“Here, let me help you,” I said. I found myself wanting to help Desiree with everything; the desire for her to want and need me becoming stronger by the day. I still couldn’t understand this emotion, but I wasn’t willing to dismiss it without finding out why my heart pounded so fiercely when I was around her, or why I wanted to be her provider, lover, and friend.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I can get it.”
Desiree leaned into me for support as she reached down to remove the high heels. She scooped the shoes up, and they hung off of her fingertips while she moved into the sand with me.
“Wow, this sand is so cool.”
We began our walk down the beach. “It’s like this in the desert, too,” I said.
Her brows rose. “Really?”
I gave her a half grin. “At night, the temperature drops, and where it’s scorching hot during the day, you would need a light jacket or sweater at night.”
“Are we going to the desert?”
“Tomorrow, we’re shooting a scene on camelback.”
“When you say we, you mean, you and me?”
I stopped walking to stare at her. “Yes and a few others.” I watched her closely. “Is there something wrong?”
“I don’t want to mess up your photoshoot.” She sighed. “Have you seen the other’s we’ve taken today?”
“Bella, you absolutely have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”
Her face heated and she dropped her head which I lifted just as quickly.
“Listen to me,” my hands slipped to hold her face in my palms. “The pictures will be perfect. I’ve been through the frames, and if it makes you feel better, I’ll show you a few. But trust me when I say, you’re the star of the show.”
Another flush of heat fell over her skin, and her cheeks darkened.
“I would need to see them to believe that,” she said.
I dropped my hands. “So you don’t trust my judgment, then.”
“No, no, it’s not that.”
I watched her intently as she scrambled for the right words to say.
“I’ve never been photogenic. So it’s an insecurity within myself. Has nothing at all to do with your judgment.
“How can I get you to trust me?”
Desiree watched me carefully. “I don’t know,” she said. “When it comes to men, I’m not quick to let my guard down.” She stammered. “I mean, it’s no offense to you…”
I reached out and wiggled her nose. “It’s cool,” I said deciding to calm her. “Tell me about it.”
My question seemed to fluster her even more.
“What do you want to know?”
“Why don’t you trust men?”
“Before I answer that question, do you see yourself as a trustworthy man, Julian?”
“Of course.”
Keeping a keen eye on me, Desiree’s shoulders relaxed. I wondered if it was any indication that I’d squashed her worries.
“Tell me.”
She grabbed my hand and turned away from me. “Let’s continue walking,” she said.
We moved down the beachfront shoreline; the silence between us lingering. I let Desiree gather her thoughts without questioning her again.
“It started a long time ago,” she began, “when my father left.” A deep breath escaped her. “He told me he’d be back. Like everything was as normal as any other day. But he never came back. The night before, he and my mother were fighting. It started with the usual argument. She asked him where he’d been and he said working. She accused him of lying, and he screamed about her wanting all the bills paid and the kids taken care of, so what did she expect him to be doing with the hours of his life. I should’ve known then they would never last, but I was naive. They were my parents, after all. Usually, they’d have those arguments then go on, business as usual, the next day.
I could tell it drove my mother crazy because my father got up in the morning, showered, dressed, and pulled my mom away from her morning duties to dance around the kitchen. I figured it bothered her more because she wasn’t over the argument from the night before and his disappearing acts became stressful to her. But the next morning, after this particular argument, there was no dancing, no conversation, only quietness as they walked around each other making sure not to touch. My father hugged Claudia and I and kissed us goodbye.
Her voice trembled.
“He lied, telling us he would be back when he knew he wouldn’t.”
A single tear slid down her face, and I pulled her into me.
“No,” she said, pushing back. “I’m okay.” Desiree wiped the single tear and forged ahead with her story. “He wasn’t the singular cause of my distrust in men.”
Her voice changed, going from soft to a throaty, intoxicating heaviness that she didn’t know turned me on. It wasn’t the best time for my thoughts to travel that direction, but it became more apparent that I couldn’t control myself around her.
“Tell me,” I said edging her on, wanting to be her confidant in every sense of the word.
“Throughout my young adult years, I was adamant about making a name for myself. After my father left, Claudia and I got in more trouble than we could handle. It ended up landing us in juvie.”
She took a peek at me to see how I reacted to the information, but my face held neutral showing her nothing.
“I ended up dropping out of high school.”
Desiree peeked at me again.
“It was one of the things I regret most about my life.” She continued. “However, I took a GED test a few months afterward and failed. It did surprise me because I knew I was book smart. I took the test three times before I passed it. Three years, rigorous studying and I finally got it.”
She glanced at me again, and this time I offered her a smile.
“Congratulations, I’m sure your mom and sister were proud.”
“That’s just it,” she said, “They never knew.”
I watched her more intently as she spoke. “I set my alarm and got up every day like clockwork and walked Claudia to the bus stop. She got on going to middle school, and I pretended to wait for the high school bus. No sooner than her bus pulled off, I caught a city bus downtown to the school I attended for GED classes.” She sighed. “I was ashamed. As the oldest, I should’ve stepped up once my father left. My mom needed the help, and I was old enough to get a job with her consent. I should’ve looked after Claudia, but instead, we ended up in juvie together.” Desiree shook her head. “Once I graduated, I went straight to a community school for journalism.”
I reached out and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of her scarf behind her ear.
“I only needed a two-year degree for associates. While I went to school, I looked for jobs everywhere but Chicago. I believed deep down that if I got away from the city, I could escape my demons and start fresh. So I did.”
Desiree paused, and I could see an inner struggle with what she wanted to say next.
“The Houston Report was the first response I received for a job offer. Like I told you before, I studied, planned, and prepared for my move. But, what I didn’t expect was how lonely it would be without my mom and Claudia. How lonely it would be without anyone.”
Her voice lowered, then she looked at me again, this time holding my gaze.
“I was in Houston six months before I met Cameron.”
Her eyes fluttered away from me, searching through the distance.
“I had just landed a major news story, which went on to win a DIG Award for journalistic excellence and investigative video.”
“Congratulations,” I cut in.
Desiree smiled up at me. “Thank you.”
“Forgive me for interrupting. Continue.”
Desiree held her smile and pressed forward. “I wanted to celebrate but had no one to celebrate with.”
Her tone became even lower.
“It was easy for him. I made it easy for him to just walk into my life like a savior.”
> She struggled over her words.
“To try and make the most dramatic long story short, I fell in love with him. We were together two years before I found out he had a baby on the way with someone else.”
A flow of single droplets of tears glided down her caramel face. I swept her into my arms holding her close. Her body vibrated off of me as she cried. I stroked her back as she relinquished herself. Her voice was muffled when she spoke again.
“I keep telling myself that I’m over it, but every time I think about it, I cry like a baby.” Pulling back hopeful eyes searched mine. “That means I’m not over it, right?”
“It sounds like you need closure,” I said. “And you’ll have it. You can’t start anew without getting closure from your last relationship.”
Desiree scoffed. “Start anew?”
“You deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you and only you forever…”
Desire wiped her tears and pulled away from me.
“I don’t know if that will ever happen for me, Julian.”
“I do,” I said.
“Because you’re psychic?”
I chuckled. “Not usually, but when I look at you, I see your future.” Her eyes rose. “It happens to have me in it,” I said.
Her eyes faltered and desire registered in them. Desiree took a step toward me, much like she’d done back at my hotel in Houston. If she wanted to keep her distance, taking that step was the wrong move. But like before, I took that as an opening and my mouth sailed into hers, deliberate and stimulating. Instinctively, my hands traveled around Desiree, sealing her warm body against mine. Remembering where we were, I pulled back.
“Do you mean it,” I asked, needing to hear her say she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.
“Yes,” she whispered.
My lips fell to her ear. “Are you sure, Bella?”
What I wanted to give her now was far more than I’d given on the yacht, but I needed her consent, loud and clear.
“Yes,” she said again.
My blood heated and I grabbed her hand, swiftly making our way back inside the Jumeirah Beach Hotel.
Chapter Eighteen
She stood before me like a goddess in her own right. Covered from her head to knees like a gift waiting for me to unravel. My hand traveled to her scarf effectively pulling it loose from its knot. It sailed to the carpet and Desiree’s hair tumbled free bouncing off her shoulders.
“You are so beautiful,” I said grabbing her chin and pulling her lips to mine. I wanted to claim her immediately, but I decided to take my time.
“So soft,” I whispered.
I kissed her tenderly, following up by a fierce suckling of her mouth. She moaned against my lips causing a strain to push against my pants.
“Tell me what you want, Bella… I’ll make your dreams come true…”
With our foreheads pressed together; me, gazing down at her, and she up at me, I saw desire stir to life.
“I want you, Julian. Only if you knew how much.”
It was everything I needed to hear, and her confession amongst other things, made me want to hold on and never let go.
“Tell me,” I said. “How much?”
I saw apprehension cross her face. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”
Desire dropped her gaze, and it fluttered around the room before she completely turned and walked toward the sliding doors that led to the balcony. She paused right before it, with her back to me. One hand went to her hip while the other massaged her temples. Although I didn’t know her struggle first hand, I felt her indecision and understood why she tussled with it. But I was on a mission to snuff out the uncertainty she had. And I would love her like it had never been there before. My thoughts halted for a second. When did I decide I wanted to love her?
“Have you ever loved someone before, Julian?”
As if she’d read my very thoughts, Desiree prompted a question I wasn’t expecting. She turned to face me.
“I don’t mean your mother, father, sisters or brothers. I don’t mean your friends, coworkers, or spiritual family. I mean, have you ever loved a woman in such a way that you wanted to be with her forever?”
My answer was swift. “No…” I took a step forward. “Have you, Bella?”
Her head fell into her hand, and her voice broke. “I thought so; but when you love someone that much, it gives them power. It could be the best thing in your life or the worst. It can break you. And when you break, picking up the pieces never comes easy. Sometimes, it’s impossible. It takes sheer determination, prayer, and a support team to lift you. There’s no real way for you to figure out how much power you give a person when you’re in love until the moment your soul shatters.”
I wanted to run to Desiree and tell her she would never have to worry about that with me. But I let her finish. I needed her to get it off her chest so we could move past these stumbling blocks.
“I won’t put myself through it again.” Desiree shook her head; resolute in her fortitude. “I can’t… I won’t.”
“Are you saying you love me, Desiree?”
Our gazes ripped through each other, and the room fell silent. I’d always prided myself on being a man of patience. But right then at that very moment, my jaw ticked, and my feet moved. Within the time it took me to inhale my next breath I was upon her. “I am not Cameron, Desiree. Don’t be afraid to love again because of him. I’m not willing to let you run.” My eyes never left hers. I needed Desiree to understand that no matter what happened, this thing we had going on wouldn’t be halted because of circumstances out of our control.
“That power you spoke of, it’s yours anytime you want it. The same way you gave it away, you can take it back.” Her lips hovered below my mouth, and a shudder fled through her. “Take it back, Desiree,” I said, “And give it to me. I promise to take care of it, with my life.”
I was deadpan. Desiree’s eyes misted, and my mouth met hers. Her hands flew to my face, and she held on as I kissed her with an unrestrained craving. My body was on fire as I presumed hers was. I dipped down to grab her thighs, lifting her with ease. Her body drug against my rock-hard erection and a whimper left her mouth. Desiree’s hands moved from my face as her arms circled my neck. A purr left her, and her thighs pushed forward to climb me higher.
“I need to feel you,” she said. “Now, now, now…” she begged. “I don’t want to think. I just want to feel.”
Her pleas moved me like nothing before. I walked her to the massive platform bed, and Desiree kept her legs locked around me. Maneuvering quickly, I removed her dress and lace bra, while laying kisses against the silken skin on her neck. Desiree pulled back her arms and unbuttoned my shirt. Her arms roamed down to my pants, and with masterful hands, Desiree managed to unlatch my buckle. She worked quickly, pushing them down my hips. My erection sprang forth and bobbled against her crotch. She jumped at its playful taunting. I crawled onto the bed with Desiree still wrapped around me. The sheer panties that separated us between her legs were relieved of its duties the moment it was caught within my grasp. Desiree’s body jerked as they ripped, and a soft, relaxing, yelp left her. Our frivolous actions on the yacht had gone without putting too much thought into our decision. My eyes traveled over her gorgeous physique, and I wanted to bury myself so deep I’d lose all sense of reason.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“We didn’t use a condom earlier.”
She swallowed and licked her lips.
“Yeah, we probably should have. We wouldn’t want any accidents happening. Besides,” she said, “you would need to know my blood type and see my medical records before I bear your children.”
Quiet laughter seeped from her beautiful lips at her joke. But it only made me harder, painfully so. An image of Desiree, pregnant with twin boys assaulted me. Without another thought, I dipped my hips and entered her in one breath catching thrust. Desiree gasped, and her mouth opened. Her hands clutched my shoulders.
I moved in and out of her slowly keeping my gaze connected to hers. “Oop’s,” I said, “We did it again…” My arms sunk underneath her arms and with my mouth, I kissed her lips leading a path down her throat. My thrusts were slow and even; finding a new depth with each exit and entry. My tongue worshipped her breasts as I made love to her carefully, like a sacred tradition. Desiree was soaking wet; her fountain coating me in a cascade of warmth.
“Give it to me…” I whispered against her ear. Asking for the one thing she was afraid to let loose. My stroke alarmed her when my plunges became forceful. “Give it to me Desiree…”
Slaps penetrated the air as our bodies connected. Desiree reached down and pulled me off her brown areolas to stick her tongue down my throat. We moaned together, and my hands trailed up her arms sinking into her palms. I held them above her head and rocked harder into her womb.
“Dámelo bonito,” I crooned.
With every thrust, Desiree moaned, “Julian…”
“Yes, Bella.”
“I’m going to come,” she sang.
I removed myself, and the shock of our disconnection electrified her, bringing her up to rest on her elbows. Effortlessly, I flipped her and re-entered her body before she had a chance to miss me. Grabbing a pillow, I stuffed the down feathers underneath her thighs propping her derriere up high. My thrusts were instant, and I submerged myself, wanting to strip Desiree of her need to hold on to the old and introduce her to the new. My fingers thumbed her nipples, and I whispered soft assurances in her ear.
“Oooh… Oh my God… you feel so good,” she purred.
“Tell me how much you love it.”
She moaned more. “Oooh, Julian, you’re perfect, so perfect, so perfect,” she chanted.
I gave her all of me making sure to touch every inch she owned. My mouth memorized her smooth body, and my orgasm threatened to fall.
“I’m coming… coming… I can’t stop it,” she panted.
Only If You Dare (Falling For A Rose Book 3) Page 12