FORBIDDEN

by Curd, Megan

  I couldn’t believe he could talk rationally about something this horrific. Didn’t he know how much pain the rest of the family would feel? The emptiness inside they’d experience? The what ifs, the absence for game nights?

  No. He wouldn’t. I wouldn’t either, if I had one ounce of sanity left. I nodded. “You’re probably right.”

  Ethan sighed and put his hand on my shoulder. “Just promise me this. Think about whatever it is you want to do, but don’t do any more than that. I can’t protect you, just Calls.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  He turned to head back to Angie’s by the looks of it. “Figured I better watch over her tonight even if she’s gone tomorrow. Don’t want to quit early and look bad, you know?”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  He turned to go, but stopped in mid stride. “Hey, Levi.”

  “Hmm?”

  “She’s just a human, dude. It’s natural. She’s had her time on earth.”

  I didn’t say any more. He crouched low and the skin along his spine rippled as he prepared to pull out his wings. I looked away and heard his feet leave the ground. A black feather landed near my foot. I wanted white wings of a Guardian, but if mine had to remain black – or even be gone permanently – to give Hannah the chance to live, so be it.

  * * *

  I sat on the outside sill of Hannah’s window holding my hoodie in my hands. My wings balanced me. It looked like some overgrown bird of prey was lurking outside the window. If anyone saw the massive set of wings smashed against it, they’d probably have a coronary.

  Everyone but Hannah, of course.

  The window slid against my feathers. I hopped off the sill and hung in midair, trying to fasten on a smile as Hannah opened the window.

  “You know, most guys give warning before coming over to meet the family.”

  “I’m not a normal guy. Rules don’t work the same.”

  She laughed. “This is probably true. You wanna tell me what that was about? You had everyone pretty convinced you were a nice, quiet guy until you bolted.”

  I slid through her window and watched her carefully take inventory of me once more. Again, her eyes strayed to my wings. “You’re not wearing a shirt.”

  I lifted my hoodie. “It’s kind of non-conducive. You go through a lot of clothes, busting your wings out and what not.”

  She nodded. “Makes sense, I guess. It’s still weird, though. And I’m still mad you’re not an angel.”

  There wasn’t enough time to banter with her or feel bad about not being what she wanted. I had to cut to the chase. “Look, Hannah, you can’t go to school tomorrow.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re gonna die.”

  Her eyes widened, then narrowed. “Why would you say something like that?”

  “Because it’s the truth!”

  “You’re not even an angel. You can’t know things like that if you’re not an angel.”

  I let out a loud sigh in frustration. “Information gets passed along the same way it does when you’re human, thank you very much.”

  “If I’m going to die, how does it happen?”

  “You don’t need to know, because you’re not going to be in the position to die. That’s my job, remember?”

  “I’m going to die at some point. I thought you were only supposed to be around until it was my time. If an angel somewhere is saying it’s my time to go, why are you arguing with them?”

  The girl was being ridiculously flippant about the prospect of dying. Either she was an idiot, or she was terrified and didn’t want to admit it. My money was on terrified. Her eyes gave her away. Plus, her heart was going nuts. I looked at her earnestly, willing her to see sense. “Of course you’ll die. But it shouldn’t be tomorrow.”

  “Are you supposed to care this much?”

  “No.”

  “Then why do you?”

  She had a legit question. I didn’t have a legit answer. “I don’t know. You’re not a normal Call. I can’t explain it, I just feel stronger about you living. It doesn’t seem fair for you to go tomorrow. You should just be happy I want to keep you alive longer.”

  She sighed, then her voice cracked. Tears threatened to overflow, but she fought them back. “I’m not ready to die.”

  “I know you’re not. I wasn’t, either. Maybe that’s why I don’t want you to have to go so soon. It just feels… wrong.”

  That seemed to shock her. The urge to pull her into my arms and tell her things would be okay was overpowering. I stood my ground, though, and instead opted to swing my arms like a complete idiot. She almost laughed, I think. “How old are you?”

  I wasn’t expecting that question. “What do you mean?”

  “Your age?”

  “Oh. Uh, what year is it?”

  She cocked her head to the side, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. “Are you serious? It’s 2011.”

  I did some quick math in my head. “Oh. Okay, then. I’m one hundred and one.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “No, I’m not. I was born in 1910.”

  She sucked in a gasp. “How old were you when you died?”

  “Sixteen.”

  “I’m sixteen.”

  “I know.”

  We stood there in silence as she marinated on what I’d told her. Why did it matter to her how old I was? I was dead. Dead was dead and age didn’t matter anymore.

  She nodded slowly, seeming to come to terms with things. “So. I’m going to die.”

  “You’re supposed to, anyway.”

  “You don’t want me to.”

  It wasn’t a question. She smiled sadly when I shook my head to confirm her words. “You’re kind of strange, you know that, right? You’re all dead, aren’t an angel, but don’t want me to die. Isn’t that like totally counterproductive to your plan or something?”

  “I’m not the Grim Reaper, Hannah.”

  She laughed. “So why are you in bad angel land?”

  “You mean hell?”

  “It’s real?”

  I sighed. Humans could be so naïve. “Yes, hell is real.”

  She nodded numbly. “Okay. It’s real. So why are you there?”

  “I’d rather not discuss it.”

  This was getting more and more awkward. Why were we talking about me, anyway? Wasn’t she supposed to be the one freaking out and begging not to die or something? There was a knock at the door, then her dad came in. Hannah freaked. “Dad, I promise I didn’t plan on it –”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She looked behind her to see me sitting on the window sill with my fingers pressed against my lips. She was confused, but recovered quickly. “Sorry, Dad, I just hadn’t planned on telling you about Levi tonight.”

  He smiled. “It’s okay, Sweetie. He’s a little quiet, but he’s respectful. Don’t let him get in your pants.”

  “Dad!”

  He laughed and kissed her on the forehead. “I love you. Get some sleep.”

  “Thanks, I love you too.”

  When he closed the door she turned to me. “Only I can see you.”

  “Only you can see me all the time,” I corrected.

  “So you pick and choose?”

  “Basically.”

  She shook her head. “If I live through tomorrow, will you stop being so cryptic and tell me things about yourself?”

  I laughed. “Sure. But you have to live through tomorrow.”

  “I have you, so I’m good, right?”

  A stab of unease crept through me. “Well, I’m all you’ve got, so you better hope so.”

  TEN

  Hannah left her window open so I could sit and watch over her. I draped one leg out of the window like she had only last night.

  It felt like that had happened ages ago. She’d refused to talk to me, and now she was asking me questions about my past. Funny how things could change so quickly.

  Everything that moved made me jump.
I kept expecting another Fallen to show up, trying to derail my last twenty-four hours with Hannah early. Why had the Fallen come after Hannah and Angie in Rome, anyway? Sure, Rome was an ancient city full of dark history. Weird things happened in Rome all the time. But for them to seek out a human specifically – to stalk them – that was something I’d never heard of.

  I started thinking about all the things Hannah would never get to do if she died tomorrow. She’d never grow up. She seemed genuinely concerned about me when she’d heard I’d died at her age. She felt for me. She loved her family. She loved photography and playing her violin. Her favorite color was purple, which was the color of the bedspread she was now sleeping underneath. She hated spiders and she always rooted for the underdog in sports.

  These were just some of the things I’d picked up while being her Guard for the past three years. I still didn’t know what kind of soul she had.

  Why I wasn’t privy to her soul information or to the way she would die baffled me. I’d never been left out in the dark before. Why would Owen not tell me these things now? Sure, he could be a pain, but even pains had to follow the boss’s orders at some point.

  What if Owen wasn’t telling me things to screw me over? He had always said I didn’t deserve a second chance. Maybe he was making sure I didn’t get one. Ethan could say all he wanted about Owen being a good guy, but I hadn’t seen it yet. Maybe I was just too hard on the guy. I resolved to try harder to see things his way. It couldn’t be easy being in charge of all of us Guards.

  “I’m cold.”

  Her voice quivered through the darkness. It was unusually cold. I hadn’t realized it, but my wings must have wrapped themselves around my body to keep me from the cold. I stretched and stood up from the window. “Do you need another blanket?”

  Her eyes peered over the comforter and she blushed. “Can you just stay by me?”

  “I haven’t left.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I mean stay by me. I’m supposed to die tomorrow and I’ve never even slept with a guy.”

  I blushed. “I’m not sleeping with you.”

  “Not like that!”

  Oh. Phew. Okay. Not that I didn’t like girls or whatever, but that just seemed weird. Plus, it was one of the rules I hadn’t managed to break. Yet. “Oh. Uh, sure. Let me just put my jacket on. Don’t look.”

  She laughed. “Are you embarrassed to let me see you put away your wings?”

  “Yes,” I said, not wanting to tell her how painful and quasi-gross it was. “It’s personal. Now close your eyes.”

  I had to chuckle at her as she dove under the comforter. Instead of walking up, I crawled under the end of the comforter at the foot of the bed. She lit her tiny space with the light of her phone. She shone the flash in my eyes, blinding me. “There really are monsters under my bed.”

  “Nah, there’s just monsters in your bed, not under it.”

  We both laughed as I surfaced beside her and barely hung onto the edge. I didn’t want to get too close. Touching her would be torture. Not because I didn’t want it, it’s just that touching a Call was strictly forbidden. The repercussions would be massive. I had to assume the pain would be beyond belief.

  “I have a queen bed. There’s plenty of room for both of your butt cheeks to be on the mattress,” she teased.

  “I want to be able to get out if something happens.”

  “You mean if something tries to kill me.”

  I didn’t answer. It wasn’t a topic I wanted to talk about.

  She scooted closer. I could feel her heartbeat. The heat of her body was so close. “If I wanted you across the room, I’d have left you to sit at the window.”

  She crossed the threshold before I could argue. Our bodies touched, and a fire filled every part of my body. I hadn’t felt like this before. It wasn’t painful.

  It felt good.

  I thought this was supposed to be bad? Why was it forbidden? This was the best feeling that I had felt since before I died. It was probably the best feeling ever in my life, dead or alive.

  I sighed under the softness of her body. Her arm draped across my chest and she curled into the crook of my arm. “I don’t really know you, but this feels okay. Is that wrong?”

  Yes, I wanted to say. “No,” is what came out, “It’s not wrong.”

  “Do you like it?”

  No is what I should have said. “Yes,” is what came out, “I do.”

  She let out a soft breath. “I didn’t think you’d let me do this.”

  “I can’t believe I am.”

  She laughed lightly. “What can I say, I’m just persistent when I want something.”

  There was no way I could allow her to die tomorrow.

  * * *

  Light streamed through the crack in the blinds of Hannah’s window, casting a thin ray across her body. She was curled up against me while I watched the dust swirl and dance through the light. It was the most peaceful I’d ever been in my memory.

  I ran my free hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. She was amazing. Downstairs her mom was making coffee, and her dad had already left for work. Her little brother was still sleeping in the room next door. Sometimes heightened senses came in handy.

  Hannah rolled away from me, leaving both of my arms free to move again. I got out from under the covers and returned to my spot against the window.

  How had this happened? I was still trying to wrap my head around how we’d gone from me watching her from afar for the past three years to me being part of her life in basically two days. Sure, it’d started in Rome but I’d been sure to keep her at a distance. For some reason we were drawn to one another.

  Across the room she began to stir. I smiled as she squinted her eyes into the stream of light pouring in. “Good morning, Sunshine.”

  She grunted and put her head under the comforter. “You’re telling me good morning on the day I’m supposed to die?”

  I rolled my eyes, but of course she didn’t see it. “You’re not going to die. You’re with me, remember? Now get out of bed and get ready to meet the day.”

  My attempt at happiness in light of what was supposed to happen didn’t bode well with her. When she reemerged from the mountains of covers, her eyes were shining with tears. “What am I supposed to tell my family? Am I supposed to just act like nothing is going to happen?”

  It was obvious why humans weren’t supposed to know when they were going to die. They became basket cases. And who could blame them? Most people aren’t exactly thrilled at the thought of snuffing it and knowing precisely when said snuffing was going to take place. “I’m sorry, but you’ve got to. Especially since nothing is exactly what’s going to happen. You’re going to be fine.”

  She muttered something about angels being insensitive, which made me laugh. I liked her, even when she was grumpy. Hopefully that wouldn’t wear off after I’d been around her more. I went to her closet and pulled out her favorite jeans and a long-sleeved baseball t-shirt I’d seen her wear numerous times. She laughed when I tossed them on her bed. “What, are you picking out my clothes for my funeral?”

  “Just put something on. I’m gonna go make sure everything is on the up and up. Don’t leave for school without me, okay?”

  She nodded and hugged her pillow. I slung my legs out of the window and went to push out when she freaked. “What are you doing? You don’t have your wings!”

  I cracked up. “I always have my wings, Hannah. I just don’t need them right now.”

  “We’re on the second story!”

  “Doesn’t matter. I’ll be okay. You can watch if you want.”

  “I believe you,” she said as she looked at her alarm clock. “Crap! I’m gonna be late. Angie’s coming to pick me up and –”

  It was my turn to freak. “No! You’re not riding with her.”

  She dropped the shirt I’d laid out for her. “What? Why?”

  “Just don’t, okay? Let me take you to school.”

  Her eyes were
questioning. “Angie has something to do with me dying.”

  “No she doesn’t.”

  “Then why would you wig out like you just did? Somehow she’s involved.”

  “Look, I can’t discuss it. Just promise me that – ”

  “I’m not promising you anything until you tell me what is wrong with riding to school with my best friend.”

  We stared each other down. Then an idea struck. I pushed myself out of the window backwards without another word.

  Hannah screamed. “LEVI!”

  She was hanging out of the window the next instant, searching on the ground for me. I swooped down, pulled her all the way out of the window, and covered her mouth all in one motion. When we were high enough that she wouldn’t be heard and she’d figured out what happened, I let go of her mouth. She punched me. “What the heck was that about?”

  “Don’t tell me you don’t like the view.”

  She looked down and gasped. I had brought us high enough that she could see the Ohio River valley. “Gorgeous!”

  “I know I am,” I said. A cocky grin was firmly in place, even though inside I was anything but.

  She laughed and punched me again. When girls punch a guy, that’s a good thing, right?

  * * *

  With the impromptu flight, Hannah forgot about the minor squabble we’d gotten into. When we got back to her house, I landed on the roof and retrieved my clothes. She leaned against the chimney and looked out over the horizon. “That was a lot of fun. Thanks for taking me and bucking the frequent flyer rules.”

  “No problem, I’m already going to be in all kinds of trouble. Someone should get some frequent flyer miles out of the deal. Thought you might like to see the armpit of the United States from a higher altitude.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “You know, for being the day I’m supposed to die, I’m actually pretty happy.”

  “Oh yeah? You’re probably the only human that would ever say that.”

  “Have you guarded many people?”

  I didn’t really like to get into my previous Calls. None of them really bothered me to talk about, but it always felt so invasive, telling other Guards how my Calls were. If I couldn’t talk about it to other Guards, why would it be okay to talk to a human about it? It didn’t seem like a very good idea. “A few, but no one famous or anything. Pretty mundane.”