The Wanting Heart

by Rionna Morgan

  “It’s fine. Why don’t you rest? We have quite a distance to go.”

  “Where are we going?” Kate asked again, but could barely keep her eyes open. She finished her drink and handed the flute to Luke afraid she might drop it.

  “It’ll be a surprise.”

  Kate hardly heard Luke’s response. Her eyes were closed and she was dreaming a dream she’d had many times before. She dreamt she was riding her barrel horse Lady Bug in a smooth, rhythmic gallop. She and Blake were gathering cows. Blake was astride his huge bay gelding. Side by side they rode, hand in hand. Smiling, Blake was telling her of the dreams he had about owning his own ranch. It would be something bigger and far grander than what there was in Colorado. “We could go to Wyoming or Montana,” he said. “They have rodeos there and miles of grassland with mysterious coulees. There are rivers so wide and crystal clear that it seems the glaciers they come from have just begun to melt. Kate, I want you to be there with me.”

  Then something pulled their hands apart. He was riding away to the hill beyond. He didn’t look back.

  “No, wait. Don’t leave again!” Kate cried in her dream. Why did he always have to go? Why couldn’t he just stay and work for the dreams he spoke of? Why? Come back.

  “Katherine,” a voice called from the edge of her dream. “Katherine.” A hand smoothed her face.

  “Blake,” Kate whispered.

  “You were having a bad dream.”

  “Why do you always leave?”

  “I’m right here.”

  “I’m so glad.” Kate’s arms reached for the voice. “I’m so glad.”

  “Are you hungry?” the voice asked.

  “Luke?”

  “That must’ve been some dream.”

  “Yeah it was.”

  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  “Not really, it’s just sad and I don’t want to be sad tonight.” Kate sat up. She noticed that they weren’t in the limo anymore. She was lying on a bed. “Where am I?” Kate asked. She tried to keep the fear from her voice.

  “We’re on my plane.”

  “You have a plane? With a bed — where are we?” Kate looked down at the soft red blanket covering her. “How long did I sleep? Where are we going?” Kate knew anger was evident in her words. “Why didn’t you tell me where we were going? How did I get here?”

  “I carried you. You slept about two hours and I did tell you — remember I said it was going to be a surprise?” Luke smiled. “I didn’t do any of this to upset you. I truly wanted it to be a surprise, but you were still sleeping when we got to the airstrip, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

  Kate could see the beginnings of hurt in his eyes and felt bad.

  “We have just landed in San Francisco and we can go eat now.”

  “San Francisco, California?”

  “Do you think the girls will be envious of this?” Luke smiled again.

  “Wait. We flew to San Francisco to have dinner?”

  “I thought you might like to see the sunset over the bay and eat a nice meal.”

  “The San Francisco Bay?”

  “Yes, that’s where we are.” Luke smiled and paused. “And if you keep repeating everything I say, we’ll miss the sunset.”

  “Okay. Sorry. I just can’t believe we’re doing this. It’s like something my mother would do.” A few tears slipped down Kate’s cheek. “She would think nothing of it. Let’s feed the horses early and eat dinner in California.” Kate shook her head.

  Luke smoothed the tears away. “Let’s not be sad. I wanted you to have a lovely evening. Perhaps we’ll bring your mother next time. Maybe she’d like to ride horses on the beach.”

  “She can’t.”

  “Why not?” Luke held her hand.

  “She had a heart attack almost five years ago and isn’t able to do much.”

  “Where does she live?”

  “Oregon.”

  “Why?”

  “She chose Oregon because it was one of the places she’d never lived and because it has a lower elevation than Colorado.” Kate chuckled remembering when her mom chose Oregon from the list of states with lower elevations the doctor gave her.

  “She sounds adventurous.” Luke smiled.

  “She is.”

  “Well, we’ll think about something she can do with us and since you have … ” Luke paused. “A barrel run next weekend?”

  Kate nodded and smiled at Luke’s effort to use the correct term.

  “Maybe we’ll take her the weekend after.”

  “She’d love that.”

  She shouldn’t have been, but Kate was surprised that Luke had a whole room reserved just for them. The only table in the room was set off center and was graced with a long shear white cloth. Surrounding the room were tall candelabras holding many slender white tapers. Their flame spoke of romance and of welcome. From the ceiling hung three chandeliers with the same white candles. The whole room smelled of wild roses picked at their sweetest. Somewhere unseen, a violin hummed a graceful melody.

  “I can’t believe it. I know for sure I’m dreaming,” Kate whispered. “Places like this don’t really exist.”

  “Yes they do, I made it for you.” Luke pulled Kate to the sliding door. “And we made it just in time.” Opening it, he let in the world of the California ocean. Salt, laughter, warmth and tanning oil permeated the air. Suspended above the beach, they stood on a balcony. The March sky was drenched in reds. Scarlet burned in the sun’s trail. Deep blood red touched the water. The clouds that had been white in the day were now diamonds melting with a ruby’s blush. The sun bewitched the horizon as it slipped by to begin another day on the other side.

  “Thank you, Luke. It’s a beautiful sunset.” A breeze scented with coconut oil tickled the curled tendrils of Kate’s hair.

  “You’ll have to thank someone else for that. I had nothing to do with it. I, personally, would have made it last longer. So I could enjoy it more.” Holding Kate’s hand, Luke walked back in the room. “I ordered our dinner on the plane.” Luke nodded to the waiter standing by. “This is baked brie with toasted almonds and dried cranberries.”

  “Sounds lovely,” Kate replied as Luke helped her into her seat.

  The meal was a wonder. There were tastes and textures Kate had never experienced. The brie was as warm and creamy as the bread she ate with it was moist and flaky. For the main course Luke ordered a salmon fillet with tomato relish. The platter itself was beautiful. The red of the tomato lavished the pink-peach salmon. The salad, Luke said, had six different types of lettuce. Imagine. With imported olives, marinated baby tomatoes and a honey-mustard tarragon dressing. But the dessert! Never before had Kate tasted anything so amazing. It was food from Mount Olympus, had to be. In swirls of mandarin orange cream there was passion fruit wrapped in delicate almond cake — a masterpiece of dessert.

  “I’ve gone from one wow tonight to another.” Kate looked up to find Luke’s eyes searching her face. “The evening was beautiful. I don’t really know how to thank you. This is the grandest date I’ve ever been on.”

  “You have thanked me.”

  “I know, but I’m not used to this.” Kate didn’t really know how to describe the romance and excitement of the whole evening. “It is extravagant.”

  “I think you are worth a little extravagance — don’t you?”

  “This doesn’t even compare with anything I’ve ever known. I grew up on a ranch in the mountains of Colorado. I’m a barrel racer. I live in a town with three stoplights. If I say I’m worth a little extravagance — to me that’s saying I’m worth a nice steak, a bouquet of roses, a romantic movie and little dancing to end the night. This,” Kate spread her arms to encompass the whole room, “is something I would not say I deserved.” She paused. “But I’ve
truly enjoyed.”

  “Hmmm. There is no steak. No movie, no roses, not tonight. But the dancing, I think we can manage.” Again Luke nodded to the waiter. Instantly, a violin began a soft rhythm that Kate recognized as an Irish tune she liked.

  “The Briar and the Rose,” she said as Luke held her body to his, almost touching, and circled her about him enough to make the skirt of her gown flair. It made her feel very elegant and very beautiful.

  “Yes, I thought you might enjoy it. It was playing the first night we met, and I danced with you.”

  “I don’t even remember that.”

  “I have a keen memory. I remember many things that others consider odd or even silly.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like how you looked tonight as you watched the sun go down. I know you’ve seen sunsets before, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the awe with which you watched this one. It was striking and very alluring.”

  “I don’t think that’s silly or odd to remember my face. It’s nice.” Kate felt sad for him. Like somewhere in his life someone must have ridiculed him. She deepened her smile, letting her eyes shine with it.

  “Thank you.”

  Luke pulled Kate closer. The shoes she wore made her tall enough so that her eyes were almost even with his. Each time she looked into them she felt like there was only him in the world. It was like he could reach in her mind and read her thoughts.

  Luke’s hands moved up and down her back in a slow easy pattern. His lips again moved to the neckline of her gown and slowly kissed their way up almost to her lips. Pausing briefly, he twirled Kate so her back was against his chest. His arms wound around her waist. His lips caressed a trail of warmth from her right shoulder blade to where her hair met her neck. He made the same trail again from her left shoulder blade up. Kate’s body responded with warmth in return. She leaned back against him and enjoyed his soft breath on her skin.

  “Do you want to stay?” Luke asked.

  “Mmm?”

  “Do you want to stay here in San Francisco? I’ve reserved two rooms for us.” Luke paused. “I’ve arranged for our clothing for tonight and tomorrow to be taken to the hotel. I thought we could go parasailing or something fun tomorrow and then fly back or we could go home tonight. Whatever you want to do.”

  “I’d need to call Ranae.”

  Luke smiled, reached around to his back and pulled out a tiny phone. “I have my phone right here.”

  • • •

  This time in California the man’s dark eyes glared into the terrified eyes of the girl beneath him. Ramming himself into her, he slammed the knife’s sharp blade to her heart. Carving a six, leaving a rose, he smiled, too.

  CHAPTER 4

  Blake loved early morning on the ranch. As he left the house, the screen door slammed behind him. He winced. He knew Grandma would tell him about it, when he went back in for breakfast. But he wasn’t concerned about Grandma’s scoldings now. He was more interested in how the air felt cleaner this time of day. It smelled fresher, like the light of the moon had washed it. The rising sun made the out buildings stand taller. The red of the barn shone brighter in the striking light. While the new warmth of the day struggled to overcome the chilly morning, the hot cup of coffee in his hand warmed his insides and steamed into the frosty March air.

  His long shadow followed his steps when his boots crunched through the top layer of frozen snow. When he was younger, Blake often wished his shadow could talk. Being raised mainly by his grandparents, he didn’t see his parents or sisters much. They lived in town, but Blake loved the ranch. When Grandpa was really busy, Blake had spent many a lonely day wishing for someone to play with. Out here he was an only child and some days he’d wished for a friend. His shadow was always there. It seemed likely to his seven-year-old self that a shadow might be able to talk. But it didn’t.

  A friend never really came until Kate. She knew when he was sad or happy or even when he needed someone to talk to or at least she used to. She used to come by to see if there was anything she could do to help. She’d pull up in that long horse trailer of hers and unload Lady Bug. She’d zip around saddling Lady and across the pastures they’d fly. It seemed to Blake sometimes that together, Kate and Lady had wings.

  Looking out across the pasture now, he could almost feel the beat of Lady’s hooves on the turf. He could see her breath in the frozen morning air. Kate’s long red hair stretched behind her like a banner of freedom. If he concentrated, Blake could feel Kate’s eyes fill with … elation was the only word for it. Oh! How he missed her expressive eyes. The green of them was so piercing it shot to his soul. Kate’s laughter was contagious and it started in her eyes.

  An ache of misery filled his heart.

  Blindly, Blake traveled to the chicken yard and threw in a handful of oats knowing that Grandma would be out later with the scraps and to gather the eggs. He saw to the steers, the few sheep and hogs then stopped to spend some time with the horses. He began to focus on the job at hand. Even though cows made the money for the ranch, horses were the heart of it. They were the oil that made the machine run. Years ago Grandpa decided to try snowmobiles to round up cows in the winter, and he even bought a couple four-wheelers for the spring. But they broke down and the horses came back out. Grandpa just laughed at the other ranchers who had problems with their “gas powered demons” as he called them.

  The quick click of the gate latch startled a special silver-gray horse. The small filly nickered to him as he shuffled across the corral. Seeing her deep gray, kind eyes, he thought of Kate’s Lady Bug.

  This little gray horse was just about a year old. The small filly was of the same bloodlines as Kate’s horse. They were full sisters in fact and were almost identical in appearance. Blake called her Little Lady for now. But when I give her to Kate she’ll name her, Blake thought. He’d worked for hours with Little Lady. She could now be led with a halter and even jumped into the trailer. All she needed was a barrel racer to learn a little more. All she needed was Kate. Leaning against the pole fence, Blake thought of his plan. He’d gone to Alaska to earn money, partly so he could buy Little Lady. Lady Bug, Kate’s horse, would soon be eleven years old. By the time Little Lady was ready for real competition, Lady Bug would be ready for retirement. He just needed to convince Kate to at least talk to him about everything so that he could give Little Lady to her. It’d be easier if he could undo what he’d done. But he couldn’t. And to make it harder he had to hear about how she was busy going on dates. Who the hell with, he wondered. And why wasn’t she home yesterday when I called?

  “Hey, kid! What’re you doing? Watching that horse grow?” called a strong voice from the gate.

  “Hi, Grandpa.” Blake smiled and turned to see his hero, Jack Blake Spencer. Blake had seen him do things with a rope, a cow and a horse that the best rodeo stunt show couldn’t match. And he’d done it all in a day’s work. But Jack was getting older. He’d pretty much given the ranch management over to Blake. In Blake’s opinion, the highlight of Jack’s week now was to go to coffee. Sunday, he said, was a great day to get coffee, no church needed for him. “Hell, I get enough church. I live with your grandma don’t I? I want some swearing once in a while.” And so he goes on Sunday, probably just to drive her crazy.

  “Grandma says you had better get your fanny inside if you want breakfast or she’s throwing it to the crows,” laughed Jack.

  “Yeah. Just give me a minute. I need to finish the feeding.”

  “Suit yourself, but don’t be surprised if you have to rustle your own meal. It will be cold cereal for you, buddy.” Jack walked back to the house.

  Right, Blake thought. It’d be a million years before Grandma would let him have cold cereal in her kitchen. He could hear her now. “As long as I am alive and able to stir the pot, you will eat a hot meal. I don’t care how much of a hurry you say you’re in.” Boy
, and was that right. Blake had missed the bus too many times to remember because he’d been eating a hot meal.

  “Hey, Little Lady. How you holdin’ up?” whispered Blake. “Pretty soon, I’m going to introduce you to your new owner.”

  Little Lady twitched an ear as if understanding.

  “Yup. That’s right, the barrel racer. Pretty soon. Pretty soon. Have a good day, little one. I’ll see you tonight.” Blake smoothed her mane and laughed at her blinking at him as he clicked the gate in place.

  This time Blake made sure the screen door didn’t slam as he went in. Grandma Leona and Grandpa were having quite the discussion when Blake sat at the table after washing up.

  “Well, I told you that guy was no good as a ditch rider,” Leona said tartly.

  “Yes. I know it. I didn’t vote for him.”

  “Steve’s a drunk and you know it.”

  “Damn it woman, don’t you listen? Norman called when he got there to say he saw some fence down on the north end. And that Steve’s truck was parked right in the middle of it. I thought I should drive in and see what all the fuss was about.” Jack scowled at Blake’s suppressed laugh.

  Blake would have gotten cuffed, if Grandpa knew what Blake had been thinking. He and Grandma sounded like a woman running to the hair salon to get the latest gossip.

  “Well, why didn’t you say so?” Leona stood with her hands on her hips.

  “That’s what I have been saying, woman.”

  “You should go check on it!”

  “Good idea.” Jack laughed. He was used to this kind of fighting with Leona. It was what had made him fall in love with her fifty years ago. Sometimes, he told Blake wistfully, he wished that she’d start to get old and her fire wouldn’t burn so hot. But Leona’s dark blue eyes still snapped and her tongue was still true. And he still loved her for it. Smiling, he looked up at her.

  “What are you ogling, you old goat?” snapped Leona, laughter dancing in her eyes.

  “Just you, darlin’. Just you.”