The Game of Networking_MLMers ARE MANY. NETWORKERS ARE FEW.

by Rob Sperry

  Networking

  How did I find an orthodontist for my kids?

  Networking

  I could go and on and on and on, but you get the point. Networking can be considered the most important skill but very few of us are ever taught specifically how to do it. Have you been taught specific advanced strategies on how to network? If networking is widely known as being one of the most important skills for success, why is it that we are rarely taught advanced strategies on how to improve and cultivate these skills?

  I still haven’t met anyone who can give me a great, three-minute explanation on how to effectively network. By the end of this book you will have learned the 3 ½ laws to be able to properly explain the formula for networking in 3 minutes or less. Each time I read a book or article on how to network, it gives some great ideas, but every single time it is missing a few important aspects to the full strategy of networking. I was begging for a simple strategy that sums up how to network successfully. I searched unsuccessfully and I couldn’t find one. So, I’ve spent the last 7 years learning and reading all I can, then applying what I learned. This book represents those real world lessons.

  It all boils down to 3½ laws of networking: (1) Likeability, (2) Credibility, (3) Recallability, and (3.5) Profitability. The laws are simple, but the execution is difficult.

  I count Profitability as half a law because many people assume a deal is done when they’ve learned the first three factors. Sure, networking is first and foremost about relationships. Networking isn’t about the ‘short term’ gain that any specific relationship offers. It’s about the Game of Networking. However, if you aren’t optimizing your network effectively, in financially beneficial ways (that are win-win), you’re missing out.

  I promise you that you will learn principles about how to network in a way that you have never heard before. These 3½ laws will give you an in-depth take on exactly how to network, and by the end of this book you will think differently than you do right now. Your personal growth, just from reading this book, will be tremendous.

  Learning how to network is so important that I believe this is the first book anyone in the network marketing industry should read. The principles taught in this book will help you in so many ways beyond just your network marketing business. This book will be a blueprint to help you succeed in whatever drives you.

  CHAPTER 1

  THE LAW OF

  LIKEABILITY

  LAW #1

  James Bond is known as a British spy who can escape any difficult situation while still (somehow) expanding his coolness factor. He manages to win at everything he does. He is a world-class gambler and seems to play for the mere pleasure of winning, not really caring about the money. He always wears the sharpest suits and tuxedos. He is physically fit, and he has that likeable smile, a unique charm, and contagious charisma. He knows how to get what he wants, and even some of the women that play hard-to-get fall under Bond’s trance.

  Although he isn’t perfect by any means, Bond uses many of the Rules of Likeability to get what he wants! Likeability isn’t everything, but it is the first step in becoming great at networking.

  T HE IMPORTANCE OF LIKEABILITY

  The following paragraphs draw from the book The Likeability Factor and give a fascinating take on being likeable:

  It may seem that the Likeability Factor is something you are just naturally born with, but it is actually a skill set that you can develop. Do you think it’s a worthy skillset to develop? Well, here’s what I know about likeable people.

  They are more successful in business and in life.

  They get elected, promoted, and rewarded more often than those who are less likeable.

  They close more sales and make more money.

  They get better service from people like doctors and health care providers.

  A Columbia University study by Melinda Tamkins shows that success in the workplace is guaranteed not by what or whom you know, but by your popularity (creating popularity usually means creating a network). In her study, Tamkins found that popular workers were seen as trustworthy, motivated, serious, decisive, and hardworking and were recommended for fast-track promotion and generous pay increases. Their less-liked colleagues were perceived as arrogant, conniving, and manipulative. Pay raises and promotions were ruled out for those less-liked regardless of their academic background or professional qualifications.

  Can you believe that? It doesn’t matter whether someone is better qualified by formal education. Once you are in the same setting as another individual, your ability to move up and get pay increases depends on your Likeability Factor, NOT your academic background or qualifications.

  Gallup has conducted a personality factor poll on candidates in every presidential election since 1960. It measures three things: issues, party affiliation, and Likeability. In the 2016 presidential election both candidates hit historic levels of unlikeability. Although likeability has been the #1 determining factor on final election results, this election was different. The majority of the public didn’t like either candidate and the majority voted against the one they disliked the most or for whom they felt would make a real change.

  Need some more proof? Doctors give more time to patients they like compared to patients they don’t like. This was proven in a 1984 University of California study. The significant differences in treatment, according to the doctors themselves, depended on the combination of being ‘likeable and competent.’ Those patients who were just likeable or just competent were not encouraged to call in for follow up appointments as often as those patients who were both.

  Mark Jackson was the coach of The Golden State Warriors from 2011 to 2014. He inherited a terrible team his first year and turned that team into a playoff contender in his following two years. When he was fired in 2014, most were shocked. Joe Lacob, the Golden State Warriors owner, said this of Mark Jackson: “Part of it was that he couldn’t get along with anybody else in the organization. And look, he did a great job, and I’ll always compliment him in many respects, but you can’t have 200 people in the organization not liking you.” Mark Jackson wasn’t fired for his coaching. He was fired for being unlikeable.

  Mark Jackson isn’t the only big-name person that has been deemed “unlikeable.” In 2012, four years after the greatest US economy meltdown since the Great Depression, the economy was supposedly the #1 most pressing issue for Americans voting in the next presidential election. Polls fluctuated but every poll showed Mitt Romney with a substantial lead over Barack Obama in polling numbers for who would be a stronger president for helping the economy. Obama may not have had the publics’ trust on the economy but he absolutely dominated Romney in the polls for being more likeable.

  We all know the end result. Despite what was claimed to be the #1 most important issue, growing the economy, it still couldn’t supersede the Likeability factor. In a post-election analysis, many experts pointed to Likeability and empathy as the major reasons for Obama’s victory. In an article analyzing election results, ABC news said the following: “Obama trounced Romney by a 10-point margin in being seen as ‘in touch’ with average Americans. But for the one attribute that Obama won - the candidate who ‘cares about people like me’ — he beat Romney not by 9 or 13 or 23 points, but by a whopping 63 points.”

  I think we can all agree that becoming a likeable person is well worth it. How do we take that to the next level and actually execute our skill set to be more likeable? The following rules will guide you to be more likeable.

  F IRST IMPRESSIONS LAST FOREVER, SO DON’T SCREW IT UP

  To be successful, you have to be able to relate to people; they have to be satisfied with your personality to be able to do business with you and to build a relationship with mutual trust. — George Ross

  The first time I met Curtis Broome he had just emceed the “Go Pro Recruiting Mastery” event for the previous three days. Since he was the emcee of the biggest network marketing event of the year, naturally everyone wanted to shake his h
and and rub shoulders with him. It was midnight and Curtis had lost his voice. I knew Curtis had to get up early the next morning, and I knew he was beyond exhausted.

  As I was introduced to Curtis, I was greeted with a huge smile, a solid handshake, and some humor. Curtis then spent an hour with me and a very small group just shooting the breeze. He was very personal, sharing stories about his life and showing genuine interest by asking me numerous questions. I walked away late that night in awe of the strong first impression Curtis had made. He was fun, confident and yet very personal. No matter how tired you are, remember first impressions can last a lifetime. I know mine of Curtis will. I have kept up my friendship with Curtis, and in large part I attribute that to the lasting first impression Curtis made on me.

  First impressions are created within the first seven to thirty seconds of meeting someone. Once you understand how critical first impressions are, it is vital to realize the importance of your smile. Your smile can have an immediate impact on how someone judges you for the first time. I once read a quote that said this about the value of a smile:

  It costs nothing, but creates much good. It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it away. It happens in a flash but the memory of it can last forever. No one is so rich that he can get along without it. No one is too poor to feel rich when receiving it. It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature’s best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen for it is something of no earthly good to anybody until it is given away willingly. — (Author Unknown)

  Make an extra effort to show genuine interest in someone else immediately. Make an extra effort to not only smile but to also mention their name immediately. Your job is to always make others feel important and the easiest way to do that is to call someone by their name. You should make a conscious effort to go above and beyond in making others feel important the first time you meet them. Make a lasting impression on the first impression.

  H OW I GOT OUT OF NINE SPEEDING TICKETS

  First off, you are probably wondering how I managed to get myself pulled over nine times for speeding. That’s a story for another day! To focus on how I put the Likeability rules into practice, I will go into detail about one traffic stop in particular. Now, this method of getting out of speeding tickets is not fool-proof!

  I start off by thinking how I can be more likeable in the officer’s eyes. I always have my license and registration ready in hand. I immediately show a remorseful facial expression. I make sure my tone is sincerely sorry, and I do mean it. I always take responsibility and say that is definitely my fault. Police officers are used to most people taking no responsibility. They are used to people arguing and yelling at them, so take the opposite extreme. Officers are used to unpleasant, unaccountable, and unlikeable people. Nine out of the last ten tickets I got out of were because I did the exact opposite of what police officers usually deal with. I am likeable even when getting a ticket, and most of the time it makes all the difference.

  The one ticket I did not get out of still bothers me to this day. I’m not bothered because I didn’t deserve it; instead, I’m bothered because I didn’t even have a chance to apply my techniques! This particular police officer pulled me over, walked right up to the car and told me I was speeding. He then proceeded to take my license without ever making any direct eye contact and without engaging in any conversation. My powers were gone!

  I had no chance, and my wife was laughing at me saying, “It was about time!” Then, the officer walked back to my car and handed me my ticket. As I drove off, I thought either this guy is socially clueless or he is brilliant by not engaging in any conversation. Either way, I got caught, and the police’s actions (or lack thereof) were my kryptonite!

  While this story may be humorous, it is important to note how I made a conscious effort to be likeable. At the end of this law, I will teach you the specifics of becoming more likeable. I am not kidding when I say that I have gotten out of nine speeding tickets by doing exactly what I described above! It is so easy to overlook how far you can go by avoiding confrontation and just be likeable. The only time I wasn’t able to use my powers, I got the speeding ticket!

  Conversation is a major key to being likeable. Knowing how to communicate, which is much more than what you say, will make a big difference. You can’t simply look good and have a smile on to be likable. You must also know your audience. You must treat others as they would want to be treated.

  L EADER OF ONE, LEADER OF MANY

  No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important. — Mary Kay Ash

  One of the greatest books of all-time is How to Win Friends and Influence People. My biggest takeaway from it was the difference between humans and everything else is our need to feel important. This is such a simple, yet profound, insight that gets to the very core of becoming likeable. If you want to become likeable and truly make a strong connection with others, then make them feel important. That’s it!

  The way to do that is to figure out what makes an individual tick. What makes them feel important? Another interesting read that will help you better understand people, communicate better, and make others feel more important is the book The 5 Love Languages. The 5 Love Languages goes into depth on how to treat others based on how they want to be loved. Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t just for dating or marriage. This book will help you better understand yourself and others. It will help you communicate better with others because we all communicate differently. Most of us treat others based on how we would like to be treated rather than how they would like to be treated. In other words, it teaches you how to make others feel important.

  In fact, let me tell you the story of a friend of mine, Derek Tillotson, who has mastered exactly this. He doesn’t do so in a loud manner, nor does he do so in a way where he throws out constant compliments. He does so in a way where he is always positive about everything and everyone. He never puts other people or companies down and makes others feel comfortable being themselves. Derek has been around the network marketing industry his entire life, and he still manages to be the best at what he does.

  It doesn’t matter if Derek was born with some innate quality of making others feel important, or if it was taught to him, or if it is both. Derek has a way of making everyone around him feel important. If you met Derek, you wouldn’t know how successful he is. I say this with the utmost respect. He is unassuming and talks very little about himself always focusing on making others feel important.

  Likeability is one of the most underrated skills. While we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions, others judge us by our actions. It is their observations and conclusions that shape their perceptions. Others’ perception is their reality. Don’t underestimate the value of being likeable.

  T HE BEN FRANKLIN EFFECT

  One of the easiest ways to make others, especially enemies, feel important is to implement the little known technique called “The Ben Franklin Effect.” Very few, extraordinarily special individuals have heard of this psychological phenomenon (say that three times fast!). Franklin said that those who do favors for us like us more. He even goes on to explain that by asking even your enemies to do a favor for you, it helps them to like you more. The phrase “I need your help,” goes a looooooong way.

  In his autobiography, Franklin explains how he dealt with the animosity of a rival legislator when he served in the Pennsylvania legislature in the 18th century:

  Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return’d it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done
before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.

  It is simple: ask someone for a favor and they will like you more. People like helping other people. People like being needed as long as you don’t take advantage of them by asking for too many favors. When someone does you a favor, there is a magic to it. There are a couple of principles to understand why the Ben Franklin Effect works.

  First off, we love what we serve. The more you serve something, the more you tend to love it. Of course I love my parents a ton, but I never realized how much they loved me until I had kids. Changing diapers and dealing with kids throwing up and whining isn’t fun, and anyone that tells you it’s not a big deal obviously doesn’t have kids. Kids are rough at times, as they need so much attention from their parents, but they also bring their parents so much happiness. As you serve your children you grow attached to them. Sacrifice is the ultimate sign of love. The more I serve my kids, the more I love them. We love what we serve.

  Next is the fact that even if someone doesn’t like you, when they end up doing a favor for you, they find a way to justify why they like you. They do this because they feel the need to justify why they are doing you a favor.

  Last, but not least, when you ask someone to do a favor for you it is a compliment. You typically wouldn’t ask someone you hate to do a favor, so asking someone to do you a favor is a sign of respect. You are letting that person know that you like and respect them. Just remember to not take advantage of others by asking for too many favors. If you abuse the Ben Franklin Effect, you will lose its ability to strengthen relationships.

  Jeff Bezos, the founder & CEO of Amazon.com, gives insight into how he created a “loved” company in his memo entitled, “Amazon.love”: