Robbie squirmed in her chair. “You’re more than welcome.” She sandwiched his thin cold hand between her warm palms. “You’ve given me a place to be myself. I get busy and forget there are people in the world who enjoy sharing a hug.” She leaned over, careful not to crush him, then embraced his rail-thin body and gave him a wet smack on the cheek.
She was supposed to stay objective and not kiss her subject’s cheek. But immersion’s important because it’s supposed to help me learn. What exactly am I learning about? The realization struck her like a slide show bursting on her heart with images of Love.
She sank back in the chair, allowing herself to absorb her realization. She’d learned about Frank’s unconditional love for his wife, their unconditional love for their daughter, and Jake, and Jake’s unconditional love for them both. She was witness to generations of love.
She’d lost track of the time when the familiar racket of staff readying clients for a meal broke into their companionable silence. “Jake will be here shortly,” she said, rising unsteadily to her feet.
“Can’t you stay, Robin? Jake said he’s bringing someone and I don’t want to meet someone new in my pajamas.”
“Not to worry. You look regal in your dressing gown.” She curtsied before him.
“Besides, any friend of Jake’s will be glad to meet you.” She blew a kiss from the door, then hurried down the hall. When she caught sight of Jake, she ducked into an opened door and hid out of sight. Her chest tightened at the sight of the woman at his side. Jake had brought Jean Clifton to meet Frank.
She gnawed her lip. Robbie knew that if Jake were to propose to Jean, she wouldn’t stammer with her mouth open. She counted to one hundred. When she peered down the hall, they were gone.
When they entered the room, Jake leaned in and kissed his grandfather’s cheek and felt Frank’s jaw tighten. Could Granddad be in pain? Jake felt the weight of dread and guilt on his back threatening to buckle his knees.
Jake straightened and gestured behind him. “Granddad, I’d like you to meet Dr. Jean Clifton. Jean, Frank Proctor, my grandfather.”
“Hello,” Frank said and sank back into his chair.
Jean extended her hand and patted Frank’s shoulder, and then squatted down so that she was at eye level. “I’m pleased to meet you again, Mr. Proctor. We met a long time ago at Jake’s graduation.”
Jake was impressed with Jean’s consideration but he watched his grandfather’s face for clues as to what may be happening, pain or pride.
“Sorry,” Frank said quietly.
“We met at the Central High School Grade Twelve graduation. You and your wife were sitting on some chairs along the edge of the gym. Some of us were fooling around and I almost fell over you. I wore a pink organza dress and I had a tiara. You said I looked beautiful.”
Jake touched Jean’s shoulder. “That was a long time ago.”
“Not that long.” She glanced up at Jake.
Jake helped her stand. While she moved around the room and looked at the family collage, Jake noticed the two bowls and two spoons on the table. “How was your rice pudding?”
“Good. Thanks. Robin angel, bless her heart, kept me company.” Frank raised his voice, sending the intended spiral of guilt through Jake. His Granddad was justified. He should have been the one sharing the pudding with his dying grandfather.
Jean came closer. “Robin. Is she a nurse?”
Jake answered. “She’s Granddad’s friend. You saw her at the reunion.”
“Oh, is she the heavyset woman?” Jean leaned toward Frank. “You be careful. I’ve heard about women who befriend seniors and then marry for monetary gain.”
“That’s what I first thought, but I was wrong. Robin’s not like that,” Jake said quickly. Robin had calmed his initial fears, ten-fold.
Frank wiggled his bottom to the back of the chair and stretched to his full height and struggled forward. “I should be so lucky. I’d take her in a minute if I thought she’d consent.” Then he leaned over the armrest. “I was kind of hoping that she’d find Jake a catch.”
“You’re joking.” Jean said, then laughed. “Jake’s handsome.”
“Looks like me in my prime. Jake, bring me that picture from over there.”
Jake glanced at the photograph and recognized the image that he saw every morning in his own mirror. Genetics were visible in the shape of his face, his eyes, and nose.
Frank pointed to the picture. “See, Dr. Clifton, there is a similarity, even though we are his grandparents.”
Jean looked closely. “Yes, I can see a little of you in Jake. Your wife?”
Jake noted the flash of horror in her eyes as she recognized that Jake also resembled his grandmother.
Frank picked up the picture and held it closer to her. “Yes, my Mable, big in body and big in heart. Right, Jake?”
Jake nodded. “Yes.”
Jean pushed up the sleeve of her coat and angled her watch, allowing her to see the correct time. “Uh, I think we should return to the university.”
“Thanks for coming. You’ll understand if Jake has to leave suddenly because I’m dying.” He clutched his chest. “Oh no. I’m doing that now. Make that almost dead. Toes up.”
“Granddad.”
“Can’t choose the exact moment. But I’ll try for an evening or a weekend.”
“Of course I would understand,” Jean said.
Frank motioned to his thin body. “All this is real, son. You have to get used to the idea.”
Jean blanched at Frank’s plainspoken pronouncement.
“You’re alive now and that’s what counts.” Jake kissed his grandfather’s cheek. “Do you need more pudding?”
Frank shook his head.
Jake struggled past the stomach acid surging into his throat and asked, “Do you want me to ask the nurse to bring you a drink? Do you need to get into your bed?”
“I’m okay, Jake, go back to work.” Frank’s head wobbled on his neck as if all the fight to sit up and entertain them had left.
“I’ll be back,” Jake said, leaving Frank’s door partially open to the corridor.
“Jean, I’ll meet you at the front door,” Jake whispered.
He stopped the nurse attendant. “Granddad’s exhausted. Would you check in on him?”
“Sure, no problem. I’ll check if it’s time for his medication first.” She moved with precise movements to the desk. “You can go. He’s in good hands.”
Jake nodded and retreated from Frank’s prediction of death toward the front door, where Jean waited for him. She gripped his sleeve while the door to the Manor closed behind them. “I’m sorry, Jake. You poor, poor man.”
“I’m fortunate really. Granddad knows he’s dying and there are no secrets. He’s not worried about the meaning of his life. He’s just waiting to be reunited with Grandma.” Jake felt some stress leave his shoulders. His legs felt looser when he walked to the car. As he held the car door open for Jean, he saw the sun sparkle diamonds on the snow and he understood that Christmas would come and go every year, whether Frank was here or not.
“And this Robin?” Jean asked when the car exited the parking lot.
“I thought you might meet her. She’s usually here. She reminds Frank of my grandmother and their life of love and intimacy.”
“Really, at his age.”
Jake chuckled. “As he’s said often enough, he’s dying, not dead.”
“And do you see this Robin often?”
“We seem to run into each other around the city or visiting Frank.”
Jean cleared her throat. “Do you think she’s interested in, you know, either of you?”
He turned in time to see her blush. “She did tell me when I hired her that if Frank asked her to marry him, she’
d consider it.”
“Oh,” she said and seemed to expel a sigh of relief. “You hired her.”
“Yes, since I can’t be there all the time and besides she’s funny, caring, and generous.”
“A lot of fat women are. There’s a theory that this type of woman is so busy caring for others that they don’t take care of themselves.”
“And what do you believe?”
“The statistics are compelling.”
“If that’s the case then I say, thank goodness. But from my experience with different cultures, statistics don’t always show the truth.”
“Jake?”
“Yes.”
“Were either of your parents obese?”
“Not my mother, and I don’t know my biological father. Why?”
“Nothing important. Just wondering.” When he stopped in front of the Humanities building, she opened the car door.
“You’re concerned about genetics.” He had thought about it often enough. Whenever a new announcement appeared in the news about a possible DNA link, he had thought that if a test were developed he would line up to take it. But it didn’t seem as important anymore.
“The research shows it is very hard to be an overweight child.” She held onto the door for a minute. “Thank you for taking me to see your grandfather.”
“You’re welcome. I wanted you to understand what’s happening in my personal life.”
“That means a lot to me.” She held onto the door as if she wanted to get back into the car.
“I’ve got to hurry. I have a student appointment in fifteen,” he said quickly.
“Next time, then.” Jean slammed the door.
“Not if you slam the door on a classic car, there won’t be a next time,” he muttered as he patted the dash.
Robbie’s message light was flashing when she meandered into the kitchen. Dr. Clifton and the committee had approved her thesis and her defense would proceed on Tuesday because the outside examiner had had an emergency. She sighed. So it was either now or in the new year. Just a few more days and it would be all over. The next call was from Nadine, who sounded excited.
Robbie called her right back. “Hi, what’s going on?”
“Can you meet me for a coffee at Atlantis?”
“Of course, when?”
“Twenty minutes.”
“I’ll be there or be square.” When Robbie got back into her car, she was still in disguise. It was going to be interesting to hear what Nadine would say.
Robbie parked half a block down, put money in the meter for two hours, and hurried to the coffee house.
Nadine was in the far corner facing the door. Robbie beamed and waved.
Nadine didn’t acknowledge her. Robbie paid for a coffee, then she approached Nadine and said, “Is this seat taken?”
Nadine frowned, then leaned closer. “Robbie Smith, is that you?”
Robbie nodded as she draped her coat onto the back of the chair. Her mauve turtleneck T-shirt discreetly formed against the suit. While her four-pocket purple jeans hugged her belly and thighs. She raised her eyebrows. “So, how do I look?”
“Great. Really great.” Nadine still shook her head.
“I have to thank you. The shops you suggested were great. It’s strange but I feel like me on the outside and inside whether I’m in disguise or not.”
“What did you do to your voice?”
“It’s not so much my voice but the wax that I place on the inside of my mouth next to my gums and then of course this neck apparatus keeps my chin in a slightly different position.” Robbie lifted the fold of the turtleneck sweater away from her neck and tipped her chin where a slight gap was noticeable on close inspection.
Nadine leaned forward. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it for myself.”
“That’s enough about me. Tell me, what is your big news?” Robbie sipped her coffee.
Nadine placed her hand on the table. A princess cut ruby surrounded with tiny diamonds winked at Robbie.
She checked Nadine’s left hand. “Oh, Nadine, does this mean what I think it means?”
Nadine grinned. “It does. Ken proposed to me.”
Robbie jumped up and hugged her friend. “Congratulations.”
Nadine was laughing and snorting back tears. “I wanted you to be one of the first to know because I spoke my wish out loud to you first. You encouraged me to be real in the relationship.”
Robbie handed Nadine a serviette. “When’s the big day?”
“Next year. Ken will have a sabbatical and we’ll go on a Caribbean cruise.”
“Wow.”
They sipped their coffee in silence. Robbie cleared her throat. Then they giggled.
Nadine talked about Ken and all his fine qualities. Where they’ve been and their future travel plans.
“I’m so happy for you.” Robbie glanced at the clock. “I have to go. Clifton booked my defense for Tuesday. I have to study hard. I can’t believe it will be so soon, but my external examiner has limited dates available.”
“I heard. I appreciate you joining me on such short notice. You’ll be fine during your defense, I’m sure of it. Are you going to be a woman of substance during your presentation?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t want to cheese anyone off, especially Clifton.”
“A few weeks ago, I didn’t believe you could pull it off, but you do. She should see this, it really works,” Nadine said.
“Thanks, you’ve been one of my role models whenever I’ve felt as if I didn’t know how to be, as you say, a woman of substance.”
“Robbie, you always had substance. It just wasn’t as noticeable before.” Nadine laughed.
Robbie put on her coat. “Thanks. I’ll see you in the office. Tell Ken he loves a wonderful woman.”
Robbie drove home and thought about love. Her parents passed their silver anniversary, Frank and Mable had had a long life of love, and Nadine was beginning one. Jake hadn’t found anyone yet and she didn’t have a special someone in her life. Well, unless she counted Frank, of course.
She parked her car in the garage. No blinking lights on her message manager. Up in her bedroom, she hung the wig on the mannequin, rolled the wax from her gums and threw the wad into the garbage, then slipped the neck that suggested a double chin off and placed it on the holder, followed by the torso and finally her leggings. She no longer felt uncomfortable with the body parts around her bedroom. The foam and padding were a part of her now.
After she hung up the disguise and showered, she sat down with the marked-up print copy of her thesis. A sunbeam came through her window and played across her face. About an hour passed and she felt her eyelids drooping. She jerked herself awake before placing her head down in the middle of her chapter about insurance and obesity statistics. Just five minutes. That’s all she needed and then she’d be refreshed and continue her review. All of her answers to the questions the defense committee posed would be delivered with knowledge and confidence. She would convince the committee that she was not denying the reality of obesity but that the cause of the apparent epidemic could not simply be only a lack of willpower and laziness.
A shiver ran over her body. The room was bathed in darkness. She fumbled for her lamp, and saw that now wet drool marks dotted her pages with the coffee cup circles, doodles, and notes in the margins. When she glanced at the clock, she knew her refreshing break had been much more than five minutes.
Tonight she’d be walking with Jake at his request. Was that a kind of date? No, it’s a friend being with a friend in need, thing. Changing to meet him in the park shouldn’t take a lot of time. It would be dark and he wouldn’t be able to see her clearly. She felt a warm pull in her core when she thought about the controlled academic professor who was d
evoted to his grandfather and the man who was also in flux over the rest of his life.
While she guided her arms into the body suit, she imagined Jake strolling through villages and observing the different traditions. He was probably familiar with a pick and shovel, and possibly dug wells and cultivated fields with the residents. He would have sat with the elders and listened to their concerns. She couldn’t imagine him identifying too closely with the people he studied and not maintaining his role as the researcher. He was a learned professor who stood at a lectern or podium and shared his passion for his work. He had more experience and wouldn’t be accused that his biases affected his research.
She remembered Jake’s sensual curve to his mouth when he grinned, and the rumble of his belly laugh at some of Frank’s more outrageous remarks, and the way his eyebrows raised briefly and then dropped again when they met. The way his pupils were a bead of a dark lava rock when he was being impersonal or how they turned into dark pools surrounded by warm, inviting liquid chocolate when he was excited, concerned, or aroused. Most of all, she liked the texture and strength of his palm and the light reflecting off the fine hairs on his fingers that enfolded her hand both when she was fat or thin. When their fingers were entwined, he seemed anchored. And whether she was Robbie or Robin, she felt at home with Jake. A flicker of hope settled in her chest. Maybe he’d forgive her deception.
Jake held the door open for his last student appointment of the day. His life was different than he’d planned just months ago. He thought that his days would be filled with presenting concrete data about the habitats of the foragers in the desert. While he reviewed his notes, he read his observations about the young mothers with their babies and the elders more than he did about the hunters. He had become curious about the female role in the communities and families. He wrote about a twinge of emptiness that had surprised him when he returned a newborn boy to his mother’s arms, and he wrote that he was reminded of his grandfather, when he sat in the community center listening to the elders. Many subtle little details and accidental similarities of Bushmen’s family life had entwined with his memories of home.
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