The Trivia Man

by Deborah O'Brien

  He was about to remind her that he wasn’t a pathologist when she appeared at the kitchen door. The white dress had ridden up her thighs, revealing a tempting expanse of leg. He tried to keep his gaze at eye level.

  ‘Would you like a coffee?’ he asked. He hoped the drinking of coffee would signify the end of the evening.

  ‘I’d rather do this,’ she said, swaying slightly as she sidled towards him and put her arms around his neck.

  Kevin craned his head backwards to give himself some breathing space, but she bent forward on tiptoe and kissed him on the mouth. Her lips tasted like honey and he found himself reciprocating. Then he pulled away.

  ‘We’ve both had a bit too much to drink, Danni. I don’t think this is a good idea. And we each have big days at work tomorrow.’

  After a moment she said, ‘You really do know how to tease a girl, Kevin, but I suppose you’re right. Let’s prolong the anticipation.’

  He made instant coffee and put some shortbread biscuits on a plate. Afterwards he escorted her to the car park where she kissed him again so passionately that he was still shaking as he made his way back up the stairs to his apartment.

  Maggie

  When they finished dessert – a sticky date pudding that they shared – Josh asked, ‘Have you made a decision, Mags? About tonight?’

  Although she desperately wanted to stay, common sense told her things were moving far too quickly. ‘I need to think this over, Josh. Married men have always been out of bounds for me.’

  ‘Even unhappily married ones.’

  ‘They’re the most dangerous kind.’

  ‘Well, I won’t be back here until the week after next. Maybe we could have supper after the seminar.’

  ‘I suppose you’ll be booking a room.’

  ‘A man has to have somewhere to stay, doesn’t he?’

  ‘You could always come to my place.’ The words had slipped out before she could stop them. Quickly she added a disclaimer: ‘No strings, though.’

  ‘Deal,’ he said.

  Trivia Night

  It was Sixties Night, and the auditorium was filled with women in miniskirts and men with long hair and hippie coats. Maggie had brought Beatles wigs she’d found in a party shop. Kevin didn’t want to wear his, but she insisted.

  ‘I like you with dark hair, Kevin. You look like Athol Guy.’

  ‘Who’s he?’ asked Mei Zhen.

  ‘You won’t do very well at a Sixties Night if you don’t know who Athol Guy is,’ said Maggie, with a wink at Kevin.

  ‘He was in the Seekers,’ he said, adjusting his black-rimmed glasses.

  Just then Carole turned up.

  ‘Where’s Edward?’ Ash asked.

  ‘He’s in bed with the flu.’

  Maggie watched Kevin’s face relax. The bully had stayed home.

  As usual, the evening began with the Professor telling jokes and Miss Kitty singing. Fittingly, her song was Paul McCartney’s ‘Yesterday’.

  ‘Are you going to be recorder, Maggie?’ Mei Zhen asked.

  ‘Why don’t you have a go, Kevin?’ Carole said, passing him the answer sheets.

  The competition began in earnest. ‘If you get all ten questions in this first round right, you’ll win twenty points,’ the Professor announced.

  Instantly the auditorium was abuzz with anticipation. Then he added, ‘But you’ll lose two points for any answer you get wrong.’

  A chorus of groans echoed around the room.

  ‘Do we have to attempt every question?’ one of the Amazons called out.

  ‘It’s up to you,’ the Professor replied. ‘If you’re in doubt, you might be better to leave it blank.’

  Maggie turned to Kevin, who was adjusting his Beatles wig. Even he looked flustered.

  ‘How are we ever going to get a consensus on whether we should answer or not?’ he asked her. ‘Let alone agree on a correct answer.’

  ‘Well, Edward’s not here,’ Maggie replied in a whisper, ‘so that should make things easier.’

  ‘Without further ado,’ said the Professor, ‘I’m going to read out ten events. Each occurred in a different year of the 1960s. You have to tell me which year.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ said Mei Zhen, ‘I’m hopeless at history.’

  Number one: the assassination of Martin Luther King.

  ‘I remember that,’ said Carole. ‘It was the same year that Bobby Kennedy was killed. 1968.’

  Kevin nodded in agreement and wrote it down.

  Number two: the Battle of Long Tan.

  The Dreamers looked at each other in bemusement. Nobody seemed to know.

  ‘Well, it’s definitely not 1968,’ said Maggie. ‘Any idea, Kevin?’

  ‘I’m ashamed to say I don’t know the year,’ he mumbled. ‘Although I do know it was a victory for our troops against terrible odds.’

  ‘Isn’t it ironic,’ said Carole, ‘that we honour the anniversary of the Gallipoli landing, but none of us knows the date of such a significant event from the Vietnam War?’

  ‘Let’s leave it blank for now,’ said Ash, ‘and come back to it at the end.’

  Kevin scribbled down the question for reference.

  The next three events were easy: The death of Marilyn Monroe. Man landing on the moon. The election of President Kennedy. Maggie knew the first answer and Kevin the other two.

  Number six: the construction of the Berlin Wall.

  ‘It’s definitely 1961,’ said Kevin, ‘in any case, we’ve already decided on 1960 and 1962.’

  Number seven: the Six Day War.

  ‘I think it was in 1967,’ said Ash, ‘but I’m not sure.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Kevin said and wrote it on the answer sheet.

  Number eight: the reintroduction of conscription is announced by Sir Robert Menzies, the Prime Minister.

  They speculated on 1964 and 1965, but couldn’t decide.

  Number nine: the Beatles release their first album, Please Please Me. The title song also came out as a single and on an EP in that same year.

  ‘What the hell is an EP?’ Ash asked.

  ‘Extended play. Longer than a single, much smaller than an album,’ Maggie explained and then felt embarrassed that nobody else seemed to remember EPs.

  ‘Could we please decide on a year?’ Mei Zhen said quietly. ‘What’s left in the first half of the sixties, Kevin?’

  ‘Nineteen sixty-three and 1964.’

  ‘Anyone want to make an educated guess?’ Ash asked.

  ‘It has to be 1963,’ said Carole. ‘The Beatles were celebrities by 1964. That was when John Lennon said the Beatles were more famous than God and upset the Americans.’

  ‘Actually, it was 1966,’ Kevin corrected, ‘and what he actually said was: “We’re more popular than Jesus now”.’

  ‘Well, we can excuse Carole for getting it wrong,’ Maggie said, ‘since she wasn’t even born then.’ Maggie gave Carole a wink. ‘Now, shall we write down 1963 for question nine?’

  ‘Let’s live dangerously,’ said Carole.

  ‘Does that mean she wants me to write it down?’ Kevin whispered anxiously to Maggie.

  ‘Yes, she was using a metaphor, Kevin. It means we’re going to take a gamble.’ At times Maggie felt as though she was translating a foreign phrase for one of her students.

  Number ten: The films The Sound of Music and Doctor Zhivago were released.

  Everyone looked at Maggie.

  ‘It was 1965. I remember because The Sound of Music was the first …’ She was about to say, ‘It was the first time my parents took me to the movies.’ But heavens, that would make her ancient. So she began again: ‘It was the first picture to overtake Gone with the Wind as highest grossing film.’

  Fortunately, the others were so delighted she’d supplied a definitive answer that they hadn’t noticed her falter.

  In the break between rounds one and two, they were able to fill in the blanks, having decided that conscription was announced in 1964 and the Battle of Long T
an took place in 1966. Maggie handed the answer sheet to Miss Kitty just in time.

  Round two was a series of music questions. That suited Kevin and Maggie, because it wasn’t contemporary music.

  Which Beatles song contains French lyrics?

  ‘That’s easy,’ said Maggie, humming the first bars of ‘Michelle’.

  The next question was more complicated.

  ‘Waterloo Sunset’ is a hit song by which sixties group? What river do they refer to? And which actors do they allude to in the lyrics? Full names, please. Four points if you get everything right.

  ‘I looove that song!’ said Maggie. ‘It’s the Kinks. The river is the Thames. And Terry and Julie are Terence Stamp and Julie Christie. They’d just appeared together in Far from the Madding Crowd.’

  ‘I beg to differ, Maggie,’ said Kevin. ‘Firstly, there is some debate about which particular Waterloo the song refers to – the London station or the one in Liverpool? If it’s the latter, the river would be the Mersey. And secondly, Ray Davies, who wrote the song, denies that it’s about a pair of famous actors.’

  ‘You might well be correct, Kevin,’ Maggie responded, ‘but they’re not the answers the Professor is expecting.’

  ‘Do you want me to write down something that’s wrong simply because the Professor expects it?’ he countered.

  ‘Yes, if you want to score full marks. You know the rules – it has to be the answer he’s got on the card. Not something so obscure only you would know it.’

  ‘Will you two make up your minds?’ said Carole. ‘You’re squabbling like an old married couple.’

  Just as the Professor began to ask the next question, Kevin wrote something on the answer sheet. Maggie leaned across to read it, but he put his hand over it like a child covering his work in an exam.

  Which famous group was known for a time as ‘The Four Lovers’? Here’s a hint – they retained the number but changed the noun to create in the name that made them famous.

  Maggie glanced across at the Usual Suspects. They were already writing down the answer. That made her very nervous. ‘Any ideas?’ she asked the other Dreamers.

  ‘What about the Four Tops?’ Carole suggested. ‘They were a big Motown group.’

  ‘Or the Four Pennies,’ said Kevin. ‘They had a big hit in the mid-sixties with “Juliet”.’

  ‘It’s neither,’ came a quiet voice. Everyone turned towards Mei Zhen.

  ‘It’s the Four Seasons,’ she said softly.

  ‘Are you certain?’ Carole asked.

  ‘Absolutely. There’s a scene in Jersey Boys where they change their name from the Four Lovers.’

  Kevin was still jotting down the answer when the Professor posed the next question.

  In which country was Engelbert Humperdinck, otherwise known as Gerry Dorsey, born?

  ‘I suppose Great Britain is too obvious,’ said Ash.

  ‘Where else could it be?’ asked Carole. ‘He represented England in the Eurovision Song Contest. I saw him on TV.’

  ‘The oldest singer ever to represent Britain,’ said Kevin. ‘Did you know he was born in the same country as Cliff Richard?’

  ‘You’re always so cryptic, Kevin,’ said Carole. ‘Just write down the answer. What is it, by the way?’

  ‘India.’

  Next the Professor played a snippet of lilting music.

  ‘Do any of you recognise the song?’ Carole asked, casting a glance around the team.

  ‘It’s “Where Do You Go To, My Lovely?” by Peter Sarstedt,’ Maggie said.

  ‘He was born in India too,’ said Kevin.

  ‘Really?’ Maggie said. ‘I didn’t know that.’

  ‘Will you two shut up?’ Ash reprimanded. ‘The Professor’s asking the question.’

  ‘Name the French singer mentioned in the lyrics,’ came the voice from the stage.

  Kevin wrote the answer. Then he passed the sheet around.

  ‘Looks good to me,’ said Maggie.

  ‘It’s before my time,’ said Ash.

  ‘Me too,’ said Mei Zhen. ‘Who’s Sacha Distel anyway?’

  At interval Kevin and Maggie escaped to the rear of the club, where a couple of trivia contestants, dressed as flower children, were already puffing on cigarettes.

  ‘Let’s move away from the smoke,’ Kevin said.

  They followed the murraya hedge to its end.

  ‘You were quite assertive about the “Waterloo Sunset” question, Kevin,’ Maggie said, taking a seat on the very end of the brick ledge.

  ‘Are you angry with me?’

  ‘Because you stood up for what you believed was right? Of course not.’

  ‘I thought you might be.’

  ‘I’m not Edward Clarke.’

  ‘Thank goodness for that.’

  Was that Kevin’s attempt at a joke, she wondered. If so, he was really coming out of his shell.

  ‘By the way, what did you write down for that question?’ she asked. ‘The Thames or the Mersey?’

  ‘The Thames. But I couldn’t bring myself to put Terence Stamp and Julie Christie. I’m certain that Terry and Julie were just ordinary people. I don’t like it when the Professor asks those ambiguous questions. I prefer things to be clear-cut.’

  ‘That’s all very well when you’re dealing with hard facts. But sometimes there’s no definitive answer. Life is full of ambiguity, Kevin. And matters of the heart can be the most complicated of all.’

  ‘I wouldn’t know about that.’

  ‘Surely you’ve been in love, at least once in your life.’

  ‘No, I don’t think so.’

  ‘Well, if you’d ever been in love, you’d know it. It turns your life upside-down.’

  ‘Sounds uncomfortable. Anyway, I’m too old for that kind of thing.’

  ‘There’s no age limit on falling in love. Look at me.’

  ‘Are you in love, Maggie?’

  Maggie smiled. He made it sound like a disease. ‘I’m afraid so. Though I don’t know what to do about it. If I follow my heart, it could lead me to some dangerous places. But if I don’t take the chance, I might miss out on something wonderful.’

  ‘Perhaps you should undertake a risk assessment first. Due diligence and so on.’

  For a moment she wondered if he was joking, but this was Kevin, the forensic accountant, and due diligence was his way of life.

  WEEK

  SEVEN

  Elizabeth

  Teachers had been telling Elizabeth Dwyer-Monaghan the same thing ever since her first parent–teacher interview three years ago. ‘Patrick is lacking in social skills. High information levels, but low emotional intelligence.’

  Although Elizabeth felt she had every right to be critical of Patrick’s behaviour, she couldn’t tolerate outsiders doing the same. As a result, she had come to dread any meeting with Patrick’s teachers.

  Today the message was exactly what she had expected. Top of the class in maths. Excellent general knowledge. Quiet and hardworking. But …

  ‘Have you considered sporting activities?’ asked the teacher. ‘It might help to improve his gross motor skills and provide an opportunity to mix with other children at the same time.’

  ‘He has swimming lessons twice a week.’

  ‘I was thinking of a team sport.’

  ‘He goes to the rugby league matches with his father. Knows all the stats.’

  ‘So he plays football?’

  ‘Not exactly. He played for part of last year’s season, but it didn’t work out. Now he just watches the adult games.’

  ‘The thing is, Mrs Monaghan, Patrick needs to learn to interact with his peers. Maybe if he was involved in a club or a group. What about Joeys or Nippers?’

  ‘We could give it a try.’

  ‘Sometimes issues such as clumsiness and social awkwardness improve with maturation. But it’s always best to get these things checked out. Just to be sure.’

  ‘Do you think there’s something wrong with him?’

&nbs
p; ‘I’m no expert. You’d need to consult a professional.’

  ‘What about the school counsellor?’

  ‘She’s only here one day a week. And she’s snowed under with family issues and learning problems. I could put Patrick on the list, but it might be months before she could see him. He’s such a bright boy. He wouldn’t be a priority.’

  ‘So what should I do?’

  ‘Your GP could recommend a child psychologist.’

  ‘A psychologist! Are you suggesting he’s mentally ill?’

  ‘Of course not. But it might be a neurological issue. Only experts can diagnose things like that. Then they could discuss possible forms of intervention.’

  Neurological! Elizabeth felt ill. And nobody had ever mentioned intervention before. The use of that particular word implied there was something seriously wrong. Otherwise, why would you need to intervene in the first place?

  Patrick

  ‘You don’t need to go to school today, Patrick,’ said his mum. ‘We’re going to see a man called Peter, who will give you some tests to do.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Patrick. That didn’t sound too bad. He was good at tests.

  ‘Just do your best,’ his mother said.

  Patrick liked Peter’s office. The walls were covered with framed certificates and colourful pictures, which reminded him of his classroom at school.

  ‘Now, Patrick,’ Peter said, ‘tell me about the things you like to do.’

  ‘Go ahead, Patrick,’ said his mum. ‘Don’t be shy.’

  ‘I’m interested in meteorology.’

  ‘That’s a big word for an eight-year-old.’

  Patrick didn’t know how to reply to that.

  ‘What else do you like, Patrick?’

  ‘Rugby league.’

  ‘Good. What position do you play?’

  ‘I’m a supporter.’

  ‘His father takes him to the matches,’ his mother explained.

  ‘Which team do you follow?’ Peter asked.

  ‘The Comets.’

  ‘I like them too. Would you like to play football yourself?’

  ‘No.’