Hell Hath No Fury

by M. J. Schiller

  “Well?” Bill prompted.

  I took a few more seconds. “I could stay here all day and describe to you what a thoroughly reprehensible, loathsome person you are, but there’s no purpose. A jackass can’t change its bray. So I’m gonna give you the bottom line. Your interference in my marriage is over. You will leave Sam alone, and you won’t approach Dana.”

  “So you did sleep with her. Too bad I didn’t catch it on my video. I’m sure it was super hot with Mr. NHL and Mrs.—”

  I exploded from the stoop and knocked him through the door and into a table. A gilded mirror above the table shattered in a most satisfying way and glass rained down on Bill and, in a lesser sense, me. He was a lot bigger than me, but I was pissed and in shape. I scrunched his shirt in my fist, regretting that I hadn’t gotten there before he took his tie off. It would have given me more torque to work with. His face shouted his fear and he was shaking beneath me, the pussy. Like any bully, if someone stands up to them, they discover how much of a blowhard they are.

  “Let me repeat myself, because I don’t think you understood me, Bill.” I spat out his name.

  Out of the corner of my eye Elise stepped into the connected living room from a doorway. “Whoa.” She whirled and left.

  “You will quit trying to manipulate Sam.” Spittle hit his face and the remaining shards of glass behind him. “You will show Elise the love and respect she deserves. And you’ll leave Dana alone, too. Because if you don’t, I will come here and everyone will see how prone to violence I am because I’ll kick your ass all across this damn town. DO YOU GET ME?”

  He nodded like the quivering sack of shit he was. I pushed away from him, giving one more shove in the process and swung around to leave. Elise screamed a millisecond before Bill’s two-hundred-fifty-plus pounds landed on my back. He had a big chunk of glass in his hand he was attempting to bury in my throat. But the moron didn’t take into account positioning. Since he was coming from a higher point, all I pretty much needed to do was duck and his weight would take him over me into the grass.

  But what I didn’t account for was Bill actually being a quick little bastard. I turned to check on Elise. She was standing in the doorway and shouted a warning, but by the time I moved, it was too late. Bill ripped my legs out from under me, and I came down hard. Skull versus concrete step is not a fair match. I staggered to my feet and swerved like a drunk at closing time. I shook my head to try to clear it, but it was like a gong was being beaten inside my cranium. My vision was a touch funky, but I saw Bill angling toward the piece of glass. I charged at him and took him to the ground, far beyond his intended weapon.

  Pushing away from him, I was on my feet again in seconds. I grabbed him by the shirt, dragging him to his feet. “You know Bill…” I was breathing hard from rushing him, then fighting him off me. “I came to your door, not intending to hurt you because you’re the kids’ father. But now you freaking tried to kill me.” I lifted my fists. “I’m done being nice. We’re fighting.”

  He raised his fists with a snarl and came at me. I wasn’t actually expecting that, so I was caught a bit off guard. He threw a right cross, which connected, then attempted to come with the left. I leaned away and dodged his haphazard swing, and as he fell off balance I delivered a punch to his rib cage. In pain, he struggled to tie me up, but I pushed him away.

  “That was for Dana.” He circled me, and I followed suit, keeping him in front of me. “You know what you learn when you watch fights on ice, Bill?” You learn it’s all about balance.” He led with his right again, and I blocked it easily then jabbed with the left, snapping his chin back. “That was for Sam. Come on,” I taunted. He swung again and caught me on the chin, but not with much force, and it gave me room to grab his shirt and reel him in to me so I could speak to him without Elise hearing. “The next one is for Elise, you son-of-a-bitch.” I pushed him away and feinted left, and landed an upper-cut to his chin. He fell on his ass.

  Elise came tearing out of the house and latched onto my arm. “Kyle. You’re bleeding. Are you okay?”

  I touched my neck. Blood was running down and saturating the collar of my shirt. I smiled, trying to reassure her. “It’s okay. It’s a head wound. They bleed a lot. It’s not serious.”

  She took a step toward Bill, and lost it. “What the hell is wrong with you? You were trying to kill him.” She pulled out her cell. “I’m calling the cops.”

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” He got up, brushing his pants.

  She cocked a hip, reminding me of Sam. “And why not?”

  “Because he’ll be the one in jail.” He stabbed his finger in my direction. He advanced toward Elise, and I stepped between them. He glanced at me then continued talking to her. “He came over to my house and attacked me. I was acting in self-defense.”

  “That’s a lie.” She lifted her phone again.

  “Go ahead then. Maybe a few years in jail will teach him a lesson.”

  She hesitated.

  “Think about it, Elise. It’s his word against mine.”

  “No it’s not. I saw what you did.”

  “And you’d testify against your old man?”

  “In a heartbeat.” She stuck her chin out, her eyes blazing.

  But I understood the game he was playing. “Elise…I think I’ll need a ride home. Could you drive me?”

  “B-but aren’t we calling the police?”

  I stared at Bill, narrowing my gaze. My jaw was so tight it ached. “That won’t be necessary.”

  She looked from her father to me. “Are you sure? I mean…” Again she peered at us both in turn. “He tried to kill you.”

  I took my focus from him for a moment, bent and wrapped my hands gently around her arms. “Sweetheart, your presence didn’t prevent that the first time, it won’t now. Please. I want to know you’re safe. And…” I straightened. “What I have to say won’t take long.” I took my keys out of my pocket and handed them to her. Wide-eyed, she turned toward the car. Bill and I glared at each other with mutual loathing until she was in the car. “You’re a real piece of work, aren’t you?” I threw a hand out. “You know there’s no way I would put Elise through testifying against her father. She may think she wants to at the moment, but it would eat her up inside. Not that you give a damn.”

  He parted his lips, and the blood running between his teeth made his smile even more ghoulish. “Are you done lecturing Mr. NHL?”

  I stepped toward him, my sore hands clenched tightly. “No. I’m not done. I meant what I said in there.” I jerked my thumb toward the house. “You stay away from Sam, treat Elise like the fantastic young lady she is, and leave Dana alone. You have nothing to use against her anyway, since she told her husband everything. You cross me, I’ll forget about assault with a deadly weapon and go for blackmail charges.” I wanted to end on an insult, but my brain was still a little fuzzy and I was having a difficult time choosing between the many possibilities.

  Chapter 17

  Samantha

  I juggled the two grocery bags, using my knee to support one so I could reach the doorknob. Some may say I shouldn’t take so much at once, but it’s kind of a game I play with myself. If I get all the groceries inside in one trip, I win. However, there was no prize.

  “I need to get a life.”

  I threw the door open—maybe a bit too hard. Kyle might have to get the wall patch out.

  “Hello?”

  Seriously, I get all the stuff to feed my mini-army and they go AWOL?

  “Guys! A little help….” I huffed. “Fine.” I kicked the door shut and took my haul into the kitchen, setting the bags on the kitchen table. I started putting things away, but about halfway through the first bag I became unsettled. The kids weren’t in here rummaging through stuff —mostly Jake, who was eternally hungry. I closed the refrigerator door and listened.

  “It’s quiet. Too quiet.” I went in search of somebody.

  They were all here when I left, now no one’s here?
<
br />   The living room was empty. Leaning on the banister, I yelled at the bottom of the stairs. “Elise? Anyone home?”

  If he took everyone out for ice cream and didn’t take me, that man’s ass is grass.

  I turned toward the kitchen and that’s when I saw it, sending shivers up my spine. Something was definitely amiss. Jake’s game controller was neatly tucked away. I was constantly tripping over or sitting on his crap. He never put stuff away.

  He is in his twenties. Maybe he’s becoming an adult.

  I laughed. Jake would never grow up. That’s why I called him my man-child. It had to be ice cream. What else would tear Jake away from his Xbox, Elise away from Hunter, and Ryan away from…well, Ryan could definitely be out getting a beer.

  I can’t believe he went for ice cream without me. Well, it’s appropriate he got something cold, because when he gets home, he’s getting the cold shoulder.

  I sighed and shuffled back to the kitchen to finish putting the groceries away and properly enjoy my pity party.

  He’ll ruin their supper. I’m making this spaghetti, and no one will eat it. Except Jake. Jake could eat McDonald’s and Wendy’s and still be hungry.

  When everything was put away, I folded the bags. That’s when I noticed a silver box shaped like a fortune cookie sitting on the table. It had a red velvet bow around it. I beamed. Nothing was better than a Kyle surprise. I tugged the ribbon loose and opened the box. Inside was a slip of paper that read:

  If you are FORTUNATE tonight, and play your cards just right

  You may end up in this spot, where things get rather hot.

  Ooh, I love a hunt. Okay. Let’s see. Where things get hot? But I’m already in— Oh, wait. I grinned. You’re a naughty boy. I rushed to the bedroom.

  I surveyed the room from the door, looking for a piece of paper, but didn’t see one. Hmm. Maybe…. I stepped into the room and swung the door shut thinking the clue would be taped to the other side. Ahh. He’s making it hard. Good boy.

  I strolled around the room, wracking my brain for a good hiding spot. I folded the covers back, slid my hand under the pillows…nothing. Kyle’s road bag was on the bed. Ooh. He knows I wouldn’t want that stinky thing on the bed. I flung it to the floor on his side of the bed and went to the dresser, lifting my jewelry box to see if something was taped to the bottom, but there wasn’t. I opened the lid. Nothing.

  Why can’t I figure this out? I’m usually pretty good at these. “In the room where things get hot.” I lost a few minutes replaying how hot things were this morning when we were trying to be quiet with the kids in the house. Duh. It’s staring right at me. Things get hot in the bed. I checked on top, but…

  I got on my knees, getting excited, thinking I figured it out, but again, nothing. I scanned the whole area, but there were only dust bunnies, a cricket ball bat (in case of an intruder), a pair of tennies.... My gaze fell on it. The road bag. Yes, he knew I didn’t like it on the bed, that’s why he put it there, to draw attention to it. I scrambled across the bed, leaned over the edge, and grabbed the handle so I could reel it onto the bed. I flipped on my back, with the bag on my stomach, warmed by the thought of my magnificent intelligence which found the next clue. I sat on the edge of the bed.

  Ooh. Why couldn’t he have chosen something else? The smell will knock me unconscious.

  I took a deep breath and tugged on the zipper. It was a tricky zipper, but I finally got it. I closed my eyes—because the stench would make them burn—and groped around the inside. Nothing. I was running out of air. I turned it upside down and shook it over the bed, and still didn’t find the clue. I was out of breath. Shit. I tried to quickly get another breath, but I tentatively let it out. It didn’t smell. He’d cleaned his bag. But when? The clue has to be in here. The zipper pocket. Sure enough, I could see a piece of paper inside it. Nice paper, like a buff colored card stock. I plucked it out.

  I’ve got plans for you, my dear, but let me make one thing clear

  On a special night like tonight, we’ll have to impress

  So of course nothing will do but a fancy new dress.

  A dress which all parties will think of as dope

  You’ll find it near the 0-0 soap.

  Huh? Okay, okay. Think like Kyle. For Kyle 0-0 means…tied. I squealed. A new dress. And Kyle had great taste. I sprinted to the laundry room where I used Tide laundry detergent. I opened the door and gasped.

  “Oh, honey.” It was hung from the bar I used when I was ironing. I plucked it off, examining the fabric. “You outdid yourself.” It was about three-quarter length, a beautiful, silky, metallic red dress with a sweetheart neckline and rhinestone straps. It hugged the hips and had a long slit along the side. A red lick of flame on a cold winter’s night. And even though he wasn’t with me, we shared an intimate moment. I could see him in the store, holding the dress out and imagining me in it and saying, “This is the one.” The fact that he went to all that trouble about made me cry. Then I turned and did cry. Hanging from a hook on the door was a gorgeous gold and diamond necklace. I lifted it from its perch, awestruck by its unique design and sheer beauty. It was a Y-shaped necklace with the left side and drop being diamonds, and the right side was a wide stretch of gold coming over to meet the rest and gracefully swirl around it.

  “Oh, man. You are SO getting laid tonight, buster.”

  I fussed getting dressed, wanting to look as perfect as the gifts he bought me. I curled my hair and swept it to one side, knotting it, then pinning it in place with sparkly clips, copying a style from Facebook. My wedding shoes weren’t a perfect match, but they were close enough, and I found earrings which worked decently with the necklace. Under the dress was an envelope with another clue.

  Take your time getting ready, you’ll be well worth the wait

  I’ll be the luckiest man on earth with you as my date

  CHECK the living room, where you’ll find your next clue

  In a place where you’ve met your MATE a time or two.

  I’ll admit it, this one had me stumped for a while, until I noticed the words he capitalized. Taped to the bottom of our chess set was a map and a clue. All the other clues were typed, this was handwritten in his neat, distinctive handwriting. It gave me the sense I was getting closer to him.

  Take Elise’s car, take the map, it’ll show you the way

  I’ll be waiting for you, all my love- Your K

  But keys. Did he remember to leave keys? I was so excited, I almost forgot the map, and when I reached the car and looked through the window for the keys, they were there, but so were some more gifts. Draped over the back of the seat was a sheer red wrap. On the seat was a pair of shoes matching the outfit flawlessly, silky, metallic red, the same shade, with rhinestones meeting in a point near the toes. Next to those was a single white rose. He knew I preferred those more than red. Could the man be any more perfect? I yanked open the car door and sat to change shoes, but when I picked one up, I heard something slide. I peered inside. Earrings matching the necklace. He truly thought of everything.

  I wonder how long he’s been planning this.

  I changed my earrings in the visor mirror but struggled putting them on because I was so impatient to be with Kyle. I checked the map. It seemed to lead out into the country. Did a new restaurant open out there? Or maybe he planned a fancy picnic? Or maybe he was taking me somewhere altogether different because the map ended at an exit sign. It didn’t matter. All I wanted was to be with him and to try and tell him how much this all meant to me.

  I was comforted in knowing the exit was only ten miles away. I glanced around.

  Wow. Elise really cleaned this puppy. How sweet of her.

  It seemed to take forever, but finally I saw my exit sign. My heart beat faster. Then I noticed gold balloons tied to the overpass bridge. I was so intent on those I almost missed the first sign.

  “Whoa. What? Wait. …was that Tara and Peter?” My boss and her husband. But wait. Here’s two more people. Hey, I know these ho
oligans. I rolled down the window. “I was wondering where the heck you were? What are you doing?”

  Ryan rolled his eyes. “Following directions. Which is what you need to do.” He held out a sign he was carrying with an arrow pointing left.

  “Yeah, Mom.” Jake shook his sign, which said, “SLOW DOWN!”

  I laughed. “Whatever.”

  They were both beaming. Ryan waved his hand, shooing me along. “Go on now. Git!”

  I waved and climbed the exit to the road. I didn’t see anyone, but I knew I needed to go left. But when I got to the top, a couple popped up. She was bouncing like an expresso-drinking kangaroo. I started to slow to say hi to our friends Killian and Jo, but they shook their heads and waved me on. I considered fighting them, until I saw my next sign bearers.

  “Oh, my God!” I screamed. When I got to them, I put it in park on the bridge. No one was coming. We were out in the country. And if they did come, they could bite me. “Alex!” I grabbed her around the neck and reached out with my other arm. “Chris, good to see you.” Alex was a lunch lady with me at my very first gig in Bloomington, and Chris was her husband. “What are you doing here?”

  “Well, we heard someone was looking for people to hold signs out on a stretch of county blacktop in Nebraska and we thought, ‘Let’s drive five hundred miles. We got nothing else to do.’” She winked.

  Chris shrugged. “It was a slow weekend.”

  “You two nuts! How are the kids? How’s school? Chris, do you like the new job?”

  “We’d love to answer those questions—” They both made shooing motions and grabbed their signs which read, “THIS WAY” and “YOU’RE GETTING CLOSER!” in huge, black letters — but we’re on a schedule here, so you need to skedaddle.”

  I walked toward the car without turning around. “We are?”