A Secret to Keep

by Railyn Stone

  “You don’t get it. Neither one of us was thinking about what would happen the next day or what it means now that we’ve slept together again. Sloane wants a family and I…” He drifted off, looking at the picture of a smiling Brayden at his birthday party with Elmo on his desk.

  “You what? What do you want, Gates? Do you want Sloane or not?”

  “It’s not that easy, Evan.”

  “You keep saying that but, yes, it is.” Evan stood and leaned on the back of his chair looking at Gates intently. “Gates, she’s the mother of your son and the love of your life. What’s the problem? There isn’t anything else to it. You’re either with her or you aren’t. It’s that simple. You’re making this harder than it has to be.”

  “I wish it was, Ev, but she deserves something I can’t give her.”

  “What’re you talking about?”

  “She deserves the family she’s always wanted. She deserves someone devoted to helping her raise Brayden and to be there, but I can’t do that.” Throwing his hands up Gates stood and walked over to the bay of windows. “Take a look around. This is all I know, Evan. This is what I do. It’s who I am. I can’t be there all of the time. At some point, I’m going to disappoint her or Brayden and I don’t think I could live with that. If we stay the way we are, then I can’t disappoint anyone or let anyone down.”

  “Well, that’s not possible now, is it? You’ve slept together and that changes things.” Evan paused and looked over at his friend and sighed. “Gates, is that really what you’re worried about? Letting them down?”

  “Isn’t that what I do? Evan, I can’t be there all the time.”

  “Let me ask you something, Gates. Do you know anyone besides Superman that can? I don’t care who it is, no one is going to be able to be there at every moment, but what you can do is try to be there as much as you can. I’m sure Sloane understands that by now. You’re putting more pressure on yourself than anyone else.”

  Gates turned to look out the window at the clouds banking up in the distance. “I’m too much like him, Ev.” Gates offered with funeral-like solemnity. He was just like Victor. Everything about him and his life was just like his father. “Lying there with her in my arms, felt right. But then, I realized nothing bad has influenced Brayden’s life. Sloane’s amazing with him. She has friends around him that provide so much stability. What can I do but come in and wreck all of that? I’m his father and I can’t do anything for him but support him monetarily. Coming and going out of his life each weekend or video chats every other day, that’s not being a father. I don’t know how to do anything more than that. Now I understand why my father was never there. He didn’t know how.”

  He stood with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders sagged as he stared at the busy streets below. Gates had agonized for weeks over his abrupt decision to leave Sloane’s house the morning after the party. He’d watched her for hours sleeping in his arms and he realized he couldn’t give her or Brayden what they deserved. No matter how much he wanted to be with her and watch their son grow together, he knew it wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t fair to Brayden and it wasn’t fair to her. He wasn’t going to hurt them again.

  “So, what do you deserve, Gates?”

  “What?” Gates replied, shooting Evan a puzzled look.

  “What do you deserve? Don’t you deserve a family and to be happy?”

  “This isn’t about what I deserve, Evan. It’s about what’s best for Brayden and Sloane, and I’m not it.”

  “How do you know that? Huh? It’s pretty obvious she’s okay with you being a part of their life. So that’s it? You’re giving up?”

  Scrubbing his hands across his face, Gates leveled his eyes at his best friend. Why couldn’t he understand? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with Sloane. He did. He loved her, but he didn’t want to hurt her anymore. When she’d told him ‘everything was perfect’, he realized then he could never be the man she wanted him to be. “I have no choice, Evan.”

  “Gates, you do have a choice. There’s one big difference in all of this from the relationship you had with your father, or the lack of a relationship you had with him. You’re not Victor. I don’t care how much you may believe you don’t have anything to offer Brayden; you do. He deserves to have you as a father. And contrary to what you believe, you deserve to be happy too. You can’t rob that little boy of the father he deserves to have. You can buy him anything he wants in this world, but Gates, that kid is going to love you no matter what you buy him or don’t buy him. Hell, he loves you already for the small amount of time you’ve spent with him. That’s all he needs. He just needs you in his life. Don’t take that away from him.” Evan started towards the door then turned around to look at Gates. “Oh, and another thing…the difference between you and your dad…you want to be a father to your child. He didn’t.”

  ###

  “I still can’t believe he left.”

  “Liyah, please, give it a rest. I don’t want to talk about Gates anymore.” Sloane was trying her best to push thoughts of their night together out of her mind and failing miserably.

  “It doesn’t seem like Gates. He’s not one for playing games so I’m a little surprised by the whole situation.”

  “I know.” All she’d been able to do since the morning he walked out was wonder what had gone wrong. It wasn’t like Gates and she had no clue what she’d done. She couldn’t figure out his standoffish attitude or the fact his calls to check on Brayden had become sparse over the past weeks. Even their video chats for him to see Brayden on a regular basis weren’t the same. None of it made sense to her.

  “Have you heard anything from him?”

  “He called once right after he left. We’ve had a few video chats. I’ve sent him some pictures and updates. That’s about it.”

  “Wow. That’s crazy. What are you going to do?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. One minute things are good and the next he’s gone. You know how I told you he wants to support me so I can stay home with Brayden and I told him I would think about it?” She waited for Liyah to nod before continuing. “Well, he didn’t even wait to get my answer.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “My bank account is a lot bigger than what it was last week.”

  “Are you serious? He started depositing money?” Liyah looked at Sloane with wide eyes.

  “Yes. And I’m not talking about small amounts. I could probably live off the interest of the amount he’s already given me. He didn’t even give me a chance to turn him down.”

  “So are you thinking about the offer? It sounds like an awesome opportunity. You’re always saying you’d like to be able to spend more time with Brayden; at least until he goes to school. Now’s your chance.”

  Sloane nodded in deep thought. The money was nice, but it wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted Gates. The night they spent together was so much more than a one-night thing for her and she couldn’t understand how he could blow her off like nothing happened. “I don’t know. It’s almost like he’s trying to buy me off.”

  “Sloane, I really don’t think that’s the case. Regardless of all that’s happened I truly believe Gates loves you. Maybe he’s not sure how to handle his feelings.”

  “Maybe, but what about my feelings? What about Brayden? He’s not the only one this affects you know.” The whole situation was bizarre. With the way Gates was acting, she was starting to understand more and more how keeping her secret for so long had affected them all.

  They sat in silence for a moment before Liyah chirped up. “So, now what?”

  “Things go back to the way they were, I guess.” Sloane shrugged her shoulders as she and Liyah finished their lunch.

  “That’ll be awkward the next time he comes to visit Brayden won’t it?”

  “I guess, but there isn’t much I can do at this point. And the way it looks, I don’t see him coming to visit Brayden much anymore.”

 
“Are you serious? He’s been getting so much closer to him. I don’t know how anything could go back to the way it was if it was me.”

  “I don’t have much of a choice, Liyah.” She wanted things to be different between her and Gates. In all honesty, she wanted it to be like the fairy tales where they lived happily ever after, but now that seemed like a fleeting fantasy. What went wrong between the two of them? Not just the night of Brayden’s birthday, but over a year ago when she left. Somehow they’d grown apart and she had no clue if there was any way they could find their way back.

  The shrill ring of her cell phone brought her out of her thoughts. “This is Sloane.” She looked at Liyah with a concerned look on her face and wondered why Brayden’s day care was calling.

  “Hi Sloane, its Amy.”

  “Amy, hey, is everything okay?”

  “Actually, Brayden’s running a fever. He was playing this morning and all of a sudden, he got really irritable and warm. So, we took his temperature and he’s got a pretty high one. You’re going to have to come and get him.”

  “I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Thanks, Amy.”

  “Is he okay,” Liyah asked, grabbing her purse.

  “He has a temperature. I have to go get him. Can you tell Isabella I’ll call her? I don’t think it’s anything big, but depending on his temperature-”

  “Don’t worry, I got you covered. Hey think of it this way, it may be your sign that you’re needed at home instead of at the Foundation.” Liyah added as they got into Sloane’s car. “Call me and let me know how he’s doing and if you need anything. I’ll stop by after work.”

  “Thanks, Liyah.” Sloane quickly dropped Liyah back at the office and raced to the day care to pick up Brayden.

  Once she was home with him, she tried everything she could to break his fever, but nothing would work. Suddenly, she noticed he was beginning to look blue around his mouth. His breathing was becoming more labored and Sloane quickly gathered him up and headed to the hospital. Entering the emergency room, she could barely think straight as she tried to answer the barrage of questions from the nurse.

  “Ma’am, you’re going to have to stay out here so the doctors can do their job.” The nurse patted Sloane’s arm, trying to comfort her.

  “You don’t understand; that’s my little boy. He, he needs me.”

  “He will be fine, but we have to let the doctors do their job. How about we come over here and take a seat. Is there someone I can call for you? Do you want me to call his father?” The nurse ushered Sloane to a chair to wait.

  “What?” She could barely hear the woman talking to her as she watched them wheeling her son away. It felt like her entire body was shaking and she had no clue what to do.

  “His father? Do you need me to call him?”

  Looking at the nurse, Sloane suddenly realized she needed to call Gates to let him know Brayden was sick. Their conversations had been few and far between in the weeks since he left her the morning after they slept together and she wondered if she should even bother.

  “No, I can call him.”

  “Okay, well, I’ll come to get you as soon as you can see your son.”

  Sloane nodded and moved to a quieter area of the waiting room to make a couple of calls. She’d rushed out of the house so fast that the only thing she picked up was her cell phone. She forgot her purse, which had her wallet and all of her insurance information. Even if she wanted to fill out the paperwork attached to the clipboard one of the receptionists brought to her, she couldn’t. She called Liyah first to have her go by her house to pick up her purse.

  Getting off the phone with Liyah, she knew she needed to contact Gates. He hadn’t been spending much time with Brayden, but he should at least know he was in the hospital.

  ###

  “Excuse me, Gates, you have a phone call.” Linda whispered in Gates ear. She’d entered the boardroom quietly and walked over to where Gates sat.

  “Lin, just take a message and I’ll call them back.”

  “I think you need to take this.” Seeing the look on her face, Gates excused himself from the room and followed her to the reception desk to pick up the receiver. Linda never interrupted his meetings and with the look she had on her face, he knew it must be important.

  “Gates McCall.”

  “Gates?”

  “Sloane? I’m in the middle-”

  “I’m sorry to bother you, but…” She sniffed, and he could tell she was fighting back tears.

  Sensing something was wrong, his body tensed at the fear he detected in her voice. “Sloane, are you okay? What’s going on?”

  “It’s Brayden.” He heard her voice tremble with each syllable as she tried her best to keep her composure and his demeanor softened.

  “What’s wrong with Brayden?”

  “I’m at the hospital. Brayden has a fever and I couldn’t break it and he started turning blue and-” she rattled on and the fear in her voice shook him to his core.

  “Whoa, wait a minute. Slow down. He’s in the hospital?” Gates noticed Linda look up at him from her seat behind the desk. “Sloane, just tell me what’s going on.” His heart nearly stopped at hearing the words tumbling out of her mouth. He’d only started getting to know his son and now he was in the hospital.

  “I got a call from the daycare and they said he had a fever and I needed to pick him up. So I went and got him, and he was so warm, Gates. He was crying and miserable. I tried to break his fever, but it seemed like the more I did the worse it got and I couldn’t get him comfortable. So then he started turning blue and he was breathing so hard. I jumped in the car and brought him to the hospital. I’m so scared. And they won’t let me see him.” Hearing her dissolve into tears broke him in half.

  “Sloane,” Gates tried his best to soften his voice as he attempted to comfort her. Hearing her cry was more than he could take. He’d always hated to see her cry, but now he didn’t know what was worse, seeing it in person or being on the other end of the phone with no way to console her. He was helpless and he’d never felt so vulnerable in his entire life. “He’s going to be fine. Listen to me. He’s going to be okay. I’m on my way, but you’ve got to stay strong for him like you always are.”

  “I don’t know if I can. I’m so scared. They haven’t let me see him and I don’t know what’s going on.” He knew she was scared. Hell, he was too. He’d never expected to get a call that his one-year old was in the hospital. He had no clue what was going on and at the moment all he wanted to do was be there with them both. Why had he left? Why had he turned his back on the life he could have? Now it could be too late and he may never have the chance to have a family. His family.

  “Are you there by yourself?”

  “Yes. Liyah’s on her way.” He could barely hear her tiny voice in the receiver. Her fear resonated with every word and he knew this was serious.

  “Okay, look, I’m leaving now and I’ll be there as fast as I can. Try and calm down and stay strong for our little boy. Can you do that for me?”

  “I don’t know if I can.” Her voice faltered and cracked and he scrubbed his face with his hand, trying his hardest to keep his composure. Closing his eyes, he swore inwardly at his stupid decision to leave them.

  “Sloane, I know you’re scared, but I promise I’m on my way and he’s going to be fine.” He waited to hear her say okay before hanging up the phone and raking his hand through his hair.

  “Is everything okay?” Evan asked and Gates turned to see his friend standing at his side waiting for a response.

  “No. Brayden’s in the hospital and they aren’t telling Sloane anything. I’ve got to, uh...” Gates trailed off thinking about how scared Sloane sounded on the phone. He needed to get to them, and quick.

  “Hey don’t worry about anything; I’ll handle the rest of this.”

  “You sure?”

  “Of course. Go see your son and keep me posted.”

  “Thanks.” />
  “You think you two could wrap up this little gossip session? We have a deal to finish.” Angelica appeared in front of the two, tapping her watch.

  “Gel, Gates is leaving. I’ll handle the rest of the meeting.”

  “What? Are you crazy? This deal is not closed yet and you’re leaving? What could be so important that you have to leave? Oh, please don’t tell me it’s Sloane.” Angelica crossed her arms, rolling her eyes.

  “Gel-” Evan groaned, stopping abruptly as Gates pivoted to face Angelica. His intense glare could start a fire on wet logs.

  “What I do with my personal life is my business. But since you must know, my son is in the hospital and I’m going to see him. If that’s okay with you?” Gates stood with fire in his eyes waiting for Angelica to respond before Evan spoke up and urged Gates to go ahead and leave.

  “Gates, just go. I’ll make sure everything is taken care of.” Evan nodded at him and gave Angelica a stern ‘shut your mouth’ look.

  “Brayden’s sick? I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” Angelica watched Gates stalk off and push through the heavy glass doors headed to the elevator. “Evan, I didn’t know.”

  “Gel, stop okay. You’ve been riding Gates for a while now about Sloane. Give it a rest. He loves his son, and contrary to what you believe, he still loves Sloane and she loves him. You need to accept it.” He turned to head back to the boardroom to finish up the meeting.

  ###

  Sloane was losing her mind. She kept pacing from one end of the room to the other. She wanted so badly to hold her baby in her arms. At this point, she wished someone would do the same for her. Namely, Gates.

  “Sloane?” She turned to crumble into her best friend’s arms.

  “Liyah.”

  “Honey, how is he?” Liyah pushed Sloane’s hair away from her face and took the clipboard from her shaky hands.

  “I don’t know. No one will tell me anything and I’m about to go crazy. He was so hot and he could hardly breathe. I’ve never seen him this sick before.” Sloane sat down in a cold plastic chair and Liyah sat beside her.