How To Set Up An FLR

by Green, Georgia Ivey

  Now, if you are much more adventurous than what we have discussed so far, you should be able to find other ways to stimulate your partner in bed. Here are just a few ideas you might want to try...

  Bind his wrists to the top of a door and tease his genitals that way. You can make a loop out of a twelve-inch piece of rope. Tie the ends together and place them on the other side of the door. When the door is closed, the loops will be hanging there to put his hands through. The loops should be large enough for his hand to fit through easily and he can hang on to the loops, keeping them closed around his wrists until you are done.

  Bind his wrists and ankles to a chair. Just about any chair will do, even one of those folding metal kind. Again, use any of the methods of teasing that you like. I guarantee he will enjoy it. You can even try the numbing cream trick here, as well. A blindfold is always a good addition.

  Put him on his knees or bend him over the end of the bed or table. Lubricate his anus liberally and then, using a strap-on dildo, or just a vibrator, you can have some fun turning the tables on him (so to speak). Be sure to use plenty of lubrication, though. The general rule is: When you think you have enough, double it. This can be enjoyable for the both of you and possibly humiliating for him. We will get more into humiliation in the last chapter.

  You can use any of a number of commercially available electroshock devices as well. Many are designed just for such use and are safe for use on genitals as well. If you can afford it, and are into the more kinky stuff, I suggest you give it a try.

  You can bind him flat out on a table. It is erotic for him to be in such an exposed position and you can sit on a chair or a stool, if you like, to tease him. Being in any other room than the bedroom will be somewhat more erotic, at least the first time. So don't be afraid to experiment. Bind him to the kitchen table or a chair in the living room.

  The biggest hurdle I had to overcome when it came to teasing was my timidity. I was never a talker during sex, especially talking “dirty”. It was difficult for me to open up, even to my own husband. So I had to find a way to do it. At first I wasn't sure what to do, I just got too embarrassed to say anything at all. Eventually, I found some erotic books and stories that I could read while I was teasing him. After reading several of these during our tease sessions it became easier and easier for me to make up my own stories to tell him.

  Since that time, I have discovered other ways to overcome my shyness. If you have a problem opening up and talking during your tease sessions, try this trick. Simply describe what you are doing. Ask him if he is enjoying what you are doing. Engage him in a conversation about what kinds of fantasies he has. Or ask him to tell you about one of them. You can even pick a role playing scene such as an interrogation scene and ask him to tell you a story about it. Once you get him talking, it can be a great deal easier for you to speak up as well. Anything is better than sitting there playing with his genitals in total silence.

  As I said when we started this chapter, rewards are a necessary thing. If you do not reward your partner enough, he will soon start to get bored. Boredom brings on a drop in morale, and a drop in morale can develop into something much worse. My point here is that you have made a commitment. You have an agreement. As long as your partner is keeping up his end of the agreement, you must keep up yours. If he drops the ball and fails to perform as per his agreement, it's up to you to correct that situation. After all, you are the one in charge.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter 12: Punishment & Discipline

  There is a huge difference between smacking your guy on the bottom because you know he loves it and taking a hair brush to his bare bottom because he smarted off to you. When I first started out as a dominant (having been a submissive prior to that) I had a very hard time using physical (corporal) punishment on my husband. We had been married for about three years and that entire time I was his, lock, stock, and barrel. I couldn't even imagine bending him over my knee and spanking (much less paddling) his ass. I felt guilty. I felt intimidated. Frankly, it was the single hardest thing I had ever had to do. But I knew I had to do it.

  My feelings of guilt stemmed from the fact that this man had rescued me from a life of abuse and that he took me in, took care of me and my kids. I loved him very much and I knew he loved me, too. It meant that I would, with the very first blow, be sending the message that I was not only in charge, but that I would not put up with his talking back to me, much less, any other type of misbehavior. Yes, it was extremely difficult for me to punish him. But as I said, I knew it had to be done and no one but me could do it.

  Please understand, I had spanked, paddled, cropped, caned, and flogged several people (both men and women) by this time. But this was different. This was my husband and it wasn't for play. It was for real! Because of all these feelings of guilt and trepidation, I had let his behavior slide with only a few reprimanding comments and looks. Now, the moment had arrived when I had to take more drastic action since nothing I had done so far had made any difference in his behavior.

  I summoned all my courage and hoped that it would be enough. I ordered him to drop his pants and lean over an ottoman that I had placed in the center of the living room. I did not smile. I did not make light of it. Once he had complied, I stood behind him and calmly told him all the tings he had been doing and that I just could not put up with that kind of disrespectful behavior any longer. He replied, “Yes, Ma'am.” I told him that he had earned this and that I really didn't like having to do it, but I felt it had become necessary.

  Then I stepped closer to him. Using a small paddle that I had used in play so many times before, I smacked his bottom as hard as I could. Not once, not twice, but six times (three on each cheek). Then I stepped back and informed him, in no uncertain terms, that the next time he disobeyed or smarted off to me, I would give him ten licks on each cheek. Then I asked, “Do you understand?”

  He immediately answered, “Yes, ma'am. Thank you, Ma'am.”

  To say the least I was surprised and pleased at his response. When we talked about it later, he confessed that he really did appreciate what I had done. He thanked me again and confessed that he had been pushing me on purpose and that it would never happen again. It was at that exact moment that I knew I had truly taken charge and could feel comfortable calling myself “Mistress.”

  I have told you how to control your partner with rewards and sexual teasing, but what if he does something that you both know is in direct defiance of your authority? You can't allow him to get away with it. If he doesn't show you the proper respect, the respect he promised in signing your agreement, you have to take action. It should be swift and severe. I don't mean you have to draw blood or anything like that, but he must learn that you take your position as leader of your new partnership seriously and that you cannot allow him to destroy your authority by getting away with bad behavior. You MUST act!

  It is vitally important that you always explain exactly what he has done and why it was wrong. He needs to know why he is about to be punished. It doesn't matter whether you are going to use corporal punishment or not. So, just before carrying out his “sentence,” remind him what he did wrong, and that you will not allow that kind of behavior. Then don't spare the rod (metaphorically speaking). He should remember his punishment for a long time and he should not enjoy it.

  Don't wait, as I did, until things get out of hand. At the very first opportunity, the very first time he smarts off or disobeys or fails to do an assigned task, summon all your courage and put a swift end to it. Once you have established the fact that you are willing, and able, to use corporal punishment on him, you may never have to do it again. If your agreement does not include corporal punishment, that doesn't give you the right to slack off. If you have to make him stand in the corner for thirty minutes, then do it! You have an agreement, keep up your end, and he will be obliged to do the same.

  If it turns out that your partner decides that he enjoys corporal punishment more than either of you thought he would,
and begins to disobey, or talk back in order to get punished, you will need to find some other means of punishment. Yes, there are some out there who, no matter how severely you smack their bottoms, will want more. Obviously, paddling (or whatever) will not work as a punishment on these individuals. So here are some other suggestions.

  If you have children, you will obviously have to schedule things around that. As long as you thoroughly explain why you are punishing your partner, no matter when you do it, the punishment will be understood. So, let's assume, for argument sake, that you don't have children at home or that you can always find time to be alone with your partner in order to punish him without fear of discovery.

  Before we get into a long list of things you can do as punishments, let's talk a bit about discipline. Discipline differs from punishment in that it is normally done for lesser offenses and/or to teach a lesson that punishment just doesn't do. For example, if your partner is tasked with making the bed and he doesn't do it or he does a lousy job of it, even once, you need need to discipline him. That is, you need to make him do something that will ensure that he will always do his best when making the bed. A good discipline in a case like this would be to have him make the bed while you watch. Then you tell him what he is doing wrong (if anything) and then whip the bed clothes off the bed and have him do it again. Repeat the procedure for as many times as it takes for him to learn his lesson. I would recommend that he make the bed at least ten times. More if you think he needs the practice.

  Suppose your partner smarts off to you, or says something you don't care to hear come out of his mouth again. Try making him hand write one sentence explaining that he will never say it again. Make him write that sentence several hundred times. If he refuses, punish him severely, then make him do it. Or make him write more sentences. The point is, never allow him to get away with anything. Once you do, he will push, and push, and push until you either give in and allow that kind of behavior or you take more drastic action.

  His behavior is YOUR responsibility. He will thank you for keeping him in line. But you MUST keep him in line. In order to do that, you must be consistent. Don't let him get away with something today that you punished him for yesterday. Don't allow him to do something today that, if he does it again, you will punish him for. You must maintain a high standard of behavior and it is up to you to make sure that he understands that.

  The following is a short list of things that you can do to help you keep your partner in line. Using your own imagination, I am sure you can come up with a few of your own as well. Don't forget to make the punishment fit the crime, whenever possible. And above all, don't make it something that he might find peasant! You will only succeed in teaching him that he can get pleasure by misbehaving. That's a VERY BAD message to send him!

  Spanking or paddling: Over the knee (OKT) spanking is a good one, although, some men think that is more of a fun thing to do, and you may want to keep it that way. If your partner is too large to bend over your knee, you can always have him bend over a table, a chair, a footstool, or even just lay on the bed. I don't recommend tying him down, however. He needs to learn to take his punishment without having to be restrained.

  Kneeling or Standing in a Corner: Have him kneel somewhere that you can watch him, but that he won't be the center of your attention. It's always best if he is in the same room with you where you can easily glance in his direction, but so that you are not constantly looking at him. After all, punishment is not for his pleasure and constantly watching him can bring him a small amount of pleasure. Place him in a corner of the room, perhaps behind you while you watch television or something. Don't give him any special attention. If he speaks, remind him to be silent or his time will begin all over. Some folks will place a few grains of uncooked rice on the floor for him to kneel on as an added reminder to obey. But you can do it any way you like.

  Writing Sentences: We already covered this one, but I just wanted to remind you that you can use it for just about any disciplinary problem you have. Most people don't like repetitive writing because their hands do get tired and sore.

  Busy Work: This can be just about anything that doesn't really accomplish much, or that needs doing and is simply tedious. For example, have him empty all the kitchen cabinets and then reorganize them. Have him empty a drawer or all the drawers in one room and then put everything back neatly. He could scrub the kitchen floor on his hands and knees (with a toothbrush if you like). Clean out the garage, it's been needing it for some time anyway. I think you get the idea.

  Restraint: Tie his hands behind his back and make him stand in one place for thirty minutes or so, without moving. Bind him to a chair, a bed, a door, or just make him sit somewhere (bound) that is not comfortable.

  No Supper: There is no reason you can't simply send him to bed without supper, or sex for that matter. It won't kill him to miss one meal, but it might teach him a lesson.

  Withhold Sex: I know, I told you that was not a good way to punish your mate, but considering that he should now be getting a great deal more sexual attention than he ever has before, it just might be a good discipline for him. You might want to reserve this one for those times when asks (or begs) for an orgasm. Just as a reminder that YOU are in charge of all the sex that happens between you.

  Humiliation: In the last chapter I will cover a great many things you can do to humiliate your partner, if you (or he) are into that kind of thing. Personally, I enjoy it. So does my husband. If you are going to use humiliation, I suggest you do it judiciously. That is, never do anything that would jeopardize your relationship, and never do anything that he might enjoy too much. The objective is to teach him a lesson. So make sure you are doing that. For example, if you catch him masturbating or viewing porn on the Internet, you might make him masturbate for you. You can always, control how fast or slow he does it. You can demean him for having done whatever it was he did and make fun of him while he stands there masturbating for you. If done right, humiliation can be a good form of discipline. But making him strip in the middle of the town square won't work unless your objective is to get him arrested for a misdemeanor. I suppose that might work in extreme cases.

  Cross Dressing: If your partner is NOT into dressing up like a woman, this can be a good discipline. Simply dress him up in whatever women's clothing you can find that will fit him and take him out on the town. Assuming he hates the idea, perhaps he will learn something from it. Besides, he cannot be arrested simply for wearing women's clothing in public.

  Physical Pain: Besides spanking or paddling, there are a number of ways to cause your partner a little pain without causing him any harm. You can always place clamps or clothespins on his nipples, his balls, his tongue, or anywhere else you think appropriate. You can apply ice to his genitals, or put a mentholated cream on his anus or genitals. Be sure to make him wear something snug to aid in the heat generation. You could even poke him repeatedly with a toothpick or wooden kabob skewer, a bit harder than when you are teasing him with it. You could use a shoe string to bind his genitals tightly for a short while, until he has learned his lesson.

  There are literally thousands of things you can do if want to. Just put your imagination to work and I am sure will come up with some of your own. Remember, the point is to correct his behavior. Always make sure that he understands that while he is being punished or disciplined. Just because he is being punished is no reason you can't have fun. So be creative and enjoy it when you can. There will be plenty of times when you won't be able to enjoy it because of the circumstances under which he must be punished. That first time may be hard for you, but if you are determined to maintain proper discipline, you have to do what you have to do.

  Be strong, and he will thank you for it.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter 13: CBT For Fun & Punishment

  Cock and Ball Torture can take on many forms. It can be used for many different reasons, as well. Perhaps you enjoy tormenting your partner because you have a sadistic streak that just need
s an outlet. Maybe you want to use it as a form of punishment. Or, just maybe, you do it because your partner enjoys it and you want to keep him happy (and aroused). Maybe you don't actually do at all, but you use it as a way to verbally arouse your partner. Some men don't like it at all. Some don't like it because their genitals are just too sensitive. But some men love the idea of it, but not the practice of it. These are the ones with whom you only talk about it.

  They key to doing CBT right is knowing his limits. Not just his pain threshold, but exactly what you can and cannot do. CBT, if not done correctly, can be dangerous. You could, inadvertently cause serious or even permanent damage to his penis or testicles. I know that is something you want to avoid. Just remember, always start out easy and progress from there. I have seen videos where men have been severely struck (with a fist, no less) and survived (supposedly) without damage. But, frankly, I don't know that they were not already damaged.

  Okay, if you can't just hit or kick your partner in the balls, what can you do? Well, thumping them with your finger, especially if you tighten the skin around them first, can be painful but is not likely to cause any actual damage. He won't like it, unless he is really into pain, but it can be an effective deterrent to bad behavior. You can slap them with your open hand. Not too hard mind you, but you can work up to being able to give him a pretty good wallop if need be.

  Here is a short list of some of the safer and fun things you can do that falls under the domain of CBT.

  Binding:

  You can use just about anything to tie up your partner's private parts. I recommend using a round boot-lace. You can get them in pretty long lengths so you have plenty with which to work. If you prefer, you can use any type of string or twine as long as it is not too thin. Kite string, for example, would be way to thin and might cut into his skin. Try something in the range of one-sixteenth of an inch to one-quarter of an inch. Anything in this range should work well.