Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou SweetheartThe Firefighter's New FamilySeason of Redemption

by Lenora Worth

  She sank onto a kitchen chair and buried her face in her hands, tears wetting her fingers, her center barraged with hopes and dreams slamming into the darker images. Lord, why? Why does this kind, loving, caring man have a career that screamed death and loss? Why can’t I overcome my fears and worries?

  Her thoughts shriveled as silence filled her mind. From somewhere deep, words flowed into her thoughts like a soft voice, so hushed she could barely make out the sounds. Trust in the Lord—He is your help and shield.

  She ran her knuckles across her damp eyes and inched her head upward, searching for the source of the voice, yet she knew the search would be fruitless. God’s Word had spoken a reminder of her faith. Trust in the Lord and lean not on her own understanding.

  Trust. The word that caught in her throat and muddied her mind.

  “Lord, help me trust You.” Her voice broke the silence of her kitchen. She’d sometimes questioned the depth of her faith. Tonight offered another example of why she asked the question. A Christian had to lay her burdens at Jesus’ feet and walk away, not cling to them as if they were precious gifts.

  She rose and slid the chair beneath the table, swallowed a drink of water from the glass she’d filled and poured the rest into the sink. She turned off the light and made her way up the stairs to her bedroom. With each step, she offered a whispered prayer. “I lay my burdens at Your feet and trust in You, Lord.”

  * * *

  As Devon listened to Kaylee singing to herself from the living room, he sat in the kitchen staring at the clock. He’d returned Ashley’s dishes from the picnic the next day as he’d promised, but he’d only set them on the counter and made an excuse to leave.

  He cared more than he could say, but he was tired of the ups and downs with Ashley. Her mind had been dented by something in her past—her mother, her last romantic experience or a deep love for her deceased husband that she couldn’t move past. Something. If she cared enough she would tell him, screamed in his mind. He’d admitted the flaw he thought had caused his failed marriage. Now he’d learned the truth. Though his work schedule didn’t help the situation, the greatest issue now eased his mind. Gina had an illness she couldn’t control, one that would never be cured.

  Since he’d opened up, why couldn’t Ashley tell him what bothered her? If she did, they could make it right, but if she clung to the problem, it would fester like a wound until any hope for a relationship would be lost. His heart grew heavy with the idea.

  His earlier worry vanished when after a short time Joey and Kaylee melded into an easy relationship. No more comments about age or gender. They’d become like brother and sister. His pulse clipped as the image settled in his mind.

  Since the touchy encounter with Ashley, he’d bitten off his nose to spite his face, as the old saying went. He missed Joey, and Kaylee asked more than once why they hadn’t visited Ashley and Joey. He rose and ambled to the living room, observing Kaylee from the doorway. She lay on the sofa, a book propped open on her tummy, but her mind seemed to be somewhere else since her eyes were closed and she sang a song about wishing on a star. He recognized it from one of the CDs she enjoyed.

  “You sing pretty.” He moved closer and sat on the edge of the sofa near her feet. He reached out to tickle them, and she jerked them up.

  She grinned, trying to tuck her feet beneath the cushion he was sitting on.

  Devon loved hearing her laugh. “That song’s from a movie.”

  She nodded. “Pinocchio.” She clamped two fingers on her nose and stretched. “If he lied, his nose got longer and longer.”

  “You’ll never have a long nose, will you?” He hoped she’d say she never lied.

  Her expression became thoughtful. “I don’t want a long nose.”

  That didn’t answer his question, but he managed to chuckle. “I think you’re a little bored. Should I read to you?” He drew his back straighter. “Better yet, how about you take a turn first?” He motioned toward her stack of books on the table.

  “Okay, but you read to me.” She slid the books around, pulled out one and handed it to him.

  “Don’t you like to read out loud?” He eyed the book and recognized it as one he’d read her often. “I thought your aunt Renee and your mom had you read aloud.”

  She shrugged. “Aunt Renee helps me.”

  His chest tightened seeing the expression on her face. “Not your mom?”

  She lowered her head, evading his eyes. “She’s...”

  Her hand shifted upward as if touching her nose, and he knew what bothered her. “You can tell me, Kaylee. Remember. I won’t ever make you do something you don’t want to do.”

  Her head shot upward, her gaze latching on to his. “But I want to, Daddy.”

  “You want to tell me? That’s good.”

  “No.” She shook her head as she responded. “Yes, I want to tell you, but what I really want is to live with you.”

  His heart careened in his chest. This wasn’t what he’d expected, and though he loved hearing her say it, he knew the change would result in a confrontation.

  “I’d love to have you here.” He dropped the book beside him and wrapped her in his arms. “But why do you want to leave your aunt Renee’s? What’s happened?”

  Her gaze shifted again. “Mom’s...” She sent him a plaintive look. “Mommy’s in the hospital again, and I don’t know when she’ll get out.”

  His limbs grew numb, frozen in time. Kaylee cuddled in his protective arms and needed his response. Words weighted his mind. What to say? What to do? He listened, and the answer came. “I’ll talk to your aunt Renee when she’s home from work. Is that what you’d like?”

  “She’ll be mad at me.” Her eyes locked with his again.

  “All you did was tell me the truth.” He lifted his hand and touched the end of her nose with his index finger. “Your nose is the same size it was this morning.”

  His comment brought a grin to her face. “Cuz I didn’t fib.”

  “Right. You told me what bothered you, and it needed saying.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you, sweetheart.” He scooted her onto his lap and wrapped her in his arms. “You know I have to work long hours. We’ll have to find a place for you to stay when I’m on duty.”

  “With Ashley. I can stay there.” She lifted her head from his shoulder. “I wish we would go visit Ashley now like we always do.”

  “How about...” His heartbeat escalated as it had been doing lately when he thought of Ashley. He longed to talk with her, and now Kaylee’s request gave him impetus. Having her live with him had been his dream, a complicated situation, but what he’d always wanted. Now it could come true, but he needed help and he didn’t think Ashley would be the answer. Not the way things sat with them.

  Kaylee’s head cocked, her eyes searching his. “How about what, Daddy?”

  Needing time to think, he tossed around options. “How about we go after dinner?”

  “How about now, and we could order a pizza for all of us?” She gave him a Cheshire cat grin.

  His time to think crumbled. To Kaylee, his need to think would be beyond her comprehension. And even worse, he had no idea how Ashley would react when he arrived at her door. Calling was out of the question. The only way was face-to-face.

  He grasped her cheeks in his hands and kissed Kaylee’s forehead. “I suppose we could take a walk over there, but don’t be disappointed if she...she already has dinner planned.” Or she doesn’t want to see your dad. That’s more likely. His shoulders drooped.

  Kaylee swung her legs to the floor and bounced up, unaware of his reticence. “Let’s go.” The book she’d selected fell to the floor as she rose. She lay it back on the vacated cushion before she skipped toward the front door, beckoning him to come.


  Her eagerness caught in his chest. Allowing his confusion to monitor what he’d wanted to do all along didn’t work for him or Kaylee. If he were a betting man, he’d wager Ashley’s kiss the other night meant exactly what he felt. She cared for him. Cared deeply. But they both had tiptoed around, clinging to past issues, and no progress would ever be made that way.

  While Kaylee stood in the open front door, he buried his thoughts and rose from the sofa, longing to see Ashley but how they were together weeks ago, before their kisses put a twisted spin on their relationship. He strode to the door and followed Kaylee outside. As she skipped along, singing the wishing-on-a-star song, he added his own wish for a smoother road for Ashley and him. If their relationship was to be nothing, he needed to know.

  He couldn’t bear the thought.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Devon.”

  Joey’s piping voice startled Ashley. She hit the footrest handle and lowered her legs as the doorbell rang. She eyed the door, waiting for it to open.

  Instead, she heard his knock.

  Joey flattened his face against the front window, cupping his eyes from the sun, and let out a yell. “Hi, Kaylee.”

  The excitement in his voice had to penetrate the window, but Devon seemed determined that she answer the door. Though she understood, it broke her heart. Why did they get themselves tangled in all the foolishness? She knew the answer before it left her mouth.

  Ashley opened the door. Kaylee entered first, and she greeted her with a hug. Then she opened the door wider. “Devon.” Regret she’d been unable to hide sounded in her voice. “It’s nice to see you.”

  Joey reached toward him, his arms as wide as his grin.

  Devon scooped him into the air and nuzzled his face into his neck and blew.

  Joey squirmed and giggled, and when he stopped, Joey didn’t. “More tickle.”

  But Devon’s gaze shifted to Kaylee. Instead of more tickles for Joey, he ruffled the boy’s hair and swung him to the floor, then drew Kaylee closer and tickled her neck with his fingers.

  That seemed all she needed. She giggled, too, and darted away from him as she grabbed Joey’s hand. Together, they bounded across the room to the toy box and Devon stood facing her. “Kaylee kept asking to come over and—”

  “I meant what I said.” Her stomach constricted as she motioned toward the easy chair. “It’s nice to see you.” Her eyes sought his. “I miss you.”

  He stood as if transfixed. “I miss you, too.”

  As if the words were an anchor, their eyes locked, and wholeness buoyed her spirit, a wholeness she’d lost with Adam’s death, and though the sensation warmed her, an uneasy feeling remained.

  She managed to step aside without leaping into his arms, and Devon followed her invitation, settling into the easy chair. Returning to the recliner, she sank into the cushion and lifted the footrest.

  “How’s the leg?” The question came casually though it seemed mundane when compared with the many issues that often made the air seem heavy.

  “I’m doing okay except for the stairs, especially when I have to carry something, but I’m becoming a pro.” She managed a grin and he smiled back, although she still noted the strain in his face.

  “I have so much to tell you, but...”

  She waited, her attention hanging on his unfinished sentence. “But?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know where to begin.”

  She froze in place, icy thoughts slipping into her mind. Was this goodbye? Though she’d seen it as an answer to her fears, the possibility sank her into an abyss. “Start anywhere, Devon. Just tell me.”

  “Two things.”

  His abrupt response unsettled her. Two things? She swallowed. “The first?”

  His head eased upward and his eyes captured hers. “I’ll go with the easiest one.” His gaze shot to Kaylee.

  She followed his lead and saw Kaylee and Joey seemingly preoccupied with a jigsaw puzzle. Her focus returned to Devon.

  “Kaylee asked to live with me today.”

  Her heart stopped as the idea reveled in her mind. “Really? She asked?”

  He nodded. “Seems her mother’s back in the hospital, and she said she wasn’t sure when she’ll get out.” He lifted his shoulders and let them drop. “I have to get to the bottom of this with Renee. I’ll call her tonight when she’s home from work.”

  Ashley let the vision weave through her mind. Kaylee would add a complication to his work schedule, and her first reaction was to volunteer to help him. Kaylee could stay with her on the nights Devon worked. The guest room was perfect. But they had something else to discuss, according to Devon, and where would that leave them? Goodbye? Hello? Confusion thumped in her brain. No response was possible until she heard what he had to say.

  “You’ll have a clearer picture once you talk to her, but I wonder what caused Gina to go back so soon? I suppose that’s the question.”

  “She’s ill. We talked about it the other day. Gina’s struggled with depression even before I realized it. I’ve come to face that, but now I realize how the pattern has continued. Her illness seems to be more severe. It’s heartbreaking for Kaylee to live through it day in and out at Renee’s. It’s not a life for a child.”

  “It’s not.” Words seemed empty. Nothing she could say now could help since their relationship was up in the air. She studied his face, wanting to encourage him to tell her the second thing on his mind.

  A stream of air left his lungs and he leaned back against the chair cushion. “That’s number one.” He closed his eyes and sat in silence.

  Her nerves grew taut in the stillness. She wanted to scream. Instead, she released her own pent-up breath and prayed.

  When he opened his eyes, his face had relaxed. “The next thing is so confusing for both of us. We’re struggling with...”

  She held her breath.

  “With us. I guess that’s how to put it. With our relationship.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “You know what I’m talking about.”

  She nodded. “We both have issues, I guess.”

  Devon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands folded. Before he spoke, his gaze shifted to Kaylee again and then back to her. “Mine have become less now that I realized maybe I’m not the rotten husband I feared I was. The thing I can’t change is my work schedule. It’s part of the job I do.”

  “I don’t see that as a problem for anyone except Kaylee’s care.” She only mouthed the child’s name not to draw the little girl’s attention to their conversation on the other side of the room.

  He gave his head a bounce as if accepting her comment. “But we still have things to talk about.” He pulled his back straight. “I need to understand what bothers you, Ashley. I need the truth. Could we have a cola or coffee? Anything.” He used his head to direct her toward the dining room.

  She understood and lowered the footrest, then used the chair arm to hoist herself upward on her one unencumbered leg. She turned and hobbled through the archway.

  Devon followed and moved past her to pull out a chair. “Sit. I’ll get us something. What do you want?”

  “Water with ice is fine for me.”

  He didn’t respond but scooted past her and vanished into the kitchen.

  She maneuvered her leg beneath the table and shifted around, her gaze on Devon in the kitchen making himself at home. She loved seeing him comfortable there.

  In a moment, he returned and set the water in front of her. She took a sip, not realizing how worry had dried her throat. When she set down the glass, she turned her attention to Devon. “Tell me what you want to know.”

  He stared at her a moment, a look of surprise softening to concern. “Just tell me if I’m right, okay?”

  His suggestion seemed more convoluted, but she
nodded in agreement.

  “You care about me.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “More than care.”

  His questioning eyes filled her heart. She couldn’t lie to him, though she wished she could. “Yes, I care very much.”

  “You’re worried about whether I can stick with a relationship long term. Afraid I’ll walk away from you in bad times.”

  “Absolutely not, Devon. You were faithful to Gina, and I think you’d still be married to her if she’d stuck with you. It was her failure not yours.”

  His eyes glazed as if trying to comprehend what she’d said. “Then it’s not me.”

  “It’s not you, Devon. It’s...”

  “Adam. You’re still in love with him and can’t let go.”

  A rattled sigh fluttered from her chest. “No. It’s not Adam. Yes, I love him, but I have let him go not only for my sake but for Joey’s.” She shook her head. “It’s my head, Devon. It’s all in my head and my weak faith.”

  He drew back, a look of surprise bursting on his face. “You don’t have weak faith. How can you say that? I’ve watched you—”

  Her cell phone jangled, and Devon halted, his gaze on the phone.

  “Devon, I—”

  “Answer it.” He waved his hand toward it. “We’ve waited this long.”

  She eyed Neely’s name on the caller ID. The interruption gave them a short detour. She’d been ready to talk if only to quiet Devon’s fears, but their talk needed time.

  The cell rang a third time. She pulled her gaze away from Devon and answered.

  “Paula just called to tell us Aunt Florence died.”

  Ashley closed her eyes. “We should have gone to visit and not listened to Paula. Now I feel guilty.”

  “Don’t feel guilty, Ash. We offered and she discouraged us, but now it’s different. Paula needs our support. I was surprised at how broken up she was.”

  “I suppose it’s regret.” Ashley’s memory took her back to the difficult years with her mother. “She’s like us, Neely, wishing she and her mother had gotten along better. I wonder if she knows why her mother and Mom were both so closed up, so unwilling to say something nice.”