by B. M. Hardin
I don’t care how long I have to wait Ski, I will have you,” Zack said as if he was one hundred percent sure of his last statement.
Amazed by some of the things he had said, I just looked at him; but said nothing.
He looked as pitiful as Charlotte did; though the looks were for two very different reasons. Hearing all of the things that he had just said reminded me of my past.
It was as if I had heard it all before…well…not exactly.
I had just graduated college and prior to a bad break up a few months earlier; I had met a really nice guy. No need for details, so, long story short, only after about eight months of dating…he proposed. Desperately wanting love and not thinking things all the way through, I accepted; but my dreams of happily ever after were short lived.
Before the ring had even gotten used to being on my finger we had to have one of those infamous…. talks.
Basically, he said the same exact thing to me that Zack had just recited; only that the person he was in love with wasn’t me…it was another man.
As I said…my love life has never been something to brag about.
Nevertheless, hearing Zack’s words only made me feel confused and remorseful--- both at the same time.
But no matter what, I had to admit… Zack still had it.
He was still as handsome today as he had been back then; even more handsome with age.
He was a sexy as six-inch, black, red bottom high heel.
Unexpectedly, and with such inappropriate timing, I found myself undressing him with my eyes as I reminisced for only a moment about his package.
I was willing to bet that it was even better these days than it was back then. He always used to get the best of me…but I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case now.
Yours truly, was a professional when it came to riding that bike—or driving that stick, you know; whatever you wanted to call it. I was nothing like he would’ve remembered me. I had sex down to a Science; and let’s just say, I always passed with an A. My pussycat had always seemed to get me in more trouble than I bargained for.
Immediately, I began to chastise myself for my impure thoughts. I was getting married.
Point. Blank. Period.
Due to my walk down memory lane, I had almost forgotten the situation at hand, but you can bet your bottom dollar that old Zacky-boy was there to remind me.
Zack tugged at the bottom of my dress, pulling me closer and closer to him. I tried to reason with him all the while trying to figure out an escape.
It amazed me how comfortable he seemed to be around me all of a sudden. Just a week ago, you couldn’t pay him to say two words to me.
“Zack, Charlotte was pregnant. She had an abortion; yesterday,” I blurted out in between swatting him away as though he was a fly.
That statement must have hit a nerve.
My words definitely caused him to freeze, mid stride.
He almost seemed to become angry.
Well, almost was an understatement.
“What? Are you serious? Why would she do that? She knows how I feel about kids! She knows that no matter what, I would have been there for my child!” Zack screamed in attempted to cover up his sadness. I kind of felt sorry for him. Empathy, sympathy, both of them at that moment; were one in the same. He must have really loved kids; well of course he did. He was a single father.
At that moment, I began to relive some distant memories from almost a decade ago but the memories were soon suppressed as Zack cleared his throat. He looked disturbed, as if he was a man who felt like crying but had too much pride to. Of course he was upset. He was a good man; a good father. I felt bad for telling him in the way that I did. It wasn’t my place or my responsibility.
Hell, either I talked too much or I wasn’t talking enough.
I had to work on finding a median.
Zack dropped his head as though he didn’t want me to look at him in the face.
That simple, but somewhat powerful action, all by itself, began to pull at the strings of my heart.
I stepped closer to him, and opened up my arms to embrace him.
Nothing was wrong with a little hug.
It was just a hug and boy did he look like he needed one. For a while he didn’t hug me back. He just stood there with his head hung low. I figured only a few minutes were necessary and just as I dropped my arms to back away, his arms found their way around my waist.
Instead of resisting, I looked up at the man that was now looking down at me. He looked at me as if he were asking me where I had been all these years.
And for only a moment, I’m sure my eyes were asking him the same.
But he must have noticed that my conscious had stepped in. I had already found my soul mate. And his name was Levi…not Zack.
Now Zack needed to go and find his...as long as it wasn't my sister.
My hands found his and rested on top of them, preparing to peel his fingers from the many curves of my body.
Before I had a chance to make my move, as if he was an eagles swooping down from a tree to catch its prey, he kissed me…again.
He sure had a problem keeping his lips to himself these days; that was so unattractive…I think.
Though in my mind I wasn't kissing him, my lips were doing on hell of dance of their own with his.
Knowing that though it felt right, it was more than wrong, I had no choice but to attempt to fight him off.
The struggle was real, I tell you.
The love scuffle lasted for only a few minutes until my hands finally became submissive and rested comfortably at my side. I knew I was wrong and I knew that although I had him first, he was no longer mine…and the princess cut diamond ring on my finger said that I was no longer his; and I hadn’t been for years.
But why did I want this so badly? Why did I want him? Was it because I knew I wasn't supposed to have him? Why was I giving into the passion that I had hidden for him in the pits of my soul for such a long time?
I’d always known where to find him, yet I hadn’t, so why was I feeling this way? Why had I come even though some part of me knew that this would be where we ended up?
I knew that I had a king at home and thinking about it I had no real reason to have been jealous of Zack and Charlotte in the first place. I had the man that every woman wanted; the man that I had always wanted…so why was about to mess it up?
Unfortunately, I seemed to have more questions than answers these days.
I allowed Zack to kiss my neck and my ears forcefully. The truth to the matter was that I probably wanted him more than he wanted me.
I wasn't sure if it was out of curiosity, thrill, or if it was simply a desire driven by my memories. I was sure it wasn't out of love; lust...yeah…maybe.
But whatever it was, it was taking over me.
My most prized possession called out to him as he slid my dress up and over my head, hastily making his way down to my breasts. The way he fondled them and sucked on them made my insides catch on fire, causing me to melt all over as my juices began to spill from within me; torturing my clitoris with their wetness. Just from the fire that was circulating between us, if I wasn’t careful I might make the mistake and cum before I even had the chance to re-test drive his stick.
With my breasts still in his mouth, and with one hand, he ripped my panties clean off, exposing my bare ass and my freshly shaved pussbox. His hands found their way to the opening of my kitty cats’ mouth and his fingers began to do their version of the electric slide; sliding in and out of me. Zack applied force with his body backing me up into a corner of the living room. My hands were still afraid to move as though they were the only part of my body trying not to participate.
Assuming that patience was a quality that he simply did not possess, I heard him unzip his pants with his free hand and I felt them drop to the floor, covering my feet.
I recklessly began to shake my head when I felt his fingers come out of me and he lifted my leg. I managed to say the word no but my
body was screaming yes…hell yes.
I couldn’t help but moan as the head of his snake slithered its way inside my damp, dark, watering hole.
With one swift motion my other leg was lifted off of the floor and both legs were wrapped tightly around his waist. I bite my bottom lip as he began to stroke…
“Baby?”
“Yes---?” I answered Levi---almost calling him Zack.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” I said and shook away my thoughts of indiscretion with Zack and focused on giving my fiancé the part of me that only he deserved. If I could only turn back the hands of time.
*************
*~Second chances come and they go. It’s up to you whether you take it or let it pass you by. Sometimes things come back around for a reason. Your job is to figure out why~*
Anonymous
Chapter Four
I reached for her but she didn’t come to me. She only turned away and headed toward the light. Though the light nearly blinded me, I continued to call to her and reach out my hand but she didn’t hear me. She never heard me…
I woke up in a cold sweat. I looked around just to make sure I was where I thought I was.
The dream had felt so real. Never in my life had I had a dream like that before; which caused me to feel just a small case of paranoia.
What if the dream was some type of sign?
Growing up in church, I was a firm believer of visions.
I was sure that I had never seen the girl in my dream before; though for some reason I couldn’t quite make out her face. The dreamed had freaked me all the way out. Chills were running down my spine and not in a good way; not the kind of chills that I was used to.
I rolled out of bed and headed for the balcony.
The sky always looked its best just before the sunrise.
The breeze kissed my face tenderly, as the aroma of Mother Nature entered my nose. The mixture of trees, flowers and just a little pollution seemed to calm me down.
After a few minutes, I felt my body and mind begin to relax and my heartbeat steadied. With the change of my frame of mind, for some reason, I started to think about my wedding.
My wedding day was only a few months away.
And I couldn’t wait!
I wasn’t like most brides…I wasn’t stressed; nor was I overly eager to get the whole thing over with.
I was calm and cool and I knew that that day would be everything I imagined it would be.
It would be everything a wedding was supposed to be.
Abruptly, I began to think of Charlotte’s wedding and then solely just about Charlotte.
I wondered if my wedding so soon after her not so fairy tale wedding would be too much for her to handle.
I couldn’t begin to imagine how she would feel standing beside me at the altar, being reminded of her humiliation.
I wondered if I should ask her if she would rather sit this one out. But knowing Charlotte, she would refuse.
She was just as stubborn as a mule; as stubborn as her idol... daddy.
It was no secret that Charlotte was daddy's favorite. I had come to terms with it a long time ago.
For some reason or another, daddy just didn't seem to like me all that much. I know, it sounds weird for me to say it…but it was truth.
No, he never admitted it or mistreated me, but he never said much to me either. He would simply get mama to do it.
I could honestly say though that as an adult daddy had gotten better but when I was younger, we had no type of father-daughter bond what so ever. It was as if he was always so uncomfortable around me. He pretended as though he wasn't, but I could tell.
Daddy would interact with us all as a whole but if ever it was just me and him; he would hardly say a word.
Now, don't mistake it as he never spoke to me period. Trust me, he didn't have a problem chastising me or laying down the rules. But I could only think of maybe five times that I could remember him hugging me and there was only a hand full of times that he had ever said I love you; at least that I could remember.
But to Charlotte, he would say it all the time.
They would just talk and laugh like a father and daughter was supposed to. But every time he tried with me after a sentence or two; he simply would get quiet and eventually make an exit. In my eyes, his disconnection to me was obvious. And I knew mama could see it too; which explained why she always drowned me with affection and attention as if she was picking up daddy's slack. I told myself that one of these days I was going to ask him why he was always so distant from me, but it never seemed like the right time. I knew he loved me and overall he had been the example of what a great father was supposed to be.
I just wish I knew why he had such a hard time communicating with me.
No one else seemed to have that problem.
So, no, we weren’t the closest but he was still my daddy. And he would be walking me down the aisle and giving me away like a father was supposed to.
All the thoughts of daddy, Charlotte, and the weddings, naturally, eventually, made me think of Zack.
Just the thought of him got me all excited. It wasn’t that he was better than my Levi; because honestly, he wasn't.
It was simply because he was Zack.
I couldn’t deny the fact that I had enjoyed what we shared but I also knew that it would never happen again.
It just couldn't. I wouldn't allow it.
Besides, he didn't need me. Zack could have any woman he wanted. I knew that he would eventually find the woman of his dreams. I had already found my dream come true.
I smiled as I looked behind me at the sleeping mass belonging to Levi. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn’t know what I would do or where I would be if I didn’t have him by my side. He had been so patient with me and so kind from the very beginning.
And I do mean; the very beginning.
Before Levi and I became official, I was in a relationship with a man named Jasper.
What can I say about Jasper except that he was a dog…oh yea he was a dog. And did I mention... he was a dog?
Just wanted to make sure that was clear.
He was just that bad.
He would cheat on me just because he felt like it. If it rained he thought he deserved a new piece of pus. If it was Monday, oh he deserved a threesome just because he got out of bed that morning.
That's the kind of dog I was dealing with.
But I loved him; at least I thought I did. In the beginning I would have never expected him to do some of the things he did but he did them.
Sometimes, with little to no remorse.
But I was so in love with the guy that I first met that I played his fool for far too long. It wasn’t until he sent me to the clinic that I wised up and got the hell away from him before my health got away from me.
I remembered coming into work that next day, with my head hung low. I was lonely and confused, broken hearted to say the least, but Levi was right there. He was always there; making me laugh and smile, brightening up my worst day. Levi was nothing but an absolute joy to be around and I would rather die before I lost him.
And I meant that.
That’s exactly why he could never find out what happened between me and Zack. It would destroy him. It would destroy me. But most importantly it would destroy us.
As Levi turned from his side onto his back, I smiled and tiptoed over to our California King sized bed.
I lifted up the black and red zebra print covers from the bottom and slid under them. I giggled as I made my way to his not-so-mini-me. Eye to eye with his King Cobra I kissed it and waited for it to hiss; nothing. I grinned slyly as I sucked the head of it and waited again for some type of response. There we go…a little movement. I positioned myself in a doggy style like position on my knees just to get the right leverage, and then I placed his snake and its entirety in my mouth and led it slowly, teasingly to the back of my throat. Levi moaned and before long his hand found their w
ay back of my head.
Showtime.
~***~
I wiped my nose with the same piece of tissue that I had just used to wipe away my tears. I sat impatiently on the toilet, awaiting the results.
I was two weeks late with my period and I was a nervous wreck. Out of all the times I had wanted to be pregnant before in the past, why now? Why did it have to happen after I had slept with someone else?
If I was pregnant I wouldn't have a clue as to who the father would be. It could be Levi’s…or Zack's.
I sobbed silently, knowing that Levi wasn’t too far away. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so reckless, so careless? I should have never gone there with Zack. And seeing how he acted over the news with Charlotte getting the abortion, if he had even the slightest thought that my baby might be his, I knew that he would do anything to be a part of the child’s life.
This was a story that would not end well.
I stared at the pregnancy test, waiting for the hour glass to stop blinking and for the results of my future to pop up. For some reason, I already knew the answer; I just needed to see the proof. If I was pregnant, this time, this would only be my second time ever being pregnant.
No matter how much unprotected sex I had, it seemed that I just couldn’t get pregnant---again.
I felt as though it was my punishment for what I had done the first time but I was young and---
“Ski, what are you—” Levi didn’t even bother to finish his question when he noticed the pregnancy test in my hand.
~***~
I couldn’t believe that I was headed back to North Carolina---again.
My daddy, the pastor, was surprisingly and unexpectedly retiring---and having some kind of big retirement service. He declared that my attendance was a must; at least that was what mama had told me.
I was actually surprised to see him give up preaching all of a sudden but mama said that he simply stated that it was time. He had preached the gospel for over thirty years and he said it was time to let someone else lead the flock; his assistant; Pastor Baylock.