by B. M. Hardin
Eager to relax, I quickly undressed and made myself comfortable in the bathtub. Closing my eyes, I thought about Levi. I thought about just how important he was to me. I thought about how much I loved him and I desperately tried to remind myself of just how much he loved me. Levi loved me. He was a good husband and had always been a good man. There was nothing going on with him and Charlotte and I had to believe that. With my eyes still closed, I smiled, putting the negativity out of my mind. A long while had passed and I figured that it was about time to get out and enjoy the rest of the night with my husband but just as I lifted my head from the edge of the tub… something started to happen.
Under the water, my hands and feet moved in a panic.
I was terrified…I was drowning.
Surprisingly, I could hear singing or humming, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get away from the hands that were holding my head under the water.
My entire life seemed to be flashing before my eyes and I could feel that I was near death.
My hands had given up on the fight and soon my legs became quiet and still. Just as I had come to terms with defeat and realized that I was about to die, the hand that was holding my head under water…released me. Hurriedly, I jumped up out of the bathtub, gasping for air. I frantically, wiped the water and hair away from my eyes. I searched the bathroom but no one was around.
The roses and candles were floating in the freezing cold water all around me and the wine and glass were shattered on the floor beside the tub as a result of the struggle.
Someone had just tried to kill me…
Levi had just tried to kill me!
But why? I thought he loved me.
I removed myself from the bathtub and stormed into our bathroom to face my attacker… but he wasn’t there.
The previously plain and boring bedroom was now fully decorated with everything from balloons to flowers and candles, matching the ones from the bathroom. The candle wax had hardened on the nightstand covering a black, slim box with its splatter. Furious and confused, still dripping wet; I headed down the hallway and entered the living room. Before I had completely passed the doors threshold, I could hear Levi snoring. He seemed to be sleeping but I knew it was impossible. He had just tried to kill me.
Not thinking my actions completely through, I smacked him. Levi opened his eyes hastily, and he looked as though he was about to knock me into the middle of next week. His face softened after he noticed that it was me.
He looked down at his watch and then back at me.
“Ski, what are you doing and why are you all wet? Are you just getting out of the bathtub? Damn, a three hour bath. Waiting on you, I must have fallen asleep. I’m sorry; but did you really have to smack me?”
Levi said jokingly, rubbing his cheek.
Huh?????
**********
~* There are some things that you just know. Follow your heart and everything else will fall into place*~
Anonymous
Chapter Eight
I heard Levi pull up into the driveway and rushed to the bedroom to pretend as though I was sleeping.
He was almost two hours late getting home from work. I wanted to believe that he was working late, I really did; except I called his work phone three times and Levi never answered.
Naturally, I called his cell phone afterwards but it was going straight to his voice mail. I didn't bother leaving a message…after all, what was the point?
The fact that he actually turned it off said more than enough. Levi never turned his phone off.
For starters, he was a mama’s boy and since we had moved from California to North Carolina, he made sure that she was always able to reach him. And trust me; she called us both more than enough.
Levi was just that kind of guy. He always wanted to know where you were; and he wanted you to know exactly where he was; at all times.
But I guess that wasn’t the case anymore.
Though it was only seven o'clock in the evening, I laid across the bed as if I was napping.
I didn't want him to know that I had been sitting by the window waiting for him.
I heard the beeping noise that indicated that he had entered the house and soon he entered the room.
He didn't say a word; he didn’t have to.
What was that smell?
I sneakily sniffed the air to try and catch the scent, but it wasn't anything I recognized nor was it a fragrance bold enough for me to pin point it down to anyone…particularly my sister...but it was something.
Suspiciously, Levi didn't attempt to wake me or even come over to the bed to kiss my forehead like he used to.
Though my eyes were closed, I got the feeling that he was tip toeing. He headed straight for the bathroom.
Once I heard the shower come on and the bar of soap hit the floor, I rolled over to his side of the bed and picked up his phone.
Surprisingly, it was turned on. I noticed that his phone had a full battery, fully charged, so he had no real excuse as to why it was going to the voicemail when I called his phone,; unless he was pressing the ignore button on me.
Pissed to the max, I checked his call log; nothing was there out of the ordinary---as usual.
Actually, there was nothing there at all. It was as if he had erased the entire call log and all of his text messages.
My calls weren’t there either. If that wasn’t what you called or defined as sneaky and suspicious; then please, somebody, anybody, smack me with a dictionary!
Placing the phone down exactly the way I found it, I checked my phone to see the exact times that I had called Charlotte. I called her every time after I called Levi, but she never answered either…what a coincidence.
But get this, just before Levi pulled up, she called me stating that she was busy and with her mystery man.
Was I the only one that noticed she never called him by his name?
But the fact that she hadn't returned my calls until minutes before Levi came home definitely sent up red flags.
It only made me feel like they had been together the entire time.
Every day, I was becoming more and more frustrated with the matter.
Granted, I was always so passive. I wasn’t the type of woman to cause mess; even though mess would always find its way to me.
Though I talked a lot, I was very particular about what I said. I was so used to being the positive one, that it was so hard for me to deal with something negative or even be negative.
Don’t get me wrong; if pushed to a certain point, like anyone else, I would explode.
But more times than not, I was pretty good at just letting things go, or simply keeping things to myself.
I never mentioned the drowning incident from Valentine’s Day. I wrote it off as if maybe I had fallen asleep and maybe my head had fallen under water. Since I had been having the strange dreams, maybe the drowning part was all a dream too. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself; something was telling me that that was not the case. I know that someone was holding me under and I know that I heard humming, but that night Levi really did appear to have been sleep; even the way his voice sounded that night when he spoke sounded as though he had been sleep for hours.
Not wanting to sound ridiculous, I didn’t mention it but I knew that something wasn’t right.
And I also knew that the only other person that had an extra key to our home was…Charlotte.
As shocked as I was, I could have taken a minute too long to come out of the bathroom, and she could have gotten away.
It wouldn’t have been the first time that I had known of Charlotte going to the extreme to have her way or get what she wanted. But my mind refused to let me believe that she would have tried to kill me in order to steal my husband.
I simply refused to believe it. But…
So, the way I saw it; something just had to give.
I sat quietly; mind boggled. I didn't know whether to confront the both of them with my thoughts and concer
ns or if it was smarter to wait until I had hard, concrete evidence.
Personally, I was growing tired of waiting game but what other choice did I have?
If I approached them now, accusing them, and if I was wrong, I could lose my husband and my sister.
But what else was I supposed to do? What if I was right?
Trying to figure out what was and what wasn’t was driving me crazy! I was running out of options, sanity and patience.
Feeling overwhelmed and confused; I began to cry.
And soon after the waterworks, my phone went flying across the room.
I was tired of always being the nice one; the considerate one. I wanted answers and I wanted them now!
Levi screamed to me over the running water, when he heard the thud against the wall. I ignored his shouts and marched into the bathroom, yanking back the shower curtain. Levi jumped as though I had surprised him.
He smiled at me, but this was no laughing matter.
“Who is she Levi?"
"What?" He asked as though he was confused.
"You heard me! Who is the bitch that you're sleeping with Levi? And don't lie to me!" I yelled.
I was weeping as though someone had just died, but in a way, I somewhat felt like I was dying.
The feeling that your husband is seeking the pleasures of another woman was almost unbearable; one that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
I couldn’t relate to the women whose husbands were having affairs with me back then---but I certainly could relate now. It was not a good feeling at all.
I know after losing the baby, I know that I wasn't exactly doing my job but he said he said understood.
And I know that I cheated with Zack, but that was before we were married and he said that he forgave me; and so did Charlotte. Both of them were able to get past it and love me anyway.
So, they had no right to sneak around behind my back in a sort of attempt to try and get back at me.
It just wasn’t right.
Even if it wasn’t Charlotte but someone else…Lord he was going to have a bad day.
The more and more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Levi turned off the shower and his dripping, wet body, stepped out onto the black rug and stood directly in front of me.
"Ski? What are you talking about? There is no other woman. I would never do that to you," Levi said.
It sounded like a lie me.
I continued to scream at him and cry. I didn't want to look at him, so I turned around and walked away.
"Where is this coming from?" He followed me into the bedroom, still wet and butt naked. I thought about telling him what I thought but something was telling me not to.
I needed more proof.
"I don't know maybe it's because I called your office and you weren't there and then your phone was going straight to voicemail, but it wasn’t dead. So you must have been sending me straight to voicemail," I stated my frustrations.
In my heart, I knew he was with Charlotte and I was going to prove it. Just watch and see.
“I wasn’t pressing the ignore button on you and I didn’t have any missed calls from you Ski. I swear I didn’t. You can check my phone. I don’t know if it was because of where I was or what but I didn’t have my turn off my phone and I wasn’t ignoring you. Anyway, I was late getting home because I wanted everything to be perfect," Levi said, lifting up his brief case and handing me a big box with a red bow.
"Happy Anniversary baby,” Levi said, smiling and waited for me to open the gift.
With so much going on, I had completely forgotten that it was March 7th; which was our 3rd anniversary of being a couple; not as being married.
How could I forget such a thing? I was so ashamed.
Since Levi was gawking at me, I figured that I would continue my internal chastisement at some other time and decided that I should proceed with opening his gift.
Inside of the big box, there laid a couple of things.
There was a charm bracelet, in a smaller box, with charms of all my favorite things.
Levi must have been eavesdropping while I was having a conversation on the phone with mama the other day about wanting one.
Come to think of it; he was probably responsible for mama’s probing.
Levi was so thoughtful; humph…and sneaky.
The next thing was a CD.
It read “For the Sun in My Blue Ski.”
He said he was at a local studio; which was another one of his excuses for why he had come home late. He said the song was original and that the song was all about us.
He also said that Charlotte was the one who wrote it; which again implied that they had been talking without my knowledge.
My mood almost went from sweet to sour in an instant.
It wasn’t until I noticed the next gift that I returned to my previous mushy state. It was the first picture we had ever taken together as a couple. Levi had it blown up and framed. There was also a pair of tickets to the opera, all the way in New York City.
It was one of the other many things that I had told mama on the phone the same day I had mentioned the charm bracelet, while Levi was supposed to be watching T.V.
Okay, I’ll admit it; yes, I felt all kinds of bad. I felt like crap; especially since I didn’t have anything for him.
But it was his fault. It was because of my insecurities and because of his actions that I had failed to remember a special milestone in our relationship.
I looked down at the picture of us.
I smiled at the photo as I remembered the day we had taken it. We had just started dating and had spent the whole day together.
Levi and I both called out of worked that day and just spent the entire day enjoying each other’s company.
I remembered us wrestling on the beach. He tripped me, causing me to fall into the water and get my hair all wet.
I playfully punched him and made him promise to get it fixed.
Exhausted and out of breath, we both sat on the blanket, with our feet in the sand. Levi grabbed his phone and pulled me close to him and took this very picture of us. I didn’t even know he still had it. I felt so stupid for accusing him---out loud that is.
Though he had a cover up, it still just didn't make sense. Any other time he would have called me if he was going to be late.
Why hadn’t he taken two minutes to call?
And why had his phone continuously gone to the voicemail? He claimed that he never turned off his phone, or set me to voicemail or even received any of my calls; but it just didn’t make sense. And what about the fact that he had cleared his call log.
Who does that unless they have something to hide? Thinking a little while longer, I remember the smell that had entered the room just as he had or the fact that he came right into the house and took a shower. Those were all of the signs of a cheating husband no matter how he tried to dress it up.
Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed that Levi had stepped in front of me until he lightly pushed me onto my back.
"Ski, I love you and no one else will ever do. I would never hurt you or be with any other woman other than you.
My wife," Levi said, kissing me at the same time.
A few months ago I would have believed him; but it was sad to say that at this time, this very moment...I didn't.
I just didn't. I knew that for the first time, in a long time, he was actually trying to hint at the fact that he wanted to make love, but I didn't want to.
He had come straight in and taken a shower so in my mind he already had enough pussycat for one night.
"Get off of me," I demanded.
My thoughts were getting the best of me as I imagined what was supposed to be the unimaginable. Images of Levi and Charlotte having sex entered my mind. I squirmed underneath him, aggravated at the fact that he didn’t budge.
"No," Levi said and applied more of his weight on top of me, making it harder for me to move.
He continued to kiss my softly. Moving from my
lips to my neck and then to my ears. I continued to squirm as if I was a small child trying to get away from their parents grip, but Levi wasn't letting up. Feeling defeating inside and out I began to huff and puff; groan and moan…and not in a good or sexual way. My goal was to irritate him; in hopes of turning him off.
It sounds bad but it was what it was.
I wasn't stupid and I wasn't going to pretend to be either. Something was going on between Levi and my sister; or Levi and somebody.
At first, Levi ignored my actions; he continued to kiss me in hopes of causing me to give in. But after a while and assuming that he had gotten fed up, finally Levi stopped kissing and began to stare at me.
"Really Ski, baby come on. Please. I promise you that I am a faithful husband. I would never disrespect you or our marriage you have to believe me," Levi pleaded his case.
It was something in his eyes and in his voice that almost convinced me that he was telling the truth, but maybe he was just really good at lying.
I decided that if I wanted the truth... I would have to go out and find it.
Checking his phone and emails just wasn't going to get the job done.
But for now, I guess the best thing to do was to play my role as his wife in attempt to keep some type of peace.
I nodded my head in agreement even though I didn't believe a word that Levi had just said. I only pretended to agree because suddenly, I didn't want him to get out of the mood. All of a sudden, the woman in me wanted to show him exactly what he would be missing if and when, I found out the truth.
I allowed him to kiss me again and this time; I kissed him back. My kiss lacked passion, but it was the best that I could do, and from the looks of it; Levi couldn't tell the difference one way or the other.
Being that I wasn't as into it as I portrayed to be, I was finding it hard to get aroused. It irritated the hell out of me that I couldn't get right mentally to have sex with my own husband.
Levi's body temperature warmed up and I couldn't tell the difference from the water of his damp body from his sweat. His kisses were coming forcefully and he was becoming kind of rough; which was unlike him. I wasn't use to this side of him but at the moment I was thankful for it, because it was getting the job done of getting me excited.