Jaime looked at me. “You’re right, she can sulk all she wants. Come on, Julie, let’s go.” Julie looked embarrassed but she didn’t say anything. She and Jaime clutched the notebooks and walked off with Celine, leaving me standing alone on my porch.
Chapter Five
The “D” Word
Everyone must have sensed I was upset that night. Andrew fed the horses and mucked the stalls without saying a word to me about helping. Sarah and Suzanne set the table quietly, without their usual incomprehensible chatter. Mom had a worried look on her face, but she didn’t ask me if anything was wrong. The aroma of Mom’s homemade lasagna usually made my mouth water, and normally I would have been in a rush to get my plate filled, but not tonight. I pushed my plate away. “I’m not hungry, and I’ve got homework. Can I go?”
Mom looked hurt. “But, AJ, I fixed lasagna especially for you. It’s supposed to make up for not getting your practice uniform on time.”
Well, it was a little late for apologies, even in the way of my favorite meal. I shrugged. “I’m not hungry. So can I be excused?”
Without waiting for an answer, I ran up to my room. I lay down on the bed and curled into a ball. I felt deserted, as if suddenly everyone important to me had stepped into another dimension and left me standing alone in my own world. Just two weeks ago the J’s and I had been best friends and now everything was about Celine. They didn’t even seem to care if I was around or not.
A loud knock brought me abruptly out of my thoughts. When I opened the door, Andrew stood there. “Hey, squirt, I thought I’d see if you want to come down and have some pie. Mom and the twins are watching a movie, so it’d be just you and me in the kitchen.”
I raised my eyebrows. Andrew never invited me to do anything with him. But I guess that’s typical for big brothers.
“What do you want, Andrew? I know it’s not just about pie.”
He seemed hesitant. “Well, you know, you’ve got some kind of problem and I thought you might want to talk about it. Besides, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
I sighed. When Andrew decides he wants to ‘talk to you’ he doesn’t leave it alone. “Okay, let’s go have pie. But I’m not talking about my problems. If I have any, I’ll work them out myself, so just back off.”
Five minutes later, we were sitting at the kitchen bar having milk and a piece of Mom’s apple pie. “Well, what’s up? What do you want to talk about?” Milk dribbled down my chin as I put my glass down on the table.
“Look, I don’t know how to say this except to say it. I think Mom and Dad are going to get a divorce, and…”
“What? What are you saying, Andrew?”
“Shh, for Pete’s sake, stop yelling and be quiet. Now just listen and don’t say anything. I overheard Mom talking to Dad last night over the phone. I didn’t hear everything she said, but she told him she had seen a lawyer. She really seemed angry.”
I shook my head violently. “Well, that doesn’t mean anything. Just because Mom is mad, maybe she was talking about seeing a friend who’s a lawyer.”
His voice was quiet. “AJ, just think about it. How much has Dad been home since we moved here over a year ago? Or even before we moved? He comes sometimes on the weekends. He calls once in a while. They haven’t said anything about what’s going on, but you know they have to be separated, and now they’re getting a divorce.”
“No…I don’t believe that.” I was trying hard not to cry and I was furious with Andrew for thinking our parents were getting a divorce.
Mom walked into the kitchen. She took one look at us, saw the tears in my eyes, and said sternly, “All right, you two. What’s going on here? Why are you crying, AJ?”
I wailed, “Mom, it’s not true, is it? You and Dad aren’t getting a divorce, are you? Andrew said he heard you tell Dad you had a lawyer.”
Mom sighed, and I saw the glare she gave Andrew as she put her arms around me. “Andrew, for heaven’s sake! You should have come to me first. But yes, AJ, I’ve seen a lawyer about a divorce. I’m so sorry, I know this is a shock to both of you.”
“But, Mom, you and Dad hardly ever fight or have arguments. Until we moved here, anyway. What’s wrong with you?” I was hiccupping because I was trying so hard not to cry.
She drew in a deep breath. “It isn’t something I can explain easily. We don’t fight because there is not enough between us to fight about. I know this doesn’t make any sense to you, but things have not been good between your dad and I for a long time. We tried to keep the marriage going but it just wasn’t going to happen.”
“Then why didn’t you say something before now? Why did you keep it from us? You had no right to do that.” Andrew was angry.
She hesitated. “I don’t know. I guess we wanted to be sure about our decision before we dragged you kids into it. We talked about it a lot, and, we were trying…”
Mom still had her arms around me. I pushed her away. “No, how can you say that? You didn’t try, neither one of you! You made us leave our home, our friends, Grammy and Gramps, to come to this stupid place. Dad’s never home since we moved. This would never have happened in Oak Glen. Why can’t we go back there so things can be the way they used to be?”
“Honey, this whole situation began when we were living there, so going back wouldn’t change a thing. No one is sorrier than I am about this, but it is what it is.”
I didn’t understand my mom. She was not angry or sad or anything. She was calm and talking like a divorce was an ordinary thing. I wondered if all parents acted this way when they tell their kids they are ruining the family.
“I don’t believe that. You could do something if you wanted to. I hate West Haven, I hate you, I hate the J’s, I hate everything about Colorado!”
All my frustration with everything that was so suddenly going wrong in my life came out in heavy sobs. I ran out of the kitchen and bumped into the twins, their eyes wide with surprise and fear. Obviously, they had heard me yelling, but right now all I thought about was my own pain and grief. I pushed them aside and ran up the stairs to my room, slammed the door, and threw myself down on the bed. After a while, when I finally stopped crying, I lay there and thought about my parents.
It was true, Dad hadn’t been home much that last year we lived in Oak Glen. The riding accident seemed to change everything with him. When he went back to work, his trips kept getting longer and longer. When he did come home, it was only for a few days. But it was hard to believe people got divorced just because of
a job.
All my friends’ parents were married. Even Celine’s. Would I become even more of an outcast when my parents got divorced?
I looked around my room, with its pale lavender walls and lemon yellow curtains. There were little dashes of bright pink here and there, all my favorite colors. Across the room was the tall bookcase Dad had built, with the book jackets standing out in splashes of rainbow colors.
Then, of course, there were the heart boxes. Three shelves were taken up by the bright red, heart-shaped boxes Dad had bought me every Valentine’s Day since I was born. The first one was tiny with the cutest little fuzzy white bear on the front. Each year since then, the boxes had gotten bigger and fancier, even when he wasn’t home to give me one in person. I loved those boxes. I wondered if he would stop giving me a heart box when he and Mom got divorced.
I jumped up and ran to my desk. I had to talk to him, right now. I didn’t know where he was, but I knew his cell phone was always on. I dialed and when he answered, I burst out, “Dad, please tell me what’s going on. Mom says you guys are getting divorced. That’s not true, is it?” My throat was clogged again with tears.
There was silence at the other end. Finally, Dad said, “AJ, this is not a good time to talk about this.”
“But is it true?”
“Yes, it is true. Honey, I just can’t talk about this now.”
“When can you talk about it? I need to know now!”
“Sweetheart, I…look, please don’t cry. All I can say now is that, yes, Mom and I are getting a divorce. It’s something that’s been coming on for a long time. AJ, I’m sorry, I know this is bad for you kids, but I’m not where I can talk about it right now.”
I gulped back my tears. “Then why can’t you come home so we can all talk about it? Maybe if you weren’t gone all the time, you and Mom could work things out. We need to talk, Dad, and not on the crappy phone!”
“AJ, hold on a minute.” I could hear him moving around and saying something in a low voice. I could hear a woman’s voice. I wondered who that was.