Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou SweetheartThe Firefighter's New FamilySeason of Redemption

by Lenora Worth

  Ryan watched Kellie rein in her excitement almost as if she were afraid to feel it. She caught herself, like she’d jinx it if she got her hopes up, if she showed how much this opportunity meant to her.

  “What kind of duties will you have?”

  Her face lit up again. “There’s a lot of academic coaching, but also intervention if needed. Hopefully, I can catch kids before they head down the wrong road.”

  “Pretty tall order.” The woman was on a personal crusade with her career choice.

  She nodded. “It only takes one kid spared to be worth all the effort. A school counselor helped get me on the right track.”

  “How?”

  She shrugged. “She noticed my arm and called me on it.”

  “And then what happened? Did you just stop?” Ryan watched her closely as she drilled in screws next to him.

  “Not at first. I’ve got a few more scars, but I broke down and told her about my brother’s issues, my parents’ real estate business and all the things eating away at me.”

  Ryan put his hand on the drill. “What kind of things?”

  She looked up. “I got lost in the cracks of my family and I looked for love and acceptance in the wrong places. A walking cliché maybe, but the hurts were very real.”

  “So how’d you stop cutting?” Had she stopped a bad habit to never pick it up again, just like that?

  “My school counselor happened to be a Christian. She recommended a counselor for me to my parents. That counselor was also a Christian who helped out in a church youth group. I started going. When I realized how much God loved me, I stopped marring His creation. We are His creation, you know.”

  Kellie might sound casual, but he knew better. Those had been painful years for her. Ryan had spent the last three years covering up how he felt. He hated the agony that pierced him every morning when he remembered why he woke up alone. Could God take that away? Could God make it all stop like He had for Kellie?

  * * *

  Kellie smoothed her skirt and took a deep breath before taking a seat outside the superintendent’s office. This was her moment and she prayed she didn’t blow it. Ryan said he’d pray for her, too.

  The warm pleasure of knowing that Ryan would do as he promised, that he might even now be praying for her, morphed into trepidation. She was letting him in, letting him get too close. She’d never shared her story with a guy before, not that she’d dated much these last few years. Work and school remained her focus. But Ryan wasn’t any guy. He felt like a true friend who understood instead of looking at her like some kind of freak.

  If only her feelings could remain centered in friendship. The more she got to know Ryan, the more she wanted to know, the more her thoughts turned to what-ifs? What if they dated, what if they fell in love—

  “Kellie Cavanaugh?” The superintendent and a woman waited before her.

  How long had she been daydreaming? Kellie quickly stood and extended her hand. “Yes. Good afternoon.”

  “This is our principal, Maddie Grange. We thought we’d take a tour of the school first, so you can see how we run things.”

  Kellie forced a calm reaction even though her insides were doing cartwheels. “That’d be great.”

  Walking through the halls in one of the Traverse City middle schools was quite different than strolling through the little grade school in LeNaro. The kids were older, of course, but the school itself was larger and more modern, complete with high-tech computer labs. Was she ready for a professional job like this? Could she handle it?

  She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. No matter how posh and intimidating this middle school might be, it was still a school that smelled like a school. That cross of scents ranging from pencil shavings, paper and damp coats to overcooked popcorn enveloped her like a reassuring hug. She could do this and, with God’s help, she’d do it well. All she had to do was get the job.

  * * *

  “Where was Kellie tonight?” Sinclair grabbed the edge of the last couple of sheets of drywall.

  The warm, summerlike weather held but wouldn’t for long. Their weatherman had forecast the return of cold rain for the upcoming weekend. Ryan didn’t hesitate in enlisting his brother’s help to transfer the remaining stacks of drywall from the builder’s trailer into Dorrie’s house before they left for the night.

  Setting down the last of the stack, Ryan straightened and stretched with a groan. “She has teen group session on Thursday nights.”

  Sinclair smiled. “You know her schedule pretty well.”

  Ryan shrugged. “Not quite, but I found out this week that Kellie is a teacher’s aide for Beth Ryken’s second-grade class on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.”

  “Why haven’t you asked her out?”

  Had his brother lost his marbles? Beth was like a second little sister. “Beth? No way.”

  Sinclair chuckled. “No. Kellie.”

  “I can’t.”

  His brother’s eyes softened. “Mom’s right you know. It’s been a long time since Sara.”

  It still felt like yesterday sometimes. “It’s not that.”

  “So you’ve thought about it.”

  “Oh, I’ve thought about it.” Ryan tossed his work gloves into the basket on the floor before facing his brother. “Dating Kellie could get her dismissed from her internship. Conflict of interest because I’m going through counseling there.”

  Sinclair nodded. “Oh. How’s that going?”

  “Pretty good.” Ryan couldn’t remember the last time he’d talked to his brother like this. Honest and open without the bitter anger.

  Ryan had struggled with his brother taking off after Sara died. Sinclair hadn’t even called while he was away.

  Although, Ryan was having a hard time holding on to that. Times like these made him realize that it was good to have his brother back. And Sinclair had changed. For the better. He listened more.

  Ryan cleared his throat. “Group is one of the toughest things I’ve ever done.”

  Sinclair’s eyes were earnest, hopeful. “I know what you mean.”

  Ryan cocked his head. “How?”

  “Coming back home was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I had to face Hope. Her parents. You.”

  Ryan thought about his conversation with Kellie the other night. “Do the Petersens blame you?”

  Sinclair shook his head. “No. They don’t blame you either. Jim told me that Sara knew the risk of driving that tractor uphill and did it anyway. We both know it was her nature to do stuff like that.”

  Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat. “I could have stopped her.”

  Sinclair’s expression was somber. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  Ryan ran a hand through his hair. Sara might have laughed off his caution and done it anyway. She’d been driving tractors forever; she knew her limitations.

  “Talk to them.”

  Ryan didn’t want to talk to the Petersens. He’d let them down. “Come on. Let’s get these windows closed and lock up. I’m beat.”

  After closing up Dorrie’s house, Ryan said good-night to his brother and drove home with his windows down. The air was warm, balmy even. Ignoring the gnawing urge to swing by the mini-mart for a six-pack, Ryan pushed the gas pedal a little harder. He didn’t want this craving, didn’t want to accept it for what it might be.

  It was a gorgeous night with a full yellow moon rising like a hot air balloon on the horizon. Pulling into his driveway, he stared at his dark, empty house and knew he didn’t want to go in there. Not feeling like this. He hadn’t left a light on. Didn’t need to with the light that harvest moon was reflecting. He glanced toward where Kellie lived and knew what he needed to do.

  Within minutes, Ryan silently slid his canoe into the still waters of Lake Leelanau. It was too beautiful a night
not to come out here. And way too beautiful to be out here alone.

  He paddled softly toward where Kellie lived and passed a group of mallard ducks that quacked furiously as they scurried away from him. That might be Kellie’s same reaction, but it was worth a try. If not, he’d paddle alone and pray until he was tired enough to go home and fall into bed.

  He made landfall and quietly pulled the canoe up onto Mrs. Wheeler’s shoreline. The house looked dark from here, but he stepped with stealth toward the driveway. Soft light glowed from two upper level windows. Kellie’s?

  He spotted her slim, dark silhouette pacing across the room. Picking up a handful of small pebbles, he launched a few at one of the windows. Kellie stopped pacing.

  He waited. Then he threw a few more.

  The curtains were pushed aside and Kellie lifted the screen and leaned out. Her glorious hair hung loose around her shoulders. “Ryan, is that you?”

  “Could you come down here?” He kept his voice as low and quiet as possible.

  “Why? What’s wrong?” Hers sounded worried. Alarmed.

  “Nothing. Please, come down.”

  She closed the screen with a snap and then turned off all but one light in her room. In seconds, she met him on the blacktop driveway wearing cutoff shorts and a T-shirt, but no shoes. And she’d pulled all that hair back into a fat clip. “What’s up?”

  He battled a tenacious urge to toss that clip and pull her into his arms. Instead, without a word, he grabbed her hand and led her toward the lake, toward his canoe.

  “Ryan?”

  “Shh, just come on.”

  She stopped midway, pulling her hand back. “I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me what this is all about.”

  He stepped close. “Canoe with me.”

  Her eyes widened. Even with the brightness cast by that fat yellow moon, he couldn’t tell what color they were. But they looked tempted, and maybe a little scared. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  He was beginning to agree with her. “Look, I promise not to try anything.”

  Her eyes widened even more.

  He’d given away one of his temptations. “I want to know how your interview went.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “You could have called.”

  “I don’t have your number.”

  She closed her eyes. “Ryan, we can’t do this.”

  “Sure we can.”

  Her eyes flew back open. “Don’t you get it?” She made a small measurement gesture with her forefinger and thumb. “I’m this close to graduating. This close to finishing my internship, and this close to a job I’ve trained forever for. Why would I blow all that?”

  He stepped even closer. Afraid to admit to the other temptation he battled. Afraid to name it. “You won’t, I promise. I need to relax and not think tonight. I can’t go home. Not yet.”

  She took a step backward, but he read the recognition in her eyes. She knew what he battled against. Would she still go with him?

  “Look, no one’s going to know.” He hated to beg, but he needed this. He needed her.

  Kellie stared at him with big, round eyes.

  He stared back. He wanted to kiss her but wouldn’t. He’d made her a promise. One he intended to keep—at least for tonight. “Come on. You’ve got to see this moon.”

  He started for the canoe, then turned and looked back at her.

  She shook her head but made a move forward. A sure sign that she’d given in. Most likely for his sake, but he didn’t care as long as she went with him.

  He smiled.

  She scowled. “You say one word about this and I’ll break every bone in your body.”

  He laughed. She was a mighty wisp. “I’d like to see you try.”

  She walked past him to the shoreline. Grabbing one of the paddles out of the canoe, she gave him a warning wave. “Where do you want me?”

  “Up front.”

  He turned the canoe so the front half lay in the lake and held it steady for Kellie to get situated on the front bench. Then he climbed in back and pushed off with one foot. He chuckled when she gripped the sides.

  “Have you ever canoed?”

  “A little. When I went to camp as a kid.”

  “Relax, we won’t tip. This thing is as stable as they come.”

  She gave a derisive snort.

  Ryan chuckled again. They’d already tipped toward something far more interesting than friends and he wasn’t sorry a bit. For the first time in three years, he didn’t want to shut down what he was feeling. He wanted to pursue it.

  Chapter Eight

  Kellie paddled gently and silently kicked herself for coming out here with Ryan. She’d been too keyed up over her interview to go to sleep, but that didn’t mean this jaunt on the lake was a wise choice.

  Staring up at the big, bright moon, Kellie commiserated with every woman who’d ever followed a man into trouble. She’d been stupid like that as a teenager; hadn’t she learned anything? Knowing better but doing it anyway wasn’t a good pattern. It didn’t matter if nobody knew they were out here. Spending time alone with Ryan only made her wish for more. Made her wish for things she shouldn’t want right now. Not from a man battling his own demons.

  Guilt flushed through her. Tonight wasn’t about her. It was about Ryan struggling against temptation, and he’d come to her for help. As a counselor, she’d already blown it by getting personally involved. But as a friend, she couldn’t refuse.

  “So, tell me about your interview,” Ryan’s deep voice rumbled softly from behind her.

  She stopped paddling to take in the soft night sounds that surrounded them. “It went well.”

  “When will you hear?”

  “Sometime next week, I hope.” Around the same time she received her certification test scores. If she didn’t pass that test, she could kiss this job opportunity goodbye. There was nothing she could do now but wait.

  She stopped chewing the side of her thumb to dip her hand into the cool waters of Lake Leelanau and wiggle her fingers. “Can we talk about something else?”

  He chuckled. “Nervous?”

  “Excruciatingly so.”

  “You did your best, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “It’s in God’s hands. He knows your future, trust Him with it.”

  Ryan was right, but Kellie wasn’t the best at letting go and letting God. He’d never let her down, but then had she ever really trusted the Lord beyond her own abilities to make things happen?

  Kellie slid around in her seat so she could face Ryan and the canoe listed to one side.

  “Whoa. Tell me before you do that.”

  Even though she grabbed the sides of the canoe for balance, Kellie laughed. “Sorry.”

  He stopped paddling and tipped his dark head to one side. “What is it?”

  “How do you trust God? I mean really trust enough to stop, I don’t know, worrying?”

  Ryan rested the wooden paddle across his jean clad knees and shrugged. “I think it’s a conscious effort. A choice.”

  “You mean act like everything’s okay?” Kellie wasn’t sure she agreed with that approach.

  Her parents had pretended everything was fine with their family when it wasn’t. They’d ignored the warning signs from her brother until they’d been slapped in the face with his drug use after he’d been arrested. But her father had hired a lawyer and got the charges dropped. And her mother believed every excuse Kellie had dished out about cutting because it was easier than facing the truth. Neither parent wanted to examine the issues that lay underneath their kids’ actions.

  “No, no. That’s like burying our heads in the sand. That’s sort of missing the whole point. All I know is that I can’t do this life we
ll on my own. I’m figuring that out pretty quick, thanks to you.”

  “Me?”

  “You saw through how I was trying to cope, and failing.”

  Warmth spread through her. She’d made the right call during that assessment and it had made a difference. “What if I got you a sponsor to call for times like tonight?”

  “Not yet, but thanks.” He shrugged. “I don’t know about talking to a stranger, and wouldn’t that raise a red flag for you to do that?”

  Kellie nodded, hoping he wasn’t deflecting her offer with an excuse. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Being here with you helps more than you know. I’ve never really leaned on the Lord before. God has always been like a code of ethics I lived by, the dos and don’ts but not the air I breathe. Not that I’m there yet, but at least I’m seeking Him more.”

  Kellie briefly closed her eyes. It sounded like Ryan was making progress. That was good. It wasn’t right to compare spiritual sidewalks, but she felt like he’d passed her in some ways. He tried to rely on God wholeheartedly. Did she truly seek God or keep Him in a pretty little package she only opened on occasion? When she really needed or wanted something like this job?

  She sighed. “Thank you for sharing that.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “And thank you for your prayers about this job.”

  He pinned her with his gaze. “Maybe we should pray for each other. I sure could use yours.”

  Her heart flipped. She already prayed for him, but this mutual agreement to pray for each other sounded intimate, like something a couple would do. Should do.

  She chewed her bottom lip, worried that this was one more step toward deepening their relationship. But then, no one should refuse prayer. “Okay. We can do that.”

  He smiled and then they fell into silence. Staring at the big yellow moon hanging in the sky, Kellie heard the sorrowful call of a loon that pierced the still night.

  “Did you hear that? We don’t get many loons on the lake.”

  “No?” Kellie imagined that the bird called out for a mate, so lonesome was the sound. How did it know if the right one came along?