Beyond the Shadows

by Jess Granger

  “It wasn’t just a ship. It was more than that.” She pulled her face away from his touch and leaned back on the pillow. It reminded her of her one treasured childhood possession—the gift from a friend she wasn’t allowed to keep. “I should know. I haven’t exactly had a home.”

  “What about Azra?”

  She looked him in the eye. With his eyes green, his whole face seemed more Azralen to her. “Azra isn’t a place to me, it’s a purpose.”

  “I’m not sure what you mean by that,” he admitted.

  “I look back on my time on Azra, and my only memories are of instruction. Someone was always there to tell me what to do, where to go, what to be.” She shivered. “No laughter. No—I don’t know. I don’t even know.”

  He placed a hand on her knee. “Home is more than a place.”

  Damn it, she knew that. That was the point. She had a place. She didn’t have anything else.

  “You must feel very lost.” No, she felt lost. The truth hit her hard. In one week, his ship had been more of a home to her than she had ever had. Now it was gone.

  “I don’t get lost easily.” He smiled at her, but it didn’t seem to lighten her mood. She stared at the light pouring in through the open window.

  “I’m lost,” she whispered. She felt as if everything that was certain in her life had been turned upside down.

  In the dark moments on the Kronalen ship, she had gone from a woman of comfort and security to an object, a thing, hopeless and scratching for any means of survival. Before this journey, she had been so certain of who she was. After all, she’d been told who she was, what she should be, from the time she was a small child. But on that Kronalen ship, she felt like she had been honest with herself for the first time in her life. Naked and tied in the dark, helpless, she discovered the depth of her strength. She had trusted another with her life and her body.

  Cyrus.

  She blinked at him, her eyes stinging.

  “I’m sorry for what happened on the Kronalen ship,” Cyrus admitted, as if the incident had been playing through his thoughts as well. “I had no choice.”

  “Don’t apologize. Please.” By Ona, she didn’t want to hear his regrets.

  “You were . . . I shouldn’t have touched . . .” He paused as his jaw tightened. “I shouldn’t have felt . . .”

  He shouldn’t have felt what? Desire? Shakt! She was the one who shouldn’t have felt like her whole body burned for him. She had no control, she had put her trust in him, and he had woken something in her.

  “I’m a hypocrite,” she admitted.

  His burning gaze met hers.

  He shouldn’t feel like he compromised anything. She compromised her own beliefs long ago trying to find something she could cling to as her own.

  “No, you’re not,” Cyrus stated with a conviction she couldn’t feel.

  “Yes, I am.” She tried to keep her voice from cracking as she crossed her arms over the blanket. “I’m no saint for the temple. I took my vows for granted.”

  She looked at him, searching for his understanding. She didn’t want to state the depth of her recklessness out loud. It hurt her. But he didn’t say anything. He just waited.

  “I took my body for granted.” She couldn’t look at him. Instead she stared at her knees. “I’m no virgin.”

  “You think I am?” Even though his eyes were green, they still looked dark, hidden beneath the thick fringe of his lashes.

  Her mouth went dry.

  She huffed at him. “I’m trying to be serious. You didn’t do anything to be sorry for.”

  “I’ve done plenty to be sorry for,” he countered.

  She touched her hand to the center of her chest. It felt so hollow, it hurt. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to make my family proud, the Elite proud, and it’s all so empty. I feel nothing.”

  “You feel guilty.” His words came out as a statement, but not an accusation. He just watched her, patient and still.

  She did feel guilty, guilty and vulnerable. It was so hard to admit she had failed herself. “I was only three years into the training in that stupid time when nothing could touch me and I was so reckless. A group of the other girls in training became obsessed with the old ritual of the Alkar and arranged a mock-up of it for us. I didn’t know his name, it didn’t matter. He was just a submissive thing in a girl’s twisted game. He wasn’t allowed to move, just lay there, willing, beneath us.”

  Cyrus’s mouth pinched into a tight line. She shouldn’t have told him.

  “So you used him.”

  Yara’s eyes stung. “And I hated it.” She looked away from him. “I hated it.”

  His fingers touched her chin. With gentle pressure, he lifted her face.

  “We all do things we regret,” he admitted.

  “I just want to be true to my blood. I want to be worthy of it.” She leaned forward and drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. He let his hand drift to her knee, and then his palm slid down the length of her shin.

  Even through the thick blanket, she could feel the burn of his touch.

  “Be fair, be wise, help the innocent, and you will honor your blood.” He leaned closer to her, tilting his head so he could look her in the eye. “Forget the Elite and their rules. Whether or not you’re a virgin doesn’t change the fact that you are an intelligent, strong, and just woman.”

  Why did he always have to be right?

  Her heart thundered in her chest as she slowly leaned forward. She felt a dizzy rush, heard the roar of blood in her ears as she held her breath and closed the distance between them.

  She let her eyes drift shut, and in the dark, alone with herself and her terrible longing, she waited.

  Finally, the warm brush of his lips met hers. So soft, she didn’t think it would be so soft. How could something so soft make her feel so much.

  She caressed his lips with hers, then exhaled, shaking as she blinked. She couldn’t focus.

  He brought his hand to her cheek, gently holding her face as his warm lips pressed against her forehead.

  Then he stood and exited the net, leaving her alone with her torturous thoughts.

  14

  DAMN IT.

  Cyn rubbed the back of his neck as he paced outside of her room. He could still taste the warm skin of her lips.

  He’d always be able to taste her now.

  How had he forgotten to replace his contacts? They were second nature. When did he have the opportunity? The only thing he had thought about for the last two and a half days was whether or not Yara would survive.

  He’d have to be careful with his bracers. If he let those slip, there really would be no hiding from her.

  He ignored a nagging feeling somewhere near his heart. Hiding was becoming a very tedious exercise. If she found out who he really was, she’d kill him without question.

  He thought about all the things she had revealed to him. She was no cold and hardened Elite warrior. She was a real woman, with a real human heart, capable of empathy, capable of mercy.

  What would Azra be like with her on the throne?

  “I’m such an idiot,” he grumbled to himself. He couldn’t even let himself think such things. His course was set.

  “I’m not going to argue that.”

  Cyn lifted his head as Tola stepped up next to him. He wore the light-colored, loose-woven clothing of a master healer on duty for the Sanctuary. Tola’s talent level was rare among his people. While they could all heal to a certain extent, Tola had a reputation for being able to correct extremely complex disorders of the blood, including genetic disorders and cancer. He hardly seemed like the hardened soldier Cyn knew lurked inside the man. Only his short hair revealed his position with the Union.

  “When do you head back to your assignment?” Cyn asked. He hoped Tola remained around long enough for Yara to get back on her feet. He didn’t want to negotiate with another healer, and to be honest, he didn’t want anyone but the best working on her.
<
br />   Tola shrugged. “I have another month.” The lazy ease of his expression didn’t quite reach his hawklike eyes.

  “So you’re taking a working vacation?” He hoped Tola hadn’t just been called to the Sanctuary for Yara’s emergency.

  “When you have nine siblings, you do what you can to support the family when you’re home.” He smiled, then his expression cooled once more to his standard piercing seriousness. “How is she?”

  Cyn wasn’t sure how to respond, considering the chaste kiss they had just shared had him out in the hall walking off a shaky feeling in his legs. “She’s finally awake.”

  “Good. I want to talk to her.” He reached out toward the door.

  “Tola, she thinks I’m from Earth.” Cyn swallowed, his throat constricting. He couldn’t let her discover the truth now.

  Tola watched him, his dark brown eyes cautious and assessing. “You are from Earth, Cyrus.”

  “Thank you.” Cyn let out the breath he was holding.

  “We’ll negotiate that point later.” Tola entered the room before Cyn could call him a scheming bastard.

  He felt a sting on his neck and slapped one of the Ticis. “Damn the swamps,” he grumbled. He glanced over at the door. “And the creatures that live in them.”

  AFTER TWO DAYS OF HELPING TOLA FINISH THE ROOF ON AN ADDITION TO HIS family’s home, Cyn was ready to leave the planet. While he could always count on finding a way to survive in Rastos by bartering his knowledge and skill, not being able to just click over funds got really tedious after a while. No wonder Rastos wasn’t much of a draw for tourists. The Touscari considered all forms of representative currency evil. You could live happily on Rastos so long as you were willing to work or trade for everything you needed. It was exhausting, but convenient considering his current financial situation.

  Cyn wiped his sweaty brow, trying to clean up as he entered the Sanctuary. At least he’d gotten his fill of light exposure working without his shirt on the roof, and he hadn’t been bitten by a single fly. It looked like most of the swarm had died off or moved on.

  Unfortunately, Yara was still trapped in her nets. Cyn felt terrible for her. He knew she needed more direct light exposure than the little bit that filtered through the window and netting. When he had visited the night before, she was going crazy.

  He took a fortifying breath as he entered the room.

  “Tuz!” Yara scolded as she jumped on the bed trying to knock her cat down from the top of the netting. Cyn stayed in the doorway a minute watching her soft breasts in the skin-fitting top he had gotten her. It was a good choice. The vibrant blue with swirling white patterns around her neck complemented her skin, and the short cut showed off her luscious abdomen. He shifted as he felt the now-familiar rush of arousal that tormented him every time he was near her. “Tuz, get down! You’re going to shred it.”

  Cyn laughed.

  Yara went still, then squeaked as she dropped onto the bed, wrapping her hands around her waist to hide her bare midriff. She tucked her long legs beneath her. The shorts he had bought didn’t cover enough for her modesty either. Perfect.

  Her yellow eyes darkened to rich honey as her gaze drifted over his bare chest. She bit her lip.

  “You could put a shirt on,” she suggested, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her midsection. Cyn enjoyed the flush of pink in her cheeks as she looked at him.

  “I don’t have any clean ones left, and I refuse to negotiate with Tola for the use of his laundry. The man’s a menace.” He ambled over to the bed and unhooked Tuz from the netting. The cat perched on his shoulder and affectionately chewed his hair. Sometime after saving Yara’s life, Tuz had decided he was acceptable.

  “I’ve got to get out of here,” Yara admitted. “I can’t take it anymore.” She eased off the bed, let the pillow drop and grabbed the netting in her fists.

  “Then come on.”

  “What?” She took a step back. He gently placed Tuz on the floor.

  “Let’s go. We can spend the day in the marketplace. It’ll be fun.” He stepped forward and reached for the seam, but she held it closed from the other side.

  “I shouldn’t be having fun at the expense of my health. I was just venting.”

  “I haven’t seen a fly all day.” He closed his hands over hers. “Come out, Yara. I know there’s a rebel in you somewhere.”

  “Don’t insult me.”

  He peeled apart the seam, opening the veil. “I meant it as a compliment.”

  Yara’s heart thundered in her chest as she took a tentative step through the nets. She looked down at herself and almost ran back in. This wasn’t like her. First of all, she couldn’t be seen like this in public. The shirt and cutoff pants Cyrus had managed to find revealed far too much skin. She didn’t complain at the time, because she needed the light, but she couldn’t go out in them. And the blue color on the top wasn’t even real. She had never seen a color more vibrant. Everyone would stare at her.

  She’d be completely exposed.

  Cyrus took her hand and pulled her a step closer to him. His naked skin glowed with a fine sheen from working bare out in the sun.

  Ona, forgive me. She’d been thinking that a lot lately. As soon as she reached Azra she’d have to do penance to Ona forty times over.

  He leaned in close to her ear, and as the heat from his skin reached out to her, her stomach tightened with sweet anticipation.

  “Let’s have some fun,” he whispered.

  Before she could say no, he had pulled her out of the room, and she matched his strides as they ran like disobedient children down the hall and out of the Sanctuary.

  Yes!

  The sun washed over her, bathing her in heat and light. She closed her eyes and held out her bare arms. She wanted to pretend she was alone, that no one could see her, but the noise from the streets overtook her.

  She felt Cyrus’s hand on the small of her back. The skin of his palm felt rough and hot against her bare skin as he led her away.

  “We need to get lost in the crowd before Tola finds us,” he said in a conspiratorial hush.

  “Yeah, in case you hadn’t noticed, I have green hair.”

  She opened her eyes and was nearly overcome with the sight before her.

  “The color.” Her words came out because she simply didn’t have the power to keep them in her head. The crowd blazed with vibrancy, a rainbow of swirling colors as hundreds of people walked through the wooden streets, haggling with vendors and laughing with friends.

  Their clothing sparkled with vivid dyes. Suddenly Yara didn’t feel as if she could stand out amid the bright yellows, pinks, and purples. It was almost garish, but at the same time it complemented the Touscari’s dark skin and hair. The elegant swirls of white painted just above people’s brows and across their temples drew Yara’s eyes to faces alight with good humor while they argued to negotiate fair trades.

  Everything seemed to move at once, while the wooden streets rumbled under the crowd. And the smell, it overwhelmed her. The scent of heat and wet wood wove in and under the pungent odor of exotic spices and loam.

  Yara glanced through a gap in the buildings at the shimmering wetlands beyond. Drawn to the light, she absentmindedly pulled Cyrus with her until she reached a railing at the edge of a dead end.

  The sunlight glittered on the twisting waterways with surreal beauty as birds by the millions flew across a sweeping horizon.

  Enormous reptilian beasts lifted their crested heads and thoughtfully chewed swamp grasses with wide, flat mouths. Striking black markings across their faces accented the bright yellow skin covering their blade-shaped crest. Yara had never seen anything like them.

  One leaned forward and lowed, the deep sound resonating out over the wetlands with such power it made the water ripple around the great beast’s feet.

  “This is a swamp?” She took a deep breath, trying to take it all in.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Cyrus commented, with his gaze fixed on her.

/>   She gave him a sidelong glance. “It’s very beautiful. Is the whole city built on stilts?”

  “Yes. The water’s low right now, but during the floods, the city almost looks as if it’s floating on a river.” Cyrus reached out, and one of the gigantic reptiles pushed a wet nose toward his hand.

  She turned her back to the rail and rested her forearms on it as she studied him. “You like it here, don’t you?”

  He smiled. “Come on. There’s a lot to see in the marketplace.”

  Yara felt giddy and light. Even her clothing didn’t bother her once she realized that the tight and supportive top was a fashion staple for the Touscari women. Only healers from the Sanctuary wore muted or bleached-out robes. The majority of the women seemed comfortable in their skin and the rich colors of the marketplace.

  Her body rushed with adrenaline as she shocked Cyrus by haggling for a meal for them both, then daring the vendor to add extra spice. After Yara spent about five minutes showing the vendor a faster way to sharpen his knives, he handed her a heaping oblong bowl filled with a hearty fish stew. The vendor laughed as Cyn choked on it, but Yara loved it. She enjoyed the rich burn of flavor as the spicy fish melted in her mouth.

  By the Beauty and Honor of Isa, she felt alive.

  “You’d better take it easy,” Cyrus said as he pounded his chest and coughed to hide the tears of pain in his eyes. “You’re still sick, remember?”

  “I guess Tola will know what I’ve been eating,” she said then took another bite. “Hopefully it will fry his hands. Then we won’t get in trouble.”

  “Yeah, that’ll work.” Cyrus laughed his deep laugh.

  Yara stopped, and watched him. She wanted to join him, to laugh, too. It should have been natural, shouldn’t it? Why didn’t she?

  Was she that broken?

  She turned away from him, and a crowd near an open pier caught her eye. “What’s going on over there?”

  “Looks like a round of terc.” Cyrus straightened, peering toward the end of the pier. A loud crack whipped over the crowd, followed by a splash. The mass of bodies erupted in shouts and cheers.