Season's Meetings

by Amy Dunne

  Catherine swallowed down her desire to fist-pump the air and grin. As flattering as Holly’s comments were, they didn’t grant her any further insight on what her perspective was.

  “We have awesome chemistry, well, I think we do anyway.” Holly picked up her mug and took a slow, savouring sip.

  Catherine wasn’t sure if she should speak. The silence while Holly drank felt kind of purposeful. As if perhaps Holly was waiting for her to say something. But if that wasn’t the case she’d come across as insensitive and rude. After another few tortuously long seconds, she decided to bite the bullet.

  “I think we have good c-chemistry.” It seemed to be the right thing to say because Holly’s tense body seemed to visibly relax. “Um. I also like you.”

  Holly beamed a dazzling smile. “I’m glad to hear it. I suppose logically that leads on to talking about what happens next.”

  “Err, yeah,” Catherine said. She gulped a sip of coffee, but it went down the wrong pipe and she ended up spluttering. Wiping her mouth, she shot Holly an apologetic look.

  “There’s no easy way of doing this, so I’ll come straight out and ask it. Are you interested in maybe having a relationship with me?” Holly nervously twirled a strand of hair around a finger so tight the fingertip turned purple.

  Catherine floundered. Her mind raced with too many thoughts to register. Was this what she wanted? Her heart said yes, but her mind was throwing out so many questions and scenarios, she couldn’t give herself a definitive answer. What did Holly see in her anyway? Weren’t they far too different for a relationship to stand a decent chance of working? Holly would surely get bored of her like Paula did. Was she ready to open herself up to the possibility of being hurt again? What would Beth and Katie say? She looked into Holly’s eyes and saw the unmistakable fear of rejection.

  “Yes,” Catherine said weakly. She didn’t want to run the risk of hurting Holly by delaying her answer further. Overwhelmed and panicked, the growing sense of claustrophobia made breathing difficult. “But I think we n-need to take things slowly.” She spread her hands wide. “This has all happened so quickly. It’s been a w-whirlwind. I need time to adjust.”

  Holly looked sceptical, which was understandable. She sat back in her chair and crossed her legs. “Catherine, if you’re not interested please say so now. Sure, it’d hurt me, but nowhere near as much as it will in the long run. I really want you to be honest with me.” Her tone sounded firm, but the edge of pleading was clear.

  Shit! Catherine was terrified of committing, but equally petrified of losing Holly. “I w-want to. I’m just…” Catherine couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “Scared?” Holly asked.

  Catherine nodded mutely.

  “I understand. But it’s not like I’m demanding we get married or you confess your undying love for me. I’d like to see how we get on outside of Athegither. With both of our schedules busy, I know meeting up isn’t going to be easy, but I’d like to give us a chance.”

  “I want c-children.” Catherine was as surprised as Holly that she’d blurted it out. “I don’t mean r-right now, obviously. But in the future, I w-want to have children, and you don’t.”

  Holly sighed softly. “I didn’t say I definitely don’t ever want children. At this moment in time, I’m so focused on the bakery, I can’t think that far ahead.” Holly shrugged. “In a year or two, I might want them. Or I might know for certain that I don’t.”

  “Which would be a problem.”

  “I realise it’s important to you, Catherine, but I can’t give you a definite answer right here and now. To do so would be unfair to us both. It’s a lot of commitment when we’re not even officially together yet.”

  “I kn-know.” Catherine resigned herself to the fact that Holly was right, but her heart ached all the same.

  “I’d like to see how we get on together first. We don’t want to start off with lots of pressure. If we’re still together in a year or so, we’ll both have a better idea of where our relationship is going and what we want. I promise I’ll always be honest and upfront with you, but let’s not try to make our relationship run before it can even stand.”

  “O-okay,” Catherine said, hoping she sounded sincere.

  “Any other important announcements or worries? Now’s the time to tell me,” Holly said.

  Before she fully thought it through, she opened her mouth and said what was on her mind. “I’m not your type. I’m too boring for you.”

  Holly sat back in the chair and pinned Catherine with her stare. “How exactly have you come to those conclusions?”

  Catherine bit painfully down on her tongue. She didn’t want to voice her paranoia about Holly being similar to Paula. She knew it would hurt her.

  “Catherine? Speak up. I want to know how you’re suddenly a mind reader and have such expert insight on how I think and feel.”

  “I’m not spontaneous. It’s not in my nature. I like routine and rules, and today with trespassing in the field, it showed how different we are.”

  “Seriously? You’re basing those sweeping generalisations on this afternoon?” Holly asked testily. “We are different. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t suited. When I was young, I was very spontaneous, but since opening the bakery, I live an extremely boring life. Hermits have more of a social life than I do. I’m in bed by half eight most nights, and I work six days a week. Does that sound wild and exciting to you?”

  Catherine fidgeted uneasily. “I guess not.”

  “That’s because it’s not.” Holly drummed her fingernails on the table. “Look, I know Paula used the shitty excuse that she found you boring to end your relationship, but I hope you’re not putting those words into my mouth. That’s not fair.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “We have the opportunity to give this our best shot. We just have to be honest and upfront. Is there anything else?”

  Catherine wanted to mention that she’d broken her promise to Beth, but it wasn’t her place to divulge Beth’s secrets or drag Holly into the mess. She needed to think things through rationally and reach an informed decision on how to proceed. “No.”

  “Phew,” Holly said with a bright smile. She planted a small kiss on Catherine’s cheek. “Good. Now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, let’s go spend some time with Kimmy.”

  Catherine followed her, but couldn’t help wondering…was the heavy stuff really out of the way?

  *

  Time sped up in the way it often does when you’re trying to make something last. Every time Catherine glanced at the time, another hour had flashed by in the blink of an eye. The more she tried to preserve the memory and experience, the more quickly it disappeared. Depression settled over her. She played, fussed, groomed, and cuddled Kimmy, and the ache in her heart grew all the while. The little dog was so happy and totally oblivious to the fact that, the following morning, she’d be returned to The Inn and Fiona’s care. They would never see each other again.

  Guilt plagued Catherine, making her emotions raw and her mind frazzled. No matter how she tried to justify it, she was abandoning Kimmy to an unknown future. Shame weighed on her conscience like a millstone.

  The sound of muffled sniffles drew her attention to Holly, who was crying but trying to mask the sounds by covering her mouth. Kimmy leapt onto her lap and nudged her face with doggy licks, which only made Holly cry harder.

  “I can’t bear it,” Holly said. She hugged Kimmy close to her chest. “I love her, and the thought of giving her back is too awful.”

  “I know.” It was a pathetic thing to say, but what else was there? Catherine’s throat tightened with emotion. She knew what Holly was feeling because she felt it as acutely.

  “I’d give anything to be able to take her home with me.” Holly blew her nose on some tissue. “But it’d be cruel and selfish. My schedule means she’d be alone for most of the day. It also wouldn’t be fair on a perspective lodger. Plus the cost of the vets bills and insurance, a
lso her food.” Holly rubbed her forehead as if massaging away a headache. Her tone was nasally and her complexion pale. Shaking her head, she stroked Kimmy’s fur. “I just can’t afford to keep her.”

  Catherine helplessly watched as Holly broke down again. She wished she could allow herself to cry, too. It would express her heartbreak but also release the emotions raging in a vicious tempest deep inside. “I’ve been thinking the same. I live in an apartment on the twentieth floor. There’s no garden or outdoor space. Sometimes I have to work fifteen hours a day. It’d be cruel.”

  There was of course another reason, a darker reason, for why she couldn’t adopt Kimmy. She couldn’t face the responsibility. She’d never admit it to Holly or anyone else for that matter, but her conscience refused to let her ignore it. She was too selfish, too scared of commitment and responsibility, afraid in case she did something wrong and somehow let Kimmy down, unable to contemplate the day in the future when Kimmy’s time on earth came to an end and she passed away. It was all too painful. She’d had enough of that kind of loss and pain to last her a lifetime.

  “Do you think she’ll find a family?” Holly asked, her tone begging for the answer she wanted to hear.

  “Of course,” Catherine said, as much for herself as for Holly. “She’ll get snapped up. How could she not? She’s gorgeous.”

  “It’s late. We should go pack our things and think about going to bed.”

  “You go ahead. I’ll sort Kimmy out and be through in a minute.” Catherine watched Holly leave and turned her attention back to Kimmy. “Come here, girl,” Catherine whispered. Kimmy obediently rose, walked across the sofa cushions, and climbed onto Catherine’s lap. She bordered on being too big to fit but didn’t seem to care. Keeping her balance as all four paws dug painfully into Catherine’s thighs, she finally settled and lay down. She gave a huff and rested her head on her front paws.

  “What am I going to do, Kimmy?” Catherine asked. She watched as the little ears pricked to her voice. “Tomorrow, everything changes. I’ve never been good with change. I’m so scared about what’s going to happen in the future. Being here with you and Holly made me feel like I’d changed, like I’d become a better person. It’s been so long since I’ve been this happy.”

  The heavy weight and warmth of Kimmy’s body soothed some of Catherine’s troubles away. Never one for talking things out, the compulsion to continue surprised her. Perhaps it was to prolong their time together. Or maybe it was because Kimmy was such an excellent listener. “I’m going to miss everything about you.” Kimmy fidgeted and Catherine smiled. She scratched behind Kimmy’s ears in her most ticklish spot.

  “You’re going to go to a great home where you’ll be loved and taken care of by someone who knows what they’re doing. I bet there’ll be treats galore and as many tummy rubs as you want. Doesn’t that sound good?”

  She kissed the top of Kimmy’s head. The soft fur tickled her nose and the smell of dog, which she’d first found musty, now smelled comfortingly familiar.

  “I’m so sorry,” Catherine said in a hoarse whisper, her throat on fire with emotion.

  Kimmy looked up and licked Catherine’s chin with her warm pink tongue.

  “Come on. Out to do your business and then bedtime,” Catherine said. After a bit of encouragement, Kimmy finally got up and stretched, shoving her backside in Catherine’s face. She jumped down onto the floor and waited expectedly for Catherine to stand.

  “All right, bossy,” Catherine said. She got to her feet, but before she could take a step, Kimmy dropped into an elegant bow. Forepaws stretched out in front and backside high in the air, her two dark eyes pinned Catherine with their intense gaze.

  “Are you bowing to me?” Catherine asked in disbelief. She turned to the closed bedroom door and was almost tempted to shout for Holly. When she looked back down, Kimmy stood normally, with her tail wagging and a doggy smile on her face.

  “Thank you,” Catherine said, genuinely touched by the gesture.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Catherine couldn’t bear to be the one who led Kimmy into The Inn. Holly accepted her cowardly plea and held the lead, while Catherine carried the crate and bags filled with Kimmy’s belongings. As soon as they stepped inside The Inn, Kimmy became skittish. Her tail, which was normally stuck up high, disappeared between her hind legs. After only a few sheepish steps, she planted her paws and refused to move another inch. Holly tried to encourage her, and when that failed, she tried to tug on the lead, which was attached to the harness, but Kimmy fought to stand her ground. Kimmy’s heartbreakingly sorrowful whimpering made the situation a million times worse. Her little body trembled, and her innocent eyes flitted between Catherine and Holly, as if questioning what terrible crime she’d committed.

  “Don’t you both worry your heads. I’ll take her from here. Leave her things against the wall and I’ll come back for them,” Fiona said.

  Holly reluctantly handed over the lead, tears welling in her eyes. Biting her bottom lip seemed to be the only thing holding them at bay.

  “You did a grand thing taking this wee little beggar in for as long as you did. She’ll be okay. It’s been a pleasure to meet you both, and I wish you a safe onward journey. And if you ever happen to be passing by Athegither again, be sure to come in and say hello,” Fiona said.

  “I’m sorry, but please excuse me, Fiona.” Holly burst into floods of tears and rushed out the door.

  Catherine watched her go and turned back to Fiona with an apologetic grimace. “We’ve enjoyed it. Your cabin is wonderful and your hospitality is second to none. Thank you for everything.”

  Kimmy squirmed and flailed, trying to drag herself over to Catherine. The lead was taut, which lifted the harness, its straps cutting into her skin.

  “It’s nay bother.” Fiona fought to hold Kimmy back. She changed her stance and held the lead with both hands.

  Catherine met Kimmy’s gaze one last time, and it proved to be too much. She saw accusation and abandonment—but Kimmy was a dog. Surely what she saw was merely a reflection of her own conscience. The little terrier’s distress, however, was very real. Not wanting to prolong the horrendous situation, Catherine turned and started toward the door. A high-pitched bark and whimpering chased after her, and as the door closed behind her, it hardly muffled the sounds.

  With heavy legs, she walked away from The Inn and found Holly waiting for her in the car. Their stuff was already packed, and as she buckled herself in Holly started the engine. They didn’t speak as the car pulled away from the pavement and made its way into the flow of traffic.

  The sun hung low in the blue sky, dazzling in its intensity. They both lowered their visors. Catherine looked out her window but was too preoccupied to appreciate the passing hedgerow and stone walls. A myriad of thoughts and emotions fought for space in her head and heart. The only thing they both seemed to agree on was, this situation was all wrong.

  “I need to go back,” Catherine said with urgency.

  “Have you forgotten something?” Holly asked, a frown creasing her brow. Her eyes, puffy from crying, remained focused on the road ahead.

  “No.”

  Holly shot her a glance before returning her gaze back to the road. “The road’s too narrow for me to turn around. I’ll have to keep going and turn at the first opportunity.”

  Catherine nodded, but her anxiety spiked. She needed to go back now. She needed to make things right.

  “Are you sure about this, Catherine?” Holly asked in a serious, almost challenging tone. “You listed all of the reasons why you couldn’t keep her. What’s changed?”

  “I love her.”

  “So do I. But that doesn’t change anything.”

  “If you love something enough you can make it work,” Catherine said.

  Holly pulled the car into a ditch area and turned it around. She applied the handbrake and turned to Catherine. “What about her being alone all day?”

  “I’ll walk her in the mornings and even
ings. There’s a park down the road. Plus I’ll hire a dog walker to take her out during the day.”

  “What about the hours you work? Even with a dog walker she’s going to be alone for long periods of time.”

  “I’m not sure about work,” Catherine said. “I can demand to do my contracted hours only, but honestly, I think it’s time I started looking for something new. I’m not going into this lightly, Holly. I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll make it work.”

  Holly asked the million-pound question. “Why didn’t you suggest these things earlier?”

  “I was being a selfish coward, but I want to make it right.” Admitting she was weak and selfish wasn’t easy, but she did feel better for it.

  “I’m in love with her myself. Do you think maybe I can come over and visit her occasionally? Maybe take her for walks on Sundays?” Holly asked.

  “Of course,” Catherine said. Her pulse quickened. She was actually doing this and it felt good. Kimmy was going to be her companion for life. The responsibility didn’t seem anywhere near as daunting as it previously had.

  “Let’s go get our baby back,” Holly said. She revved the engine.

  *

  Kimmy was still trembling and so Catherine hugged her closer. She’d received the brunt of doggy sulking but had accepted it graciously. Now Kimmy lay cuddled in her lap.

  Fiona had been surprised when they’d burst through the doors, but she agreed to letting Kimmy go with them in a heartbeat. The journey gave an opportunity for Catherine to consider her future. Adopting Kimmy was a given, but her relationship with Holly remained uncertain. The prospect of telling Beth and Katie she’d gotten to know Holly in the biblical sense worried her. She wasn’t sure how they’d react. Would Beth feel betrayed? Would Katie feel awkward? The upset it might cause wasn’t appealing.

  She needed time to assess her feelings for Holly, to be sure what had occurred between them wasn’t down to a peculiar strain of cabin fever, heightened emotions caused by their near-death experience, or the overly romantic setting they’d found themselves in.