by Barbara Gee
“That’s it? No other injuries, other than the concussion?”
“Nope, and the symptoms of that are already mostly gone. They’re just being extra careful.” He patted the bed by his right side. “Come around here and sit with me.”
***
She grinned and his heart squeezed. How had he made it so long without seeing that smile? One short month of knowing her, then ten months apart. It was a remarkably lopsided start to a relationship, but he’d never once wavered in his belief that she was right for him.
He chuckled when she circled the bed and kicked off her sandals before climbing right up on the bed with him, snuggling against the length of his body. Her arm draped over his stomach, her hand tucked snugly between the bed and his side. Had anything ever felt so right?
“When will you get out of here?” Izzy asked.
“Maybe tomorrow. The bureau has an apartment I can stay in until we get things wrapped up.”
He felt her sigh. “So I guess that means you can’t go back to the ranch with me to recuperate.”
“I’m afraid not. It’ll take at least a week for the actual debrief, then another week or so of tying up loose ends.”
“Do you want me to stay here in DC with you? I’m sure Jolene would come help at the retreat center if I asked her to.”
Tanner considered her tempting offer, but decided to do the unselfish thing. “I’d love to have you stay, but it wouldn’t be fair to you.” He paused, considering his words. He didn’t want her to worry, but she needed to understand.
He opted for simple honesty. “This part of the process—I hate it, Izzy. I have to face day after day of a room full of agents who want to analyze every aspect of the operation and glean every bit of information they possibly can. I know it’s important, because it helps the next person who goes in. But it means I have to basically re-live everything I’ve just been through. I can’t even tell you how excruciating that is, and it means I would be terrible company for you.”
She was silent for a moment, thinking about that. “I understand,” she replied. “I don’t want you to have to go through hours of that every day, and then face the burden of trying to be good company for me when you get done.”
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re not a burden.”
“I know. But my presence would be.”
“That’s not true either. I’d love to have you here with me. It would give me something to look forward to at the end of every day, but I’m afraid my dark mood would send you running for the hills. When I say it’s tough on me, I mean it’s really tough. I’ve told you before that the transition back to real life is hard. These jobs mess me up, Iz. Maybe I’m too proud, but I’d rather you not see me at my weakest.”
“I don’t think anything could make me run for the hills, but I understand what you’re saying. I hate like crazy you have to go through that.” She rose up onto an elbow, her face close to his. She licked her lips and started to say something, then fell silent.
“What?” he prompted softly.
She looked at him uncertainly. “It might be too soon to ask this, but what about after that, Tanner? After all the debriefing stuff is done, what comes next for you?”
He knew what she was asking, and for once he was going to be able to tell her what she wanted to hear.
“In other words, will I be up for another undercover job?” he asked softly.
She nodded, her beautiful eyes somber.
“Could you handle it if I was?” He felt a little bad for asking, but was curious to know how she’d respond.
Her eyes dropped to his chest, then back up. “I would try. I’d hate it, but you know I would try.” She smiled sadly. “It would be even worse than it was this time, though. I almost watched you get killed. Seeing that happen makes me all the more aware of the danger.”
He reached up and pushed his fingers into her hair, smiling at the feel of her soft curls on his skin, one of the memories he’d called up often when he was alone in his room at night.
“Then I guess you’ll be glad to know undercover work isn’t an option for me now. Thanks to all those phone cameras, I’m too recognizable. The bureau is trying to keep my name secret, but my face is out there. Every terrorist in the country will be on the alert to make sure I don’t try infiltrating their organization.” He smiled crookedly. “Guess you’re stuck with me for the long haul.”
Her lips parted, then curved into a wide smile. “Should that make me this happy?” she asked anxiously, her beautiful eyes sparkling with hope. “Because I feel like I want to get up and do a happy dance, but if you’re sad about losing that part of your life, I’ll try to contain myself.”
He chuckled. “I’m not sad about it. I’m kind of relieved it went down this way, to tell you the truth. Now I can walk away from undercover work without feeling like I’m letting people down by not doing it. Taking the choice away also takes the guilt away. Does that make sense?”
She nodded. “It makes perfect sense. So……what, you’ll be a full time computer lab guy in the Minneapolis field office?”
“Something like that. I’ll have to work things out with Luther, see where he wants me.”
Her eyes clouded. “There’s a lot of terror activity in Minneapolis. What happens if someone recognizes you there?”
“It’ll be a risk until things die down a little, but the alternative is to disappear, like in the witness protection program, and I’m not interested in doing that. You’ll have to trust I’ll be careful, and I’ll have a lot of people watching my back.”
Izzy ran her finger tips along his jaw, just below the edge of the beard he’d taken the time to trim that morning, just for her.
“Okay, so let’s recap here,” she said. “First, I need to go back to the ranch and let you get through your meetings, and give you a chance to get back to being Tanner James, proud American citizen and patriot. Then you’ll come back to Minneapolis and do a much less dangerous, but equally important job, and we can talk every single day, and visit each other often. Which means we can put this relationship into overdrive, right? At least I hope that’s what it means. I know there are things we need to work out, but I believe we can do that as long as we can actually spend time together.”
“I think I know what’s at the top of your ‘things to work out’ list,” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“You do?”
“Mmm hmm. I think you’re going to start sending me daily verses again.”
She gave him a worried look. “Would that be okay with you? It’s just that I care so much about where you are with God. I know you believe, but I want you to find something deeper. A true relationship with Him. I know that’s not going to happen overnight, but I need to know you’re open to it. I’m afraid it’ll create friction between us if we aren’t on the same page.”
It felt good knowing she cared about his spirituality, not only because of her desire to have a Christian soul-mate, but because she truly wanted him to find the contentment she had. That had been the point of her verses of the day—to make him want to seek God to fill the holes in his life.
“I’m open to it,” he told her truthfully.
“That’s all I’m asking,” she said softly. “If you’re open, I know the Holy Spirit will do the rest.”
“Because after all, He brought us together in the first place, right?” he teased.
“You know it.”
He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “You’re even more beautiful than I remembered, Izzy-B.”
She looked relieved. “Good. I was afraid maybe you’d built me up in your mind while we were apart, and the real me would end up being a disappointment.”
“Nah, not even close. You’re even better than I remembered, if that’s possible.”
“You’re even better, too,” she said, her eyes roaming over his face. “I’m so happy to see you. And touch you and hear you and smell you. Every day for ten months I prayed for this.”
She giggled. “Do you want me to go get you some food now?”
“Soon,” he said. He let his gaze fall to her mouth. “First things first.
***
Izzy saw the heat flare in his eyes just before he spread his hand on the back of her head and pulled her in for his kiss. It wasn’t soft and light. There was nothing tentative about it. It was the kiss she’d dreamt about for ten months. The kind that had shown her what a kiss should be like. The kind she only ever wanted to share with Tanner.
By the time the it ended, she had no more reason to question whether Tanner’s feelings had diminished over time. None at all. When he whispered I love you against her lips, she melted. She’d never, ever tire of hearing those three words from him, and she’d missed it so much.
“I love you too, Tanner.” She raised her hand to the side of his head and looked into his eyes. “Thank you for coming back to me safe—and mostly sound. You’re worth the wait, but the whole time you were gone, I was already worrying about the next assignment. I feel a thousand pounds lighter knowing you’re done with undercover work. I can’t even tell you how happy that makes me.”
“Me, too. It’s time.” He smiled and his eyes glinted. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need you to go get me the biggest cheeseburger you can find. With fries and a salad.”
She laughed, happy to oblige. Being able to do something to take care of him in some small way felt ridiculously good. She couldn’t wait to do it on a regular basis.
CHAPTER 29
Izzy stayed in DC all the next day. Tanner was released from the hospital just before noon, and she was able to help him get settled into the quite luxurious FBI-provided apartment. It was so hard to leave him the next day, but she had to trust he knew what was best.
She’d enjoyed every minute she got to spend with him, but she’d also gotten a few glimpses of how difficult it was for him to shake loose from the man he’d been for almost a year. Several times she’d caught him staring off into space, his eyes almost glazed over, his jaw clenched. She didn’t know what he was re-living or thinking about, but after a while she’d draw him back with a mundane question that would eventually register with him and force him back to the present to answer. Once he had answered in Arabic, then flinched and corrected himself.
The rest of the time he was hyper-aware of everything going on around him. Izzy knew that’s how he’d had to function while living in the terror cell house, because if he missed anything or reacted the wrong way, his cover could be blown. She couldn’t even imagine the constant stress and pressure he’d endured. His life, and the lives of those whom the cell wanted to destroy, depended on his vigilance and his ability to assimilate into a hostile environment. No slip-ups.
At one point during the morning, Izzy closed a kitchen drawer too hard, and the resulting slam had him leaping from his chair, every muscle tense and ready for action. She’d felt terrible and so had he. When he sat back down, he’d pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, and she felt the tension drain from his body almost immediately. After that, she’d made it a point to be close to him as much as possible. When they were touching, he was relaxed. He was Tanner.
They spent the evening watching movies and eating pizza—neither of which he’d been able to do since he’d left. Izzy stayed snuggled up at his side, and it did her heart good to hear his laughter and easy conversation. She wished she could stay and help him decompress in the evenings to come, but she hadn’t pressed the issue.
During the night she’d awakened and heard him in the kitchen. She got up and went down the hall, glancing in his room as she passed, seeing a jumbled mess of blankets on his bed.
She’d gone to join him in the kitchen, finding him sitting at the table, his head in his right hand. He was wearing only a pair of athletic shorts, and even in the dim light from the window, the bandage on his shoulder was a stark white against his dusky skin. A grim reminder of how close she’d come to losing him.
Izzy had said his name softly to let him know she was there, then went up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. She’d felt the tension radiating off him, but within seconds of her first touch, he began to relax. She worked her thumbs in slow circles up over the cords of his neck and into his hair, massaging his head, paying attention to the pressure points she knew would calm him.
After a few minutes he’d sat up and turned to her, hauling her almost roughly against him, his head pressed to her chest. “I’ll be okay, Izzy-B, I promise. I just need some time. When I come to you, I’ll be okay.”
She’d stroked his hair, then taken his face in her hands and turned it up to hers. “I know you will.” She’d kissed him, lightly and sweetly. Which had lasted all of about three seconds. Then he’d stood up, pulled her in tight with his good arm, and kissed her the way only he could.
By the time they’d retired to their respective bedrooms, neither one of them was thinking about the bad guys.
***
Back at the ranch, Izzy threw herself into her work. She still missed Tanner terribly, but the knowledge that he’d soon be back in nearby Minneapolis, with no more undercover missions to take him away again, made this separation bearable.
Being able to speak to him also made a huge difference. They sent random texts throughout the day, when he had breaks from his meetings, and they talked on the phone every night. He said little about the debriefing process, but they managed to find plenty of other things to keep the conversations going.
One week passed, then two, and finally he started talking about returning to Minneapolis. Izzy told him to let her know once he knew the date, because she wanted to be there. But by the time the third week had come to a close, he still didn’t have a firm day.
“I’m going to have to come back to DC if they don’t let you go soon,” she informed him when he called on Saturday, just a few minutes after she’d gotten home from work. “You’re so close, and yet so far. It’s driving me out of my mind.”
“Soon, Iz,” he said. Then he paused. “Are you sure you’re ready for the next chapter?”
“Way past ready,” she said confidently. “You just need to get here and I’ll prove it.”
“Good to hear. It won’t be long now.”
They talked for a little longer, then he got another call. Izzy went to her fridge to find something for supper, and as she pulled out some lettuce, her phone rang again. This time it was Libby, inviting her over for an impromptu get together for dessert in the Desmond’s back yard. Kay had gotten a little carried away testing new pie recipes, and now they needed to be eaten. Tuck and Maddy would be there, and also Charlie, Andi and sweet baby Noah. Boone and Jolene were still in Minneapolis, where the Wild were headed into the third round of the play-offs. Vince Abbott was their hottest scorer, and that made Izzy all kinds of happy. If they were lucky, maybe Tanner would get back in time to make at least one of the home games.
“I’d love to come,” Izzy said readily, glad for the chance to spend time with her favorite group of people.
“Half an hour. See you then, and come hungry!”
Izzy hung up and stared at her lettuce for a moment before shoving it back into the drawer in the fridge. She believed in healthy eating. She also believed in Kay Desmond’s pies. Pie for dinner, just this once? Yes, please.
She decided to take a quick shower since she’d had a long, busy day closing out another retreat week. The weather was still unseasonably warm for May, so she chose a fun summery dress and flat sandals. The Desmonds had an awesome fire pit in their backyard, which would take the chill off the night if the party ended up going late, but she grabbed a sweater too, just in case it cooled off more than expected.
As she drove to the ranch, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Soon, very soon, she’d be able to take Tanner along to this type of thing. She hoped he’d want to spend a lot of his weekends here at the ranch. Not tha
t she was opposed to making her fair share of trips to Minneapolis, it’s just that she loved being on the ranch with him.
When she pulled up to the big ranch house, she saw the other cars and knew she was the last one to arrive. Hopefully they’d saved her some pie. She didn’t bother going to the front door, but followed the path of stone pavers around the house to the back yard.
“No fair starting early,” she accused as she approached the group huddled around a table.
“Oh, Izzy, dear, I’m so glad you could come.” Kay broke away and gave her a big hug. We haven’t started, I don’t even have the pies out here yet. We were just looking at the plans for the new pool at the center.”
“She’s already seen them,” Maddy said. “I showed them to her and Molly last week.”
“Isn’t it fantastic?” Izzy asked, going over to Charlie, who was holding little Noah, and kissing the baby’s cheek. “The pool is going to be a great addition to the retreat center.”
Ryan walked over and slung an arm around her shoulders. “How’s it going, Iz? Isn’t it about time that man of yours showed up?”
“I wish,” she said wistfully. “I talked to him a little while ago. He said it won’t be long.”
“You’ve been very patient,” Kay said. “Tanner’s a fortunate man.”
“He’s worth it,” Izzy said with a grin.
“Tuck and I actually need to talk to you about a few things,” Ryan said, glancing over at Tuck and then at their hostess. “Can the pie wait for a little bit longer, Kay? We need to steal Izzy away for a few minutes.”
“It’s fine with me,” Kay said amiably. “We have all evening to eat pie.”
Tuck walked over to Ryan and Izzy, checking his phone before sliding it back into his pocket. “Let’s walk around front.”
“What’s up guys?” Izzy asked a little uncertainly. “If you have bad news for me, I’m going to need to sit down.”
“No bad news. Just need to give you an update,” Tuck said.
The three of them walked to the front of the house, then Ryan unexpectedly opened the passenger door of his Jeep.