by Ann Lister
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Tessler said and wrapped his arms around Marcus’s back. “It was a long flight, and I’m bushed.”
Marcus pulled back and seemed to study Tessler’s dark eyes for a moment too long. The scrutiny had Tessler on the verge of squirming, and he had no idea why. “I’ve got back-to-back tours and a meeting with staff afterwards, which means I can’t get away for several hours,” Marcus said, “but you’re welcome to wait in my office until I get back if you want.”
Tessler’s gaze dropped to his feet. “Thanks, but I think I’ll go get settled in the cottage, then maybe try and catch the sunset down on the beach.”
The backs of Marcus’s fingers ran along his cheek. It was a familiar touch, one that Tessler once would have leaned into like a preening cat, but now he felt himself gently easing away. The movement was so subtle it could only have been sensed by someone as tuned into him as Marcus was. It wasn’t a shock when Marcus then gripped the back of his neck again and gave him a slight shake.
“Are you okay?” Marcus asked when their eyes finally connected again.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tessler answered. “Just stressed from work.”
“Well, then you’ve come to the right piece of paradise,” Marcus said. “Go get yourself unpacked, and I’ll meet you at the cottage after I finish up here. Sound good to you?”
Tessler forced a smile onto his weary face and nodded. “I’ll catch you later then.” He started to walk away when Marcus called out his name. He stopped and turned around to face him in the hallway.
“It’s really good to see you,” Marcus said.
“You, too,” Tessler replied, but the words felt hollow to his own ears.
He was still thinking about that as he pulled out of the parking lot. None of the usual feelings stirred inside of him when he saw Marcus. Why was that? The chemistry they had in the past was palpable and always burned fiery hot. He could remember those few years when he’d arrived for vacation and met Marcus at the museum. They’d been so excited to see each other that they couldn’t bear the thought of waiting until Marcus finished work. Tessler had Marcus bent over his desk and his cock fully embedded in his ass less than five minutes after they’d kissed hello. Another time, Marcus had straddled Tessler’s lap, and they’d fucked in his swivel chair before Marcus had to hurry back to work to narrate another estate tour.
It was always spontaneous and fun, and Tessler would be counting down the days until he could see Marcus again. But this year? This felt completely different, and he was filled with an odd mixture of emotions. Some of it he wasn’t quite ready to put under the microscope, but he knew he’d have to soon enough. There seemed to be a distinct lack of heat this time when he saw Marcus, and he knew Marcus had sensed his distance. No goosebumps skittered across his skin at the sight of him nor was he aching to taste his mouth. What did that mean? After three or four years, was he no longer attracted to Marcus? Was that even possible?
Marcus still looked the same, with lean muscles earned from miles of running on the beach rather than working out on gym equipment. He had the whole “hot professor” appearance down pat with pressed khaki pants that hugged his round ass, polished loafers, and a collared polo shirt with the museum logo on the chest pocket. The eyeglasses he sometimes wore to read only perfected the casual elegance that Tessler had found solace in for years. And as time had rolled on, Marcus had merely managed to become more attractive, so why now had Tessler felt an unsettling amount of indifference when he first laid eyes on him or felt his caress today?
Tessler was sitting in the warm sand in front of his private beach cottage when Marcus arrived at dusk. He had his knees drawn up to his chest and arms wrapped around them, and was so deep in thought he barely noticed his presence. The sun had just dropped, basking the beach and water in its final remnants of color with magical hues of blue and pink. Marcus dropped down onto his ass beside Tessler and bumped their shoulders together.
“I missed the sunset,” Marcus commented.
“You did, but there’ll be another one tomorrow,” Tessler said, his eyes still not meeting Marcus.
“Did you eat?” Marcus questioned.
“I made a sandwich a while ago,” Tessler said and inhaled deeply. “I can make another, if you’re hungry?”
“No, I’m good,” Marcus replied. “We ate during our staff meeting.” Marcus pressed against Tessler’s shoulder again in an attempt to get a reaction out of Tessler. “Talk to me. What’s going on with you?”
Tessler leaned back and set his hands into the sand behind him for support. “I honestly don’t know,” he answered truthfully.
“You seem … different,” Marcus said. His fingers toyed with the short, dark hair on top of Tessler’s head, smoothing it even though it wasn’t needed. “Things okay at home?”
Marcus’s hand absently stroked down the back of Tessler’s head and onto his shoulder, then he set his chin onto Tessler other shoulder closest to him. He used his fingers to turn Tessler’s face to him, and their eyes finally connected. The ache inside Tessler’s chest grew. He felt no heat. No burning desire for this man who had been nothing but a wonderful friend and lover to him for the past several years.
“You know you can tell me anything, and it stays between us,” Marcus whispered.
“I know, and I appreciate that,” Tessler said. “You’re the only friend I’ve ever trusted with my truth.” Marcus’s fingers returned to the back of Tessler’s head and stroked. He closed his eyes from the touch, as if he knew what came next and was bracing himself. His eyes were still closed when he felt the first brush of Marcus’s lips across his, then the gentle press before he felt the tip of his tongue slide along the seam looking for entrance into Tessler’s mouth. Such a simple gesture which they’d shared possibly a thousand times before, but now? It felt completely different to Tessler, and the warmth he once felt from this kind of intimacy tasted a little bitter.
Why does this feel like cheating?
It wasn’t as if he and Mason had staked a claim on each other, for chrissakes. They’d kissed. Big fucking deal. No one had proposed marriage or spoken sacred vows to be forever faithful to the other. So why was Tessler so reluctant to share a kiss with his long-term fuck buddy? He had no clue, but that’s exactly what he was feeling. Reluctance. He pulled out of the kiss before Marcus’s tongue had made it completely inside his mouth and set their foreheads together. After drawing in a deep breath, the words were suddenly tumbling from his mouth.
“I’ve met someone.”
Three simple words that seemed to echo across the water like he’d spoken them into a microphone. Marcus sat back to put space between them, but there was no anger or sadness in his expression. Frankly, Tessler didn’t even see all that much surprise in Marcus’s face.
“Tell me about him,” Marcus requested.
“You’re not upset to hear this?” Tessler asked.
Marcus grinned and shook his head. “Why would I be?” he countered. “You’re a gorgeous, intelligent man and worthy of someone so much better than me. The fact that you’ve returned to me, year after year and for as long as you have, I feel nothing but blessed. I have no regrets about the time we’ve shared together, and I know you feel the same.”
“Zero regrets,” Tessler agreed. “You were … exactly what I needed.”
“Likewise,” Marcus replied. “You made me feel young and so desired. It had been a long time since I’d felt alive in that way. I’ll always love you for giving me that.”
“You make it sound like you’re eighty years old,” Tessler teased.
“I think you’ll agree I have a few years on you,” Marcus said and laughed. “I sometimes felt I was taking advantage of you.”
“I was at least twenty-two or twenty-three when we first slept together,” Tessler defended. “You know my history and all the partners I’d already had. You can’t possibly consider what we did as taking advantage of me.”
“I was a much older man,”
Marcus explained.
“Again, you know my personal history with the age gap in the men I tend to go for,” Tessler replied, “and I would hardly call fifteen years being much older,” Tessler added.
“It’s seventeen years difference,” Marcus corrected. “I should be ashamed of myself, but I’m not.”
Tessler started to laugh, a deep throaty laugh that had him holding on to his sides. “Good, because we did nothing either of us should be ashamed of. I’ve done far worse and you know it.”
“Some of what we did might have been illegal in certain states,” Marcus said with the lift of one eyebrow.
“That was the best stuff.”
“Yeah, it was pretty fucking great, wasn’t it?” Marcus agreed. They settled down again and grew quiet, until Marcus asked, “So, will you tell me about this man you met?”
“You really want to hear about him?”
“I most certainly do,” Marcus said. “I want to make sure he’s good enough for you.”
“And if he isn’t? What then? Will you fight for my honor or something chivalrous?” Tessler teased.
“You’re wise beyond your young years,” Marcus spoke. “I have no doubt you’ve found a wonderful man who will worship you, but I want to hear you tell me about him.”
“I barely know him,” Tessler said, “but I have a nice feeling about him. Does that count?”
“It definitely does,” Marcus said and smiled warmly. “What’s his name?”
“Mason.”
“Hmmm, that’s kinda close to sounding like Marcus, so when you’re in bed and screaming out my name ...”
Tessler pushed Marcus over into the sand and pinned his arms above his head. “There’s been no screaming—yet, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping to change that status soon. If there ever is any screaming, I’ll be sure to get the names right.”
“You’d be wise to do so,” Marcus said and chuckled. “Wouldn’t exactly set a good example in a new relationship if you used your ex-lover’s name.”
Tessler rolled to the side of Marcus in the sand. “I wasn’t your only lover all these years, was I?” he whispered his question. “I mean, you did hook-up with others when I wasn’t here.”
Marcus turned his head and held Tessler’s gaze. “There were a few over the years,” he admitted. “That was our agreement, and I trust you did the same. Correct?”
“Yeah, mainly hook-ups here and there,” Tessler explained. “Nothing serious.”
“But you think there’s a possibility things with Mason could become serious?”
“Perhaps. I don’t honestly know where his head is at with this, but Jesus, that kiss,” Tessler said, then realized what he’d said out loud. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
Marcus lifted himself up onto an elbow and stared down at Tessler stretched out beside him. “You never have to worry about what you say to me,” he said. “You’re not hurting my feelings. Even after all this time I’ve known you, I wasn’t deluded to think I was your “forever man.” I’m truly happy you’ve found someone.”
“It probably won’t lead to anything,” Tessler scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“Certainly not, if you go into it with an attitude like that,” Marcus said.
“I go back and forth with it,” Tessler said. “Sometimes I think I’d really like to have something with Mason, but then I think, who am I to drag him into my life with all the shit I have going on?”
“He’s not an author or in the book business, is he?”
Tessler shook his head. “No, he’s a former Marine now doing personal security,” he said. “He got hurt on their last job and has been recuperating from a bad leg injury. He goes to the gym across the street for physical therapy.”
“Is that where you met him?” Marcus asked.
“We actually met in the coffee shop below my apartment.”
Marcus made a humming sound. “When you say former Marine, all sorts of sexy images pop into my head.”
“He’s gorgeous, for sure, and he’s an older dude, too,” Tessler added and then laughed. “It’s weird to be telling you stuff like this.”
“Why’s that? Above all else, we’re good friends,” Marcus confirmed. “So, why don’t you describe him to me?”
“Jesus, where to start?” Tessler said and sighed.
“How about you start by describing that kiss?”
Chapter Twelve
He settled into a routine of having breakfast and a cup of coffee on the cottage deck, which stretched out to the sandy beach on the ocean side of the dwelling, and then followed that with a run along the shoreline. After that, it was all about writing. He used a nook on a corner of the deck that was covered with beautifully flowering hibiscus trees in shades of pink, red, and white, creating a natural canopy overhead, which protected him from the sun and allowed for privacy. With no one around to bother him, he often left his shorts inside and spent his days naked. He had his laptop set up on a small, wooden table outside, where thick, floral cushions in a wide wicker chair sat behind the desk. If it rained, he had a cozy spot inside beside a big window that allowed him a gratuitous view of the beach and ocean.
Tessler had found the small, unassuming two-bedroom cottage, with the white clapboard siding and black storm shutters, a few years back and had rented it every year since. Its simplistic, natural beauty is what first attracted him to the location; it was right on the ocean, fairly isolated at the end of a nice stretch of beach on the outskirts of Old Town, and nestled up in the tree line.
It was the perfect place for him to vacation. He could be himself here; no one gave a shit who he was and that created an oasis for him. He’d considered buying the place at various times over the years but wasn’t sure he wanted the permanence of that just yet. Tessler had always hoped that one day he’d find someone special, and maybe together, they’d find an escape that was right for both of them. Until then, he’d enjoy renting the Key West cottage.
Tessler hadn’t planned on this being a working vacation, but any time inspiration had hit, there was no way he could shut that out. He was clocking in several thousand words by the time the sun was ready to set at the end of each day; that’s when he’d finally give his brain a chance to rest while he enjoyed the evenings on the beach with a cold beer in his hand. Sometimes Marcus would show up carrying takeout containers for dinner, other times, Tessler would throw something on the grill or make himself a big bowl of salad greens and eat alone.
It was two days into his getaway, and he was already nicely tanned with barely a line on his body to be found. Hard as he tried, he couldn’t get Mason out of his head. That wasn’t the purpose of this trip, but Tessler wondered if maybe being away from the man who haunted his dreams might dim the heat of his attraction—apparently, it seemed to have the reverse effect. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that shit, actually had some validity to it as far as Tessler could see.
Tessler sat alone in the sand at the water’s edge, wearing a faded pair of swim trunks as he watched another perfect sun descend from the sky when his phone pinged in his pocket. He reached for it and saw it was a text message from Mason. Why did his heart speed up at the sight of that?
“Are you still alive, or did a ship of drunken butt pirates take you as their prisoner?” Mason typed.
The message had Tessler actually laughing out loud. Mason surely had a way with words, but it was more than the words that warmed him. It was the fact that Mason had thought enough to wonder how he was doing.
“Alive and well with a tan where the sun don’t shine.”
“No tan lines? Thanks for the visual. You’re cruel,” Mason typed.
“I’ll send you a pic of my tanned ass,” Tessler sent back.
“Yes, please. I need new material for my spank bank.”
Tessler stood up and pushed his shorts from his hips, kicked them off his feet, then angled his phone to get a photograph of his backside. He checked the results and saw that
both his round globes were in the shot, browned to perfection, and hit the send button before he changed his mind. A moment later he got a response from Mason.
“Totally boner-worthy,” Mason said.
“Send a pic?” Tessler questioned.
“It’s a little early in the relationship to be sending dick pics, isn’t it?” Mason replied.
“Is that what this thing is going on between us?” Tessler asked.
“I was joking,” Mason answered.
“That’s too bad,” Tessler typed back.
“Is that what you want?” Mason asked.
“Let’s start with the date you suggested, and we’ll see how we feel after that. Does that work for you?”
“Sounds perfect,” Mason replied.
“So, no dick pics while I wait for that date?” Tessler imagined Mason laughing at that message and smiled while he waited for a response.
Mason reread Tessler’s message three times as panic began to sweep through him. Do I dare show him a photo of my cock? It wasn’t as if he’d never exchanged photographs like that before, but things were different now. Not because he was any less confident in the blessing that was standing upright between his legs, but because the evidence of red, abraded skin lurked near his package. Unless he did a seriously close-up shot of his cock, Tessler might see the damaged skin and ask questions, or worse—be disgusted with what he saw.
“Hey, it’s okay. I was only joking about the dick pic,” Tessler typed back.
Mason sighed loudly. He knew what he needed to do, but he wasn’t sure he had the balls to do it. Then again, maybe it would be easy to tell Tessler through a text message than face to face. If his scars were going to be a dealbreaker, then Mason might as well know now.
“There’s something I should probably tell you,” Mason finally answered.
“Conversations that start with those particular words rarely end well. Should I be worried right now?” Tessler asked.