Dreams to Sell

by Anne Douglas

  ‘Shouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t involve nurse Joan MacEwan,’ Flo said, nodding her head. ‘He’s really sweet on her, you ken. Not that he’s said, but I can tell.’

  ‘Why, I’m sure QA nurses aren’t allowed to go out with patients!’ Roz cried, looking interested.

  ‘Ah, but Dougal won’t be a patient for much longer, the colonel says. Never mind, I must away. See what Dougal says when you see him.’

  ‘I’m looking forward to that. Before you go, Ma, have you seen my knitting needle? I’ve got to scratch down this plaster again or I’ll go mad.’

  All was quiet in the living room when Flo had gone. Roz yawned, drank some lemonade, opened the windows wider and had returned to her book when the downstairs bell rang.

  Now, who’s that? she thought, rising. Norma, maybe?

  Down the stairs she ran, rather looking forward to a chat with Norma, hearing all the firm’s gossip and more plans for the wedding. But the person standing on the doorstep was not Norma. It was Jamie Shield.

  Another ghost from the past.

  Yet, in an open-necked shirt and flannels and carrying a bunch of pink roses, he looked very much the same. And when she looked more closely, as she tried to seem completely at ease, she thought she could detect a look in his eye she’d seen once before – apprehension.

  ‘Jamie?’ she heard herself say. ‘What brings you here?’

  ‘The hospital told me you’d been discharged and I thought – I hoped – you wouldn’t mind if I came to see you.’

  ‘Why would you want to?’

  ‘Well, because of the terrible thing that happened at the cinema. I can’t tell you how I felt when I read the piece in the paper.’

  ‘You didn’t come to see me in the hospital.’

  ‘Roz, I’ve only just found the courage to come here.’

  Slowly, she opened the door wider. ‘You’d better come in.’

  In the flat, she told him to sit down and put his roses into water.

  ‘I can’t think why you’ve come, Jamie. We can’t have anything to say to each other.’

  He looked away. ‘I came to see how you were. It’s natural to want to know that, isn’t it? About someone you care for?’

  Care for? Roz looked desperately around the living room. Had he said that?

  ‘I’m fine,’ she told him. ‘I have this broken arm, as you can see, and I had some concussion, but I’m pretty well recovered.’ She hesitated. ‘But I don’t understand what you said just then. Surely, you’re not saying you still care for me? After all this time?’

  ‘It’s all right – I know you don’t feel the same. I’m not asking you to take me back. I wish you could forgive me, though.’ He waited a moment. ‘Ella has, you know. But she’s married, anyway, and expecting a baby. She’s well and truly over me.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’ Roz moved to fill the kettle, at which he leaped up.

  ‘Roz, let me do that.’

  ‘It’s all right, I can manage. I’m good at working with one hand now.’ She gave him a steady stare as he sat down again. ‘Jamie, it was partly because of Ella that I couldn’t forgive you. I couldn’t forget that day she came to see you when she’d been so happy, thinking you were hers, and all the time …’ Roz shook her head. ‘I felt as bad for her as I did for myself, even though I understood why you’d done what you did.’

  ‘You did understand?’ he asked eagerly.

  ‘Yes, but it didn’t mean I could forgive you. Not for a long time.’

  ‘And now, Roz? How do you feel towards me now?’

  ‘I’m like Ella. I’ve forgiven you, but that’s as far as it goes.’ She watched the kettle as it sang and finally boiled, then made tea.

  ‘As far as it goes? You don’t feel the same as you did?’

  ‘No. That died some time ago.’

  His eyes flickered. ‘And now … is there someone else?’

  ‘Yes, there’s someone else.’

  She poured the tea and they both drank a little.

  ‘I’m sure you’ll find someone else, too,’ she added.

  ‘Not yet.’ He drank more tea, put his hand to his brow and tried to smile. ‘That was a blow, Roz.’

  ‘You said just now that you knew I didn’t feel the same. That you weren’t expecting me to take you back.’

  ‘All right, I was hoping I was wrong. That’s the truth of it. But to hear you speak, so bluntly – that hurt.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t do anything else.’

  ‘No.’ For some time, Jamie sat in silence, finally raising his eyes to Roz as she sat watching him. ‘Well, there was something else I wanted to say to you. I know it’s not going to happen now, but I suppose you might as well hear it. The thing is, I’m thinking of starting my own estate agency in Berwick and I wanted you to be part of it.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yes. You needn’t be a lawyer there. You could work as you want to, become a partner, even. I thought you might consider it. No strings, of course. Coming back to me wouldn’t be part of the deal.’

  ‘Jamie, it would once have been all I wanted.’ She set down her cup, her eyes suddenly taking on a lost, sad look. ‘But you’re right – it’s not going to happen now.’

  ‘You’d be so good, Roz, working with houses without being held back in any way. It would be the perfect opportunity for you.’

  ‘The fact is, Jamie, I don’t care about houses any more.’

  His eyes widened. ‘Don’t care about houses? Roz, what are you saying?’

  She smiled a little. ‘It’s true. Looks like all my life so far, I’ve been going after the wrong thing. Just came home to me the other day, when someone said that houses shouldn’t come before people. I know that’s true. There’s nothing wrong with working in an estate agency, but now I just want to do something else.’

  ‘What sort of thing?’

  ‘I’m still thinking, but it won’t involve selling dreams, I know that.’

  Jamie stood up. ‘I’ve certainly given up my dreams, Roz.’

  She sighed. ‘Look, you’ve made some terrible mistakes and I’ve had some hard thoughts about you, but maybe it’s time now for you to move on. You can forget Ella and me – we’re OK. Why don’t you try to start again?’

  He seemed unable to find anything to say and turned aside, then suddenly swung back and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Goodbye, then, and good luck. Don’t come down – I’ll see myself out.’

  But she did come down and opened the door for him, ready to wish him good luck, too, then halted. Just locking his car and turning to greet her was Evan.

  Sixty-Eight

  There were no smiles. Both men stood staring at each other, their eyes wary, their whole body language showing their deep mistrust. Roz, very pale, took a step towards Evan.

  ‘This is Jamie Shield, Evan. He called to see how I was.’ She glanced at Jamie. ‘And this is Evan MacGarry, Jamie. He lives up the stair.’

  Jamie nodded, and Roz could almost see the thought going through his head, as his eyes went over Evan’s handsome face and his black hair from which he’d swept his hat, that this was not just a neighbour. Oh, no, he must have picked up instantly that this was the ‘someone else’ and wished he were anywhere but on the doorstep.

  ‘How d’you do?’ he said politely. ‘I was glad to see that Roz had made a good recovery. We worked together at Tarrel’s.’

  ‘I know,’ Evan said shortly, and that was true – he knew all about Jamie Shield and what had happened when he’d worked with Roz at Tarrel’s. But he was taking his cue from Roz, who was evidently on friendly terms with Jamie, which meant that Evan would not be knocking him down, as he might have otherwise done.

  ‘Nice of you to look in. I’m just back early to see how Roz is myself.’ His slate-blue eyes moved to Roz. ‘Such good weather, I thought we might go for a walk.’

  ‘Oh, yes, I’d like that,’ she said at once, but the colour had risen to Jamie’s face and he began to move awa
y down the street.

  ‘Good to meet you, Mr MacGarry,’ he said in a low voice. ‘Roz, take care. I’d better be getting back now.’

  ‘That your car?’ asked Evan, looking at a handsome Rover parked a little down the street.

  ‘Yes, I got it last year.’

  ‘This is my Morris just here. Goodbye, Mr Shield.’

  The two men, still unsmiling, nodded, then Evan moved to stand closer to Roz while Jamie opened his car door, took his seat, gave a long last look at Roz and drove fast away. In a moment, he was gone.

  ‘My God, the brass neck of that fellow!’ Evan cried. ‘Coming here, asking how you were – why didn’t you just show him the door?’

  ‘Let’s go up the stair,’ she said urgently, taking his hand. ‘I just want to be with you.’

  In the flat she leaned against him, taking deep sighs as he carefully avoided her arm in plaster and held her close, looking into her face with wondering eyes.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he murmured. ‘Has he upset you? I wanted to punch him, but you seemed to want to be friendly.’

  ‘It’s best, Evan. Best to have no bitterness. And I’m just so glad to be with you, I don’t mind feeling sorry for Jamie.’

  ‘Well, I don’t want these fellows coming round you again. You’ve already had that Carmichael guy turning up at the hospital, and now there’s been Jamie Shield. What do they think they can do? Just come back when they feel like it?’

  Roz drew him to the sofa where they sat together, she still leaning against him, unable to let him go.

  ‘It did upset me a bit, seeing Jamie,’ she admitted. ‘He seems so unhappy. People make such a mess of their lives, eh? I can’t help feeling bad for him.’

  ‘Just remember he nearly made a mess of your life, never mind his own.’

  But as he held her fast, Evan’s eyes were tender, as though he’d passed from worrying over Jamie to thinking only about Roz. ‘Roz, darling, don’t you think it’s about time that we …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well … made it official.’ He ran his hand down her face. ‘We both know what we want, don’t we? To be together. And what’s the best way of being together?’

  ‘Why don’t you tell me?’ she asked, breathing hard.

  ‘I’ll have to get off this sofa, then. Can’t go down on one knee if I’m sitting down.’

  ‘Evan, what are you saying?’

  ‘I’m asking, as a matter of fact.’ Gently setting her aside, Evan slid from the sofa on to his knees, and smiled. ‘Mind if it’s two knees? No? Well, here goes. Roz, will you marry me?’

  She threw her arms around him, beaming with happiness. ‘Do I need to say? Oh, yes, Evan, of course I will!’

  ‘You won’t mind if I keep going to work, at least at first?’ she finally asked, when they’d spent some time kissing and gazing into each other’s eyes. ‘So many women do these days, though some men don’t like it.’

  ‘I want you to do just what you want to do. If you’re happy with your house-selling, that’s OK by me.’

  ‘I’m not really happy with that, Evan. Not now. I’d really like to do something else.’

  ‘Such as?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I want to get my priorities right. Maybe work with people. Women who need help. Or families.’

  ‘You’d be good at that. You have a sympathetic manner.’

  ‘Well, I thought I’d get some advice. See if my qualifications would be OK, and then if there are any courses I could do. Oh, it’s all up in the air at the moment.’ She kissed him again. ‘All I want is to be with you.’

  ‘We have to plan the wedding, you know. How about a double one, with Chrissie and Bob? And Dougal doing double duty as best man.’

  ‘Why, he might be planning to get married himself. Ma says he’s keen on his nurse. She’s such a lovely person, I hope it’s true.’

  ‘If it is she won’t want him back in the army. Maybe he doesn’t want that himself?’

  ‘We’ll have to see.’ Roz looked seriously into Evan’s eyes. ‘Do you think things are working out for us?’

  ‘Sure they are! Why would you think anything else?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She laughed a little. ‘Suppose I’m not used to too much happiness. But Dougal’s better and Chrissie’s got Bob …’

  ‘And you’ve got me.’

  They kissed long and deeply.

  ‘I’ve got you,’ Roz agreed. ‘So there’s only Ma to worry about. Never know when the black cloud will land.’

  ‘I’d say she was better now, but if any clouds do come, I’ll be here to help, Roz. I always will. I’ll be here for you.’

  ‘I know.’

  They were silent, and would have gone into each other’s arms, but Evan said, ‘Hey, isn’t that the door?’

  ‘Ma!’ cried Roz, leaping to her feet. ‘She’s been shopping. Oh, wait till she hears our news!’

  ‘Are you there, Roz?’ Flo cried, coming in with loaded bags. ‘Oh, Evan, how grand to see you! You must stay and have your tea. Everything all right while I was out, Roz?’

  ‘You could say that,’ said Roz, then she and Evan laughed and told Flo their news, at which she burst into tears of happiness. And as they hugged and kissed and talked about family, the future for them all, they knew, could hold no fear.