by B. M. Hardin
So, with that being said, I was on my way home, again, and this time Levi was coming with me.
“Hi mama, and daddy,” I said kissing my mama.
Testing daddy, I reached out my arms and startlingly he hugged me; rather tightly and kissed my forehead.
I felt like a little kid in the inside and smiled looking up to him. Though it was a nice feeling I wasn't stupid...something was wrong.
Something just wasn't right.
Levi entered behind me, embracing mama and shaking my daddy's hand.
Daddy grabbed my bags and he and Levi walked away leaving me and mama alone in the living room.
“How are you Ski?” mama questioned me with a smile on her face.
My mama, Mrs. Claudette Parks, was one of the sweetest women to ever grace this side of heaven. She was so loving and understanding; the complete opposite of my daddy. He was strict and demanding; but together they were one hell of a pair.
“I’m good mama. Glad to be home,” I lied.
I actually hated North Carolina. I was so used to the California weather and beauty; but it sounded like the appropriate thing to say.
“I’m just fine baby. So, tell me why you’re glowing,” she asked me.
Was I? Glowing? It sure wasn’t because I was pregnant. The pregnancy test was negative.
I was so sure that I was pregnancy but thank God that I wasn’t; this time.
“I don’t know where the glow is coming from mama. Maybe it’s just that I can honestly say that for the first time in my life; I am truly and without a doubt happy.”
And that was nothing but the truth.
Since I had gone back home to my Levi I had gotten my emotions back in check and realized that I felt nothing for Zack and that what happened between us a month ago was a mistake. I loved Levi and I was going to be his wife.
I understood that what I had done was wrong but I also understood that I could never tell him the truth.
This would definitely be one of those things that I would take to my grave along with a list of other things.
Some things truly are best if they are unsaid.
That’s just the way it is.
I began to feel somewhat uneasy as mama sat across from me; staring at me. Though she was smiling, I could tell that she was in deep thought about something. And I was sure that whatever it was, it involved me.
“Ma, how is Charlotte doing these days? I've called her a couple of times but she hasn’t returned my calls,” I asked mama, though I wasn’t quite prepared for what was coming next.
"Now, that my dear, is something that you are going to have to ask her yourself,” Mama said bluntly as she stood up from her chair, kissed the top of my head and walked away.
Not thinking too much of mamas’ statement, I knew that Charlotte couldn't have been but so far, so I set out to find her. I smiled at the sight of her in the backyard.
Ever since Charlotte was a little girl she had always adored the outdoors, so it wasn't a surprise to me when I found her sitting on a blanket, on the grass, enjoying the weather and the warm rays of the boldly burning sun.
She seemed so calm and at peace.
Unaware that she was being watched, Charlotte pulled her hair up into a bun as she uncrossed her legs and laid on her back.
Seeing her there brought back memories of my unforgettable date by the lake; with Zack…
It was summertime. We had been dating, still secretly, for quite some time and I was so in love with him.
I was young but I knew that what we felt for each other was real. I loved him and nobody could tell me otherwise.
That day, I had met Zack at my best friend at the time, Nubian Seabrook's, house. Her parents were the complete opposite of mines and meeting him there never seemed to be a problem; most of the time they never even noticed. They were the cool parents that every teenager I knew wanted to have; well, except for Nubian. She would always tell me how lucky I was to have parents that cared so much because hers just didn't seem to give a damn.
It's amazing how nothing ever seems to be good enough. If you have this; you want that. If you had that…you wanted this.
Contrary to belief, satisfaction was never truly guaranteed. Anyway, I waited patiently that day for Zack's arrival.
He honked his car horn and with no questions asked or rules to follow, out of the front door I went.
I remembered it like it had only happened yesterday.
I was wearing my favorite yellow and white sundress that showed every curve of my developing figure.
The dress was about five inches above my knees and strapless. I was properly accessorized with silver earrings, a matching necklace and bangles on my left wrist. The glitter polish was painted to perfection on my toes, which showed proudly out of the top of my thong sandals. My hair was in soft, black curls that hung long past my shoulders, gracing my back with their presence.
No matter what, I made it my business to always look good and smell even better for Zack. That was a little something that I had learned from my mama.
She always looked nice… even on her worst day.
Her night clothes or just walking around the house clothes always matched and did her body justice.
She would always say no man wants to look at an ugly woman; especially not his own. A lesson taught at such an early age but I stuck to it like glue.
To this day, I took pride in my appearance.
Looking good for my man was a must. Plain and simple.
Now on the other hand, that day, Zack was a little less dress to impress. He simply had on a white wife beater and a pair of khaki shorts. His athletic body glistened in the sunlight as he held my hand, and leaded me down the passageway to the lake. I smiled when I saw the blanket topped with our lunch and Zack's art supplies.
Originally, Zack had gone to school to be an architect. How he went from designing houses to selling them was beyond me. But as I and everyone were well aware of, he must have made the right choice.
We made ourselves comfortable on the blanket that day, sitting shoulder to shoulder. With the warm sun harassing every single part of our bodies, Zack fed me strawberries. Repositioning myself, I laid in his lap staring out at the quiet and still water of the lake.
Other than a few ducks, the lake was vacant that day; we were all alone. Zack teased me; tracing my lips with the strawberries before allowing me to bite them.
For a long while no words were spoken; no words were necessary.
Finally, after quite some time, Zack ordered me to take off my clothes. Hastily, I did as I was told and laid eagerly on my back, assuming that he was about to have his way with me; but he had something else in mind.
Zack reached for his paint and his brushes. He said he wanted to paint my body; though I’d misunderstood his request.
I smiled and struck a pose, assuming that he was about to paint an image of me but I was wrong.
Zack had actually meant that he wanted paint me.
I giggled as he slowly painted my left breast a bold, dominate green. He stated that the green stood for luck and that he was so lucky to have found me. I managed to say a few words back, though I was concentrating on not becoming aroused from the paint brush, which was grazing slowly across my nipple.
Next, Zack painted my right breast a courageous, daring red and of course this color stood for love.
He shared his thoughts and emotions openly.
I remembered looking at his art kit that day and coming to the conclusion that he was more than likely going to use every single color and explain each of their meanings.
I was okay with that. I couldn't wait to hear and see what was next.
Over the next thirty minutes to an hour, Zack covered my entire body in paint, describing his reasons for using each color.
That was the day.
That, was the day that I was absolutely sure that he loved me and that he always would. Of course he had always said it, but the warmth and affection in his eyes as he p
ainted me confirmed it.
After he was done… he made love to me.
I smiled as I thought of the mess we made of the paint, and then at the sight of our naked and smeared, painted bodies running toward the lake.
A memory like that was irreplaceable, incomparable. As long as I lived, I would never forget it.
Consumed with my thoughts, I hadn't noticed that I was smiling but it quickly faded when I came to and noticed Charlotte staring at me.
I took a deep breath as I approached her, trying desperately to get the memories of Zack and the lake out of my head and off of my mind.
"Hey," she spoke first, as I took a seat on the blanket next to her.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked her sincerely.
"I'm okay I suppose," Charlotte answered; but something was definitely different about her.
Her voice was cold and heartless; which somewhat freaked me out. But, then again she was a woman scorned---so it’s to be expected for her to be a little bitter.
I, for one, knew all about that.
I opened my mouth to speak but she spoke first instead. And might I add, she got right to the point.
Small talk didn't stand a chance.
"I saw you with Zack," Charlotte stated and then waited for my response.
Fear raced speedily to my heart and once it was there, it stomped on it.
What?What did she mean she saw me with Zack?
Just what did she see? I was confused.
Had Charlotte followed me over to his house that day? Stalker…but in all seriousness…what if she had?
And then it hit me.
Zack had kissed me on the front porch which means she would have saw the whole thing; if she had followed behind me that day. But why would she follow me?
It would also mean that she would have watched me go into his house and come out wearing his t-shirt and gym shorts a whole thirty minutes after the kiss. I was in such a rush to make my flight that I didn't have time to freshen up or change my clothes. Since Zack had ripped off my panties, I asked to borrow some of his clothes. I didn't change out of them until I landed at the airport…in California.
There, I had thrown the clothes away in one of the airport bathroom.
My eyes quickly began to fill up with tears. Hurting her had been the main reason why I hadn't said anything to her about Zack and I; yet I had managed to hurt her on a whole different level.
Charlotte and I had always been pretty close. Even with such a big gap in our age, we were still close sisters and each other’s best friends; hence the reason why we were both each other’s maids of honor in our weddings.
Though I rarely came home to visit over the years, Charlotte and I always made time to talk.
That very statement was why her engagement to Zack had come as such a surprise. Though she and I talked frequently, she had never seemed to mention him or even the fact that she was seriously dating anyone.
But then again, Charlotte had always been fairly private; especially about her personal life; boyfriends in particular.
But she at least would mention them---and introduce them; at least. Usually, I would have been the first to know; but that hadn’t been the case with Zack.
Everyone had known about Zack---accept me.
The more anxious I became, the more I began to sweat.
I felt a panic attack coming on but just as I clutched my chest, Charlotte got up from the blanket.
“Charlotte!” I called out to her between breaths.
Charlotte halted, to my surprise and instead of continuing to walk away; she turned around and sat back down beside of me. She waited a while before she said anything. I simply whined unsure of where to start my explanation.
“He didn’t marry me because of you,” she said finally.
“What we had was a long time ago. I wanted to tell you but I just didn’t know how,” I whined.
No matter what, I didn’t want to lose my sister.
“Did you have sex with him that day?” she asked dryly; in a cold tone.
I wanted to lie and say no but I wasn’t sure if she had already confronted Zack with the same correct assumption and I was clueless to whether or not Zack would have been honest with her or not.
Undecided...I said nothing.
“Did you Ski? Did you have sex with my hus--- well, you know. Did you?” Charlotte asked, but this time it was more of a scream.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to answer; so I just told her…the truth.
“Yes! Yes we had sex. It happened so fast. Charlotte, I never meant to hurt you. I swear I didn’t. That was never supposed to happen. I should have just told you when I found out that you were engaged to my---I mean, Zack, but I just didn’t know how. He was my first Charlotte; sexually and my first love. I hid him from all of you because at the time, we were young and you know the household rules that daddy had. Zack was my little secret. When I saw you with him, I wanted to tell you. I promise you I did, but I also didn’t want to hurt you or ruin what you guys had. I didn't know how to tell you something like that. You were so happy and I just wanted you to be happy; even if it was at the expense of my own. I’m so sorry.”
Tears were streaming down my face as I reached for her hand. Surprisingly, she didn’t pull it away.
“Me too,” she said and nodded behind me.
I turned around to see Levi and my parents all staring at me.
Levi’s facial expression was identical to the one of a bull’s as though it had just caught sight of the man with the big, black hat, holding the red scarf; taunting him. I could have sworn I saw the steam coming from his nostrils and all. Right away, I stood to go to him but he turned his back to me; walking hurriedly back inside the house. Embarrassed, I sat back down on the blanket, and placed my face in my hands. I began to bawl.
I couldn’t have expected Charlotte to keep something so horrible a secret and now that it was out in the open; I was sure that Levi wouldn’t forgive me.
He was nice and all…but not that damn nice.
I was positive that our fall wedding would never happen; and that was just one of my many problems.
My sister hated me and my parents would look at me as some floozy. No matter what, their respect was important. For a while, no one bothered to say a thing.
Suddenly, I felt someone wrap their arms around me.
Charlotte.
~***~
I tuned my father out as he preached his final sermon. Though Levi sat next to me, we hadn’t spoken to each other the whole weekend. He hadn’t said one word to me.
Not one single word.
I had tried, desperately, over and over to explain my side of the story to him but whenever I would so much as mention the situation he would get the hell out of dodge.
So, all I could give him was time and space, and pray that he forgave me. But honestly, I didn't expect him to.
My parents still hadn’t said much and decided to let us sort out our own mess. I caught my dad watching me from the window that morning before church as I stood on the porch thinking and praying; but of course he hadn't come out to say anything. Weirdly, he had given me a small smile. What in the hell was going on with him?
Charlotte, though I could tell that she hated me, pretended as though she didn’t. She merely stated that we were sisters and no man would ever take that away from us.
Yet, things were different and would never be the same.
I felt it and I was sure that she did it too.
As for Zack, today, at the church was my first time seeing him since I had been back in town. He sat on the opposite side of the church with his daughter and his mother.
Before that Saturday of the wedding, I hadn't seen Mrs. Patty in years but she still looked the exact same. As if she hadn't aged anymore than a day. Zack was a spitting image of her, in a male version sort of way, which made his daughter look a tad bit out of place. Both Zack in his mother were a pecan brown. His daughter was fairly darker; t
he color of a Snicker's bar maybe.
If Zack shaved his facial hair and put on a wig, I would have sworn that he and his mother was the same person.
I studied them for a few more moments. Zack’s mother sat close to him. I figured that she was the one who helped him with his daughter and the one responsible for putting all of the pretty ribbons in her hair; that she was re-tying and putting back into their rightful places.
She caught me staring at them a time or two.
In a way it appeared as if she frowned at me. I guessed it was because she didn’t remember me and after all; staring at someone could be quite annoying.
Zack only looked my way a few times. We managed to lock eyes for only seconds but nothing more.
Yet, those few seconds said it all.
He still loved me.
Zack’s eyes were full of love and compassion.
No regret. No guilt. No shame. Just love.
And in all honesty, although it all had come out and hurt my sister and the man that I loved, I didn’t feel regret nor did I hate Zack for semi seducing me.
I couldn’t blame him for my actions or my mistakes.
I knew the difference between right and wrong and now I would have to live with the consequences.
No matter what they were.
I caught Levi eyeing Zack; though Zack hadn't noticed. Levi had only met him the one time at Christmas when we both announced our engagements.
But he knew exactly who Zack was.
Levi's eyes were filled with hatred as his eyes frequently continued to glance in Zack's direction. I had never seen him so tensed before but what else did I expect?
Church had finally come to an end and I made my rounds to mingle and speak to those that I knew I probably wouldn’t see for a while. It was only May but I hadn’t planned on coming back to North Carolina, again, until October; well that was when it was supposed to be my wedding. But of course now there probably wasn't going to be a wedding.
Levi had agreed to have our wedding in North Carolina since my family was the biggest overall but we both knew that now, that day, would more than likely, not take place.