Woman of Substance

by Bower, Annette

  “He was astute. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had guessed.” Silence flowed around the table until he said, “Initially I thought you might have been ill. Your wig was obvious. But then you began to look better and I had other things on my mind.” He paused. “I saw your photographs on the mantle. Cute.”

  Her shoulders relaxed. She understood. He wanted to keep the topic more general. “One of the women in my control group did that. It’s called visualization.”

  “I’m surprised I didn’t see them the night we shared pizza,” he said.

  She glanced up at his soft brown eyes, which seemed to be focused on her lips. She reached for the teapot. Where was the bravado she’d had in Frank’s room when she’d mimicked Jake’s movements in order to be attractive to him?

  “I turned them face down on the mantle. Besides, as you just said, you had other things on your mind.”

  He nodded.

  She heard him tinker with his spoon against the side of the bowl.

  “Did you know there is an appetite suppressant made from the Hoodia Gordonii?” he asked. “The !Kung San used it for thousands of years to control thirst and hunger during their long hunting trips.”

  “You mentioned that during your talk at the dinner.” She relaxed and rested her arms on the table. “There are so many advertised products that promise quick weight loss.”

  “When I was with the !Kung San, they discussed a lawsuit against drug companies that stole their ancient medicinal knowledge of the plant without consulting them.”

  “Women and men for that matter don’t need another drug to spend their money on. Before my research, I would have advised a quick fix medication to drop pounds, but not anymore.”

  “What would you suggest?” He leaned toward her and filled her cup to the brim.

  “Be healthy in the skin you’re in. It sounds easy, but it isn’t. Some of us are larger than others. The body comes in all shapes and sizes. We are not made from a cookie cutter.” She felt rather than saw his eyes on her.

  She teased her leftover cold toast apart, just as Frank had done for the geese so many times. “The fat suit had disadvantages but the advantage was that I took up space. I was noticed and some men just wanted to talk to me. There wasn’t that whole pick-me-up challenge most of the time. I’m going to miss that feeling.”

  “I suppose you could always use the suit to go undercover and investigate discrimination.” He picked up the empty dishes and took them to the sink. She felt the air around her cool her warm face. She could do this if they kept their distance. He was right.

  He brought a cloth back and wiped the table surface. She slid her chair away from the table. “Initially I thought that as well, but now I understand my limitations. I’d need a whole movie costume team behind me if I wanted to continue. I know there are more sophisticated ways of changing appearances. When I begin my career in human resources, I’ll cultivate staff to be sensitive to diversity.” She yawned.

  “Time for bed,” he said. He shook his head as if he, too, was dispelling images that statement raised. “Do I have to? It’s early.” She imitated a whining child.

  “I lit the logs in the fireplace. The living room should be toasty warm if you’d like to watch a movie.”

  “Same spaces. I get the sofa and you the chair.”

  “Deal. I’ll be in as soon as I’ve washed the dishes.”

  She carried her teacup to the living room, snuggled into the sofa, then covered her feet with the afghan. She watched the flames lick at the logs. She listened to the various noises coming from the kitchen, the running water, dishes rattling, and Jake whistling. Sounds she found oddly comforting.

  When Jake finished, he brought his cup and a fresh pot of tea to where she half sat, half lay on the couch. The remote was on the coffee table. Neither of them reached for it.

  “Can I warm up your cup?” he asked with a smile.

  “I can’t remember when I’ve been so cared for.”

  After pouring her a fresh cup of tea, he settled into the chair and propped his feet on the ottoman.

  When she bought her teacup to her lips the steam rose and cleared in front of her face. She rested the cup back on the table. “I wish I had been strong enough to stay for Frank’s celebration of life.” She glanced into Jake’s brown eyes. He looked down at the floor for a moment. The curtains whispered when the furnace pushed more heat into the room.

  “I’m glad that I met him.”

  “I know you made his last weeks happier as well.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot to me. I wonder if we would have become friends without my disguise.”

  He glanced at the photographs on the mantel. “It’s as if you have a twin.”

  She saw the uncertainty in his eyes. “I wished for a sister, what about you?”

  “I don’t remember. I think I’ve always known my family was different.”

  She wanted to reach out to him but shifted her extended arms above her head.

  “You seem tired. Let’s save the movie for another time.” He gathered the cups onto the tray.

  She pushed her feet into her slippers, stood, and folded the blanket. She kept her voice light. “Sleep tight.”

  During the next few days, she and Jake continued to build on their friendship. As her strength returned, she helped make the meals and tidy up afterward. They often ended the day around the fireplace sharing stories about their youth. She no longer held her breath when she heard his footsteps down the hall when he went to bed or got up in the morning. She no longer trembled like a maiden if they passed each other on the way to shower. What she couldn’t stop were the dreams of his hands on her body and his lips covering her lips. But other than a playful tap on the shoulder, they avoided touching each other. It was as if they both understood that if they crossed the line once, their tentative newfound friendship would change.

  Jake spent an extra long time under the cold shower. He had to survive one more night under Robin’s roof without touching her. He’d promised her parents that he would protect their treasure and he would do that. He planned his day carefully. Robin/Robbie was how he thought of her now. She was both rolled into one. Today she was Robin in his mind, because they had a foundation of the friendship they’d established with Frank in their lives. It kept Frank’s memory between them. She was well enough that he could leave her for a few hours. Today he needed to pick up some groceries and meet with Jean Clifton about teaching the next semester. He needed to check out his new apartment. He also needed to do something for the Smith Christmas he’d been asked to share. He dressed in his jeans and sweater, then joined Robin for coffee.

  Jake wrapped his fingers around a mug of coffee to keep his fingers away from shifting a stray wisp of hair from Robin’s forehead. “You sound better this morning.”

  A smile floated across her face as she answered evenly. “Christmas and family always does it.”

  He was quiet.

  “Do you have any traditions that you’d like my family to honor? A special type of food we can prepare?”

  He shook his head. “This year will be the first year when I will eat a traditional Christmas turkey in a long time. Your family does have turkey?”

  She nodded.

  “I’m glad, I’m looking forward to sharing a Christmas dinner similar to my time with Granddad and Grandma. For many years, my schedule always included a research project during this time.” He paused. “I’d call my grandparents from some far off land and say Merry Christmas around the general time. But I can’t examine the past right now. I don’t want to feel guilty. What do you have planned today?”

  Glad Jake didn’t want to dwell on sad subjects, Robbie said, “I’m going to decorate my Christmas tree. I’m not like my mother where every corner in her house and yard has to reflect Christ
mas.” She carried her coffee cup into the living room and turned on the weather channel. She called over her shoulder. “We haven’t had our usual snow fall. But I’m not wishing for a white Christmas this year.”

  She knew instinctively when he was in the same room. She didn’t even have to turn around. He stood behind her at the window. “I pictured you with your nose pressed against the window watching the sky for snow clouds.”

  She heard the tension leave his voice.

  “Where’s the winter wonderland you said you wanted last night?” His voice flowed over her jangled nerves.

  She wanted to say that she didn’t want anything to keep them from sharing Christmas with her family, but she said, “This year I’ll pass on mounds of snow. Many people drive distances in Saskatchewan to visit family and friends. I’d rather the picture perfect snowdrifts remain on the cards.”

  “I agree. I know I certainly would prefer to drive on a clear blacktop highway.” Did she hear a chuckle?

  “Are you laughing at me?” Her eyebrows drew together.

  “Yes. I’m imagining you with your nose pressed against the pane with your fingers crossed and wishing against the thousands wishing for snow.”

  She turned and tipped her head. He really was getting to know her.

  “Tomorrow, after church, I’d like to show you the park around the river. Mom and Dad won’t mind,” she said.

  “I’d like that. What should I bring your mother?” He backed away from her. She knew he was creating safe space for both of them.

  She thought about her parents’ home. It would be easy to suggest a bottle of wine or an ornament to add to the collection but she thought that he might be the right kind of man to experience the real ‘Smith’ Christmas. Her family gave their largest gifts to the community all year instead of each other. During Christmas Day, while they sat around the tree, they shared a few examples of their good deeds and the feelings they experienced over the past year.

  “Anything that shows you will help someone,” she replied.

  “That’s cryptic.” His eyes looked up and toward the left. She knew from paying attention to his subtle little moves that he was thinking.

  “It’ll give you something to ponder,” she said.

  “And a reason to go to the mall.”

  “I don’t think you’ll find it at the mall.” She shook her head confidently. “Use your imagination.” She tapped him on the shoulder. His reaction was quick and he held her hand in his. They were both breathing heavily when he brushed a kiss on her forehead.

  “I’ve got some errands to run. Have fun.” He turned on his heels and she heard the closet door rattle.

  She was glad he was gone. She had to stay focused and keep her hands to herself for less than twenty-four hours. She could do anything for a day.

  The four-foot artificial tree took less time to decorate than she thought. Jake wasn’t home so she dressed carefully. When she sat in her car, she moved the seat forward. The last time she’d been behind the wheel had been the night she got ill. But she was better now. She drove to the nut and candy store and health food store for her parents’ gifts. She didn’t know what to buy Jake that wasn’t over the top like a muscle shirt or cologne, so she chose a CD of easy-listening rock hits. He seemed to enjoy her tunes whenever he worked around the kitchen.

  Jake wasn’t sure who he’d find at the university on Christmas Eve. He couldn’t tell from these halls that it was a special season for some students. The university remained the politically correct neutral. He used his security pass and went up to the department. He hoped that Jean would be there. He needed to speak with her.

  Luckily, her door was open into the reception area. She came out of her office door just as he opened the main office door.

  “Hello there,” she said. “I wondered if you left right after the funeral to travel somewhere warm and exotic.”

  “No, I completed my marking and I’m here experiencing a deep freeze that brings back memories of my youth. However, I don’t seem to remember feeling the cold to this extent when I was young.” He continued toward her. “Do you have a minute? I’d like to talk about next semester.”

  “Come in and sit down.” She circled her desk and sat with her arms folded on the clutter-free top.

  He sat in the visitor’s chair. “I received a letter from the University of Ottawa and everything is cleared up. They found the missing funds and determined that I didn’t have any knowledge of the use of the money.”

  “Who took it?” She leaned forward.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to discuss the matter.” He felt a loyalty toward his team.

  “Of course not. So what are your plans?” She sat back.

  Jake gazed out the window to where the bright, blue sky filled the window behind her desk.

  “If you still need me,” he started, “I’d like to stay for the winter semester until spring. While my office at the U of O is available, I have a few lose ends to tidy up and I’ve rented an apartment for January first. I’m enjoying working with undergrad students.” He placed his hands on the arms of the chair. He, too, knew body language signals and he wanted her to recognize that he was open to suggestions.

  “First of all, you were right. I have received many positive remarks about Robbie’s presentation, even though she told the committee that she conducted that part of her research without my permission. Second, I hoped that you would stay. I know the rest of the department would be pleased to have you stay on and finish the winter semester. Your evaluations from your students were very positive.”

  “Thank you for giving me a chance to teach. I’m honored.” He stood up and approached her desk and extended his hand.

  She received his handshake and sat down again. “On a personal note, do you have plans for Christmas?” She crossed her arms in what he suspected was a protective move.

  “Yes, I have been invited to spend Christmas day with a friend’s family.”

  “Jake, this is hard for me to say but I feel that I should get it out in the open.” She took a deep breath.

  He remained silent, just watching her.

  “I have been friendly toward you, but I hope you realize that it was just to welcome you to our university. I never mix work and pleasure.” She nodded, as if to second her proclamation.

  His heart did a quick jump and he was tempted to smile, but he wanted her professional friendship.

  “Thank you for your honesty. I agree that professional relationships are better if they are separate from personal relationships. I admire your professionalism.” He offered her his hand again. She stood and walked around the desk and with a firm grasp they sealed their relationship.

  “Merry Christmas, Jean. I’ll see you in the new year.”

  “You too, Jake.”

  He left the office with a lighter step than when he had entered. Circumstances had a marvelous way of turning events around. Could he have misinterpreted Jean’s attention, or had she decided that he was no longer necessary to her career advancement, or had she realized that he didn’t respond in the way she had hoped? She was smart. He would learn a great deal from her.

  The clock in the main corridor indicated that time was going by quickly. He could check on the final detail of his apartment on December twenty-seventh. He needed to organize his Christmas gift for the Smith’s.

  Robbie bought the ingredients for clam chowder for dinner and had chopped the celery, onions, diced the carrots, and peeled the potatoes before Jake came through the door.

  “What smells so wonderful?” He placed two sacks of groceries on the floor and blew into his hands warming them.

  “I hope you enjoy clam chowder and biscuits? It’s almost ready.” She had taken a page from her father’s book and worked neatly, washing up after herself. The kit
chen was tidy and so was she.

  “It is one of my favorite meals. Grandma made it every Tuesday.” He leaned toward her. His eyes widened with surprise when Santa’s mouth on her apron opened and he said, “Ho, Ho, Ho.”

  “Cute apron.”

  “Thanks. It has a motion detector in the appliqué.”

  Plus, if perchance Jake wanted to come into her personal space, Santa would give off a warning.

  “Something new?” His left eyebrow lifted.

  “Yes.” I’m going to need all the help I can get tonight. She turned toward the simmering pot. “Let’s eat.”

  Robbie noted that Jake seemed preoccupied throughout dinner. But she, too, had been distracted while she watched him spoon the soup into his mouth.

  “Great dinner,” he said, setting down his spoon. “Thank you.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it and that I was strong enough to make it. I’m almost one hundred percent.”

  When they took their coffee and brandy into the living room, he said, “Great tree.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No gifts?”

  “You sound surprised. My family exchanges small personal items, and they’re all packed and ready to travel tomorrow.” She twirled her glass and tried not to look at Jake’s glass nestled in the palm of his hand because her breasts ached for the touch of his hand.

  “Your parents must be organized to be able to host a dinner the day after they arrive home.”

  Christmas carols played softly on the stereo.

  “They are. I don’t know what I will ever do without them.”

  “Develop traditions of your own, because you might not always live close enough to share the holiday together.” He seemed to be watching her closely.

  “I know. We’re much the same Jake. We’re both old enough to have a family and traditions of our own but we don’t. Instead you traveled, and I was content to keep my parents’ traditions.”