Seb looked at her, mystified. “But…she is wampyr. She drank my blood!”
“Yeah, after we paid you twenty bucks for it! And baked cookies to give you so you could get your blood sugar back up!”
“They were going to be a surprise,” Lucia said, standing back up and dusting off the grass clippings from her outfit.
Seb’s head shook. “She is wampyr! Undead fiend! She drinks the blood of the living to revitalize herself!”
“Yeah, I’m not a vegan either. Let her back in or I am never speaking to you again.”
“Fine! But if I am killed—!” Seb pointed an angry finger at her, then he sighed. “Lucia, I invite you in.”
Lucia stepped back through the door. “Thanks.” She fixed Seb with a look. “You’re never going to get a green card with that attitude, buddy.”
“You really…had to leave?” Mindy asked her.
“Yeah, I backed out of this place like it was a commitment.”
“That is so damn weird. Can anyone do it or just someone who lives here?” Mindy looked at Seb for confirmation, but he just shrugged, so she said, “Lucia, I revoke your invitation.”
And Lucia was skating on wet ice, her legs flopping around under her as she tried to resist the sudden force field pushing her back, pushing her out the front door to pile atop the door mat.
“Wow!” Mindy enthused. “We gotta put this on YouTube.”
“It is very interest.” Seb set the bottle down, seeming to slowly come to terms with both the existence of vampires and their presence in his house. “So you say she is…friendly wampyr?”
“I’m a bad bitch vampire who’s gonna kick your asses if you don’t invite me back in!” Lucia shouted from outside.
Seb opened his mouth, but Mindy planted her hand across it. “Wait, let me see if I can. I invite you in!”
Lucia stomped inside. “That is not funny, okay? It is very hurtful and insensitive and—you don’t see me making fun of Seb’s English or Mindy, your…” She gestured at Mindy. “Okay, bad example, you’re perfect.”
“Aw.” Mindy locked her hand onto her heart.
“Except your wardrobe. That could use a little work. How many shoes do you own?”
“Two. One for each foot.”
Lucia clicked her tongue. “Okay, if we’re done being grossly insensitive to my medical condition…”
“One more, one more, please?” Mindy pleaded with her hands clasped.
“If you’re okay with me being totally pissed at you—”
“I am!” Mindy said cheerfully. “Seb, revoke your invitation on three, okay? One, two—”
“I revoke your invitation!” Seb cried, just as Mindy threw out both her palms, joined at the heels.
“HADOKEN!”
Lucia reeled backward, flung by an invisible force until she toppled out the front door. She landed on her feet this time, immediately throwing her fists down her sides.
“You guys suck!”
CHAPTER 14
Mindy helped Seb Febreze the shit out of the carpet, while Lucia pouted unhelpfully from the top of the piano. As they washed up, Mindy explained the situation. It felt good to get it off her chest, for both of them, she thought. As she told the story, Lucia went to the bathroom to clean herself off.
Then the pizza bites were done. They gathered around the dining room table to eat, Mindy and Lucia next to each other, Seb across from them. He stared at his plate. Mindy and Lucia ate. He picked one up and stared at Lucia. “Does your lower jaw split open into claws to grab people?” Seb asked.
“No,” Lucia said in between pizza bites. “Just one piece.”
“Do you have a spear-tongue that shoots into people to drain their blood?”
“No, I just swallow it.”
“Do you have little suckers on your hands that drain people when you hold—”
“No, I am just a normal, everyday vampire. I have fangs, I move fast, I wear a cape and sleep in a coffin. Okay?”
Seb nodded, backing up in his seat.
Mindy felt bad for the guy. He was dealing with the existence of the undead pretty well, considering. “She does sparkle, though.”
Seb swiveled to her. “What, like in the Twilight?”
“We don’t say the T-word,” Mindy said.
“How about we just stop with the questions? Like, why are you so obsessed with me? Doesn’t Wikipedia have a page on vampires?”
“What about…do you have a soul?”
Lucia pushed her plate away. “Whoa, personal…”
Mindy felt compelled to step in. “Seb, maybe you could just send her an e-mail, some yes or no questions…I don’t know, maybe she has some questions for you, maybe there’s some things Lucia would like to know about you.”
“N−ope,” Lucia dryly enunciated.
In the neighboring room, there were a half-dozen crucifixes on the wall. Seb took one down and brought it back into the dining room.
Lucia visibly tensed, but Mindy could also see how she was trying not to.
Mindy freaked on her behalf. “Would you put that thing away, alright? She’s not a science project!”
“I just want to see if it push her back, you know, like the force field.” He held it out to Lucia before Mindy could stop him, and the vampire shrunk back, holding a hand in front of her face like she’d stepped out of a theater into a bright summer day. She didn’t hiss, though. Just grimaced.
“Seb!” Mindy pushed down his arm. “You are being really uncool right now! Do they have that in Romania? Being uncool?”
“Yes.” Seb lowered his arm, then put it behind his back. “Sorry—she is being my first wampyr.”
“Just…other room, okay? She’s not a toy.” Seb went to the other room to drop the crucifix on a sofa, and Mindy followed him, hating how haranguing she was being but feeling an intense need to defend Lucia—like she’d failed her by letting it escalate this far. “Imagine if you were allergic to, like, shellfish, and I came in and started waving around shellfish and asking you how big you would bloat up if you ate shellfish and…wearing a shellfish T-shirt!”
“Alright! I am sorry,” Seb said submissively.
“She’s sensitive about this stuff, man. And she didn’t even get to drink your blood, so she’s hungry too.”
Biting his lip, Seb picked the cross back up and replaced it on the wall. “Why not just go to a hospital? They have blood there.”
“Yeah, they also have drugs. You still don’t see junkies breaking in there. Hospitals have guards and cameras and alarms and locks—” Mindy gave up on it. She wanted to check on Lucia.
Lucia was standing, pacing aimlessly, her arms wrapped up in herself. A trickle of blood ran from her nose. She caught it with her finger, wiping it away, then looked at her fingertip. Licked it.
“Is that like masturbation for you?” Seb asked from the other room.
“Seb!” Mindy cried in exasperation. “I swear to God, no more questions! I revoke your questioning status!” She went to Lucia. Stopped with her hand in the air, almost touching Lucia, but her mind suddenly overwhelming her body’s instincts. She thought for a split second of Seb standing there watching, of who Lucia was, of what she was. Then she put her hand on Lucia’s arm and felt a small voltage in her fingers. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Lucia smiled without meaning it. A little blood remained on her teeth. “God and I aren’t on speaking terms right now.” Mindy could hear her depression, the little tone change that spoke of hours before Lucia would be able to strip herself of the funk she was in, let things touch her again. She shot Seb a fierce look, and he raised his hands apologetically.
“Uhhh… Would you girls like some of chocolate?” he asked.
Lucia blurred—no running start, just the rush of her pushing air out of the way, the snare drum crackle of her feet striking the floor in rapid succession. She stopped next to Seb in the passageway between rooms, eyebrow raised, then blurred once more. They heard the snare drum sou
nd zip to the kitchen, then the creak and whoosh of cupboards being opened. Lucia came back at normal speed, holding a medicine cup full of a clear liquid.
She set it down on the dining room table. “Drink,” she said, looking at Seb.
“What is it?” Mindy asked.
“My venom,” Lucia explained. “I don’t know exactly what it does and I want to find out, so—”
“But…why am I drinking now?” Seb asked.
“Because Mindy’s pissed at you, and this will make you friends again.”
“I wouldn’t put it that way,” Mindy said.
“I want you to do it,” Lucia insisted, looking at Seb with eyes that weren’t quite imploring, weren’t quite demanding. Seb went to the table. Picked up the medicine cup. The liquid sloshed—a little thicker than water. He looked at Mindy, who wasn’t sure where she fit into this. She didn’t think Lucia would do anything really harmful, even to get back at him. She didn’t think…
“Do it! Drink my venom! Peer pressure!”
Mindy nodded, and Seb drank the venom. He cleared his throat, coughing a little—tugged at his collar.
Lucia blurred and was back with a glass of water to wash it down. He took a drink and cleared his throat again, seemed to get whatever it was he wanted.
“How’d it taste?” Lucia asked, gleeful to be asking questions of him.
“A little bitter—but not really…a taste.” Seb blinked rapidly. He moved his hand to rub at his eyes. He got it right the first attempt, but then he hit his nose instead of his eye. He made a noise like a leaky tire. “My tongue is numb.”
“How do you feel?” Mindy asked, stepping forward with concern.
Seb pulled out a chair and sat. He didn’t quite align with his seat. “Little weird.”
Sitting down in the neighboring chair, Lucia smiled at him, her grin both genuine and a little—not mocking, but like she was charmed with his simplicity. The kind of smile you’d give a novelty app. “Hey, Seb, do you want to slap yourself?”
“No…”
“Slap yourself.”
Seb slapped himself.
“Ha!” Lucia pumped her fist. “I knew it! I’m the smart one, Mindy! You have to be the cute one now. Start wearing skirts.”
“El, what are you talking about? What do skirts have to do with anything?”
“It’s my venom!” Lucia circled her forefinger around her jaw. “It makes people really suggestible, like my boobs. And the amnesia thing too. That’s why no one’s reported me for, you know, biting them.” She glowered momentarily: “And here I thought Quentin was being nice…”
“Did I do something?” Seb asked. “Why does my cheek hurt?”
Lucia pinched his nose. “Don’t worry about it. Slap yourself again.” He did. “Harder than that.” He did again, the noise louder, his head turning with the impact. Red rose to the surface of his cheek, darker than the bright blush that had been there before. Lucia watched his skin boil with dark eyes.
“Lucia…” Mindy said warningly. “I think we’ve established that he’ll slap himself.”
“You’re right.” Lucia smiled at Seb. “Pick up that pencil and poke your eye out.”
“Which eye?”
“Left, I’d think—”
Mindy was struck by disbelief, and when Seb’s hand moved, so did she. As he picked the pencil up off the end table, she grabbed his arm with both hands. He fought her, surprisingly strong, dragging the graphite tip toward his eye. Mindy couldn’t imagine it looking bigger to him than it did to her, but it had to.
“That’s enough,” Lucia said.
Seb’s arm relaxed instantly, his limp hand jerking down with the force of Mindy’s weight on it. She pried the pencil out of his hand before Lucia could say anything else.
“Go,” she began, “go lie down on the couch and sleep it off.”
Seb got up unsteadily, rubbed his bruised cheek once, and took a haltering step out of the room.
“You’re no fun,” Lucia told her.
“What was that?” Mindy demanded.
“Just seeing if he’d do it. I was gonna stop him. Superspeed, remember?” Lucia took out her phone, switched it to camera mode, and took a selfie, which she checked out. Off the impromptu reflection, she rearranged a lock of hair. “Don’t be so tense, Minz. You’ll give yourself a break-out.”
Why is it I’m not allowed to have two friends without them hating each other? “He’s really a nice guy…”
“You don’t need a nice guy. You need—well, it’s none of my business.” Lucia crossed her legs. “Hell, you could do worse, I guess. I sure have.”
“El, we’re not together. He’s just a friend.”
“Oh yeah?” Lucia whistled to Seb, who stopped stumbling toward the other room. “Seb, what’s up with Mindy? You banging or what?”
“No.” Seb took another unsteady step toward the couch. “I would’ve wanted to, but she is not wanting this. It is good having her as friend, though. Very nice to talk to her. She never makes fun of my wording—” He dropped forward over the couch’s armrest and on top of a decorative cushion.
* * *
Seb’s host family owned a pretty big couch. It took up a lot of their modest living room—didn’t even have a coffee table in front of it. There wasn’t that much room. There was just a rug taking up the few feet of spare carpet, then a disarray of game systems, cords, and DVDs, leading up to the TV. A big-screen TV, not a wide-screen. One of those rear-projection TVs rich people used to have. Mindy could see the whole room in the reflection of its dead screen. Her on the far side of the couch, Seb on the other two seats, his feet flopping over the armrest. She petted his hair. He seemed alright, just out of it. Nappy, but half-awake.
“Hey Seb?”
“Yeahess?” Maybe less than half.
“I just want you to know that I think you’re a good friend too. And I’m sorry if I yelled at you. You were just really putting Lucia on edge, but I guess I probably should’ve set some ground rules before I sprung the vampire stuff on you.”
“Should I slap myself again?”
“No, that’s okay.” She patted his shoulder. “Hey, listen. As long as you’re whammied, you should know that you’re a lot cooler than you think you are. The English thing? You talk better than all the wiggers in school. It works for you. And even if I don’t like you the way you want me to like you, just keep being a sweetheart, alright? Someday there’s gonna be a girl who sees how sweet you are—probably gonna get off on your accent a little—and she is gonna just—fight for you. Fight like hell for you. Just don’t turn into an asshole, okay? We have enough of those.”
“Okay…so no slapping?”
“No, just—I’m gonna get you some water.”
She went into the kitchen. It was a lot like her mom’s—different selection of utensils and cookbooks, but the same underlying concept. Like Spock with a goatee. She found the glasses two cupboards down from where her mom kept hers, filled it with water, and turned to see Lucia was standing in the doorway.
She dropped the glass in surprise.
Lucia caught it, handing it back to her, smiling bashfully at how close the save had brought them. “I don’t think I’ve said thank you.”
“Thank you?”
“For helping me. And not, you know, putting a stake through my heart.”
“El, I wouldn’t even know where your heart is.”
“I appreciate it. The help, not the—anyway, maybe you could draw some of your own blood? Like you did for Seb? I mean, there’s this book where a vampire keeps drinking from one person and she develops a taste for it, but if you’re not worried about that—”
“I’m worried that you’ll starve to death.”
“Thanks.”
“You said that already.”
“Not for the help.” Lucia stared at her feet. “For caring if I starve to death or not.”
The glass clinked as Mindy set it down on the counter, then she had Lucia wrapped up in a hug
. Lucia burned so cold. It was almost like Mindy was hugging an ice sculpture. But that was okay. Texas was too damned hot anyway.
Mindy’s cell phone beeped. She broke away to check it. She had an e-mail. Another marina had gotten back to her. They had the Persephone on record.
“I found it!” Mindy cried. “The Persephone!”
Mindy clicked through to the attachment—a copy of the registry of the Persephone. “Oh God—it’s owned by Coach Bakula.”
Lucia’s head tilted slightly to the side. “Okay. When do you want to kill him?”
* * *
“We cannot kill someone because they own a boat!” Mindy said for the fifth time. “There’s no way of knowing that Bakula is even a…a goth, let alone a vampire!”
There was a second place to sit in the living room, not that Mindy was sitting. An easy chair next to the couch, beside a little fireplace—one of those pot-bellied, cast-iron things with a slim flue leading up to the roof. Lucia had her feet up on its cold metal.
“I remember my blood went everywhere. You don’t forget a thing like that. Say someone else just happened to decide to chase me onto his little boat to tear my throat out. He kills me, dumps me in the water, then he leaves. Bakula comes back from practicing with the Vienna Boys Choir or whatever innocent people do and finds his yacht’s covered in blood. Why doesn’t he call the cops?”
“He doesn’t know. The vampire cleans up after himself. Just like he hid—just like he tried to hide your body.”
“He wouldn’t have cleaned that mess up, not if he didn’t have to. I don’t.”
Mindy hated hearing Lucia compare herself to him. “Even if Bakula did it, we don’t even know how to kill a vampire.”
“I get as many guns as I can and I shoot him as many times as I can. I blow him up with a bomb in his car. I rip his goddamn head off and set his ass on fire. If none of that works, I start experimenting, because I’ve got nothing but time.”
Mindy shook her head. “El, I know this man, he’s my friend—”
“I’m your friend,” Lucia gritted out. “We put crosses around his house. Doors, windows. We set the place on fire. We don’t let him get out. He can’t get out.”
Ex-Wives of Dracula Page 19