Embittered Ruby

by Nicole O'Dell

  Don’t run. Don’t draw attention. Move gracefully and quickly like a panther. Carmen arrived at her destination in a matter of moments.

  Deep breath. Don’t let him see you flustered.

  Pretend you just heard a good joke. Carmen gave a little laugh and wiped at her eyes as she rounded the corner and entered the media room. There he stood, peering into a laptop screen with a media player open. Perfect. “Oh. You scared me. I didn’t know anyone was in here.” Carmen fanned herself.

  Justin turned piercing blue eyes onto her face. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to frighten you…Carmen, is it?”

  He remembered her name. Carmen wanted to squeal like the president of his fan club. She set down the bulging napkin and pretended to riffle through some papers on the desk.

  “Are you looking for the music playlist, too? I can’t seem to find it anywhere.” Justin ran his fingers through his waves, pulling them back from his face for one blissful moment.

  The bump to the right of the bridge of his nose gave away the childhood secret of a once-broken nose. Had it happened during sports? Or maybe a school-yard scuffle?

  “Yeah. It seems to have disappeared.” Carmen shrugged. “Guess we’ll have to wing it.” Oh, the food. “Hey, want a snack?” She tipped her head toward the napkin. “They’re all yours if you want them.”

  Justin’s eyes lit up. “I’m starving. Thanks so much.” He took a bite of the stuffed mushroom, and his eyebrows went sky high. “This is amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything like this.” He raised a hand to cover his lips as he spoke through the food in his mouth.

  “Thank you.” Nate loved her mushrooms, too. “I heard you want to be a chef. Is that true?” “I think so. It’s really competitive, but I’ll give it a try.” Carmen shrugged.

  “I definitely think you should.” Well, it’s settled then.

  “And then I want to know where your restaurant is so I can have more of these one day.”

  “I’ll keep you posted.” Now or never. But how could she hurt Justin? He was such a good soul. But Carmen needed to look out for herself and not worry about Olivia. The girl had never even given her the time of day. “So, Justin. Can we talk for a minute?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Sure.…What’s up?”

  His hesitation gave Carmen pause. He was probably predisposed not to trust Carmen because of her background. She’d have to tread lightly. “This is kind of hard to say.…I’m a firm believer in just spitting out the bad stuff…like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

  Justin smiled. “All evidence to the contrary.” His hair fell forward to cover his eye.

  Swoon. “Okay.” Deep breath. “I heard something the other day, and I thought you should know about it.” Act nervous. Justin needed to believe that it was difficult for Carmen to tell him the bad news. If she spoke confidently, he’d be more likely to question her motives.

  “Okay. Can we try to get to the point? I’m kind of expected back.”

  “It’s Olivia.”

  Justin’s eyes narrowed. “Go on.”

  “Well, I met these people at church, and apparently she’s been…uh…hooking up with one of the guys.” Carmen averted her eyes as though she were embarrassed. Was he buying it? If he did, then it would mean he didn’t trust Olivia deep down. If he didn’t trust her, then Olivia must have done something to make him doubt. If that was the case, then their relationship was already rocky, and Carmen was just giving it a little push.

  “What are you talking about?” His eyes flamed.

  Uh-oh. He sounded angry. “Look, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just passing along information I think you should know.”

  “This is quite an accusation. I don’t believe it for a minute. I’m going to need a name so I can have a few words with this jerk.”

  Was that smoke coming from his ears? “I can’t give you a name. In fact, I don’t even know the dude. I’m just telling you what I heard.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry I snapped at you. Thank you, I guess, for telling me this, however ridiculous it is. Just keep it to yourself, okay?”

  “Of course I will.” Just between you and me, baby. Justin moved to leave the room, shaking his head. “Ridiculous.”

  Had that been a statement or a question? “Hey, Justin, if you ever need to talk…”

  Chapter 30

  I will dance…for my King…,” the worship team belted. Rows and rows of teenagers began to gallop around the youth room like a herd of wild horses, shouting the words to the song. What were they doing?

  “That’s it, you guys.” Justin spoke into the microphone as he strummed his guitar and the drums beat a raucous cadence. “Let go. Be undignified for God. Show the world, like King David did, you don’t care what people think.”

  “…even more undignified than this.” The running teenagers shouted the words to the song.

  Undignified? Well at least they got something right. Carmen couldn’t take it any longer. And while the herd was on the move, she was out of there.

  Maneuvering among the mass of teens, Carmen scooted to the door and sneaked through just before the music trickled down to a ballad. Phew. Perfect timing.

  Without a moment’s hesitation, she zipped over to the stairwell where she’d met up with those three her first week there. Maybe they wouldn’t be there, but it was worth a shot. Ah. The familiar smell reached her senses before the sound of their giggling did.

  “Hey. Mind if I join you guys?”

  “Hey look. It’s our buddy from Diamond Estates.” The apparent leader of the group scooted his superstretch, green skinny jeans over to make room for Carmen. “Have a seat.”

  A girl with two pitch-black pigtails, thick black eyeliner, and bright-red lipstick moved over to make room. “I’m Kansas. Like the band.”

  “I’m Carmen.” She looked at the two boys.

  “I’m Billy. He’s my brother Sam.” Billy jerked his head back at the slouchy boy with the saggy jeans.

  “Hey.”

  He gave a nod toward Carmen.

  Sam didn’t talk? Why so dark and unhappy?

  “So why do you keep sneaking out of church?” The girl flipped her hair out of her eyes.

  Kansas? Was that really her name? “I just can’t take it in there. I would never, ever jump around and wave my hands like they do. I don’t get it at all.” Were they going to share the marijuana with Carmen? Did she even want them to?

  Billy nodded.

  “I feel the same way.” Kansas rolled her eyes. “I can see acting like a crazed fan if you’re high at an epic rock concert. But church? Totally sober? No thanks. And it seems like they all want to outdo each other with how nutso they get.”

  Kansas held the joint out to Carmen. “Want a hit off this?”

  Yes. She wanted to feel normal even if only for a moment. “I don’t know. I could get in a lot of trouble.” But how much did she care?

  “We could all get in trouble. Sometimes you just have to take some chances.” Billy bumped knuckles with Sam.

  Carmen knew all about taking chances; she’d been the master of risk taking her whole life. But she would be in huge trouble just for sneaking out of church. Imagine if they caught her smoking dope. How bad would it be if she got caught leaving the youth room, hanging out with undesirables like those three, and smoking pot? Her time at Diamond Estates would likely be over—Ben might even call the cops. But maybe Carmen just didn’t care enough to stay out of trouble. Didn’t seem like life was all that different at Diamond Estates than anywhere else.

  People were the same everywhere. She could keep rules, break rules, miss Nate, and hate herself all from the comforts of home. If Mom would let her. Carmen just didn’t sense any big life-changing epiphany about to come over her.

  One hit couldn’t affect her too much, but it might be just enough. She pinched the stick between her thumb and forefinger and brought it to her lips. Sucking in the heady air, Carmen filled her lungs until they were on fire. She held the smoke for as
long as she could stand it then released the air along with much of her tension.

  Ahh. Carmen leaned her head back on the wall and closed her eyes as the waves of peace flooded her body. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

  Everyone lost in a private experience, no one said a word until Carmen couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “So you two are brothers?”

  Billy nodded. “He’s the baby.”

  Sam slugged him in the arm.

  “So your parents make you come to church?” Carmen took another drag as the marijuana came around the tight circle.

  Billy chuckled. “Yeah. You could say that.”

  What did he mean? Carmen shot a quizzical glance at Kansas.

  “His dad’s the main pastor here.”

  Their father? “Really? That must be weird.” Mommy and Daddy must be so proud.

  “Yeah. Me and Sam are kind of stuck coming to church. But it doesn’t mean we have to like it.” Sam snorted. “Not for long.”

  So he did speak. “What do you mean not for long?”

  Kansas flashed a bright smile as she handed the joint to Billy. “We’re moving into an apartment together. All three of us.”

  “Do your parents know?”

  “We’re not telling them until we move out.”

  “Um, yeah. I tried the same approach. It didn’t work all that well, just FYI.” Would things have gone very differently if Carmen had waited only a few more days to give her mom the time to get used to the idea of Carmen living with Nate? She’d have never been out on the street that night. She might never have been kidnapped by Marco. Diego might not have gotten hurt, at least that time or in her defense.

  And she might still be with Nate. Pregnant with his baby. Planning a wedding.

  Wasn’t marijuana supposed to put people in a good mood? Carmen needed to change the subject. “Are you and Billy dating?” She looked at Kansas.

  Kansas coughed. “Me and Billy? That’s too funny. No, me and Sam are a thing. I don’t know if you call it dating.” She nudged Sam, and they both laughed. “Might be more of a friend with bennies kind of thing.”

  Gross.

  Billy nudged Carmen with his shoulder. “I’m right here. If you’re trying to ask me out, feel free. You don’t have to go through Kansas.”

  “Ha. Like I could go out with anyone…let alone someone like you.” Or would want to. Cute and, according to his name brands and who his dad was, he was obviously rolling in the bank. But even so, that whole Hollister, metrosexual vibe was a bit out there for Carmen.

  “They’d let you go out with me. Remember, I’m the PK.”

  “Yeah, not gonna happen.” At least not now. But who knew what could happen if Justin shot her down.

  The minutes rolled by, and the last thing Carmen wanted to do was go back to the church service, but she had no choice. “I have to go. Wish I could hang out with you guys, though. Maybe next week?”

  “You still have my number?” Billy lifted his cell phone. “You might need it.”

  “I’ve got it hidden away for safekeeping.” Never know.

  “How about a Sunday afternoon horseback ride to burn off all that pasta?” Tricia rubbed her nonexistent belly as she rinsed a dish and put it in the tray to run though the industrial-sized dishwasher.

  “No one said you had to eat it all.” Not horses. Anything but horses.

  “Well, there’s so much left over from the wedding yesterday because everyone filled up on your appetizers. Any chance you could take over the cooking in this place?”

  “Hey. I heard that.” Marilyn put her hands on her hips and scowled at Tricia.

  Did Marilyn have supersonic hearing? Carmen covered her mouth to suppress a giggle.

  Tricia strode across the room and patted Marilyn’s arm. “I didn’t mean any offense, but come on. Did you taste that stuff she made?” Tricia jerked her head toward Carmen.

  “Yeah, yeah. She had weeks to plan her little finger sandwiches. Try three meals a day, every single day. Then come talk to me about taking over.” Marilyn crossed her arms on her bosom. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

  Hard to tell if she was kidding or serious. Probably a little of both.

  Tricia laughed. “Someone’s jealous.” She winked. “Anyway, back to this afternoon. Want to saddle up some horses and go for a ride?”

  Oh no. Carmen thought she’d managed to avoid the question. She’d done a pretty good job of steering clear of the horses in the weeks she’d been at Diamond Estates. Whenever the other girls wanted to ride, she claimed a headache or something, but no one would believe illness had crept up on her all of a sudden.

  “We need to sneak in a good run before the trail disappears completely until spring.”

  Which is exactly what Carmen had hoped would happen. “I don’t know, T. Kinda in the mood for a book and a nap.”

  “Oh please. You’re always in the mood for bed. It’s a gorgeous day out there. Let’s get outside.”

  “Why don’t you ask Kira? Or Leila?” Although Leila might hurt the horse.

  Tricia shook her head. “Nope. I want you to come. We’re going. No more discussion. I’ll go get permission from someone.”

  “Great.” What a nightmare. Visions of her last ride pelted Carmen’s memory. At nine years old a family friend had invited them over for a ride. They put Carmen on top of the sweetest old horse. They said she was even too old to run very fast. But as soon as Carmen settled on her back, she took off bucking and jumping around like crazy. It didn’t take much for that manic animal to toss Carmen high into the air.

  She shuddered as she remembered being airborne, knowing she would hit the ground and likely be trampled by a horse. Carmen shook her head to clear the trauma. There had been way too many moments of lucid thought as she flew through the air and then landed on the hard ground. Should she roll or stay still? Should she scream or remain calm? Those horse hooves had danced all around her head, but they never touched her.

  Marilyn cleared her throat. “Um. You never know. You might like it.”

  “I doubt it.”

  Marilyn bustled away. “But hey, enough about horses. Would you teach me how to make that lobster stuff you served yesterday?” Marilyn busied herself.

  Ha. Marilyn was trying to be nonchalant? “Oh? You liked my food?”

  “Well, you know. It was different.” Marilyn blushed. “Don’t worry—your secret is safe with me.”

  Dear Nellie,

  Kind of in a hurry, not that I want to rush, but I needed to get this off my chest first.

  What am I going to do about Leila’s arms? I should tell someone else and then back out of it. It’s too freaky for me to imagine she’s been spending all that time in the bathroom cutting on her own body. I’m positive that’s what it is because some of the scars are old, some are only healing, and some are very fresh. Why do people do that?

  The cutting explains the long sleeves and the disappearing. But it doesn’t answer why. Why is she like that? What’s been so bad in her past?

  Now I’m supposed to meet Tricia at the stables to go riding. I’m not a fan of the idea. If anything should happen to me, give all of my possessions to my mom.

  Love,

  Carmen

  “I’ve got us a riding buddy.” Tricia approached from around the front of the barn with Goth girl at her side wearing all black. Her silver chains tinkled as she walked. She stared at the ground even as she approached. Carmen knew she’d be uncomfortable, too, if she were dragged out to be a third wheel on a horseback ride.

  But Goth girl? Where had she come from, and why would Tricia befriend her now, all of a sudden? Tammy must have counseled her about reaching out more. “I don’t think we’ve actually met. I’m Carmen.”

  “Good to meet you. I’m Roxy.” Her voice sounded raspy. From lack of use? She looked down at her feet, never making eye contact. How did she know who she was speaking to? She must have eyes in the top of her head. Did her earlobes hurt st
retched to the size of a dime? And how about those tattoos that peeked out the neckline of her shirt? Those had to hurt.

  “Roxy has been here for a couple of months, and I thought it was past time we got to know each other a little bit.” Tricia approached a gelding from the side and rubbed its neck.

  “Good plan.” But now with Roxy there, how could Carmen ever admit to Tricia that she was terrified of horses? She knew how to ride—that wasn’t the problem. Carmen had done it a lot when she was little, but that one throw had been all it took to turn her off the animal completely. But she was stuck unless she wanted to admit she was scared. Hopefully the Diamond Estates horses were mild and well behaved. But they’d said the same thing about that other monster, too.

  “So, T, how do I pick a horse?” Carmen looked up and down the stalls. Two were snorting and pacing. No way she would get on one of those.

  “You seem a tad skittish. You should probably go with Cinnamon.” Tricia inspected both sides of Cinnamon’s saddle blanket and then laid it across the horse’s back. She heaved the saddle onto Cinnamon and tightened the cinch.

  The horse didn’t fuss or snort at the weight of the saddle. So far, so good.

  Tricia held Cinnamon’s head up and made soothing shushing noises. “Go ahead and put your left foot in the stirrup and swing your right leg over. Super easy.”

  Carmen grabbed the saddle and pulled, trying to swing her leg over. Three tries later, in not quite the graceful elegance demonstrated by Tricia, Carmen sat atop her horse. Something she had once vowed never to do again.

  Where had Roxy gone? Carmen spied her through the barn door, walking her mare in the barnyard.

  “Tricia,” Carmen whispered. “What made you invite her? She’s not your usual type.”

  Tricia shrugged. “She’s pretty cool. She’s always alone here, but I heard she had tons of friends at her school. I think she has kind of pulled back to avoid rejection. Plus, Tammy has been talking to me…and I’m sort of convicted lately about being too cliquish. Does that make sense?”