The Fear of Letting Go

by Sarra Cannon

  “I can't believe you found such a perfect dress at Jolene's. It looks tailored to your body,” Leigh Anne says. “I love it.”

  “So you don't think I'm going to look completely out of place at this thing?” As much as I didn't want to walk in there with a thousand dollar dress paid for by someone else, I also don't want everyone at the dinner to look down on me because of what I'm wearing. It's a very confusing set of emotions. “I've never been to something like this before.”

  “I think you look lovely,” Penny says. “That's all anyone will notice.”

  “Thanks,” I say, still not completely convinced. “You know the best part? Preston is wearing a suit he bought at Jolene's, too. Isn't that cute?”

  Penny raises an eyebrow. “He is?”

  I nod and dab some sheer gloss on my lips.

  “I have never known Preston to show up at an event without a designer suit,” she says. “You must really be getting to him.”

  “I think he just wanted to make me feel more comfortable.”

  “The fact that he's thinking of how you feel over himself or anyone else is a huge step for him,” she says.

  My stomach flutters. I hadn't thought of it like that, but it makes me both nervous and excited.

  “I just hope I don't make a fool of myself in front of your parents and their friends,” I say. “I wish you were coming, too, Leigh Anne.”

  “No way,” Leigh Anne says. “I've been to enough of those things to last me a lifetime. If it was a dinner for Penny's charity, I'd be there in a heartbeat, but I'm glad to be sitting this one out.”

  Nerves zing through me. “Why? Are they usually that bad?”

  She wrinkles her nose. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you even more nervous,” she says. “It's not that they're horrible, I just find those kinds of events boring. Plus, I always wondered why charity dinners like this are so popular. Wouldn't it just be better to give the full amount to charity instead of spending a fortune on a dress and dinner just to attend? Half the money goes to putting the event together in the first place.”

  “Don't even get me started,” Penny says. “The events really do raise a lot of money in the end, but that's because the tickets are nearly five thousand dollars a person.”

  “What?” I spin around, feeling like I'm going to be sick.

  “Don't worry, our parents already covered the tickets for all six of us,” Penny says, waving it off like it's no big deal. “I just wish the full amount was going straight to cancer research instead of lobster and champagne.”

  I sit down on the edge of the bed, deflated. Five thousand dollars a ticket? I had no idea it was so expensive just for me to attend. And the fact that Preston's parents paid it is making me feel light-headed. I take several deep breaths. It's not like they spent the money on me, exactly. It's for a good cause, most of the money going to breast cancer research. But the realization that I'm going to be in a room full of people who don't hesitate to hand over thirty grand at the blink of an eye, makes me feel completely out of my league.

  Is this what our relationship is going to be like? This past week has been all about the two of us, mostly hanging out at the beach or at my apartments, but tonight is the first time I'll really venture into his world. I can't ask him to stop donating money to charity or giving parties on his father's yacht. I can't expect him to stop driving nice cars or wearing designer clothes. If I'm truly going to give this a shot, I'm going to have to learn to deal with his level of wealth in a way that doesn't have me running to the bathroom every five minutes to throw up.

  “Are you okay?” Leigh Anne asks. She puts a cool hand on my forehead. “You look like you're going to pass out or something.”

  I shake my head and take another deep breath. “I'm going to be,” I say. “I feel so stupid for letting this get to me. I'm just not used to being around people who have that kind of money.”

  “You're going to be fine,” Penny says. “Honestly, you'll be sitting at a table with Preston, Mason and me. We'll eat, dance and have some fun, and then maybe we'll head back to the house to go swimming or something fun. I don't want to stay out too late. I've been feeling off all day.”

  We both turn to look at her, our eyes wide with worry.

  “I'm fine,” she says. “I'm just nine months pregnant is all.”

  “Just a few more weeks,” Leigh Anne says, smiling at Penny. “Hard to believe there will be a tiny baby in our lives so soon.”

  “I know,” Penny says. “I can't wait to see what she looks like, and hold her in my arms.”

  I smile over at Penny, trying to remember that this is the most important thing. Time spent with friends who love you no matter what you have in your bank account or who you were before you came into their lives. Growing up, I never really had a family I could love and trust, but somehow, here in Fairhope, I've created my own little family.

  I try to concentrate on that thought as the limousine pulls up outside.

  “That's our ride,” Penny says. She stretches out her hand and Leigh Anne and I both rush to her side, helping her up from the chair in the corner. “Thanks,” she says with a laugh. “Come on, Jenna, let's go have some fun.”

  Leigh Anne kisses my cheek and follows us outside. “Have a good time tonight,” she whispers in my ear as she pulls me in for a hug. “You really do look beautiful.”

  I hug her back and go to help Penny down the stairs.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Preston

  “What are you wearing?” my mother asks when I climb into the limousine.

  “It's a designer I've never worn before,” I say, a secret smile playing on my lips.

  “I thought you were going to wear your Versace,” she says. “The material on that suit doesn't look nearly as nice. Where on earth did you find it?”

  I consider for a moment whether it's worth the argument if I tell her the truth. I decide to take a page out of Penny's book and stop worrying so much about what my mother thinks.

  “Jolene's,” I say.

  She thinks on it a moment, and then her eyes grow wide. “Here in town?” she asks. “Are you talking about that awful thrift store on the corner of Main and Hunter?”

  “Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about,” I say. “But it's not awful. She has a lot of really nice things in there.”

  “Used clothing, Preston,” she says. “Lord knows who wore that suit before you did. Please tell me you had it cleaned.”

  “Jolene has everything cleaned before she puts it out on the floor, Mom,” I say. “And while it's just the two of us, I'm going to ask you to be nice to Jenna this evening. It would mean a lot to me.”

  She gives a dramatic sigh and pours herself a gin and tonic. “I am trying to be supportive of both you and your sister,” she says. “Even if I don't completely agree with your choices when it comes to romance.”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “I do hope you'll reconsider giving Piper Hendricks a call, though,” she says. “She's a much better match for you.”

  “Mother, don't you think I'm a better judge of that than you are?”

  “I'm not so sure about that. I loved Leigh Anne for you, of course, and Bailey was precious, but Jenna Lewis? Do you even know the first thing about her family? She has nothing, Preston. Girls like that are only after guys like you for one thing.”

  I grit my teeth and count to three before I speak. “I know you believe what you're saying, but you have to trust me on this,” I say. “For the past several months, I've been going out with the type of girls you want me to be with—pretty, polite, good family upbringing—and I've never been so bored in my entire life. Did you know that the last girl spent exactly thirty minutes with me before she started suggesting places she wanted me to fly her to in our private jet?”

  Mom lifts her chin and takes a careful sip of her drink.

  “All of these so-called perfect girls care more about our money than getting to know me,” I say. “Jenna's not like
that. She couldn't be farther from that. We have fun together, and she never asks me to spend money on her. It's nice to be with someone who likes me for me.”

  “Well, I'm glad you're happy,” she says, patting me on the leg. I'm not sure she's really heard a word I've said.

  When the limousine arrives at Jenna's apartment, I get out to help Penny and Jenna down the stairs and into the car. I've never seen Jenna so dressed up before, and even though she can take my breath away wearing a tank top and jeans, she's stunning tonight in her black dress.

  Her blond hair is sleek and perfect, pulled back a little on top with the rest of it falling across her shoulders. She smiles nervously as I take her hand and bring it to my lips.

  “You look perfect,” I say.

  “How much shit did your mom give you about the suit?” she asks, which makes me laugh.

  “A little,” I say. “But it was fun to watch her squirm.”

  We ride to the country club, my mother on her best behavior. She even compliments Jenna on her earrings, which it turns out, she's borrowed from Penny.

  I can tell Jenna is nervous, but she has no reason to be. Throughout the entire evening, I can barely keep my eyes off her. We dance and sip champagne before we join Penny and Mason at our designated table. We have been seated with a few other couples, including my ex-girlfriend Bailey and her new boyfriend, Judd.

  Judd is one of my parents' scholarship recipients in medical research at Fairhope Coastal, working on a cure for leukemia. The more time I spend with them, the more I realize I couldn't have picked a better partner for Bailey. She lights up around him in a way she never did with me. I'm happy for her.

  After the main course is served, I excuse myself to go to the restroom, but before I turn the corner into the hallway, I hear my name. I freeze, listening to the two women talking.

  “Did you see the girl he brought with him tonight? I just know I've seen her somewhere before,” one woman says.

  “She's a waitress over at Brantley's,” the second woman says. “Hasn't got a penny to her name, if you know what I mean. I heard she's slept with half the senior class at FCU.”

  “What in the world is he doing with a girl like that?” The woman makes a tisking sound with her tongue.

  “Well, I think we both know what he's doing with her,” the other woman says. “The question is why he thought it necessary to bring her to an event like this. His parents must be mortified.”

  Anger rages through me. Everyone thinks they have our relationship all figured out, but they don't know anything. I straighten my jacket and walk around the corner.

  The two women stand up straighter, their faces flushed at the sight of me.

  “Preston Wright, don't you look handsome this evening.”

  “We were just talking about you.”

  “I heard,” I say. Their faces go slack. In the South, it's not considered polite to call people out when you happen to hear them spreading gossip about you, but I can't help myself. “It's none of your business what's going on with Jenna and me, and I don't appreciate you spreading lies about her.”

  The woman on the right sucks in a jagged breath, preparing to apologize, when her eyes shift to a spot behind me. She purses her lips and turns away.

  I turn around to find Jenna standing behind me.

  “Can I talk to you for a moment in private?” she asks through clenched teeth.

  I nod and walk with her to the back patio. A few smokers stand in a cluster on the other side, but we are able to find a quiet spot near a bench.

  “This is exactly why I didn't want to come here tonight,” she says. “Whether it's true or not, everyone in that room looks at me and sees a woman like my mother. Someone who will sleep with anyone for money.”

  I take her hands in mine. “That isn't true. Those two women are assholes who like to gossip,” I say. “Who cares what they think?”

  “Usually, I wouldn't give a damn about those women and their ideas of who I am or what I do with my private time,” she says. “But coming in here, dressed up like I want to be one of them? It makes me feel like a cheap knock-off. It makes it look like everyone's right about us, and that all I care about is your money.”

  “Don't let this ruin our night.”

  “You can't go around defending me for the rest of our lives,” she says. “You can't go around to everyone in town and tell them that hey, Jenna's not after my money and I'm not using her for sex. It only makes it worse when you try to explain it. And besides, I'm used to people saying bad things about me. It's you I'm worried about.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes. You have a reputation to uphold in this town,” she says.

  “I don't give a shit about my reputation.”

  “Yes, you do,” she says. “After what happened with Penny, you've got the whole world looking over your shoulder, waiting to see if you're going to be a leader or a loser. I don't want them to judge you because of me.”

  “If someone is going to judge me because I am with the hottest girl in the whole room, let them judge,” I say. I lean down until she looks up and meets my eyes. “I honestly don't care about any of that. If someone is too shallow to realize I'm the lucky one in this relationship, then that's someone I don't care to know.”

  She studies me, finally letting the hint of a smile cross her face.

  “Let's get out of here,” I say.

  “You'd really leave for me?” she asks.

  “Of course,” I say. “All I want is you by my side.”

  “Good,” she says. “Because one more stare or hushed whisper as I walk by and I'm going to end up punching someone in the face. Then you'd really be screwed.”

  I laugh and put my arm around her neck, pulling her close to me.

  We take off our shoes and sneak away to the beach, a bottle of wine and two plastic cups between us. For the rest of the evening, it's just us, alone in the moonlight.

  But I know we won't be able to shut the world out forever, and I can't help but feel our time is slipping away.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Jenna

  We are lying in bed naked, our bodies pressed close together, talking about the virtues of kung-fu movies when Preston's phone rings.

  “Don't answer that,” I say. “I want you all to myself until morning.”

  He leans over me and grabs his cell from the nightstand. “I have to,” he says. “I'm an impending uncle.”

  I smile and run my hand along his torso as he answers.

  “Hello?”

  I glance at the clock. It's after two in the morning, and I realize it's a very real possibility this will be the call he's been waiting for.

  When his eyes practically bulge out of his head and he stumbles out of bed, knocking over a small table with a display of paper kittens, I know the time has finally come.

  I laugh and watch as he tries to juggle the phone while getting dressed. He nearly trips and falls three times before he hangs up.

  “Penny's in labor?” I ask.

  “Yes, what are you doing? Get dressed,” he says. He collects a wad of clothing from the floor and throws it at me.

  I shake my head from under a pair of yoga pants. “No, I wouldn't feel right,” I say. “I don't want to intrude on private family time.”

  I toss the clothes back toward the end of the bed as he's pulling on his shoes.

  His shirt is buttoned wrong and his fly is open.

  “Come here,” I say, crawling to the end of the bed on my knees. I fix the buttons on his shirt and brush my hands through his tousled hair.

  “Thanks,” he says, kissing me on the forehead. “You wouldn't be intruding. I want you there. Besides, you have to come.”

  “Why?”

  “Do you really think I can drive in my current state?” he asks. “I'm so excited, I can hardly dress myself.”

  I roll my eyes, but grab my clothes and run into the bathroom to get ready.

  Ten minutes later, we pull up at the Wright W
omen's Hospital—yes, named for Preston's family who donated the money to build a dedicated maternity wing. An actual valet comes out to park the car for us, which feels kind of ridiculous since the parking lot is literally fifty feet away.

  “Your family is already upstairs,” the tall man says as he holds his hands out for the keys to my truck. “They said to tell you she's in room 313.”

  Before I can argue or offer to park my own truck, Preston is in the lobby searching for the elevators. I shrug and hand the keys to the man.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  “Yes, ma'am,” he says.

  I join Preston at the bank of elevators. He's staring at the descending numbers on the display as if it will help the elevator get here faster.

  I slide my hand into his and squeeze. He takes a deep breath and squeezes back.

  We make it to the third floor within a few minutes, and Preston knocks on the closed door of room 313.

  His mother opens the door and pulls him into a huge hug. “So happy you're here,” she says. “I can't believe this day is really here. Who would ever have imagined I'd become a grandmother so young?”

  Preston smiles and kisses his mother on the cheek. “How is she doing?”

  “As well as can be expected,” she says. “She's refusing any pain medication, which I think is just preposterous.”

  She steps away to let Preston in and notices me for the first time. Her eyes dip to our clasped hands and for a brief moment, I watch as she composes herself.

  “Jenna, dear, I wasn't expecting to see you here so late,” she says, her voice tense.

  Preston pulls me into the room and rushes to Penny's side. She's sitting on a giant exercise ball, leaning over onto the bed while Mason rubs her lower back.

  Mason holds a finger to his lips and points to a machine on the other side of the room. A green line is spiking toward the top of a meter. After about thirty seconds, it falls back down to the bottom of the meter and Penny looks up.

  “They're getting a lot more intense,” she says.

  Preston releases my hand and sits down on the bed across from her. “I got here as fast as I could,” he says. “How's it going?”