Hell Hath No Fury

by M. J. Schiller

  “No, that’s okay.”

  I rubbed my palms together to warm them, then, gingerly, I touched the area. “I’ll try to be gentle, but I’m going to press on it a little. It may hurt.”

  She nodded, sucking in her breath and biting her bottom lip as she closed her eyes. It was weird touching a woman other than Sam, but I reminded myself this wasn’t a sexual thing, it was for medical reasons. Still, as my hand glided along her skin, it seemed sexual. Shaking my head, I pushed on the area and watched her face. I got no reaction at all. I continued moving along the line. She opened one eye.

  “That’s not bad.”

  Tony came rushing up with a stack of protein bars. He looked at me oddly. “You a doctor, Kyle?”

  “No. A hockey ref.” I left it unexplained so he’d have something to puzzle over for the rest of the day.

  I focused on my “patient.” “I’m pretty sure nothing’s broken, but you may want to have it checked by a professional, just in case.”

  She settled her top back in place. “Nah. I trust you. And thank you again for answering my call. The way you vaulted that railing…pretty impressive.” Again the way she gazed at me had me looking away.

  “Yeah,” the big guy added. “If I’d try that, with my luck, I would end up straddling a bar instead of landing on my feet.”

  The owner and I winced at the prospect. Then he addressed me. “You hopped over from the second level?”

  I wasn’t digging all of the attention. “Yeah. I didn’t know how long she was struggling with that weight on her chest. I had my earphones in and might have missed her SOS.” I straightened. “Anyway. I’m glad you’re okay. I better finish for today and head to the hotel. I’ll take the stairs this time,” I joked.

  The big guy chuckled. “Yeah, you do that super hero.”

  I grinned at him. “Knock it off.”

  He hit me with his towel, but as I turned to go, the woman grabbed my arm. “My name’s Dana, by the way.”

  I offered my hand. “Kyle. Well, I’ll see you guys around,” I added to the group. I made my way to my bench and gathered my stuff. I was almost finished with my workout anyway, so I decided to call it a day. I had barely hit the door when someone called out my name. Spinning, I spotted that Dana chick running toward me, waving to get my attention.

  “Hey,” she said, panting. “I—” she put a hand on her chest. “Man, I need to do more cardio. Shoo.” She laughed through her breathing. “Anyway, I want to take you to lunch to thank you for being my hero today.”

  “Oh, no. That’s not necessary. And I wasn’t a hero. All I did was lift a bar bell. Which is what I came here to do, so….”

  “Well, from my point of view you’re a hero. A few more seconds and you would have lifted that off a corpse.”

  “Uhh,” I forced a chuckle. “Somebody would have reached you.”

  “But…” she dropped her head. “I was glad it—” she looked up to finish her statement “—was you.” Her gaze traveled between my eyes.

  “Oh, well. That’s nice of you to say, but—”

  She stomped her foot with a smile. “Come on.”

  “Actually, I need to get back to my room so I can take a shower and call my wife.”

  “Wife? But you’re not wearing a—”

  I lifted my left hand to show her my wedding band. “I don’t wear it when I work out. Thanks, anyway.” I started to push through the door, and she grabbed my arm.

  “Wait. Come on. It’s not like I’m asking you into my room. It’s only a pastrami sandwich. How much harm could a little deli meat and bread do?”

  Plenty.

  I put a little more distance between us. “I appreciate the gesture, but, like I said, I need to call my wife.”

  I turned back to the door.

  “What about dinner then?”

  I had to laugh. “You’re a persistent shit, you know that?”

  She smiled. “Is it working?”

  “I have plans to eat with the other officials for the game tomorrow.” I was lying about plans being made, but we’d probably wind up going to dinner together.

  “Well, shoot.” She looked deflated.

  “Listen. It was a sweet gesture, and I appreciate it. I really do. Maybe you could take your other two heroes out.” I gestured toward the big guy, who was now doing a circuit on the main level.

  “Yeah.”

  She seemed so dejected, I almost went along with it. It was a meal. I wouldn’t let it escalate to something else. Then I thought about the whole lingerie scene and thought it was best to leave this alone. With my luck Sam would decide to surprise me on the road and see me with this girl and it would be all over. I was good with my decision to tell her no.

  “Take care.” I slipped out the door before she could say anything else and whistled on my way to the hotel.

  This particular hotel had washers and dryers in the basement for guest use. That’s why I chose it. A lot of the time, when I was on the road, I had to wash my clothes in the sink and hang them all over my room to dry. I decided to throw in a load before my shower. I could switch it to the dryer afterward and call Samantha.

  Having started my clothes, I took the elevator to my floor and was opening my door when she said, “Kyle? What the hell are you doing here?”

  I twisted and was surprised to see Dana about five doors from me.

  She took a step away from me. “Are you stalking me?”

  “What? No. Of course not. This is the hotel I always stay at.”

  Keeping her gaze on me, she backed up a few steps then turned and walked quickly to the bank of elevators farther down the hall. “Come on. Come on,” she muttered, still throwing glances my way. As soon as the doors started to open she pressed herself into the crack and was gone.

  I glanced around, hoping to find someone who could explain what had just happened. “What the hell?” I exhaled and opened the door to my room. I put my empty duffle on the bed.

  Huh. How odd we were at the same hotel, on the same floor, a few doors away from each other.

  But I kept seeing her face. She was scared. Did she really think I was stalking her?

  I pulled my T-shirt off and tossed it on the dresser. My head tilted, I stood lost in thought for a bit, scratching my chest. I ditched the rest of my clothes and got in the shower. It was a little slice of heaven. I stayed under the soothing stream longer than I usually did, enjoying the way the heat soothed my muscles.

  So weird. But…I guess it is the closest hotel to the gym, so it’s not that surprising for us to meet there.

  When I was finished, I turned off the water and stepped out onto the mat, grabbing a towel from the shelf above the toilet as I did so. I dried myself then wrapped the towel around my waist. I grabbed another and rubbed my hair with it as I left the bathroom. Someone knocked on the door.

  Shit.

  “Uhh—” I grabbed a pair of jeans “—coming.” I stepped into them and hopped toward the door as I yanked them up. “One second.” I fought the button closed and zipped them, then grasped the door handle. I was shocked to find her on the other side.

  “Please, don’t slam the door in my face.”

  I leaned on the doorframe. “What are you doing here?”

  “I want to apologize. I went down to the front desk and…you checked in long before I did. If anyone is stalking anyone, it must be me. I’m sorry I jumped to that conclusion. It was just…weird we booked rooms at the same hotel.”

  “I thought the same thing.”

  She exhaled and smiled. “Fate keeps throwing us together.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “Well, I’ll leave you to…whatever you were doing.” She spun and strode briskly along the hall. My phone rang. Hoping it was Sam I dove on the bed and snatched it from the folds of the comforter, only to see it was Bob Ganshee, a linesman I worked with.

  “Hey, Bob. What’s up?”

  “Hey, Kyle. A few of us are walking to a Tai place a few
blocks from here. Want to join us?”

  “Depends. Will beer be involved?”

  “Hell, yes. You comin’?”

  “Can you give me five?”

  “Oh, yeah. Actually Stan wants to take a nap—cause he’s a big baby—” he said to another linesman. “We were thinking sixish.”

  I glanced at the clock. Five thirty. Plenty of time. “That’ll work. See you in the lobby?”

  “Yeah. We’ll see you around six.”

  I enjoyed dinner, maybe a bit too much, and we were being kind of loud when we came back into the hotel.

  “Who’s ready for another?” Bob asked. He was one of those perpetually happy guys who loved to tell corny puns, but I liked him.

  “Not me,” Stan responded. “I’m wiped out. I’m gonna get a good night’s sleep.”

  “What? You took a friggin’ nap.”

  “But I’m tired.”

  “I’m tired,” Bob mocked. “Come on, you pussy. Have a beer with us.”

  Stan frowned. “One. One beer.”

  Three beers later, Stan said good night to Bob and me, heading to bed. I intended to be right behind him, after I finished my Guinness. In strode Dana.

  “Hi,” she said as she passed. She looked a lot different than she did in the gym with workout clothes on. She’d done her hair, put on makeup, and donned some very flattering street clothes. She wore dark jeans and a top showing her midriff. I wondered if she wore the loose top because she didn’t want any pressure on her injury. Her heels clicked on the fake wood floor as she passed by.

  “Who’s that?”

  “Just some girl I met at the gym.”

  Bob twisted in his stool so he could get another look and gave a low whistle before spinning back to me. “How do you do it? Meet girls at the gym? What’s your trick?” Since I was swallowing my drink, he added, “Teach me, o’ Master.”

  I set my empty glass on the bar and stood to slide my wallet out. “Dude, it’s not like I was out making plays on the ladies. When you’ve got the best at home, you don’t go searching for something else.” I set bills on top of the check.

  “Lucky.” He turned in Dana’s direction to give her one last wistful gaze, then followed my lead and stood to pay his bill. He was in decent shape but he’d never catch a woman with his whole I’m-someone’s-dad style.

  “Besides, you have a beautiful wife at home, too. And Christine’s a doll.”

  He waved me off. “Yeah, yeah.”

  I’d stayed out later than I’d planned on, so I was eager to get to bed. We crossed to the bank of elevators and when one came I slouched on the back rail. At the last moment a hand came through the crack and the door reopened.

  “Hi, guys!” Dana’s volume was more on noisy banquet room level than one appropriate for a six-by-six foot area. She hit the side of the door, coming in, pretty hard. “Ouch. That’ll leave a bruise.” She giggled. “Time for the spinnerama.” With a loose smile, she dramatically rotated in front of me then lost her balance and fell against Bob, which she seemed to think was hysterical.

  “Sorry about that, handsome.” She played with his hair roughly.

  Bob grabbed her by the hips and drew her against him. “I’m not.”

  “Ooh.” She wiggled in closer.

  I frowned at Bob. It was easy to see Dana was shit-faced. Was he the type of guy who would take advantage of her? For some reason I considered myself responsible for her. Maybe “saving” her earlier in the day somehow made me believe my role was her protector. Not to mention Bob’s wife. Whatever the reason, I was uncomfortable, in a big way, with what was happening inches from me. I tried to look away, but the sides of the elevator were brassy and reflective, so no matter where I turned, there they were. And the next thing I know, they’re kissing and she’s practically trying to scale him, wrapping her leg around his, her arms tightly circling his neck.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I attempted to pry them apart, but it was like trying to open a plastic bag in the produce section of your local grocery. They both were fighting me. “Dude. She’s drunk off her ass.”

  Dana separated her lips from Bob’s long enough to say, “No. I’m drunk on my ass.”

  Okay, that makes no sense.

  I was able to snake an arm between them and peel her away from Bob’s lower half a fraction. She twisted to swat at me. I easily dodge her first attempt, but her flailing hand caught me on the second, and some honking ring she was wearing hit me in the mouth.

  “Oww. Damn.” I touched my lip. Was I— I checked out my reflection, and at the same time the metallic taste on my tongue confirmed it. The corner of my lip was bleeding. She was still windmilling about, so I ducked and came up beneath her shoulder where I was able to drag her away.

  “Hey,” Dana whined.

  “What the hell, Kyle. Get your own.” He yanked her back and they went at it again, tongues everywhere.

  I was pissed now. I tugged her away and pushed him against the wall. I had hold of his jacket, and my arm crossed his chest, keeping him where I wanted him. “She’s drunk, you asshole. Don’t you have any fucking morals?”

  “I didn’t get her drunk,” he barked.

  “Maybe not, but you sure are willing to take advantage of the situation.”

  “And why not?”

  The door opened behind me and a guy—seeing me with my arm to Bob’s throat, I guess—said weakly. “I’ll take the next one.”

  “Because…do I have to jack you, Bob? Is that what this comes down to?” I was so mad and surprised by his behavior I stuttered. “I am not prone to violence but I do know when and how to use it. And, so help me God, if—”

  I couldn’t finish my sentence because I suddenly had a wild animal on my back, and she was slipping.

  “Whee!”

  Afraid she might hit her head against the wall I let go of Bob and grabbed her arm. But the shift in weight threw me off balance and, like a fighter going down in the ring, we crashed through the open door. Magically she seemed to avoid both being smashed by me and having her cranium caved in by the hallway wall. Drunks always seemed lucky like that. The little minx scrambled to her feet immediately. Bob was howling with laugher. She hopped over me, straddling my body. The elevator doors were banging open and closed on my legs.

  “Come here, sugar.”

  I lifted onto my elbows. Bob was holding his hand out to her. I lunged and caught the sleeve of her jacket, which was tied around her waist. I drew my legs in quickly and managed to keep her just short of the elevator. She and Bob were shouting until the doors closed and it was suddenly quiet. I let her go and laid on the floor, out of breath and worn out from the struggle.

  Dana stood for a moment, staring at the closed elevator doors, then commented, “Well, shoot.” She twirled about and stepped past me, crossing the hall to the nearest room and digging her key card out of her pocket.

  I closed my eyes. Seriously?

  She was unsuccessfully attempting to get her card in the slot, bending so she was at the same level as the lock. She was mumbling incoherently. I struggled to a standing position.

  “Dana, that’s not your door.”

  She somehow managed to get the key in the lock. “Oh, there.”

  “That’s not your—”

  The key did not open the door, since the key was, in fact, the key to another door. When the red light came on instead of the green one, she shouted. “What the hell?” I got to her as she raised her fist to bang on the door. Although I towed her away, her knuckles hit it lightly. I stood, staring at the door, ready to fend off an irate sleeper. I again had my arms around her waist and she was resting her cheek on mine.

  “That’s not my door.”

  I turned slightly to frown at her. “You think?”

  She seemed a teeny bit more docile now. And maybe even slightly contrite. “I shouldn’t have drunk that much.” She twisted her head to look at me, tears rolling over her lashes. “Why do I always mess up?’

  I blew her hai
r out of my face. She wasn’t fighting me, so I released her, but grabbed her hand. “Shh. You’re fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She sniffed, but stopped crying. I surveyed the area. “Are we even on the right floor?” I checked the number on the door. “Okay. We’re on the right floor. Come on. Which door is…wait, where’s my door?” I had to walk with her to my door to get my bearings. From my door I guestimated the distance from where she had been earlier in the day. She hadn’t been too far off.

  But once we got there, I noticed two doors stood side by side. Which was hers?

  “Do you know what your room number is?” It was a long shot.

  “Six-forty-three…” Not even remotely close. We were on the fifth floor and the rooms had four numbers. “Or four-sixty- three? No, that’s not right.”

  “Do you have the envelope the key came in?” Please, God.

  She searched for her back pocket but couldn’t find it. She twisted to visually assess the location of her pocket and started spinning in a circle. “It’s right…” She stopped every once in a while, like a dog chasing its tail. I had to laugh.

  “Stop. Stop. You’re going to get sick. Stop spinning.” I took her arms gently. “Good girl. Give me your hand. No. Not that one.” She complied. “Now…it’s right here.” I guided her to her pocket. “Good.”

  She checked. “It’s not there.”

  I could see something sticking out and it had the colors of the hotel logo. I sighed. “I think it is, honey. Try again.”

  She hunted for it but was way lower than the top of her pocket and twisted her torso. “Where is it?” She started to spin again.

  “Oh, good God.” I didn’t want to touch anything personal, but it seemed like I might have to.

  “I’m tired.”

  “I know. I am, too.” I looked into her face. “Is it okay if I reach into your pocket and get the envelope out?”

  “I think so,” she said like she was answering a question on her U.S. Constitution test.

  I shook my head. Well, here goes. I managed to get a hold of the edge and glide it out with minimal contact.

  “Oh, there it is,” she said happily.

  “Yes, there it is. Okay, fifty-four thirty-six. The one on the right.” Out of habit, I slipped the envelope in my pocket.