by Rob Sperry
Rudeness is not cool. guys is cool.
Defeating tiny guys is not cool. Inventing is cool.
Closed following is not cool. Explorers are cool.
Young is cool. Conquers are not cool.
Risk taking is cool. Obsessing over competitors is not cool
Winning is cool.
Polite is cool. Empowering others is cool
Defeating bigger, unsympathetic Capturing all the value only for the company is not cool.
Leadership is cool. Authenticity is cool.
Conviction is cool. Thinking big is cool.
Straightforwardness is cool. The unexpected is cool.
Pandering to the crowd is not cool. Missionaries are cool.
Hypocrisy is not cool. Mercenaries are not cool.
Jeff Bezos understands the Ben Franklin Effect. He knows that having a likeable brand will create loyalty among your customers. Being a likeable company, or even a likeable person for that matter, doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of small disciplines practiced consistently over a period of time to truly become likeable. It isn’t by coincidence that likeable people seem to always have things go their way and unlikeable people seem to get left behind. Do you feel like you get the benefit of the doubt more often than most people, or do you feel like you are always overlooked? Chances are your Likeability is one of the greatest determining factors for you getting the benefit of the doubt.
T HE KEY TO MOST PEOPLE’S NETWORK IS THEIR FAMILY
Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. — Michael J. Fox
If their family hates you, you will have an uphill battle that is sometimes impossible to climb. However, if the family loves you, it will be as easy as coasting down a small hill on your bicycle. I’m telling you, knowing someone’s family is the ultimate sweet spot! There is no easier way to connect with someone and become more likeable than through their family. Of course, getting to know someone’s family is neither convenient nor easy. If there is any way you can get to know their family and make that connection, do it. The return on that investment will be greater than you can imagine.
By connecting with someone’s family, you are creating a deeper relationship. Whenever you have the opportunity to meet an important family member of one of your contacts, you should pay extra special attention to that person. Ask them as many questions as you can while displaying respect, showing charisma, and expressing genuine interest. I know for me personally that any contact I have that has a connection with my family is instantly someone I generally trust more and would do a favor for.
A great idea for how to connect with your contact’s family is to create a fun event that they can invite their family to. Even if you are single, you can still apply this principle by simply being thoughtful. I once hosted 80 people in Lake Powell, Utah, one of my favorite places on earth. On that trip we had two houseboats, six jet skis, four boats, a monster firework show, and tons of other games.
My good friend Woody Woodward is a professional personal development speaker. I had Woody come down to Powell to hang out but also spend an hour sharing his great personal development content with everyone. Woody’s wife was supposed to come but ended up getting sick. After the trip was over, I sent both of them a thank-you card and gift certificate to Woody’s wife. Why would I send the card and gift certificate to Woody’s wife? Although she was sick, she was still kind enough to lend her husband to me. Here was her exact text response to me:
Hi Rob, this is Shaylene — Woody’s wife. I went to get the mail today and what a fun surprise it was to get your incredibly sweet and amazingly thoughtful card! What a class act you are! I have already been impressed by all Woody has told me about you, but this goes far beyond anything I could have imagined! Please know how touched I am, not only by the gift cards (which I absolutely love!) but that you would even spend the time to write me a thank you! You are honestly too kind! I should be thanking you for entertaining my husband for so long! Woody and I have been amazed by how you handled everything during and after Powell. Your character has truly shown! ”Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” (Sam Ewing) Thank you for your friendship and goodness and your phenomenal character! Sincerely, Shay.
I personally know that family is an integral part of networking. I have tried to get out of several functions, but if the wife really wants to go, then I am always going. If someone wants to make sure they are associated with me, just become good friends with my wife.
T HE TAKER
Meet Jake the Taker, Jake the Unlikeable, and Jake the Jerk; doesn’t matter what you call him, for they are all accurate. Before you judge me for exaggerating, you have to read this story. For three years I worked with a company where I was fortunate to have much success. There was another very successful guy there named Jake. Every time I tried to learn from Jake or work with him, he would say, “No offense, but I don’t see how this would benefit me.” I thought I brought a different outlook and age group that would add value. He had a scarcity mentality in his approach to the company. He always wanted secret meetings with other successful salespeople. He would even kick out those who weren’t part of his team if they somehow showed up at one of his trainings. He exuded the persona of an unlikeable person. He was unwilling to build a relationship by offering advice, sharing ideas, or simply having a nice conversation. He had no interest in depositing his knowledge anywhere but his own business. Trust is like a bank account. You can make withdrawals and deposits. If you make too many withdrawals you will be overdrawn on your trust account.
Three years went by and I moved on to another venture. As I was moving on, I got a call from Jake and he proceeded to tell me that as much success as I had my first three years (which was much better than his first three years with that company), I didn’t know the right way to have massive success. He told me he could help take my business to another level. He said he had worked out with the company, a way for me to switch to his team if I would just stay with the same company. If you are new to network marketing that’s called cross recruiting. They have an opportunity to help you and to profit from you. By switching to his team, I would have abandoned several other individuals but would have helped Jake to profit more. This man had never taken any interest in me or made any “deposits of trusts,” such as a few mere conversations or little pieces of advice. Now he was asking to take out a massive withdrawal when nothing was in the bank.
Two years go by and I don’t hear a word from Jake. No texts, no phone calls, nothing on social media. Then, out of the blue, I get a voicemail that told me how talented I was and that we need to meet up. I was swamped at the time and, to be honest, I didn’t want to respond, but I did. I simply shot him a text that I was busy for the weekend but we could catch up later. I never heard back from Jake. I assume I didn’t hear back because it wasn’t convenient at his time. He once again had no interest in me. Jake is the definition of a Taker with a scarcity mentality!
I am allergic to people like this. Don’t be that person! In this book you will learn from the ‘best abundance’ mentality and Giver thinkers in the industry. You will become more aware of Takers and more dialed in on how to become the exact opposite. My values are so strong towards being loyal, taking care of others, and providing value that when someone is the complete opposite, I take it more poorly than most. It’s a weakness I need to work on.
CHAPTER 2
THE FORMULA TO BECOMING
MORE LIKEABLE
C REATE ALLIES
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. — Gautama Buddha.
Relationships are complicated, especially when they have to do with money and competition. We all have different strengths or what I joke around about as superpowers. I feel like one of my developed superpowers is maintaining relationships, even when it can be difficult during the tough times! There are times when you are going to bu
tt heads with other people in your personal life and in business. No matter what, you should mend fences. Having ill-will towards another person doesn’t help you or them; it is far better to create allies than enemies.
There are some people you never want to work with again. I can’t reiterate it enough, when people are at odds with you, they want the world to know. They feel insecure about what you may say and gossip about you. They will spread their version of the story.
Jef Welch said “Cutting others down to make yourself look tall is a misperception of self-growth.” Speaking ill of others reflects poorly on your character and actually shows insecurity.
I pride myself on not burning bridges. I try very hard to communicate things properly to maintain great relationships. I will even go out of my way when there is a miscommunication to ensure that everything is good, but sometimes, because I try so hard, I get stubborn when I don’t feel that the effort is reciprocated. Sometimes I let my stubbornness get the best of me and just give up.
There is rarely a good reason to burn bridges. It is ok to disagree with someone, but burning a bridge is not wise because it hurts both parties tremendously. We’ve all heard this saying, and I believe it: if you have a good experience, you tell three people, but if you have a bad experience, you tell twenty. Burnt bridges spread like wildfire and very soon both parties get more upset at each other, causing more backbiting. It is a vicious cycle and no one wins! Although I feel this is a practice I am strong in, I am nowhere near Brian McMullen’s level.
Brian is one of the top earners in the entire industry. I have been around Brian when he is mad or frustrated with another person. I have seen him in big fights, but he has found a way to make peace and find common ground every single time. Every time I have had a disagreement or miscommunication with a mutual contact of Brian’s, he always goes out of his way to make the peace. He does so without me even asking him because he understands the principle of creating allies rather than enemies. He always drops his pride and thinks with a rich person’s mentality.
Being rich or being poor has very little to do with wealth. It has a much deeper meaning. Rich people think long-term, whereas poor people think short-term. You may think that I am talking about money, but that mentality relates to everything: relationships, spirituality, money, physicality, literally everything! Bravado and boldness is outdated and old. Nowadays, thanks in large part to social media, being likeable is one of the modern ways to be successful.
You never want to burn a bridge that you
may want to cross in the future!
Always stay in touch and keep friendships
going regardless of where you are both
at now, because you never know what the
future holds in life.
People want to do business with
people that they can respect and trust
to do the right thing! — Craig Kotter
Likeability Rule #1: BE POSITIVE
Smile — SMILING IS YOUR BEST WEAPON!! And remember, your weapons are your superpowers. Smiling can be one of your greatest assets in networking. It makes others feel more comfortable; it makes you more likable and you appear more secure with yourself. You instantly become a more attractive person. Smiling takes very little effort and it costs you absolutely nothing. I learned from a Tony Robbins seminar that by showing a positive emotion (even when you don’t feel that way), you scientifically become happier. Actions precede emotions. You have to learn to smile more!
I recently met up with a top speaker and author, and I was enthusiastic about picking his brain. As this top speaker entered the room, something was off. The conversation felt off. Then it hit me. I couldn’t get past his lack of smiling. I know, I know! It sounds so dumb, but try having a good conversation with someone who won’t crack a smile. It never goes well. It is simply hard to have conversations with people who rarely smile, regardless of who you are, even if you are not a top speaker or author.
The next time you are out with a group of people that you don’t know, I want you to try this. Look around at their facial expressions, and I want you to guess—just based on looking at them—who is friendly and who isn’t. I will bet that those who smile more are the ones you deem as friendly, and those who seem to rarely smile, you deem as not friendly. You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can almost always judge a person by their smile. A great smile frequently used is one of the most powerful ways to become more likeable.
If you’re feeling ambitious, you can even try a little experiment. Go print out two pictures of the same person but only have the person smiling in one of the pictures. I bet if you were to show them to two different groups, people would like the picture of the smiling person more than the picture of the person not smiling. It doesn’t get any simpler than that!
P OSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE
Communication isn’t what you say, it’s how you are perceived as you say it! Too many people believe that our words do all of the communicating, when that could not be further from the truth. For every sentence you speak, body language accounts for 55%, tone of voice accounts for 38%, and your actual words account for just 7% of the overall message. This isn’t to say that words have very little meaning. Words are very important, as they are part of the overall context of your communication. You can’t have a great tone and great body language but then nicely speak obscenities.
Instead of going on about body language, I will point out one very critical aspect that isn’t mentioned very often: Let their feet do the talking. Think about it. Feet are the one thing that always tell the truth and no one thinks to look at it. When couples touch their feet together, are they happy or angry? They are always happy! You would be able to tell if they were upset at each other if their feet touched and they quickly pulled away.
If your feet are pointed towards someone, that is usually a good sign. If your feet are pointed sideways when talking to someone, you are probably trying to hurry along the conversation and hoping they don’t come any closer to you. If your feet are relaxed and not fidgeting, chances are you are enjoying your conversation. If in the middle of your conversation, the person you are talking to turns their feet towards the exit or away from you, chances are they are no longer enjoying the conversation. Those that are socially deficient never see this.
If you ever have kids, tell them you’re all going to Disneyland and I can GUARANTEE you that they will have happy feet! They will start dancing around excitedly and the rest of their body will follow. On the contrary, if you are holding a kid captive at the dinner table when he wants to go and play with his friends, his feet are probably sideways and ready to hop off his chair at a moment’s notice.
Those with positive body language always increase their Likeability. As mentioned earlier some studies suggest that only 7 percent of our judgments are based on WHAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAY! Right or wrong, we are judging everyone on every little movement. By adjusting the way we move, dress, stand, and interact we can make encounters with others go much easier and smoother. If someone says ‘I really appreciate you’ but then doesn’t make eye contact or smile during that entire conversation you will probably think there is something wrong with them. If someone tells you how much they appreciate you but are on their cell phones the entire time, you won’t feel fully appreciated. If someone is slouched and yawning and tells you that they appreciate you, you will probably feel like something is off. Whereas, if you are constantly smiling (but don’t be the weirdo who overdoes the smile), making great eye contact and maintaining good posture, your message of appreciation will be received positively.
POSITIVE ATTITUDE
Everyone loves to be around that happy, fun, charismatic person. I’m sure that as you are reading this, you are probably starting to think of the person that always finds the good in everything. This person probably often talks highly of other people. Their enthusiasm and positivity is contagious. The opposite is also true; a person’s negativity can also be contagious. There have bee
n times in my life where I am in a fun and happy environment and then someone walks into the scene and the mood is instantly deflated.
We have so much power in how we influence others. Our vibes and our attitudes radiate off of us and can be felt by other people. I love being around people with a positive vibe because it rubs off on me. Their positivity automatically puts me in a better mood. Yet, I’ve never met a negative person that is also a likeable person. A huge part of increasing your Likeability factor is just deciding to stay positive.
Maintaining a positive attitude will attract other positive people into our lives, and those are the kind of people we want to be around. No one likes to be around the person who is always a victim, talking about how they were wronged or always gossiping about others.
My main mentor and 30+ million dollar earner in network marketing is Lon Wardrop. If it weren’t for Lon, I would have never joined the network marketing industry. Many of my teachings are what I call “Lonisms” mixed with my own personal perspective. He deserves so much credit for both his friendship and mentorship. I bring Lon up here in the book because one of his greatest attributes is his attitude. He has a unique ability to always find the positive in every situation. When you ask Lon how he is doing he will respond the same every single time: “having the greatest day of my life.” He chooses to always give a great response that affects both his attitude and the attitude of others.
One of the top ways to show you have a positive attitude and to brighten someone else’s day is through humor! Well placed and well used humor can make you more relatable. Everyone likes the smart, witty, humorous person. Humor makes others smile and can break the ice very quickly. Make the decision that you will maintain a positive attitude to increase your Likeability factor, and then stick to it!