Addicted to the Light

by S. E. Amadis

  “Yes, of course. She gave me her phone number, I’ve got it somewhere.”

  The bottom dropped from my stomach and I felt my heart fluttering with hope.

  “I thought you said they didn’t use technology,” I commented. “So they do keep in touch with the outside world, then?”

  “No, they try to avoid technology as much as they possibly can. However, they do admit one communal phone for the use of the entire village, and I have the number.” She thumbed at her glasses and squinted at papers. “I haven’t called her, though. She said she’d call me, and that’s enough for me. Not like we ever shared very much mother-daughter stuff and all that silliness anyway. I was never the one she poured her heart out to.”

  Debbie leapt on a scrap of paper with a shriek of triumph and waved it at me.

  “Here you go. Why don’t you phone her?”

  I grabbed the paper with eager fingers and snatched my phone out of my handbag. I was just about to punch in the number when Debbie clawed at the paper.

  “Oh, and by the way. Her name isn’t Lindsay anymore.”

  Chapter 9

  “Yep,” Debbie went on. “What I said. She got baptized and now she’s one of them.”

  She continued to peer at me over the frames of her glasses.

  “Let me see. What was it? She said if I ever called I was to ask for her by her new name. It was a weird one. Tabitha, maybe? Something biblical. Tamara?”

  I made a wild guess.

  “Tikvah?”

  Debbie’s eyes lit up with astonishment.

  “That’s it. How did you know?”

  “Lucky guess, I suppose. It means hope,” I added, absent-mindedly.

  I fiddled with the paper in my hand.

  “So you say, she’s done this in the past month or so? Because I saw her barely a month ago. I remember because Romeo was still on his school holidays. We spent the day together.”

  Debbie nodded.

  “Mmmhh. Yep, just like that. She went over there the other week and just like that, next thing you know she was rushing off to live with them. Said it was what she’d been looking for all her life. As if I hadn’t given her enough as it is. As if somehow I’d been inadequate as a mother.”

  Her bottom lip pouted out.

  “She even gave everything away, though you can be sure she didn’t give none of it to me. Her CD’s and DVD’s, her computer. Mostly sent everything off to charity.”

  She frowned.

  “Her car.”

  “Her car?” My eyes must have popped out of my face.

  Debbie nodded gravely. “Yeah, even her car. Poor thing. She worked so hard to save for it for so many years.”

  “And she just gave it away, just like that?”

  Another nod.

  “Do you know who she gave it to?”

  Debbie shrugged.

  “Dunno. Some bloke named Grant, I think. Never heard of him before.”

  I sighed with relief. At least Grant had her car. I made a mental note to get in touch with him as soon as possible.

  “Oh, and money too. She handed everything she owned to that eco-community or whatever it’s called. Said it would help to pay for her keep at the beginning, until she could get onto her own two feet and start contributing with her labour. I’m so proud of my baby, that I am. I knew she’d never prey off of other good-hearted people like a parasite. I raised her right, that I did.”

  I gaped at her.

  “So you say in a mere four weeks she just up and gave up everything and kaplush, off she went to live with them, just like that?”

  Debbie licked her lips.

  “For the rest of her life, she said. Even gave up her job, poor baby. And I know how long and hard she studied to become a real estate agent.”

  She rolled her eyes at me.

  “Said something about how she’s seen the light. Well, I would’ve thought she’d rather see the light with me and my sisters. But at least this way she’s coming to know God.”

  She nudged at the plate.

  “Have another pastry, hon.”

  Ignoring her, I glanced down at the piece of paper in my hands. I wondered what sort of people could effect such a drastic, radical change in my normally reasonable friend in such a short period of time. Maybe they were even using voodoo or something. My fingers trembled as I lifted up my phone and dialled.

  A light and airy girl’s voice answered.

  “May-may I speak to Tikvah, please?” I muttered.

  “I’m Tikvah.”

  I wondered if this was the same girl who had served us at the restaurant in Niagara Falls.

  “Is-is there another Tikvah living there?”

  The girl hesitated.

  “There are three of us. Might I ask who’s calling?”

  “I’m...” I licked my lips. “I’m a good friend of Tikvah’s and... and I was thinking of coming to visit her. Might I do that?”

  The girl gave a little gasp of pleasure.

  “Oh, definitely. We love visitors.”

  I sighed with relief. So maybe this wouldn’t be so hard after all.

  “Um, what can I do to come and see her?” I continued. “Do you have an address? Should I make an appointment?”

  Tikvah giggled.

  “You don’t need to make an appointment, we’re always here and we welcome visitors. In addition, every Friday evening we have a party, so our friends can come to see us.” The girl paused. “It’s too late today, but would you like to come next week?”

  I couldn’t believe it was this easy.

  “Would I? Where are you?”

  The girl gave me the name of the nearest town, some hick place called Minerva that probably wasn’t even on the maps.

  “Just take the five o’clock bus next Friday from the city and get off at the bench in the centre of town. We’ll come and pick you up.”

  I rang off, gasping and thanking my lucky stars.

  “Do you want to come, Debbie?” it occurred to me to ask.

  But Debbie shook her head.

  “Never went to see her when we got on, now she’s gone to someone else do you seriously think I’m going to call on her?”

  *

  The following week passed by in a blur. I hardly noticed anything. Even picking up two more clients no longer made my day, the way it would have barely a week before. On Thursday I had coffee with Grant.

  Unlike his usual, well-educated behaviour, he couldn’t even muster the strength to stand and take my hand in greeting as I approached. His eyes were sunken into his sockets. His skin was musty and wrinkles I had never seen before lined his forehead.

  “I can’t believe she’d do this to me,” he stammered as soon as I took my place next to him, without any preamble. “We were getting along so swimmingly. We had no problems between us at all. I thought she wanted us to be closer. I thought maybe we’d get something long-term and serious going. Maybe even move in together. And then, all of a sudden, out of the blue...”

  I stirred sugar into my coffee.

  “What happened, Grant? Tell me.”

  Grant passed his hands over his face and sighed.

  “She seemed just fine. Like she always was. I didn’t notice any difference in her. Nothing bothering her. Of course, she did go on, as she’d always been doing of late, about how much she longed to find a place where she could ‘belong’, whatever that means.” He buried his chin in his hands. “I thought she belonged in my arms. To me, that’s where she belonged.”

  I laid my hand hesitantly on his, but he didn’t flinch away.

  “So what happened?”

  Grant peered at me over the fingers of one hand, then cleared his throat.

  “Nothing had changed between us. Nothing. Until that other Friday. I can’t remember, maybe three, four weeks ago?”

  “What happened that Friday?”

  “She took off for that place, said they were having some sort of party or something. Asked if I wanted to come along, but I had
an exam on Monday and besides which, I’m not into that sort of weirdo hocus-pocus crap anyway. If I had, I would’ve accompanied her to those other places that she went to as well. You know, that Hare Krishna thing and whatnot.”

  I nodded.

  “She stayed the weekend and when she came back...” He blinked and covered his eyes, then stared up at the ceiling. “When she came back... I don’t know. Her face was so blank. It was like she’d been brainwashed.”

  He dropped his eyes back down towards me and held up three fingers.

  “Three days, Annasuya. She was only gone three days. How could they have made such a difference in her in such a short time? It was barely more than one puny weekend.”

  Grant stared at me expectantly, as if I had all the answers. I glanced around. I didn’t know what to say.

  “After that... After that, well, the first thing she did, I think, on Monday morning was hand in her resignation. Then she gave me some of her possessions. Books, if I recall, and some DVD’s of my favourite movies. I thought it was weird but... Oh God, Annasuya, I must be so dense. I never caught on.” He buried his eyes in the palms of his hands. “I should’ve noticed. I should’ve realized what was happening.”

  I pressed my hand against the back of his.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Grant.”

  I tried to console him.

  “You didn’t know. There was no way you could’ve guessed.”

  I glanced at him.

  “So, what did she do next?”

  He buried his face in his hands again.

  “On Thursday... On Thursday, she came to see me. Oh God, Annasuya. If only I’d known. If I’d known that would be the last time I’d be with her.” He peeked out at me between his fingers. “We had a normal visit. She didn’t act in any way out of the ordinary. We had supper together, then watched some silly comedy on TV. Before she left, she kissed me on the cheek. And that was it. After she walked out the door, I watched her through the window, and I thought it was strange that she left on foot when her car was parked up right in front.”

  He stood and ordered more coffee, then plopped himself down again.

  “Sorry, my nerves are a wreck, and I need something...”

  I nodded.

  “Don’t apologize. I understand.”

  The waitress brought him a steaming mug, and he slurped at it for a while before continuing.

  “When I turned to pass through my living-room, I saw she’d left her car keys on my coffee table. I thought she’d forgotten them, and ran out the door. But of course, she’d already disappeared.” He passed a hand over his eyes again. “I wasn’t worried. I thought I’d just return them to her the next time I saw her. I had no idea...”

  I stared at the tabletop.

  “So when did you find out she’d... she’d run off with that community?”

  “When she stopped answering my phone calls. Then I went to her place and there was never anyone there. Not even at midnight. I got alarmed, so in the end I got up my courage and called her mother. And Mrs Johnson told me everything.”

  I wanted to reach out and touch him, but he shook his head and continued.

  “I’d never met her mother before. Lindsay’d never told her about us. She had no idea who I was. So I just said I was an old friend. And she told me what had happened.” He emptied his mug of coffee, then stared morosely into its depths. “Oh God, and did you know, by the time I got to talk to Mrs Johnson, Lindsay’d already had this baptism thing and gotten inducted into that cult and all. That’s what Mrs Johnson told me. She seemed real proud about it too. Don’t understand anyone could feel so damn proud about something like that. It was like she’d just lost her daughter, and she was happy.”

  I started playing with my napkin, wondering if I was doing the right thing. Finally, I made up my mind.

  “Look, Grant. I’m going there tomorrow,” I said.

  “There?”

  “Yes. To the community where Lindsay is now.”

  “Community? You call that a community? I call it a freaking cult.”

  “Yes, well.” I glanced down at my napkin. “Point is, I’m going there tomorrow. Do you want to come?”

  Grant nearly shot out of his seat.

  “Do I want to come? If there’s any chance at all of wrestling Lindsay away from those... those crazies... What time are you going? Where is it? Are you going by car? Do you want me to drive?”

  “You know I don’t have a car. I’m going by bus, and they’re picking me up.”

  Grant coughed.

  “Are you sure that’s safe? If you don’t have your own transportation, maybe they can keep you holed up there against your will or something.”

  I shook my head.

  “I don’t think they’re interested in retaining anyone there against their will. Somehow they strike me as the sort of people who want you to stay of your own free will. Otherwise, there’d be no reason to hang onto you. They want people who really want to stay. Not people they’d have to tie up or something to make them stay.”

  I told him when and where I was taking the bus.

  Grant stared at me.

  “I still don’t trust them,” he blurted out bluntly.

  “Well...” I shrugged. “I’m still going. If you’re in with me, bring things to stay one weekend.”

  I added in conclusion: “I want to stay one weekend, like Lindsay did. See what they did that was so damn powerful it made her decide to move in with them on such short notice.”

  Grant blanched.

  “Are-are you sure it would be safe? What if they do something to us? What if they tie us up, or hypnotize us and make us stay?”

  I giggled.

  “I doubt they’d do any such thing.”

  “Well, I have no doubt they’d most certainly be capable of doing all that, and much more.”

  I shook my head.

  “I’m not worried or scared. So. You coming?”

  Grant scowled.

  “Well, that’s easy for you to say. You stood up to that crazy Bruno Jarvas, and to that other crazy too, what was his name?”

  “Hugh,” I replied automatically.

  “Yeah, Hugh. You’ve got the balls of a... well, a... a macho man or something. But me... look at me. I’m even studying a women’s profession cos I haven’t got the balls to tackle a man’s.”

  I clasped my hands around his.

  “Look at me, Grant.”

  I seized his chin and forced him to turn towards me.

  “Look at me. The world needs more kind, caring nurses, like you. You need balls to be a nurse. I could never do what you do. I’d never be capable of sticking a needle into someone. And besides which,” I added, “just saying that nursing is a women’s profession seems pretty sexist and chauvinistic to me.”

  Grant smiled sheepishly and looked down at the table.

  “So? You coming, tomorrow?”

  Chapter 10

  Problems at the last minute forced me to drag Romeo along as well. The last thing I wanted was to take off to some dubious, scary-looking sect with my son in tow, but there was no one to leave him with.

  “Sorry, babes,” Calvin told me over dinner. “But this weekend we’ve got to pull a flash three-day work-a-thon at the office and prepare a project in three days. I’ll be spending the whole weekend at the office.”

  Calvin was an architect. That meant he spent the majority of his days lounging on the sofa. Sometimes I would regard him with envy. But most of the time, it also meant I had a convenient babysitter at my fingertips at all times. His days of leisure would alternate with work-a-holic frenzies, where he would have to design some massive architectural wonder within a short period of time.

  I realized no amount of coaxing and batting of mascara-coated lashes would induce either him or his boss to change their minds, so there was nothing to it except to pack a weekend bag for Romeo as well.

  “But forbidden to pull a Lindsay on me,” Calvin said, waggling a finger at me
. “I want to see you back here safe and sound and all in one piece on Sunday night. And no talk about baptisms or anything daft like that, either.”

  “Don’t worry, Cals.” I tucked an extra sweater into my overnight bag. “I’m not the one in search of spiritual enlightenment. Some fucking spiritually heaven-illuminated path she’s chosen. They sound like a bunch of soul suckers to me.”

  Calvin shook his head.

  “Soul suckers, no. Money suckers. Didn’t you say they took her money too?”

  “Took, no. She handed it all over to them of her own free will, lock stock and barrel being, supposedly, sound of mind and with all her mental faculties intact.” I shook my head in bewilderment.

  Calvin waited until I had everything packed, then dragged me into the cool comfort of his arms, hugging me as tightly as if the world were about to end.

  “I dunno, babes,” he whispered into my hair. “What if something happens to you over there? What if they turn out to be a bunch of monsters or something? What if they force you to stay? What if they take you hostage, or hypnotize you?”

  I snuggled into the toned muscles of his heaving chest.

  “They won’t force me to do anything,” I assured him. “They didn’t force Lindsay to do anything. Everything she did, she did of her own free will.”

  I traced the lines of his chocolate-bar abs through his polo shirt with my finger.

  “I’m not like Lindsay, you know,” I said. “I’m not as gullible as her. I’m going in there with my eyes wide open. I know what to expect, and what to look out for. As I said, I’m not the one in search of spiritual enlightenment. I just want to get my friend back.”

  *

  Calvin dropped Romeo off at my office before I closed for the weekend. I had just signed on another client and was organizing the paperwork for Monday.

  “There, you see?” I cried triumphantly, waving the papers at him. “This is one good, weighty reason for me to return and show up here at the office again on Monday morning. Now things are finally starting to work out for me.”