by Barbara Gee
His dark gaze was steady. “I agree. If we’re lucky, we might get there some day. Until then, the FBI is doing its best to keep evil at bay, and I’m part of that effort.” He gave a sad smile. “I believe in what I do, Izzy. I hate that it’s necessary, just like you do, but I believe in it.”
“Then I do to, because I trust you.”
He smiled. “Thanks for that.”
“Do all the jobs last a long time?” she wondered.
“Mine have ranged from six months to almost a year and a half.”
She blew out a long breath. “How do you become someone different for so long? How do you put away Tanner James?”
He shrugged. “It’s a process. A mix of training and being a really good actor, I guess.” A deep crease formed between his brows. “That’s not always the hardest part, though. Sometimes getting Tanner James back out again is even harder.”
“What do you mean?”
He leaned back, propping his hands on the porch floor behind him. “Switching from being a terrorist back to regular life is tough. The transition actually seems to get harder every time. Not because I want to keep being a terrorist, of course, but it’s easy to get hardened and bitter when I’m working undercover. That sticks to me, you know? Sometimes I wonder if I ever get all the way back, or if a little more of the hard and bitter stays with me each time.”
He paused, staring out across the fields. “So far I feel like I’ve eventually gotten back to being the man I was before each of the jobs, but I don’t know for sure. It’s not like I have a family who can tell me.”
Izzy had never even considered that aspect. For Tanner, a successful job didn’t end when the arrests were made, because when he went home, he found himself with yet another hill to climb. It seemed incredibly unfair, but then it struck her that this was one part of the job she could actually help with.
He would never go up that particular hill alone again. Not if she had any say in the matter.
She managed a smile even though tears were stinging the backs of her eyes. She couldn’t imagine a better person than Tanner existed—she really couldn’t.
“I didn’t know you before, but I have to say I sure do like the Tanner James I’m looking at right now.” She nudged his knee with her foot. “I’d tell you what a brave and noble man you are, but I know it would make you uncomfortable. So I’ll just think it.”
He chuckled. “Good. I’d hate for you to say that out loud and expect a response.” He pulled his hand away and picked up his plate again. “Any more questions?” he asked before taking a big bite of sandwich.
She had plenty, but they’d had enough deep discussion for now. She shifted gears and grinned as she picked up her own plate. “I do have another one. Where are we going tonight?”
“Not telling.”
“Do you even know yet?”
“Mmm hmm.” He stood up, holding his plate. “I’m going to take my sweaty self and this food home now before you try to get more out of me. I’ll see you at six-thirty.”
She smiled contentedly. “Bye. I’ll be ready.” She watched him walk away, thoroughly enjoying the view. What a beautiful, complicated man he was.
***
Two hours before date time, Izzy took a shower and then spent a little extra time with her hair. She dried it with a round brush and coaxed the curls into a tamer, beachy type of wave. Which, unfortunately, was in keeping with her pink cheeks. She’d gotten a little sunburned on her bike ride with Andi. Not lobster-red, thankfully, but the pink was definitely there on her cheeks. A touch of make-up toned it down a bit, and she added some smoky shadow and liner, and a rare extra coat of mascara. This was a date after all. With the most handsome man in the universe.
The black dress was next. She slid it over her head with a bit of trepidation, turning anxiously toward the full length mirror and smiling in relief when she saw it wasn’t shorter than she remembered. It would do just fine—subtle rather than in-your-face sexy, which she instinctively knew Tanner would appreciate.
Four-inch heels finished the look. It would be nice to be a little taller, she thought, realizing she’d worn nothing but sneakers, flats, or flip flops around him to this point.
One more critical look in the mirror and she pronounced herself ready for her first real date in two years. She was even early, which meant she had twenty more minutes to kill. She busied herself with a long email to her granny, telling her the latest about the house and other news as she thought of it.
When she heard a light tap on the front door, she sucked in a quick breath, realizing she was nervous, but not quite sure why. Just because they’d labeled tonight an official date?
She hit “send” on the email, got up and smoothed her skirt, then hurried to the door, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor.
Her breath caught when she pulled the door open, revealing Tanner in black slacks, a white button-down shirt, and a pearl gray blazer that fit his wide shoulders to an absolute tee. She swallowed and pulled her eyes away from his beautifully clad body to look up at his face. “Hey,” she said, unable to think of anything else to say because he’d thrown her completely off her game.
“Hey,” he echoed. As their gazes met, he stepped inside the door and put his hands on her waist, pulling her against him as he lowered his head. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” he said, his lips softly brushing hers. “I’ve never felt luckier than I do right now.” Then he claimed her lips in a heated kiss.
Izzy’s heart gave a slow, almost painful roll as every cell in her body responded to his touch and his words. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved in closer, giving herself up to the unmatched pleasure of his kiss. This man so effortlessly sent her into sensory overload. His smell, his taste, the feel of his warm hands on her waist, and his oh—so talented mouth. She now knew what it meant to ‘melt into a man.’ It was as if her bones had disappeared.
He gave a soft groan when he finally raised his head. “I could do this all night, but I made plans for us.”
She pressed her lips against the hollow of his throat, where the warm skin was bared by the open collar of his shirt. “I’m excited,” she murmured.
“Me, too. I’m glad for the chance to give you a special evening.” His voice was soft and low, and just the tiniest bit rough. “To be honest, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d opened the door dressed in sweat pants and told me it would be best if we stopped spending time together.” He ran a hand over her hair and down her back, stopping just above the curve of her hips. “Instead, I get this. You’re incredible. You take my breath away.”
She knew the feeling, since being around him always made her feel a bit oxygen deprived. She smiled shyly and patted his chest. “Cancelling our date wasn’t even a passing thought for me. I’m in it to win it.”
He chuckled. “Good to know.” He took her head in his hands, holding it still as he dropped another hard kiss on her lips. “You ready to go?”
“Beyond ready,” she said on a contented sigh.
“Is that the home inspection report on the table?” he asked.
She pushed away from his chest. “It is. I printed it out so it would be easier to read. I already went through it once, but I have lots of questions.”
“Do you want me to look at it now, or when we get back?”
“Doesn’t matter to me. Or if you want, I can drive to wherever we’re going, and you can read it in the car.”
He rubbed his jaw, the light stubble rasping against his fingertips. “It doesn’t seem quite right to make you drive on our first date.”
“I don’t mind, and I’m kind of anxious to hear what you think.” She walked over and retrieved the folder. “We can get it out of the way, and then let the rest of the evening be more date-like.”
“It’s your call,” he relented. “At least you won’t have to drive your own car. I checked out a company SUV—Maddy said it was okay to take it for personal use as long as I bring it back with a full tank of gas.”
Izzy smiled and handed him the folder. “That works. But if I’m driving, you’ll have to tell me where we’re going. Sorry to ruin your surprise.”
He put his hand on her lower back as they walked outside. “You’d know soon enough anyway. We’re starting at a place called Bob’s, which your friend Andi assures me is a lot classier than the name implies.”
***
He watched as her face lit up. “Oh, I love Bob’s. It’s in a really cool old converted warehouse. Lots of character and charm, and great food. Their barbecue plate is amazing.”
“Andi said it’s your favorite, but you don’t get to go very often.”
“It’s almost an hour away, which makes it hard to find the time to go. It’s definitely worth the drive, though. You’ll love it, I promise.”
“I’ll be so hungry in an hour, anything will taste good,” he declared.
“Shall I get your door for you?” she asked playfully as they neared the car.
“Uh, that would be a no. I’m letting you drive, which is as far as I’m willing to go in compromising my plans to spoil you tonight.” He walked her around to the driver’s side and opened the door for her.
She looked up at him before getting in. “You’re spoiling me with more free advice about my house, and believe me, I appreciate it.”
Tanner propped his arms on the roof of the car on either side of her. This girl was irresistible. “All you have to do is ask, Izzy-B. I don’t think I have it in me to refuse you anything.”
Her smile turned a little shaky. “Too bad what I want most is outside of your control.”
He knew exactly what she was alluding to. “I’d stay longer if I could,” he said softly.
She nodded quickly. “I know. I’m sorry—I don’t want to ruin tonight by worrying about the future.”
He didn’t want to think about it either, not the leaving part, and not the part where he became a person Izzy wouldn’t even recognize.
She put her hands on his shoulders. “I know we’ll need to talk about it sometimes, but my priority right now is making enough memories in the next few weeks to get us through the time we’ll be apart,” she told him earnestly. “Think we can do that?”
He gave her a slow smile. “Hmm, that could take a lot of memories.”
“Exactly. Which means we have to spend a lot of time together.”
She smiled, her blue-gray eyes sparkling with hope. Tanner felt his heart clench as so many unfamiliar emotions ran through him. For years, he’d done his best to keep all emotions strictly under control, and he realized now he’d been basically living life on auto-pilot. His days consisted of working toward whatever work-related goal he’d had at the moment, and everything centered around the needs of the bureau. Tanner the special agent had taken over Tanner the man, to the point where he hadn’t really known what his own personal wants and needs were anymore.
Then this beautiful, vibrant, sweet as sugar girl had pushed her way past the special agent and wormed her way right into the heart of the man. He knew now what he wanted and needed, and she was right here in front of him, smiling hopefully, waiting for his response.
He closed his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Every minute I’m not needed at the retreat center is yours, if you want it.”
She wriggled further into the circle of his arms. “You make me happy, Tanner,” she said simply.
He blew out a long breath. “I’m gonna make you sad, too, Iz. I’m so sorry about that.”
She leaned back and shook her finger at him. “No talking about that right now. Good memories, remember?”
“Memories. Right. So, take me to the food.” He released her and closed her door after she slid behind the wheel.
They spent the whole drive to Bob’s discussing the home inspection report. Although there were a lot of items noted, most of them were extremely minor, like cracked switch-plate covers and a leaky kitchen faucet. In the end, the only things Tanner recommended she have the seller take care of was a maintenance call for the heating and cooling systems for both units, a new garbage disposal for her side, and a new window to replace the faulty one above her kitchen sink that would no longer open.
When she parked the car in the restaurant lot, she looked over at him, her eyes wide with excitement. “So that’s it? If the seller agrees to those items, I’ll be a home-owner?”
“You’ll be a home-owner and a landlord. Think you can handle it?”
“Oh yeah, I got this,” she said with a laugh. “I’m so ready to get out of that little cabin.”
They went inside, and Tanner was pleased to see the place lived up to Andi’s enthusiastic description. Not only was the décor unique and tasteful, the menu looked to be as good as Izzy had promised.
While they ate, he quizzed her about the work she might want to do in her new house before moving in. Even though she’d only seen it once, Izzy knew exactly which cosmetic changes she wanted to make to start with. She planned to paint the whole interior, replace the vinyl flooring in the kitchen with wood, switch out the tiled kitchen countertops for granite, add a backsplash, and also replace the floors in both bathrooms with new tile, and a get a new vanity for the master bath.
“Picking out all the furniture will be the most overwhelming thing for me, since I have nothing to start with,” she said. “I sold everything from my apartment before moving here because I didn’t want to pay to store it. Plus, I bought it all on the cheap when I was a student, and it wasn’t all that nice.”
“Maybe that’s something your granny could help with if you get her out here to visit. Unless she has old-lady taste and you’d end up with overstuffed chairs with doilies on the arms.”
Izzy looked at him and nodded thoughtfully. “I think that could work. Her tastes are a little different from mine, but if I tell her what I’m going for, she’d be good at helping me find the right things. She might want to help with the painting, too. She’s a very spry seventy-three-year old.”
“Better have her go ahead and book a ticket. The sale could go through in days since you don’t have to worry about getting a mortgage.”
She bounced a little in her chair. “I’m so excited. I’ll email Gloria yet this evening and give her the repair list we came up with.”
The conversation moved to other things. He asked about her parents and brothers, she wanted to know more about his dad and what it had been like to lose him at such a young, impressionable age. He admitted he had idolized the man, and his death had been traumatic. To this day, Tanner couldn’t remember much about the week immediately following the shooting. Without his grandmother to take charge, he’d have probably been placed in a foster home, because his mother was in no shape to care for a child.
Their waiter arrived with the check, and Tanner quickly filled in a generous tip amount and scrawled his signature. Then he stood and held out his hand.
“On to the second part of our date,” he said.
“There’s more?” Izzy asked, looking surprised but pleased.
“Of course. If we’re going to drive this far, we need to make the most of it.”
This time Tanner took the driver’s seat, with no complaint from Izzy. He pulled out his phone and opened the map app, bringing up an address he’d already programmed in.
“I can probably tell you where to go if you’d just ask,” she told him. “This isn’t exactly the biggest town, and I know my way around it pretty well.”
“I got it,” he said with a grin, knowing she didn’t like being kept in the dark.
Five minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of a Menards, the biggest DIY store he’d been able to find close to Bob’s.
Izzy’s jaw dropped. “Are we going to look at things for my house?”
Tanner had been a little afraid she’d think it was a lame thing to do on a date, but his time with her was limited and he wanted to help her with the house as much as he could before he was called away.
“I know you
can’t buy things until you know for sure the sale is going to go through, but we can at least get some paint colors, and look at ideas for countertops and vanities.”
“Did you plan on coming here all along?” she wondered, “or did you just think of it when we were talking at dinner?”
“I planned on it,” he replied. “I’m hoping you can get a real quick closing date so I can help you do stuff before I leave.”
She leaned over and wrapped her arms around his arm, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “You’re sweet, Tanner. That’s exactly the kind of memory I want. You and me working there together. I want to be able to picture you in my home when you’re gone.”
He kissed the top of her head and opened his door. “We’d better get moving. They close in two hours.”
“I won’t need that long,” she said breezily, getting out and joining him at the hood of the car.
He lifted his brows. “You sure? There are probably at least a thousand paint colors to consider.”
“I know, but I already have a basic color palette in mind.” She grinned. “Come on. I’ll show you how easy this can be with a girl who knows what she likes.”
He took her hand and laced their fingers together as they walked to the entrance. “I know what I like,” he said suggestively.
“Oh yeah?” Izzy squeezed his hand. “Do you favor a blue, gray, or taupe color scheme? Those are the ones I’m considering.”
“My likes have nothing to do with paint and everything to do with wavy blonde hair, a little black dress, and a killer set of legs.”
He thought maybe she shivered at his quiet words and he smiled, loving how responsive she was to him.
“Concentrate on the paint,” she chided, her cheeks a little pinker than normal, evident even with her faint sunburn.
“That’s almost impossible. I’ve been looking but not touching for hours now, and it’s getting old.”
She whirled to face him, her eyes wide. “Tanner!”
He raised his brows innocently, but he couldn’t hold back a smile. Her shocked reaction was exactly what he’d been going for. She was fun to tease, and if he was thinking about kissing, then she should be, too.