Eight Goodbyes

by Christine Brae

  “The formal word is Estuary,” Simon corrected her.

  “Last time I checked, it was still English,” Jacob piped in.

  “Uh-huh.” Tessa rolled her eyes.

  Together, they looked at more pictures, huddled around a round table on the terrace of a restaurant on Rue Destin, located in one of the busiest districts in Paris. Earlier, they had walked around the Place de la Bastille, checked out the 11th arrondissement for the two women’s favorite designer store and art gallery and ended up at a place called La Belle Vie. The place was small, hardly quaint, with solid wood fixtures, built in brick walls, a regular jaunt frequented mostly by locals. They had chosen an outdoor table overlooking the street, their backs to the blue green wooden framed windows and underneath brass pendant lamps. The street was dark, cars and motorcycles separated from them by removable metal railings. Bicycles were parked along the trees that lined the road.

  Simon rubbed Tessa’s shoulders while she pulled her sweater tight against her. “You cold?” he asked.

  “A little bit. I know it’s heated, but there’s a draft somewhere,” Tessa answered.

  “I feel so French,” Riley joked.

  “I know, right? Just like the internship days. Dinner right before bed,” Jacob answered.

  “Oh, shush,” Tessa quipped. “Hanois was fully booked, and this was the only available time. Besides, it’s not that late. We’ve eaten later before.”

  “What was wrong with Sushi Maki next door?” Riley asked. “I kinda felt like sushi.”

  “Full,” Tessa responded. “This had outdoor seating and was first come first serve.”

  “Nine o’clock is definitely not late,” Simon said, defending his girl.

  “For you!” All three friends piped in, breaking out in laughter.

  “Seriously though,” Riley teased. “Tessa feels right at home with the beautiful people. They all look like artists.”

  Their server, a pretty French girl wearing a tight black dress and thick black tights, set wine glasses on their table. Music from the neighboring establishments syncopated through the air. Men in berets, women in trench coats, cigarettes, ashtrays, bottles of wine, lovers, couples, boots, scarves. Beautiful people, all of them. Tessa played a game in her head, tried to find as many objects depicting Parisian culture, tested herself to see how well she’d acclimated to her favorite place.

  “Still better here than Bastille,” Tessa said. “Nice to get away from all that energy for once.” She looked pointedly at Riley. They had checked out the rows of clubs, pubs and bars the night before at Riley’s insistence.

  “Seriously, thank you for coming salsa dancing last night,” Riley said. “It was fun, wasn’t it?”

  And when no one replied, Jacob took her hand. “Yes, it was, babe,” he said before leaning over to give her a kiss.

  Tessa looked at her brother, and then his girlfriend and then glanced sideways at the man sitting next to her. This, right there, was her home. The three people who mattered. At a time and place she wanted to remember forever.

  “Okay, where were we?” Riley slid Tessa’s phone toward her. “More pictures.”

  Tessa complied happily, opening her camera and swiping left. The two men leaned sideways as well.

  “Henry wanted to sit with me the whole time!” Tessa bragged. A picture of the little boy in her lap.

  “Is that Simon’s mom?” Riley asked.

  The screen showed a beautiful woman with blond hair, her arms around Tessa, the corners of her eyes crinkled into a loving smile.

  “Yes! Isn’t she gorgeous? And this is his dad,” Tessa swiped left again. An elderly gentleman with Simon’s sandy brown hair.

  “Your brother is hot!” Riley squeaked.

  Jacob reached over and swiped left again. “Move on,” he said, smiling. They all laughed.

  “Did your mom and dad like meeting Tessa, Simon?” Riley asked just as the server was bringing out a plate of escargot.

  “Oh, my, it went bloody well, I would say. My parents thought she was the bees’ knees.”

  “Bees’ what?” Riley narrowed her eyes, looking confused.

  Tessa caressed Simon’s arm. “He means they liked me.”

  “Ah. They don’t say that in Spain,” Riley muttered, defensive.

  “They have a really warm and cozy home,” Tessa continued. “You would have liked it, Rye. His mom is a middle school teacher and his dad just retired from the farm. They’ve sold it to a developer and are moving closer to Adrian.”

  Simon nodded his head. “In Chelmsford.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She watched his reactions as he continued to talk about his family. She never imagined she would love someone like that. Never thought she would be one of the women in her books, so hopelessly in love. She had to admit, the visit with his family had gone exceedingly well. They were welcoming of her. Not only had she been able to keep up with their queries, but she’d really enjoyed meeting his mother. His parents were hardworking, warm and shared their love openly. They were such doting grandparents to Ashleigh’s son. He was most definitely the light of their lives.

  Her parents would have been the same way. Had they lived.

  And as the minutes flew by, both couples were engaged in conversation about everything under the sun. There was laughing and teasing and a whole lot of affection. She noticed Simon watching her too. Every so often, he would turn to look at her, as if wanting to say something. And when his eyes bore into hers, she swore she saw her parents, his parents, her future. She saw love.

  And he saw it too.

  “Are we there, baby?” he asked, ever so softly. He had heard her that night after all.

  “Yes. I think so.”

  “Marry me,” he murmured in her ear, out of the blue, as Riley and Jacob talked. Tessa jerked her head and turned to him, her eyes squinted, her mouth agape.

  “Marry me,” he said again, this time out in the open. “I’ll go anywhere with you. I’ll put in for a job in the States, move there with you. Anything!”

  The sights, the sounds, the air around her. They no longer were. It was just her and him. Standing at the edge of the cliff, her lungs filling with air and her heart about to explode. She didn’t see Riley bring her hand to her mouth in surprise or Jacob smiling from ear to ear. She saw him. She saw him on the day she’d met him, him on the night he looked lost and alone in the lobby of the Vegas hotel. She saw him as he sat on the plane with his reading glasses on. Him somersaulting in the Aegean Sea, the sweet sound of his laughter echoing through the mountains after completing the jump of his life. He who had touched the sand for the very first time.

  Only him.

  She nodded. First slowly, up and down, up and down, and then rapidly, eyes fixed on him.

  “Yes?” he asked, a hitch in his breath attributed to nerves.

  “Now you know how the dim sum dude felt,” she teased. She placed her hand on the back of his head and drew his face to her. He found her lips, grazed her teeth with his tongue. But then he pulled away, looking from side to side in earnest.

  “Wait,” he said. “I need to make this official.” He slid his chair back and stood up. “There’s a pharmacy two doors down. I’ll be right back!”

  “Oh my god! I’m so happy for you!” Riley wrapped her arms tightly around her friend’s shoulders for a few seconds and lunged away from the table. “Wait, Simon! I’ll come with you!”

  Simon ran back toward Tessa and kissed her loudly on the lips. “Be right back. Don’t move.”

  Jacob slid over to Riley’s empty seat. He took Tessa’s hand in his and kissed it. “I’m so happy for you, sis!” he exclaimed.

  “Oh, Jake. I hope I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know anything right now except that I love him. And you said it, right? There’s nothing wrong with taking a chance. He’s worth it.”

  “You’re doing the right thing.”

  “I love you, Jake.
We’ve been such a good team. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you with me through all these years without Mom and Dad. Whatever the future brings, we have each other, right?” she asked, almost trying to convince him to stay with her through this new phase in her life. “I might have to move to London. How will I do that without you?”

  Jake locked her in an embrace and kissed her forehead. “With or without me, you were bound for happiness. You deserve it. And your future will be great. It will be filled with love because that’s all you’ve ever given and that’s what you’ve earned. It’s one thing to write about it, true love. Now you can live it. He’s the one for you, Tessa. I know he is. He’s the one.”

  POP. POP. POP.

  Tessa and Jacob separated only when they heard a woman’s scream. And then another. And another.

  Chaos ensued. The wooden tables and chairs were thrown around, people were crying, running, hiding under the tables.

  “Sous les tables!” A man yelled at the top of his lungs. Under the tables.

  POP. POP. POP.

  The sounds were deafening, close enough for her to feel a gust of wind every time it happened.

  Everything moved in slow motion, sounds and images floated across in a dreamlike state. Things flew in the air and landed away from her, people ran in the opposite direction.

  By the time she realized what was happening, it was too late.

  Masked men with guns, maybe four or five of them, stood merely a few feet away.

  Tessa could hear the clicking of their heels as they moved about, using their bearing to loom over all those cowered on the ground. She saw black masks on all of them but one. It was him, the one in a bright orange mask who locked eyes with Jacob. She saw his steely, beady eyes flicker back and forth before he moved forward.

  Her heart pounded in unison with the man’s steps, every beat brought him closer to them. For a split second, he turned away from them to address one of the other men in his group. She thought he would forget about them. Maybe her brother believed it too.

  “Run, Tess,” he whispered. “Run now.”

  She gripped Jacob’s arm tightly with both hands, frozen with fear and disbelief. Somehow all she could do was hold on to him, out of instinct, loyalty, love. She wasn’t going to leave him.

  But the man—he didn’t forget them. He looked at Jacob and then at her, before adjusting his orange mask for a better view.

  She saw the dismay in her brother’s eyes.

  But two seconds later, she saw his look transform into defiance.

  She saw the man mock Jacob’s stance by pointing his gun at them.

  And then she saw nothing more.

  Oh, my Jacob. My handsome, beautiful Jacob. You stand out wherever you go. Because you’re brave. And valiant. And strong. And you always know what to do.

  Jacob yanked her under the table and pushed her head down roughly toward his abdomen, his forearms feeling like heavy ropes against her head. He covered her with his coat. She was rolled into a ball, her eyes in complete darkness.

  “Jake, no!” she cried. “Let me out! No! Jake!”

  The more she cried, the more she pummeled him with her fists, the harder he crushed her against his chest.

  He had formed himself into a human shield, rocking back and forth, his arms tight around her.

  “I love you,” he said. “I love you, be happy. Tell Riley I love her so much. She always—” He paused and took a deep breath. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest, before he rambled so rapidly as if trying to say everything he could. “She always says I’m her home, but the truth is, she is mine.”

  “Sayyyy-monn!” Riley squealed as she hooked her arm in his. She literally skipped along the cobbled street that led away from the restaurant and toward the pharmacy. “I can’t believe this is happening! I’m soooo sooo sooo happy!”

  He laughed out loud as she repeatedly pulled on his arm.

  “Simon! Yay!” she squealed.

  “I hope we can find something,” he said as they entered the store. “Anything I can place on her ring finger until I can get this sorted tomorrow. You can help me find something you think she’ll fancy.”

  “Cartier, of course,” Riley announced.

  He was dizzy with hysteria. He couldn’t believe his fortune. He’d been wanting to ask her since she’d arrived in London the week before, but if there was anything he knew about her, it was that she was slow to adjust. He knew he had to tread lightly, but at the same time, he couldn’t imagine letting her go ever again.

  She would have to leave for the States soon. Life was like that. They both had to figure out how to make their careers work. He had to make it more permanent. And after he’d seen how enamored his parents were with her, he knew she was made for him.

  “I’m just so fortunate to have met someone like her. I can’t imagine waking up without her next to me. I don’t even know what I did before I met her.”

  “Aww,” Riley said. “Tessa loves you, Simon. No matter how much she tried to push you away in the past few months, you stuck around. You were the only one who’s ever been able to turn her around.”

  “Why do you think that is?” he asked.

  “It’s because you didn’t give up on her. You waited patiently for her to be ready while tearing those walls down. She was different after the day you met in New York. There was something about her that changed after that trip. When I think about it now, I can point to that time in March.”

  They stood in the middle of the pharmacy, trying to read the signs in French.

  “I’ll go this way. You go there.”

  He nodded at her before turning in the other direction. Simon turned into the candy section, hoping to find Kinder Eggs. He’d grown up on those chocolate eggs with a surprise hidden in them. But even if they had them, how would he know which one contained a toy ring? Quickly, he scanned the shelves. Bonbons, Sucrets, bubble gum cigarettes. Bubble gum cigarettes? Seriously? He chuckled at the thought. I’ve unearthed a time capsule.

  “Sayyyy-monn!” That irritatingly endearing screech rang through the aisles. “I found it!”

  Simon zigzagged in and out until he found Riley standing in the middle of the toy section. “Here!” she shoved a plastic jewelry kit in front of him. “There’s a ring in there, look!”

  He held the plastic box up to find many little things—a princess crown, a silver necklace, many different colored bangles, and there it was—a ring. “It’s small enough for her tiny fingers too,” he cracked.

  “Yeah,” Riley laughed. “Let’s go.”

  Simon tore the package open as they walked out of the store. He handed the rest of the toys to a little girl and her mother and slipped the ring into his pocket.

  The piercing sound of sirens and horns met them as they hit the street. The flashing of lights, red, blue and white, blinded them. “Oh my God!” Riley screamed. “What is happening?”

  French police, dressed in all black, with shields and guns were everywhere. People, men and women were wailing, screaming in pain. They were crying, bellowing out in agony.

  Simon grabbed Riley and held on to her tightly. Shards of glass, discarded tables were strewn all over the street. Thin yellow plastic strips cordoned off the two restaurants next to the pharmacy. Ambulances, police cars, trucks everywhere. There were people on stretchers. But there were also many white sheets scattered on the ground.

  “Tessa!” Simon yelled at the top of his lungs, tightly clutching Riley.

  “Jacob!” Riley cried. “Jacob! Where are you?” She was a cyclone, spinning in place, her hair thrashing against her face.

  A mass of people had spilled into the streets, held back by a line of yellow ribbon. Simon lifted Riley up, carrying her, running past the police and paramedics.

  “Non, Monsieur, you cannot go there.”

  A policeman in armor stopped him.

  When Simon continued to push past him, th
e policeman screamed, “Non, monsieur! Ne pas entrer! Il y a des morts!” There are dead bodies.

  “My girlfriend and her brother are there. Let us through!” Simon yelled, pushing, shoving, hitting everything in his way.

  And when the obstacles cleared, they stood in the street, directly facing the restaurant.

  “Jacob!” Riley screamed before her knees gave way and she fell. She crawled toward the table, now turned upside down, its round edges rolling like a wheel back and forth on the cement floor. “Jacob! My Jacob!”

  Simon rushed toward Riley, trying to hold her up, lift her off the ground. And then he realized what Riley was running to.

  She was running toward her ruin.

  Tessa was covered in blood, her hair, her face, her hands, sitting upright and oscillating back and forth, side to side, her eyes drained of all signs of life. She stared straight ahead into nothing.

  Next to her, on the ground, was the man she loved most in her life, his dignity preserved only by the thin white sheet that covered him.

  Tessa fiercely struck at anyone who tried to come close, like a mother bear fiercely protecting her cub. She kicked and screamed and cursed at the paramedics. “I need to be with my brother! You don’t understand. I have no one. I have no one!”

  Those were the last words Simon heard her say. The broken girl who feared love because of loss had been destroyed. This time for good.

  When She Forgets

  (The Present)

  The sound of the door shutting as Will and Ciela leave is music to her ears. Time to sit in silence and savor that one cup of coffee, to revel in the comfort of a hot shower before starting her day.

  She looks forward to this on most mornings, when dreams don’t consume her and sleep eventually gets its way. Today, she feels fresh and hopeful. Like every other time she’s decided to start over, begin with a clean slate. As she sits on the fourth step of the grand staircase, she gives herself the luxury of time. In the past years, since returning from Paris and deciding to settle down, she has sat on this step to look over the expanse of her home. Everywhere a sign of her accomplishment and proof she has made the right choice.